How true is this? (Full Version)

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Prairiehiker -> How true is this? (5/22/2008 11:02:50 PM)

Guys, I was told before that men don't normally hang out with women unless they are interested in something more...perhaps in dating, or sex, or whatever. How true is this in your experience? Would you, or did you ever spend a considerable amount of time hanging out with a woman whom you have no romantic interest in? I don't mean church related activities, but you know, going out to dinner, or movies, or fixing things for her? This question stems from the various threads in the singles forum about "being friends first".



clownfish -> RE: How true is this? (5/22/2008 11:49:42 PM)

Are we talking about spending time on a 1-on-1 basis or in groups. I'll assume that you mean doing things 1-on-1. I'll also assume that the guy and the woman are both unattached.

I have no problem doing things on a limited basis with another single woman even if I have no romantic interest in her. However, I try to keep some types of personal boundaries that I do not cross, such as buying her dinner, overtly (if at all) flirting, or doing things too frequently with her in order to not "send the wrong signals". There are a few women I do things with where it is outwardly known there is no potential on both sides, and I can be a little more relaxed around them.

Of course, I'd prefer to hang out with women with whom I'd have a potential romatic interest, but unfortunately those times are few and far between for me. I do appreciate my other female friends as well.



APZR -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 9:21:54 AM)

quote:

I was told before that men don't normally hang out with women unless they are interested in something more...perhaps in dating, or sex, or whatever. How true is this in your experience?


Very true in my experience. Guys will hang out with guys to do guy things. Guys will hang out with girls because there is some interest of some kind... even if it's not reciprocated.



colliefan -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 12:12:41 PM)

quote:

Would you, or did you ever spend a considerable amount of time hanging out with a woman whom you have no romantic interest in?


There must be some common iinterest. For sometime, I hung out with a woman who also had/loved collies. The major factor in not letting go deeper was that she had no interest in Christianity. The sad fact was that she treated me much better than most single women in my church. At least she wanted to spend time with me no matter my looks and she enjoyed my company.



MWD -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 12:41:36 PM)

> men don't normally hang out with women
> unless they are interested in something more

The younger the man, the more that applies, in my experience.

But there are exceptions. If you're referring to someone in particular, versus being interested in the subject only academically, it'd be better to provide details just to play it safe.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 2:53:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Guys, I was told before that men don't normally hang out with women unless they are interested in something more...perhaps in dating, or sex, or whatever. How true is this in your experience?


this is really opened ended. do you mean would a man be friends with a woman he is not desiring to marry? for me, yes.



broyce1981 -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 3:49:27 PM)

Yes, I have been good friends with women who I was not interested in before. It doesn't seem that strange to me to do so.



NoShow -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 4:10:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: broyce1981

Yes, I have been good friends with women who I was not interested in before. It doesn't seem that strange to me to do so.


Same here. Actually been that way my whole life, going back to my childhood when my playmates were my sister and a neighbor that was like a sister to me. Continued the same as I got older, up into my mid 30's when I got married. Continued for a bit after I got married, but it tended to cause "problems" (for others) so put a stop to it.

That all said, from my observations, it's the exception not the rule.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 8:17:35 PM)

The question stems from another thread in the singles forum about people being friends first. I had been in numerous close friendships with men that I was never attracted to. In all those cases, I had no problems spending time with them without having any hidden agenda. We were just friends. And in almost all of those cases, the men became interested in me or maybe they were interested in me to begin with.

My question was do men normally spend a lot of time with women that they consider nothing more than friends. By spending time, I don't mean see them occasionally or once a month. I mean like how women have close girlfriends. Well, something similar to that.



9drtr -> RE: How true is this? (5/23/2008 9:55:58 PM)

In the past I have hung out with women I wasn't interested in, although I don't have a female friend that I'm very close to right now.

Two of the three people I hang out with most at work are women, and I'm not romantically interested in either of them.

That being said, I'm not sure how much I would invest in a relationship right now with a woman I wasn't interested in. That may be a matter of an unmarried man in his forties being cheap with what little time he has left. I know that in the past I've developed friendships with women and then became romantically attracted to them only to have them say they want to be friends, and I don't want to go through that again.



violinist_for_jesus -> RE: How true is this? (5/24/2008 12:01:51 AM)

Guys are too quiet for me, I need women around me. Maybe cuz I'm so quiet myself that I need someone to talk. Girls are just cooler anyway...



