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WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Today's Christian men...wimpy? (5/20/2008 2:13:16 PM)
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ORIGINAL: benelchi
CAUTION: I really know there are two perspectives to this topic, and I really do understand (as far as I guy can) some of the very legitimate difficulties that single Christian women face in dating. The following is not meant to bash Christian women, but just to shed light on the topic for a Christian man's perspective. Please read it in that light.
I will keep that in mind.[;)]
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My experiences over the last few years have really taught me that this is something that many Christian woman say often, but often really don't mean. It is often the Christian men who choose to pursue women in this way who wrongly get labeled "wimpy"; the "real" men many Christian women choose to date are those that will jump right into a heavy dating relationship with them without knowing a thing about them, and caring nothing about the fact that they are Christians.
I know that this is true. However, A real Christian man would not truly want to date that person.
I did not kiss my husband until I was engaged to him. Keeping my next relationship pure is extremely important to me. Are there many women out there with that focus? Maybe not, but a truly soldout "real" man of God desiring to keep his relationships pure is rare as well.
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The reality is that Christian men who do stand up and have a backbone, but draw lines in a relationship based on their Christian values are often the ones that don't get the dates.
I believe they don't get dates because the women they desire to attract are as rare as they are.
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because they believe the physical part of a relationship should reflect the commitment they are willing to give, they draw boundaries around their relationship that get them wrongly labeled "wimpy".
I could not tell if this was about commitment level or intimacy level.
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One of the reasons I believe that many Christian women do choose to date non-Christian men is simply that it is far easier to get into a hot and heavy relationship with non-Christian men because their values don't require them to have any boundaries, and often it is a reflection of Christian women not being willing to wait for the godly relationships to develop. As a Christian man, I cannot begin to tell you how very many times I have talked to Christian women who have told me that they have "learned" that being "unequally" yoked was a bad mistake that they will never do again, only to watch those same women choose another "unequally" yoked relationship a couple of months later because the Christian men wouldn't "date" them. As a Christian man, I want to know that a woman has a track record of not compromising her standards to get a date, and those just out of an "unequally yoked" relationship really are "undatable" for a while until their actions have shown that their repentance was genuine; too often a little time shows that it was not.
They will be few and far between, but they are out there. I hope to find one.(male that is[;)])
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I think one of the things that has changed in our society over the last few decades that significantly contributes to this problem is that our society used to value men who would pursue women in a respectful way that honored and valued women, but today a woman's value is almost entirely seen in terms of her sexuality, and the man that does not immediately peruse that aspect of the relationship in some way is seen as not having enough "backbone" to do so; too often Christian women seem to have bought into this lie. Sometimes I wish that women would realize how much backbone and strength of character it really takes a man to NOT pursue that aspect of a relationship.
The right woman, who is Godly and walking a walk similar to you own, will appreciate those thing in you and She will respect you immediately for it.
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I really do understand that there are Christian women who don't compromise godly standards and end up dateless because of it; however, the reality is that Christian men who do not compromise godly standards often end up just as dateless because of the boundaries they will not cross. I believe that a big contributor to the "dateless" problem is that far too many Christian men and women compromise godly boundaries when dating and take what they believe is the easy path to a relationship, and it leaves very few around who are really "datable" to those who really want their dating life to reflect their relationship in Christ.
So so true.
...But, I will let them take their easy path. I do not want someone who will compromise, before or after marriage. So actually, they are doing me a favor by showing their true character so I can look elsewhere.[:D]
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