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John_O -> RE: Top Singles Issues? (5/10/2008 10:59:49 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: woodwind228
quote:
So I would say single's groups need more men.
I can't say I blame some of the men though. When a new man does come into a group the women pounce on him like starving wolves. I just get excited because I have someone to talk about my interests with and not smile and nod at all the chicky discussions.
Okay, so what would make it more appealing for men to be involved with a group then?
I guess the group I'm involved in is lucky...it's not a meat market like so many seem to be (or have a reputation/perception to be). Thankfully, the majority of our singles are there for the right reasons. When people come just to find a guy/girl, they don't typically last long around our group. Women may outnumber men in mine, but probably not by much. We're pretty active and try to cover the gamut of ministry: evangelism, fun, missions, etc. However, we do have a small group that are more active than others who show up for almost everything, not just the fun stuff.
1. To one extent or another every singles function is a meet market. It is in most people's nature to desire marriage. Put a single around a bunch of other singles and they are going to look until everyone in the group has been eliminated as a potential.
2. It's hard for me to answer what would make a group for interesting to men as wasn't single during the "single group" eligible years.
That is, Most members of "singles group" are just out of college (say younger than 33 or so). I became single at 44. Even if we had a singles group I'd not fit in.
However I'll take a few guesses. (Y'all knew I would)
a) It should be a place that is safe. In most groups, and most churches for that matter, confess one si and you're looked at as damaged goods. (Joe single guy says during a prayer meeting or something, "I have to say that when the SI swimsuit issue comes out I get really tempted". Almost instantly Susie church goer is telling Janie pew sitter "Did you here that Joe Single guy is a porn junkie?"). Many men are terrified of confessing the slightest failing. They know that if they do, someone will blow it up into a major disqualifier towrads ever getting married (or having a ministry etc)
b) It should be a place where people are comfortable talking to each other (Joe SG says "HI Susie. That dress looks really good on you" (or some other nice statement) Next thing Joe knows he's marked as taken by Susie and unavailable to anyone else, including the people he may be interested in. Far too quickly we leap to conclusions and take things for granted.
c) It should be spiritually alive and NOT focused just on singleness. If he wanted to dwell on being single he'd just stay home.
d) It should be fun. Having a singles group meeting being a church service kind of defeats the whole purpose. If he wanted a church service he'd be at the weekly services or at a revival somewhere. Having a short praise session, and maybe a very short lesson, followed by a long fellowship time would be OK. Special projects of course would be scheduled during other times. Likewise a singles bible study is senseless. There is no scripture that has a different interpretation to singles than it does to marrieds. Why segregate yourselves to study the bible.
But do fun things that are both Godly and helpful to the people. Play something, help someone go for walks etc. It gets awfully old sitting in a church house listening to people brag about how wonderful their life as a single is (especially when you hear them complaining elsewhere about not having a date for Friday night)
Long ago M and I were assistants to the singles pastor. Every guy I talked to about why they came gave pretty much the same answer. It boiled down to "fellowship with other singles and maybe even meet someone" Singles aren't short of study or praise, we're not short of faith or grace, we don't lack church service time or even prayer meeting time. What we lack (most of us anyway) is good Christian fellowship with someone we can make a life with.
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