RE: #18 on the way (Full Version)

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ddsisson -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 9:12:40 AM)

quote:

I only got to watch the first two specials belatedly on dvd


Where did you see it, do you know the name of the DVD? We have TV but it is limited basic(to basically get Local Channels[we have a couple other channels too]), so we don't get Discovery Health.



lexie -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 9:49:20 AM)

quote:

I would love to adopt, period. Dh is working through some issues on adoption (it is not common in his country, and the ones he saw were messy and worked out poorly, *and* he's not sure he could love a child not his own blood).


Maggie, what about looking into domestic adoption if the ones in Ethiopia are difficult, but seeing if there are any children of Ethiopian background in the system? We wanted to adopt from Jamaica but can't afford it right now. We're hoping to adopt a child of Jamaican background through the Canadian system, as well as foster children of the same background.

It's not that we wouldn't be open to children of any background, it's just that Dh recognizes the challenges of raising boys in his culture, and he wants to be able to raise boys to be proud of their background and also, to break the stereotypes of men in their culture.

On the Duggars - I think they should have twins again! Because I would love twins the next time around myself!



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 12:38:11 PM)

quote:

Where did you see it, do you know the name of the DVD? We have TV but it is limited basic(to basically get Local Channels[we have a couple other channels too]), so we don't get Discovery Health.


It was a friend who taped the shows and lent them to me. I don't know if they've produced any official DVDs.

lexie--dh's issue isn't cultural so much. He has just only seen adoptions that went horribly wrong, the kids were really messed up, etc. I think it also has to do with his view of Western missionaries, who are the people he saw adopting. The group of people who dh had to work with were a little strange and they colored his view of some things in a majorly negative way.

His solution is to start and run an orphanage in Ethiopia--very pragmatic. We could take care of more children that way. [:D]



Consecrated2God -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 1:26:10 PM)

I have a question that an offline friend asked me, and I don't know the answer. What does the dad do for a living now? I know he used to be in politics, but I don't think he is anymore.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 1:46:52 PM)

I believe he is in real estate, and they own commercial properties.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 1:48:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

I believe he is real estate, and they own commercial properties.

yeah they've never really been very specific, but they have mentioned in passing in some of the specials that he is in some sort of real estate business.



lexie -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 3:01:14 PM)

They both use to work in real estate, but what I got from one episode was that they did some financial freedom seminar so they don't work as much, or they just live off of investments now. I know they hold classes for the same seminar at their house. I'm sure someone around here knows what I'm talking about.



stateofgrace -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 3:33:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexie
I'm sure someone around here knows what I'm talking about.


Yes, it's likely this.



Sideways -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 3:41:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna
there is a sign-up list in the kitchen for children who feel they need one-on-one time with a parent.
(Quotes taken from MSNBC.)


Have any other families had to do this? What happens if a child really needs to talk to a parent, and all the available slots are filled? I assume if it's an emergency, they can adjust the schedule.

Does anyone else think that having two younger buddies an older child is responsible for is a bit much, or does it sound reasonable to you?



Ellie-Mae -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 3:54:59 PM)

We have had a list before. If one of the kids wanted to make sure they had a chance to discuss a certain topic, do a certain project, or just because they want to be sure to have a little extra snuggle time they would write it on a white board. It was kind of nice because it made sure that we got back to them before the day was out. We were doing this when the kids would come up with a really good question while we were in the middle of another subject that we didn't want to stop, or when we didn't want to forget to have dad do that science project with them that weekend. It was nice because we used to put up other special family type stuff up there as well, and Daddy loved to see all the questions that they had from the day's activities and to be able to see and plan activities in between all his jobs and such.

It sounds stiff, but when you have a lot of people in the house structure naturally appears. It was a lot easier then saying, "I have a question for ya when you get a second." and then try to remember which people had a question and hope that they remember what it was. It was actually fun to have it written down.

You know, I think I am going to get that white board back out.



PrincessDonna -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 4:10:32 PM)

I agree...could work for our growing family too.

As for the two buddies for the older kids/teens...if they are two little, little ones, then I'm thinking that is too much. I wonder if they have two if one is an infant/toddler/preschooler and the other is more independent but might still need a little help, say between 5 and 8? In that case, the older little buddy could also be helping out with the little little buddy. My bigger kids help quite a bit with babies, and they love it!



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/15/2008 12:29:26 AM)

HERE is the Today Show link where they announced #18 (yes, this is a different link than my OP).



Consecrated2God -> RE: #18 on the way (5/15/2008 10:44:35 AM)

Thanks for the answer to my question and for the link. A friend of mine thought that perhaps it was something shady, so I'm glad to know it's not.

As for the question about lists to spend time with a parent, we don't do that, but each child takes a turn going grocery shopping with whichever parent is going shopping that week. They always get a special treat, and if they have any needs we get those on that day as well, such as new socks or something.



Roberta_ -> RE: #18 on the way (5/15/2008 11:17:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

HERE is the Today Show link where they announced #18 (yes, this is a different link than my OP).