Single4Life -> RE: How true is this? (5/24/2008 6:34:41 AM)

I used to spend time talking w/ certain women on the phone...more so than hanging out. I ended up scaling back on that b/c I realized how misleading it can be. I've unknowingly misled some women when I was just enjoying the friendship, and I've been misled a few times myself. (Of course, if someone is interested in you, ANYTHING you do can be interpreted as a sign of interest that will just fuel their fire. So, it's probably best not to be as involved if you don't have an interest.)

On the other hand, there are women I have known for YEARS who I'll talk w/ on the phone every once in awhile w/ no fear of misleading 'em...and vice-versa.

I think two factors play a role...
1) Your age - If you are older, you tend to be more serious about a relationship
2) How long you've known the person



vikingfan -> RE: How true is this? (5/25/2008 12:10:21 AM)

I have no trouble at all being good friends with girls without necessarily wanting to date them...I have a couple of good friends I do this with now.

Communication though is the key so that both sides are on the same wavelength.



Pauley464 -> RE: How true is this? (5/26/2008 7:17:10 PM)

I have absolutely no problem hanging out with a woman that I have no ulterior motive on. (Ulterior motive meaning romance, sex, dating, etc.) I have one very close lady friend with whom I hang out on an almost regular basis. We go out to dinner, I go over to her house and other activities. We are both single, she is dating another man, and we have never given him any cause for worry. He trusts both of us and doesn't object when we are alone together. There is no attraction other than we enjoy each others company. I would see nothing inappropriate about this even if the woman was married, but it is best to keep things of that nature on an "above-reproach" level. Always make sure the husband is an equally good friend, always meet in public places, always make sure the husband knows and approves, and if attraction develops on either one or both sides, end it quickly and compeltely.



makarizo -> RE: How true is this? (5/27/2008 11:36:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

Guys, I was told before that men don't normally hang out with women unless they are interested in something more...perhaps in dating, or sex, or whatever. How true is this in your experience? Would you, or did you ever spend a considerable amount of time hanging out with a woman whom you have no romantic interest in? I don't mean church related activities, but you know, going out to dinner, or movies, or fixing things for her? This question stems from the various threads in the singles forum about "being friends first".

that is just about as true as saying that men don't hang out with other men unless there is a deeper interest....... blah blah blah, nanner nanner.

maybe a week willed guy (person) lacking in self control, pure thoughts, only understanding and accepting their own animal instincts, and try very hard to instill their own beliefs upon others as some kind of bogus doctrine called the gospel of bondage.

Perhaps the best friend I have ever had was a women named Mary, we called her Kathy...lol
i suppose that if she would have been a dog, and sniffed me out searching for her alpha male.... the friendship wouldn't have lasted very long.



jn1010lf -> RE: How true is this? (5/28/2008 4:31:10 PM)

Hello Prairiehiker

It's been my experience that a guy hangs out with a girl for several reasons; Explore as to a possible love, lust, or real love.

My experience has also served to shed some suspician on guys that hang out with girls all the time as friends. They become a girls little brother. This is not exactly normal.

The worst case scenerio is that a guy who hangs out all the time with girls is actually gay. This is a strange phenomenon that doesn't seem easy to understand.



alley_cat -> RE: How true is this? (5/28/2008 7:03:35 PM)

I personally find it difficult to spend alot of time with a lady who is single and around the same age as I am without developing feelings of attraction for them. It typically leads to feelings of awkwardness between the lady, who usually doesnt see me that way, and I. Im one of those guys unfortunate enough to normally be lumped into the "we're just friends" department. "But your my brother in Christ"... yeah, and alot of married women in our church are married to guys who also happen to be their brothers in Christ. "Your a nice guy, but..." yeah, I get it, nice but not nice enough... [>:]



Karyyk -> RE: How true is this? (6/8/2008 3:45:04 AM)

It's possible, but difficult. I've had friends that I've been attracted to (and who were attracted to me, as I found out after the fact), but the timing wouldn't have worked (one of us was always in a relationship), but we still hung out and were just friends because we enjoyed one another's company and had a lot of the same interests. That kind of thing is rare though, especially with young men. It's even more rare when there's mutual attraction there. Still, if you value the friendship, sometimes friends realize that it's best to keep it that way (I've also lost friends trying to make it "something more").

