Unequally Yolked (Full Version)

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vixir -> Unequally Yolked (5/22/2008 6:16:07 PM)

I know it says that you shouldn't be unequally yolked (sp?), and as a Christian woman who has been in relationships with non-Christian men, I can totally understand why. But is it a sin to marry someone who isn't a child of God? I know there's an obvious question of "Why would you even want to?". But with that aside, would God shun you if you were to marry a non-believer? Is that a deal-breaker?

The only deal-breaker I know of, is to deny God. And that is something I have never done and will never do. But I'm also not bible-savvy, so I really cannot say what else there is that would make you totally unworthy to enter the Kingdom, more than you already are. Help please!



PatricksPeaches -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/22/2008 7:39:06 PM)

I too am a christian woman married to an unbeliever. I was living in rebellion when I met my husband and wasn't thinking what God wanted at that point. But now that I am back in the fold, so to speak, do I think I am not a Christian? NO!!! I believe that if murderers and molesters can be forgiven by God, then so can I! It may be a sin but if we repent and ask forgiveness, we will be forgiven. My mission now is to be the best christian example that I can for my husband. I may be the only way he will "see" Christ. I am still to be under his authority even if he is an unbeliever but I can do this with Gods help. I know I struggled for a long time with how I could submit to my husband, after all he doesn't even know what God says about that. But through my example he has began to join me and our daughters at church and we have been going to biblical counseling for our marriage. That too will help him to find Jesus. My answer to you is,
1. Don't go looking for an usaved husband, unless you are already married.
2. If you are married, you are still a child of God (if you are saved).
3. Try to be the best example, woman, and wife you can be.



vixir -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/22/2008 7:57:23 PM)

I'm not married yet, but it has come up. We've been together a little over four years and we have a two year old son together (soon to be three). I'm trying to get back on track with God and I don't wanna ruin anything. But we've invested so much and started building a family together. Would it be ok to marry?



delete123 -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/22/2008 9:32:42 PM)

Vixir~
No it is not a dealbreaker. Can I say God doesn't make deals, He doesn't.

The problems with marrying an unbeleiver or being unequally yoked comes down to that Belief.

Where you depend on God they depend on themselves. Where you trust in God, they trust in themselves.

So that is part of the bottom line.

Because an unbeliever may not think what God says is true, and do whatever they believe is okay.
Where you being a believer knows it is true will cause conflict.

Sometimes this even spreads to different denominational beliefs.

You can marry an unbeliever and pray for them and their salvation in hopes that the person comes ito the covenenant themselves, but to my understanding the non beleiver is covered by your belief.

Okay I am editing to add the scripture (I was wrong I said II corth., but it is I Corth)

ICorth7:12 But to the rest I, not the Lord say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. v13 And let any woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he be willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
v14 If the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: otherwise your children would be unclean, but now are holy.

This is the umbrella I was talking about. It also states in v15 that if the unbeliever walks you are not held under the bondage of the spritual law of marriage, but any child is still consdiered holy in God's eyes.
CRH



PatricksPeaches -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/22/2008 11:00:12 PM)

That sounds like me and my husband. We had a child before we were married. crh737 is right. God doesn't make deals and He doesn't take away His gifts. It was a gift of grace that you recieved the day you became a child of God. He will not take that gift back. Just be aware that being unequally yoked could cause conflict and probably will. But again, be the best example of God that you can be. Maybe through your example, your husband will become a child of God also.



creationtalk -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/22/2008 11:53:37 PM)

If God saved you--you asked for Jesus to come into your life, truly meant it, then there is NOTHING that can separate you from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. This does NOT mean that you cannot royally mess up, sin and grieve the Holy Spirit. The good news is that salvation is not dependent on you and what you do or don't do. Salvation is dependent only on the sacrifice of Christ. God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and all the other omni's..which means that God knew when he saved you everything you had done and would do. It would be against God's nature to "accept" you as his child, then reject you because of something that he KNEW, before you were even born, you were going to do. God's grace is not a license to sin, but it is a comfort and reassurance when we DO sin.

