What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (Full Version)

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WaitingforBoaz -> What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/13/2008 7:52:37 PM)

Now that I have been "released" by my inlaws to beginning pursuing a new relationship I have one question;

What are your first thoughts when you hear "widow"?

I really have no idea if there is any social stigma attached to being a widow.

What are your thoughts? Marrieds and singles can chime-in.



jazzlvr -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/13/2008 8:49:14 PM)

I have no preconceived notions in that area. Only that a lady has lost her husband.



APZR -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/13/2008 9:16:58 PM)

Unless she was charged and found guilty of homicide or murder [sm=car.gif]
I'd think nothing of it.



colliefan -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/13/2008 9:21:03 PM)

The first thing that comes to mind is hurting.



evryknee -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 7:58:05 AM)

quote:

The first thing that comes to mind is hurting.


I agree, or someone who has been through a lot of grief, sorrow, etc.



TomTurn -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 11:24:01 AM)

quote:

Now that I have been "released" by my inlaws to beginning pursuing a new relationship I have one question;


Well I kind of wonder about the "released" term?



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 12:12:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TomTurn

quote:

Now that I have been "released" by my inlaws to beginning pursuing a new relationship I have one question;


Well I kind of wonder about the "released" term?


The reason it is in quotes, is because it was really not that I felt bound by whether or not they were ready for me to date. But, that I loved and respected them so much, that I did not want to bring them more pain, by dating or pursuing a relationship before they were ready to accept it, if that makes sense.
I am emotionally ready, I was kinda waiting for them to be. They recently came to me and said that they were.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 12:14:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

quote:

The first thing that comes to mind is hurting.


I agree, or someone who has been through a lot of grief, sorrow, etc.

Do you feel that this grief or sorrow would make it difficult for them to have a healthy relationship. Would it scared you away. Not me specifically.[:)] In general.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 12:16:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: APZR

Unless she was charged and found guilty of homicide or murder [sm=car.gif]
I'd think nothing of it.

[sm=eek.gif]



evryknee -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 12:44:57 PM)

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

quote:

The first thing that comes to mind is hurting.

I agree, or someone who has been through a lot of grief, sorrow, etc.

Do you feel that this grief or sorrow would make it difficult for them to have a healthy relationship. Would it scared you away. Not me specifically. In general.


not necessarily - If there are children involved and it may be a step-family situation, then there would be much more preparation as there are many more relationships involved, many emotions, many, many things. That would not necessarily scare me away, but would complicate things. Regardless, if the feelings & attractions are there, and this was who God had placed in my path for the future, all those things would not deter me from a relationship.



colliefan -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 7:53:54 PM)

It sounds as if you have come to some sort of closure on the death of your husband. Nothing can or will replace him and I am sure you will always treasure his memory. Go forward in peace.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 8:04:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colliefan

It sounds as if you have come to some sort of closure on the death of your husband. Nothing can or will replace him and I am sure you will always treasure his memory. Go forward in peace.


I appreciate your post very much, thank you.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 8:06:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

quote:

The first thing that comes to mind is hurting.

I agree, or someone who has been through a lot of grief, sorrow, etc.

Do you feel that this grief or sorrow would make it difficult for them to have a healthy relationship. Would it scared you away. Not me specifically. In general.


not necessarily - If there are children involved and it may be a step-family situation, then there would be much more preparation as there are many more relationships involved, many emotions, many, many things. That would not necessarily scare me away, but would complicate things. Regardless, if the feelings & attractions are there, and this was who God had placed in my path for the future, all those things would not deter me from a relationship.

Thank you for your thoughts on the matter. They have been very helpful.



SavedByGraceMD -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/14/2008 10:09:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

quote:

The first thing that comes to mind is hurting.

I agree, or someone who has been through a lot of grief, sorrow, etc.

Do you feel that this grief or sorrow would make it difficult for them to have a healthy relationship. Would it scared you away. Not me specifically. In general.


not necessarily - If there are children involved and it may be a step-family situation, then there would be much more preparation as there are many more relationships involved, many emotions, many, many things. That would not necessarily scare me away, but would complicate things. Regardless, if the feelings & attractions are there, and this was who God had placed in my path for the future, all those things would not deter me from a relationship.

I agree with YZGUY,

I don't think it would bother me, as long as they were sure they were ok with moving on. Kids would make it more difficult, but would be ok with me too. As long as I knew this was who God wanted me to be with, who am I to stand in the way.



APZR -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/15/2008 11:06:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader

quote:

ORIGINAL: APZR

Unless she was charged and found guilty of homicide or murder [sm=car.gif]
I'd think nothing of it.