I hate to say it, but as a general rule, yeah, most of the times guys are going to hang around girls and be "friends" is because they want it to develop into something more. That's not to say that they don't truly value the friendship, but ultimately, they're wanting a romantic relationship. Unfortunately for them, more often that not, the guy just ends up in "The Friend Zone."



U376977 -> RE: How true is this? (6/9/2008 3:28:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

The question stems from another thread in the singles forum about people being friends first. I had been in numerous close friendships with men that I was never attracted to. In all those cases, I had no problems spending time with them without having any hidden agenda. We were just friends. And in almost all of those cases, the men became interested in me or maybe they were interested in me to begin with.

My question was do men normally spend a lot of time with women that they consider nothing more than friends. By spending time, I don't mean see them occasionally or once a month. I mean like how women have close girlfriends. Well, something similar to that.


Here is an HONEST reply. It is ALWAYS about something more than friends.

Guys have guy friends to do guy things with. We will not go shopping with you to look for
tableclothes unless we one day want to eat your cooking off that table!!!

I had one girl friend that I was not sexually interested in. We spent hours together--our connection was business---it grew to friendship including dinners, day trips, etc. Until one day she confessed to "being in love" with me.

Guy-Girl "friends" almost NEVER NEVER, works.



willfs -> RE: How true is this? (6/12/2008 11:33:43 AM)

Yes and No. For years I didn't hang out with girls but that was mostly because they scared me and I just didn't have the social skills for that. Now I thoroughly and sincerly enjoy hanging out with several girls, even one on one, and I have no interest in them.

However, I am much more likely to find guys I want to hang with than girls I want to hang with. For a guy to want to hang out with anyone they have to be involved doing guy stuff, meaning some form of recreation they enjoy. Guys who hang with girls to "go shopping, go to some movie that doesn't have atleast 6 explosions in it, go do "her stuff",...etc... is either lonely or it is much more likely that he likes her for more than friends.

I could very well want to hang out with a girl only because I was attracted to her and I wouldn't want to hang out with her if I wasn't attracted to her. However, I am searching for a gal who would fit into both categories: If she were ugly betty I would still want to hang with her because of her personality. AND I am attracted to her physically.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: How true is this? (6/19/2008 7:11:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

Guys, I was told before that men don't normally hang out with women unless they are interested in something more...perhaps in dating, or sex, or whatever.


I was talking with another male, and he stated he would rather have female friends. Where he was getting at is that with women, he would have a better chance of developing more than a friendship with them.

I would assume it depends on the person and their own intentions. If their intention is to develop a friendship primarily and see where it goes from there, I would say that's a more sound mindset.

quote:

How true is this in your experience?


I've never dated prior to my girlfriend, so I haven't much experience to speak from. I was always more intrigued when meeting a girl, because I was single, and well, I was ready for that to end. I guess you could say I wanted to get to know them with hope it would lead to an eventual date.

quote:

Would you, or did you ever spend a considerable amount of time hanging out with a woman whom you have no romantic interest in?


I've done things out of natural habit without a romantic motive. Given my status now, I wouldn't go out and do an activity with a girl (i.e. movies, dinner, etc) if it were just her and I, that would look wrong, and my girlfriend certainly wouldn't tolerate it, and vice versa.



DaveW -> RE: How true is this? (6/27/2008 3:12:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

Guys, I was told before that men don't normally hang out with women unless they are interested in something more...perhaps in dating, or sex, or whatever. How true is this in your experience? Would you, or did you ever spend a considerable amount of time hanging out with a woman whom you have no romantic interest in? I don't mean church related activities, but you know, going out to dinner, or movies, or fixing things for her?
Back in the day (1970s) just being friends and doing things together was a rarity. If a guy was hanging out with a lady he was interested somehow (or trying to prove he was not gay). However, it seems that just being friends and hanging out together is much more common today.



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