God sometimes uses a blessing granted while we are in sin to wake us up to that sin, bring us to repentance. That is how it was with me. I was pregnant with my son (God's blessing) when my xh and I married. Yet as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I began thinking about things I was doing in my life that violated my core beliefs. And I knew that I did not want my son to grow up thinking these things were acceptable because he saw me doing them. So I stopped, repented, and changed my behavior. Unfortunately, my son's father (a self-professed Christian) didn't want to stop the sinful behavior; he ended up divorcing me because of it.

Just because God blessed me in spite of my sin, does not mean that there are no consequences to sin. I battle constantly with the fact that my son is allowed to do things and exposed to things at his father's house that I would never allow in my home; I work incredibly long hours to provide a home and living for my son rather than staying home with him as would be my preference. I have no one to lean on when I am tired, hurt, or ill.

I am not really sure that the admonition to not marry an unbeliever is a command. I think that it is more a caution...like the advice against borrowing money. It doesn't say never borrow money, it says If you do this, there will be unpleasant consequences...



1love1God1way -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/23/2008 8:36:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: vixir
Would it be ok to marry?


According to the Word of God. . . no.



1love1God1way -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/23/2008 8:39:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crh737



You can marry an unbeliever and pray for them and their salvation in hopes that the person comes ito the covenenant themselves, but to my understanding the non beleiver is covered by your belief.

CRH


Missionary dating/marriage is foolish, it is playing with fire, and the verses you quotes do not support your notion that one should actively choose to engage into an unequal relationship.



Kat_D -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/23/2008 9:37:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crh737
You can marry an unbeliever and pray for them and their salvation in hopes that the person comes ito the covenenant themselves, but to my understanding the non beleiver is covered by your belief.

Okay I am editing to add the scripture (I was wrong I said II corth., but it is I Corth)

ICorth7:12 But to the rest I, not the Lord say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. v13 And let any woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he be willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
v14 If the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: otherwise your children would be unclean, but now are holy.


Here is the exposition by John Gill on these verses:

"The right rendering of the passage is this: "for the unbelieving husband is espoused to the wife, and the unbelieving wife is espoused to the husband"; they are duly, rightly, and legally espoused to each other; and therefore ought not, notwithstanding their different sentiments of religion, to separate from one another; otherwise, if this is not the case, if they are not truly married to one another, this consequence must necessarily follow; that the children born in such a state of cohabitation, where the marriage is not valid, must be spurious, and not legitimate, and which is the sense of the following words: else were your children unclean, but now are they holy; that is, if the marriage contracted between them in their state of infidelity was not valid, and, since the conversion of one of them, can never be thought to be good; then the children begotten and born, either when both were infidels, or since one of them was converted, must be unlawfully begotten, be base born, and not a genuine legitimate offspring; and departure upon such a foot would be declaring to all the world that their children were illegitimate; which would have been a sad case indeed, and contains in it another reason why they ought to keep together; whereas, as the apostle has put it, the children are holy in the same sense as their parents are; that as they are sanctified, or lawfully espoused together, so the children born of them were in a civil and legal sense holy, that is, legitimate; wherefore to support the validity of their marriage, and for the credit of their children, it was absolutely necessary they should abide with one another."

The bottom line is that in marrying an unbeliever you are in direct disobedience to God's Word:

14 "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you* are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people." 17 Therefore "Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you." II Corinthians 12

You have already gone outside God's will in that you have been intimate and have a child together outside marriage, but would you want to further complicate things by entering into marriage and by doing so, continue to live outside God's Word? Just because you have a history with this person, does not mean you are now somehow in bondage to that history. Yes, you have a child together, but you can both raise him without being in a personal relationship or married. Two wrongs don't make a right.