[sm=eek.gif]


[:D] I'm a retired firefighter... have seen it all. [;)]



Nuclear -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/15/2008 8:00:28 PM)

My first thought is one of sadness. I'm sorry for your loss. God Bless.

Several years ago, my Uncle lost his wife. They were in their early sixties. I had a hard time when he remarried as if it was pushing away his former wife. It just felt wrong.

Three and a half years ago, my mother passed on. If and when my father decides to date or get married, I would understand. My uncle's decision now makes sense. A person isn't meant to be alone. I know my mother as would my aunt want to see their spouse go on and be happy.

I wouldn't harbor anything against a woman for being a widow.

God Bless.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/15/2008 10:22:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nuclear

My first thought is one of sadness. I'm sorry for your loss. God Bless.

Several years ago, my Uncle lost his wife. They were in their early sixties. I had a hard time when he remarried as if it was pushing away his former wife. It just felt wrong.

Three and a half years ago, my mother passed on. If and when my father decides to date or get married, I would understand. My uncle's decision now makes sense. A person isn't meant to be alone. I know my mother as would my aunt want to see their spouse go on and be happy.

I wouldn't harbor anything against a woman for being a widow.

God Bless.

Thank you for your insight Nuclear. I appreciate your response.



makarizo -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 7:25:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader



What are your first thoughts when you hear "widow"?



my first thought has to do with an overwhelming sense of compassion.

if you check the "stress charts".... death of a spouse is at the very top.



freakofnature -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 11:55:41 AM)

I guess, from my stand point... Widow does conjur up feelings of sorrow and heartache. Which begs the question for a man starting a relationship with a widow, is his heart in the right place? Feeling more compassion and empathy than love and attraction? If I were to counsel my daughters on issues of being a widow, I would convey to them to take a long time with a relationship and not to jump too soon.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 12:09:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: doer

quote:

ORIGINAL: followtheLeader



What are your first thoughts when you hear "widow"?



my first thought has to do with an overwhelming sense of compassion.

if you check the "stress charts".... death of a spouse is at the very top.


Thanks, and yes the stress was and still is in many ways, overwhelming.
At times it was off the charts.[&:]



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 12:30:52 PM)

Thank you all for your responses.
I wanted your first thoughts before I mentioned this:

The reason I started the thread, is because I read a comment someone made here on the forums (not to me,to another) that made me wonder if that was the general concensus.
Here is the comment:

"I would not want to be married to someone who was in love with a ghost."

This person was speaking of a widow or widower I can't remember which one.
I was married for almost 20 years and I have three young children. Would it be assumed that I am in love with a ghost? Or, that a widow or widower can't move on and have a healthy relationship, because they lost one they loved so dearly?

~Nadine



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 12:34:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakofnature

I guess, from my stand point... Widow does conjur up feelings of sorrow and heartache. Which begs the question for a man starting a relationship with a widow, is his heart in the right place? Feeling more compassion and empathy than love and attraction? If I were to counsel my daughters on issues of being a widow, I would convey to them to take a long time with a relationship and not to jump too soon.

Thank you for your thoughts FofN. Your post has given me several things to think about. I assure you, I am not in a hurry, "open but not looking" is how I would describe myself right now.



1mlasp -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 1:27:00 PM)

My first response would be compassion.

My second response would be the concern already mentioned about the widow still "being in love with a ghost" and not being ready.

However, if I met someone who handled the situation as you did, that would alleviate many of my concerns. I'm touched that you would be so respectful of your in-laws. How much more respectful and loving would someone like this be upon entering a new covenant relationship! Wow!



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 2:43:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 1mlasp

My first response would be compassion.

My second response would be the concern already mentioned about the widow still "being in love with a ghost" and not being ready.

However, if I met someone who handled the situation as you did, that would alleviate many of my concerns. I'm touched that you would be so respectful of your in-laws. How much more respectful and loving would someone like this be upon entering a new covenant relationship! Wow!

How incredibly kind of you to say that. Thank you



colliefan -> RE: What's the first thing that comes to mind.... (5/16/2008 7:33:16 PM)

quote:

This person was speaking of a widow or widower I can't remember which one. I was married for almost 20 years and I have three young children. Would it be assumed that I am in love with a ghost? Or, that a widow or widower can't move on and have a healthy relationship, because they lost one they loved so dearly?


I think that being in love with a ghost simply comes from a movie. In terms of a relationship, the guy has to know he can't do anything about your past - even though it was good. And you can do nothing about his; all you have is the present and the future. I assume that both of you would be Christians; with the help of the HS all is possible. Doesn't mean that it will be easy but God will help through the rough times.

You don't give the the age of your children. How are they doing with the loss of their father?



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