When the loneliness is too much.... (Full Version)

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Striving2BVirtuous -> When the loneliness is too much.... (5/12/2008 10:49:38 PM)

Hello everyone. For some reason, I was in a serious serious serious funk this weekend about being single right now. I'm a 28 year old good looking woman and I have been single for over 2 1/2 years now. And I guess it's just really starting to be too much. Everyone that I know has recently gotten married in the past year or so. Or they are in serious relationships and I have another friend that is "shacking up" right now.

I guess my struggle right now is that I am in a point in my WALK to where being out with the girls at the club, is not appealing to me. And I am frustrated because it seems like I'm trying my hardest to walk the straight and narrow, but it feels like my options have gone down even more because there are certain places that I can not expose myself to as a Christian. And that's difficult when everyone else around me is enjoying relationships and the club scene and sexual gratification.

So I don't really know the purpose of this posting. I guess I'm just venting and I am in need of encouragement right about now. Success stories...anything would help right about now. I'm trying really hard to accept & appreciate the "SEASON" that I am in right now....Thanks everyone in advance for your responses...



John_O -> RE: When the loneliness is too much.... (5/12/2008 11:10:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Striving2BVirtuous
And that's difficult when everyone else around me is enjoying relationships and the club scene and sexual gratification.


Sin is pleasureable for a season. But in the end it will kill you.

Premarital sex damages you in such a way that it takes some of the joy out of marital sex. If you find a couple with sexual problems during the marriage it's likely they had sexual relations before the marriage. God didn't make his rules to be mocked.

So while your friends may be scratching that itch, what cost will they pay in the long run?



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: When the loneliness is too much.... (5/12/2008 11:24:59 PM)

Hey Striving;

There are times when being single is, in a word, simply hell. I've been single for almost 10 years.

First of all, let me encourage you: you HAVE limited your options. But that's a good thing. I don't know why you are single right now, but you've probably been around this forum a bit and heard some of the sad stories.

Well, by keeping yourself out of the places where jerks hang out, you are limiting your options...you've eliminated a huge portion of the "odds" of landing yourself in a relationship with a jerk.

That's not to say that it's not possible for guys claiming to be Christians to be jerks. It is. Some are. But if you believe in "odds", then the proportion of good guys to bad guys in church is relatively better. Or so they say.

But let me point something out to you that my own children have pointed out to me:

There can only be one guy, in the end. And if God is in control of the world (and He is), then there are no "odds". You can't miss the right guy by not being where he is at the right moment. God WILL bring you together.

So you can relax on that point.

But what to do with the loneliness? Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other until you get to the other side and the pain subsides for a season.

For me it really helps if I am careful not to think of the loneliness as somehow "unfair" of God or as something unusual that a person has to go through.

Even when married to the best person in the world, I found myself lonely sometimes.

It is a natural thing for us human beings to be lonely. Once I am able to realize that, the loneliness feels less powerful. It's just a "normal" thing, even if it is very, very intense. And if others have gone through this normal thing virtuously, then I can, too.

Then I find if I refuse to think about how others are being blessed (while I'm not), and keep my mind on other things, I do better. If I let myself follow that spiral of self-pity (oh, so-and-so has a boyfriend...where's MY boyfriend? Why don't I have a boyfriend?) then yep, it's going to hurt worse. But if I refuse to allow that line of thinking, and force myself to get my mind back on track with what I know I'm supposed to be doing at this time in my life, then the loneliness gets easier to handle.

The skin-hunger can be brutal sometimes. Keeping myself physically and mentally active helps a lot. I exercise. I keep busy. I plan exciting things into my life to give myself something to anticipate.

These things help me.

besiderself



deljefferson -> RE: When the loneliness is too much.... (5/12/2008 11:35:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: besiderself

Hey Striving;

There are times when being single is, in a word, simply hell. I've been single for almost 10 years.

First of all, let me encourage you: you HAVE limited your options. But that's a good thing. I don't know why you are single right now, but you've probably been around this forum a bit and heard some of the sad stories.

Well, by keeping yourself out of the places where jerks hang out, you are limiting your options...you've eliminated a huge portion of the "odds" of landing yourself in a relationship with a jerk.

That's not to say that it's not possible for guys claiming to be Christians to be jerks. It is. Some are. But if you believe in "odds", then the proportion of good guys to bad guys in church is relatively better. Or so they say.