This is something you and only you can decide. I would caution you to pray long and hard about this and and seek the counsel of your pastor before you do another thing.



preserved -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/23/2008 12:24:26 PM)

vixir, If you say that you are the christian woman....why would you marry an un-beliver?? It is a sin to marry or be unequally yoke with an unbeliver. If two two marries and then one becomes saved...he or she is not to leave the marriage but be a witness in hopes that the other would become saved... Although God forgives but God also states not to be unequally yoked..there are consequences for christian singles to marry unbelivers...What I find puzzling is how can a single christian date and be on one accord with an unbeliever?



georgerobbyjr -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/26/2008 12:49:26 AM)

Stop dating non-christian men, do you want to disobey God? Yes it's a forgivable sin to marry an unbeliever as 1Corth7:12 implies, but as a believer that's made this mistake, I think my wife would better understand me if she were a believer. You can still have a good relationship and it's not unforgivable, but you'd complicate your own life. If you are not yet married you should be only dating christians, learn from others that have made this mistake. Your question is kind of like asking "if I continue to sin will I be forgiven later?" Yes, but why do that, we are no longer slaves to sin but to God.



vixir -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/27/2008 7:15:39 PM)

Well, things have happened that made me truly realize that I really don't wanna marry him. So there's a lot more on my plate to question, than just marriage. Thanks anyway!



jaimestarcross -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/29/2008 5:26:01 PM)

vixir:

When you marry an unbeliever and you are a Christian you are making things
hard for yourself.... having the father of your child and wanting to be married is a noble thing but is he opened to the Gospel at all? Would he allow you the freedom to worship God in your home or would that be something that'd have to be done elsewhere or when he's not present? How would you feel about that?

Ask yourself this - how would marrying him be an asset to your life and faith?



vixir -> RE: Unequally Yolked (5/29/2008 8:56:08 PM)

It really wouldn't be an asset to my life, let alone my faith. And unfortunately, he isn't really open to my belief. He's a self-proclaimed Atheist and shuns anything when it comes to Christianity and/or God Himself. It truly hurts, because I can't share one of the few things that mean the world to me, with the man in my life. And I always go back and forth about marrying him. When I get to a point in my heart where I wanna take that next step with him, I'm quickly reminded of why I shouldn't make that mistake. But it's very conflicting, if you can imagine. We have a precious boy together, and he adores his daddy. Although there are several things that I would change about my boyfriends parenting "skills" and my boyfriend as a being (heh), I do believe that his heart is in the right place. But he has a condescending attitude towards me. And honestly, it makes me wanna smack him. heh... When things are going so great, that's when I start to think about marrying him. But the second he gets under my skin, I quickly have a change of heart. Which might be a sign that I'm not ready or that I truly do not wanna marry him. Perhaps I would be miserable if we got married. I would feel this sense of being trapped, instead of how a normal wife would feel towards her husband and their marriage. Maybe there are things we need to work through before we ever consider getting married. Or maybe he just isn't the one for me. I pray that God will show me and give me the strength to leave if that is what's best of me and my son. Because it's not just about me anymore. I have another human being to think of before making that choice. I don't know... I'm pretty confused. heh [&o]



teslas -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/4/2008 11:21:49 AM)

Vixir,

Marrying an unbeliever might not be a deal breaker, but in once sense you are denying God. Everytime we sin we are "denying God". We are saying. I know better, or my way is better. And to sin is to call God a lyer.
A lifetime pattern of living openly like this could point to the fact that we are not a believer at all. So be carefull.

Other then for selfish reasons, I cannot immagine why a believer would go against God to marry a unbeliever. You are both heading in 2 different directions. Ones going to heaven and ones heading to hell. ANd let me tell you, its a whole lot easier to pull someone down then it is topull themup.

And remember this -if you decide to pull the trigger. God will not be mocked. You will reap what you sew. Maybe not in the next few years, but down the road. And you will have nobody to blame except yourself when the harvest becomes ripe. You are fully responsible for your choices and will suffer the full results (good and bad) of them.