That was a very nice interview!



garsyt -> RE: #18 on the way (5/15/2008 12:47:46 PM)

I can completely understand having to schedule time to interact on a deeper level. We don't have it in writing but we make a VERY concious effort to "schedule" times just to talk with our children and we only have 4. Sometimes they ask for it - sometimes we do - but based on our very hectic schedules and lives - It's sometimes simply easier to write it on the calendar and then we ALL know that Ty and Dad are going out for a talk on Saturday afternoon. That also eliminates the begging to go along from the other kids.

Blessings,

Garsy



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: #18 on the way (5/15/2008 1:43:43 PM)

I have seen "scheduling time" or "making dates" with kids in mainstream parenting magazines and on mainstream websites. The idea being that modern parents are just soooo busy that it's important to write it down in your planner (as well as your date with hubby) so it doesn't get forgotten.

I suppose that's why the Duggars scheduling individual time doesn't bother me much.

It is possible that 18 kids can get more time with their parents than an only child. And vice-versa. It just depends on how the family life is arranged and what their priorities are.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: #18 on the way (5/15/2008 2:51:18 PM)

Our kids don't do individual time much. They get individual time, but we don't usually MAKE time for individual time that often. The kids like to do things as they come up with us in different combinations of groupings. It is hard to explain, but none of them feel overlooked or at like they are fighting for our attention. We like doing things together so it works well for us.


The list is so that we can make sure that we fit in all those requests and questions that come up that we can't do when they come up. They might put in special things that are just for one person, but usually it includes more than just one child. They also put up questions that I don't know the answers to but dad does, or when Dad needs to give or grade a science test or something like that.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/15/2008 11:52:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lpt

How many children did the Patriarch Jacob/Israel have? Large families, historically speaking, aren't all that unusual.



That's kind of a moot comparison, because he had his children by 4 women (2 wives and their 2 maids). Michelle Duggar bore all the pregnancies herself (although, of course, I'm sure she is MUCH happier with it that way than those poor women who had to "ahem" "share their man" were).

A better comparison is Job who had two wives, but NOT at once, and only had the second wife because his first wife died. I think he had about 10 children each time.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: #18 on the way (5/16/2008 7:16:43 AM)

Jobs wife didn't die. She bore all of Jobs children. At least the Bible hasn't mentioned any other women.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: #18 on the way (5/16/2008 7:57:53 AM)

quote:

A better comparison is Job who had two wives, but NOT at once, and only had the second wife because his first wife died. I think he had about 10 children each time.


I agree with ellie-mae, I think it was the same wife--the Bible doesn't mention another.

Also, after Hannah had Samuel, God gave her 7 more children. 8 is large.

I do think that by any measure, the Duggars are unusual.
Which is why I think the "everybody would have 20 children without birth control" argument for birth control is a silly one. [8D]



TammyIsBlessed -> RE: #18 on the way (5/16/2008 4:33:02 PM)

Well, I don't think everyone would, but I'm pretty sure I would. I've gotten pregnant 6 times the very first time we've tried every single time.

Most of the Mennonite families around here come from pretty large families. Not all up to 18, but 12 - 14 is not uncommon. In fact, DH's grandma has Dugger ma beat - she had 19 kids with only 1 set of twins.



PrincessDonna -> RE: #18 on the way (5/16/2008 4:39:02 PM)

Of the families I know IRL that do not use birth control, there are anywhere from 3 to 8 living children. Both of my parents are the youngest of 9 (each family also had one child die as infants/toddlers).



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/16/2008 5:45:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae

Jobs wife didn't die. She bore all of Jobs children. At least the Bible hasn't mentioned any other women.


Yeah, I was thinking I was mistaken about his wife having died after I logged off. That was one of the few things that he didn't lose the first time around. However, if he had only wife, that clarifies even more my point that his family is a better comparison to the Duggars than Jacob's family.



Sideways -> RE: #18 on the way (5/16/2008 7:02:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TammyIsBlessed
Well, I don't think everyone would, but I'm pretty sure I would. I've gotten pregnant 6 times the very first time we've tried every single time.


I haven't been pregnant that many times, but we have gotten pregnant each time within 6 weeks of ceasing birth control.

I've done a bit of digging and from the more mature QF families that post online (by mature I mean that the parents have been married at least 15 years), 6 seems to be just the start, and with many more going far beyond that. I agree that 20 kids would be very unusual, especially for a family with no twins.

But let's take our friend Maggie. She started at 20, and is having a kids every two years (almost to the day). She could easily be fertile until 44, which puts her at 12 kids. I am not saying this is a bad thing, but I've been told that the average for a QF family is 5, and I really don't buy that, unless you're counting a lot of late-marrying or infertile couples.



PrincessDonna -> RE: #18 on the way (5/16/2008 7:04:51 PM)

quote:

I've been told that the average for a QF family is 5, and I really don't buy that, unless you're counting a lot of late-marrying or infertile couples.



I think there are also a good number of people who have large breaks between children, and those who will have secondary infertility they may not do anything about, not even to find out why. I can think of several families here on forums who fit one of those. You can have three kids...boom, boom, boom...and then not be able to have more for a while or even ever.



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