But let me point something out to you that my own children have pointed out to me:

There can only be one guy, in the end. And if God is in control of the world (and He is), then there are no "odds". You can't miss the right guy by not being where he is at the right moment. God WILL bring you together.

So you can relax on that point.

But what to do with the loneliness? Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other until you get to the other side and the pain subsides for a season.

For me it really helps if I am careful not to think of the loneliness as somehow "unfair" of God or as something unusual that a person has to go through.

Even when married to the best person in the world, I found myself lonely sometimes.

It is a natural thing for us human beings to be lonely. Once I am able to realize that, the loneliness feels less powerful. It's just a "normal" thing, even if it is very, very intense. And if others have gone through this normal thing virtuously, then I can, too.

Then I find if I refuse to think about how others are being blessed (while I'm not), and keep my mind on other things, I do better. If I let myself follow that spiral of self-pity (oh, so-and-so has a boyfriend...where's MY boyfriend? Why don't I have a boyfriend?) then yep, it's going to hurt worse. But if I refuse to allow that line of thinking, and force myself to get my mind back on track with what I know I'm supposed to be doing at this time in my life, then the loneliness gets easier to handle.

The skin-hunger can be brutal sometimes. Keeping myself physically and mentally active helps a lot. I exercise. I keep busy. I plan exciting things into my life to give myself something to anticipate.

These things help me.

besiderself


Well, Striving2Bvirtious, I am feeling he same way. I think I dwell on the loneliness more because I am 43. Thank You besiderself. I need to post this on my bathroom mirror. I really needed those words.



woodwind228 -> RE: When the loneliness is too much.... (5/12/2008 11:42:32 PM)

Very good advice given. I've been single (again) for nearly 6 years. It was very hard in the beginning, but it does get easier with time, especially if you're spending time with God and His word. The Bible says He will be your husband (Isa 54:5). Rely on Him to meet your needs. He will. The Bible says (Ps 34:18), The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Another great verse is in James 1:2.

If you can get involved in the church, Bible studies, fellowships, etc. you'll surely make friends with fellow christians. Watch them though, because there are those that profess to be christians that either aren't or are horribly backslidden. The Bible says you'll know them by their fruit. Hang out with these people. Maybe even find someone to mentor you. You are who you hang out with and if you hang out with those that are living in the flesh, then you are more likely to fall into that behavior yourself. As you grow in your faith and relationship with God, you will also learn to rely on His strength and loneliness won't strike quite so much. (It may also help to avoid romantic movies/programs and such things.)

I don't know if I'll ever get married again. I'm not necessarily looking for it - I'm content where I am. But if God so desires to give me a godly husband I'll gladly accept. But if he doesn't, I'm okay with that too. Eventually, you could come to that place too.



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: When the loneliness is too much.... (5/13/2008 7:15:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deljefferson



Well, Striving2Bvirtious, I am feeling he same way. I think I dwell on the loneliness more because I am 43. Thank You besiderself. I need to post this on my bathroom mirror. I really needed those words.


For reference, deljefferson, I am 48.

besiderself



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: When the loneliness is too much.... (5/13/2008 4:52:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Striving2BVirtuous
.......So I don't really know the purpose of this posting. I guess I'm just venting and I am in need of encouragement right about now. Success stories...anything would help right about now. I'm trying really hard to accept & appreciate the "SEASON" that I am in right now....Thanks everyone in advance for your responses...

I have nothing to add other than encouragement. Esther/Besiderself said it so well I'm thinking of adding that to my bathroom mirror as well.

Here's the thing S2BV, (I like the name you chose by the way. it speaks alot about where your heart is right now.) You are making good choices! The hard thing is sticking to them. You know what you need to do and you are doing it. That is enough to celebrate right there. It is very hard to leave the world behind when you choose the Lord. They make sin look so fun don't they. But now, we know the truth. So be encouraged. You are already doing what you need to do. I would just follow Esthers advice and also keep heading in the direction your heading.[;)]
Some of us are starting an informal book club using this book.
When Women Walk Alone
If you are interested you can PM me or go the Poohs Thotful Spot in the PFY folder. (Any one else interested is also welcome[:D])



Kath -> RE: When the loneliness is too much.... (5/13/2008 9:40:34 PM)

Hello!

You started this same thread in Relationships. You may not realize that to post the same message in more than one area is considered spam and a violation of our Terms of Service 12.

Please join us in the thread that remains open in Relationships HERE as this thread is closed.

Sincerely
Kath

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