God will forgive you if you repent, but he may not remove the consequences. And because you married an unbeliever God still will hold you to living with tha person until you die. And then you have to face God to answer about your reason for marrying him.

So in the end, is it really worth giving into whatever reason you have to want to knowingly marry an unbeliever? I don't think so. I've had the strong temptation to, but I was not given into it. Remember, this is just a temptation, just like stealing, thinking bad thoughts, or gossip. This could be a test of God to see if you love Him more or yourself.

Just remember, whatver you choose. God loves you, but you WILL have to live with the consequences for eternity.

teslas



deermousie -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/4/2008 12:45:16 PM)

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

How can you live in harmony if you are walking north and the other person is walking south? If you are going up and he is going down? God says there is no fellowship here, so this makes your choices pretty clear. You are bonded to this man that you aren't married to, and that means heartache for both of you no matter what happens. If you are going to hurt anyway, it might as well be for a godly reason that God will bless and heal your heart.

Having a child together really complicates things; either the kid is going to get a legal father who is spiritually dead and can't do the things God intended a father to do (raise up a child in the reverential awe and training of the Lord as preparation to a life that works and for happiness, love him, not exasperate him to anger, etc.), or the kid will lose a parent and have his life torn apart. He loses either way.

Are you living with your parents? Are your parents involved with your son's life, so he has others bonded to him that love him and a grandpa who'll be a male figure in his life? That seems the best of a lot of less than ideal options.

Closer to home, and you don't have to answer this to us but it's between you and God: have you confessed to God that you were living in fornication when God said not to?

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality 1 Thessalonians 4:3

and others:
Matthew 15:19; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; Acts 21:25; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 1 Corinthians 6:13; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Corinthians 10:8; Jude 1:7.

Sexual immorality by biblical definition includes having sex before marriage. I'm not putting these here to point the finger at you but to give you what God says so you can consider how to fix the wedge you've driven between God and yourself. It's as easy as one ernest prayer of less than a minute.

It's the living with the consequences that will be long and difficult. If you make a good decision here, the adding of more consequences will stop and you only have to mop up from what's happened so far. To marry this guy I think will keep more consequences of growing severity coming for a lifetime, worse and worse. There is no easy out, just choosing to end the on-going bad stuff and healing from it or continuing the bad stuff and getting more and more bad stuff coming on top of what you already have.

God is in the business of cleaning us up when we blow it, and all of us blow it somehow; I'm not looking down on you because I've done my share of things I've shouldn't. This will take the strength of the Lord and a steel backbone on your part, so ask God for it. Decide what's the best choice, pull up your socks (so to speak), and face the raging storm with confidence that God will see you through it and bring blessings out of it and give you a calm harbor on the other side. To battle! And God bless you, dear one, beloved of God. I am praying for you today. (((Hugs)))



jaimestarcross -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/4/2008 1:20:27 PM)

vixir:

*Your son needs strong Christian influences in his life... like Timothy(apostle) his mother and grandmother were strong women of faith -his father was not!
Apostle Paul wrote these words to Timothy: I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.{2 Timothy 1:5-7}

Start early with teaching your son about the love of God - just as the Bible instructs us to do >>> Here's Paul's Charge to Timothy:
You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Emotions are fickle - stick with truth revealed in your own words:
He's a self-proclaimed Atheist and shuns anything when it comes to Christianity and/or God Himself. It truly hurts, because I can't share one of the few things that mean the world to me, with the man in my life.
>I would feel this sense of being trapped, instead of how a normal wife would feel towards her husband and their marriage.




vixir -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/6/2008 10:04:52 AM)

Thank you all for such encouraging words. I've decided against marrying this man. Not only because he isn't a Christian, but because I probably wouldn't be a happy wife. I live two states away from my family, so I'm pretty alone here. But I did visit my family last Christmas and they finally met my son. He actually did pretty well and if I ever went back for good, he would definitely be surrounded by everyone who truly loves him. Not to say that his daddy doesn't love him... I just have a feeling that my son would be forgotten by his daddy if I left. It's sad... I know! My step-dad isn't a Christian, though. But my brother is. So he would have a great male role-model who loves God, to look up to. And after thinking a lot, I really do want him to have that. My boyfriend and I talked last night, and we got on the subject of teaching our son about God. Obviously he doesn't want me to, but he also knows that he cannot stop me. I can already tell that this will be the main topic of our future arguments. And I don't want my son to think that it's his fault at all, because it isn't. It really has nothing to do with him personally. Why would someone who doesn't believe in God, be so afraid of his child learning about the love of God? He called it being brainwashed. Which really upset me to no end! If anything, this will be what drives me to leave without hesitation. Because he already said that he would teach him that there isn't a God, when he gets older. And that breaks my heart...



chosen1986 -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/9/2008 2:06:10 PM)

To him that knows to do right and doesnt that is sin. If you are a christian you shouldnt want to be with a non believer anyway. Yes a sanctified wife can sanctify that husband but you are going to go thru somethings before that person does get saved, just because you were disobedient for marrying a non-believer. Wait on God cause picking men on your on out of the flesh will lead to hardship and you will not have that peace which surpasses all understanding.



triune -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/9/2008 10:48:50 PM)

the word of God is clear that we should not as true christian believers not join to those that are in darkness...so if you are grounded in the word and are experiencing Christ as your life, the Lord will give you the person whom you will marry...the problem is that we are so busy building our kingdom we forget that we are not of this world john 16:17 and that we must seek His Kingdom first and all this things we be added...that includes a wife/husband. If you seek Him he will cause the right circumstances and you will meet that special someone in the Kingdom of light not in the Kingdom of darkness. Romans 8:28 says that All things work for GOOD to those that love God...so if you have gone stray and married outside the Kingdom but you repent and turn to the Savior he will forgive you but be prepared for the consequences! I hope this helps a lil. Love your God with all your might....



evryknee -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/10/2008 2:11:17 PM)

I think you made the right decision. Though, perhaps the questions should be "Do I love God and how much do I love God?" He says, "If you love me, you will obey me." If His word says not to be yoked with unbelievers, then out of love for Him, do not do it or consider it. This command, as you know, if a comand for you and not against you. It is not God saying "This isn't a good idea," it's God saying something more like "don't - because I love you and want to be in communion with you and an unbeliever will take you away from me."



vixir -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/10/2008 6:13:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chosen1986
If you are a christian you shouldnt want to be with a non believer anyway.


I'm sorry, but this comment really bothered me. Are you questioning my faith?



preserved -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/11/2008 5:51:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: vixir

quote:

ORIGINAL: chosen1986
If you are a christian you shouldnt want to be with a non believer anyway.


I'm sorry, but this comment really bothered me. Are you questioning my faith?



This statement bothers you because it is what is being questioned here...Your title subject "unequally Yolked" and that is exactly what you and your boyfriend are...I asked the same question how can a true child of God date and atheist? They do not believe in God at all? The poster is getting you to ask yourself what do you really believe in? We all make mistakes...but to date an atheist and have a child by him and not married...? Truth is you put God behind you and your boyfriend is placing his god before you!!



manda59 -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/11/2008 5:58:56 PM)

If you marry someone when you are unequally yolked (sic), you will likely end up with egg on your face![:D][:D]






(NB - Many a true word is spoken in jest)



vixir -> RE: Unequally Yolked (6/12/2008 10:08:11 AM)

I'm not here to justify my actions nor am I here saying that my choices were right. I came here for advice; not to be judged. Besides, who are you to question my faith? You don't know me nor do you know what's in my heart. The fact that I'm with an Atheist, doesn't make me love God any less. The fact that I love God so much, is why it hurts to be with an Atheist. And that's why I'm here asking for guidance from my brothers and sisters in Christ.



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