How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (Full Version)

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vividtintz -> How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 2:04:46 PM)

Hello all, long time reader, first time poster.

I'm a single father of a beautiful five year old girl. I have raised her in His word and her favorite part of the evening is kneeling and praying before bed (she always makes sure to pray that He keep our dog Rocket safe and out of the road).

I'm going to be homeschooling her which is not an easy task when I'm a corrections officer and work long hours. I simply don't trust the secular school system, and even the religious academies in the area don't teach to the standards of our personal brand of faith. Like most homeschoolers, I have very strong, set opinions on how the world works and how my children should be taught!

My fear though is that by being my child's sole educational provider, she will be missing out on experiencing the opinions of others, as false and misguided as they may be. I briefly had her enrolled in a local church daycare, but they were far too tolerant of their sheep straying from the flock so to speak and conversing about matters not appropriate for the likes of a devout Christian.

I believe though that for my daughter to truly believe in the righteousness and goodness of the Lord God's teachings, she must experience the ignorance and blindness of those that do not follow in His word.

How would you recommend I expose her to these situations, and still manage to keep her in the correct path that I see for her in a homeschooling environment.

I thank you very much for your consideration, bless all of you in His love.

- Cody



cynthia -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 2:13:34 PM)

Our family has regular interaction with other people. In these interactions and even just amongst ourselves, we have many opportunities to discuss godliness, proper attitude and foundational truth. As a matter of fact, at this moment my eight year old boy is in his room contemplating some of these issues due to his recent trouble in the area of attitude. Unfortunately his lesson was applied by the board of education to his seat of learning. These are life lessons that we learn as we go, but they are not learned without proper instruction along the way. Children will form wrong opinions and values if they are not properly taught from a foundation of biblical truth and understanding.



vividtintz -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 2:23:55 PM)

That's what I fear, that by exposing her to social standards and beliefs outside of our own, she will begin to form her own opinions on these things that are outside what I am teaching her and what the Lord demands. She is exceptionally bright (I know, everyone's own child is right?[8D]) and is already showing signs of thinking independently on issues a five year old typically just doesn't acknowledge.

I value her independence, but I want to keep her within my own rigid beliefs of how He must be worshiped. She is after all my child, and I want what is best for her in both life and her education.

Thank you for your response Cynthia, how do you keep your son on His path in your eyes, without him straying to the sinful influences of those with a different life experience or thoughts on our Lord? I am especially concerned with a Muslim family that has taken up residence with a neighbor a few houses down. She began asking me about Mohammad this past evening (that's what sparked this thread btw) and a chill ran down my spine!

EDIT: My apologies, but how do I add a picture to my posts like the lovely Cynthia there?



JohnFlairSr -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 2:34:42 PM)

You are making some excellent points here.

The sad truth is sometimes even though you do everything correctly in the eyes of the Lord, and expose your child to outside influences, it still might not be enough.

Point in case. When my son John Jr was starting to develop into a teenager he began playing with our half asian neighbor. The neighbors child, we'll just call him Pow, I do not want to give any real names on the Internets, not even those of sinners, was not a normal boy. Often we would catch the boys at the age of 13 playing in the yard naked and physically getting too close while doing so. Up until then me and my wife thought we had done everything humanly possible to raise the boy following the path of our Lord, but sometimes you have to just trust the spirit of your child.

In time John Jr gave up these disgusting practices and is now a successful botanist and is dating a very nice holy girl named Rachael. Sometimes all you can do is do your best as a parent and pray your child turns out right.

- John Sr from Michigan



vividtintz -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 2:56:49 PM)

Ha, you truly know how to worry a young father! You did hit the nail on the head though. Homosexuality in the media and the tolerance of islam in the public schools systems is what I fear most!

You hear children talking about the homosexuals on American Idol and other mainstream television shows as though it should be accepted and GASP - celebrated! I fear that although I know it is in line with His truth, but will my personal intolerance of that filthy lifestyle have a negative impact on my daughter in the long run? I'm afraid that one of her little friends will buy one too many Melissa Etheridge CDs and in ten years will want to lure my own child from the righteous path.

I guess my real question here is will my 'closed-mindedness' (can you believe someone actually called me that?) to popular culture and the outside world have a negative effect on my child even if it is inline with the word of the Lord, our God?



cynthia -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 3:10:18 PM)

{You cannot add a picture to your posts until you have 50 posts, unless you use the avatars that are provided by the site. You can check in the Feedback and Help folder for further information.}
The way to teach our children about the Lord can be found in Deuteronomy 6:4-9. We are to teach them to love the Lord God with all their hearts, souls and mind; their all. We teach them this in our daily life. We teach them the Word and help them write it in their hearts through scripture memorization.

When issues come up, we address them clearly and from the word. It is not scary that your daughter asked you about Muhammad. It is terrific. You have the opportunity to explain to her, at her first encounter with it, from a biblical perspective. You are laying a foundation in truth. This is exactly what I was talking about. As you are with her, teaching her, you will impact her soul.

The most important thing is to help her develop a personal relationship with the Lord. Pray over her and with her, but help her to pray as well. Help her take things to the Lord and encourage her to do this on her own. Teach her the word and the application of it.

My youngest, a son, is eight years old. We just finished studying friendship through the example of David and Jonathan. It was a productive and helpful study. He has already been applying the principles he has learned. I suggest you read to her from the Bible daily and discuss it. Kids have amazing insight into the word. We can understand what Jesus meant about being like little children when we study the word with them. It is amazing and wonderful.

Unless you hold her captive in the woods, you are not going to be able to keep her from outside influences. It is far, far better for you to be there guiding her and teaching her from the word of truth as she goes and helping her to develop a close, personal relationship with the living God. She will know him and He will lead her. Trust in the Lord to lead you as you lead and teach your daughter. Do not react out of fear, but as 2 Timothy 1:7 teaches us, out of power, love and sound judgment.



cynthia -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 3:30:25 PM)

Another point I’d like to make is that it is very important to recognize that we are to teach our children how to self control rather than being under our control. I want my household to be in order and I want my children to obey their parents, however, the most important thing is for them to learn to control themselves so that they will be able to continue with what they have learned and incorporated into their lives. I will not always be there for them. They will have to stand firmly on their own, with the Lord.



vividtintz -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 3:30:58 PM)

Drat, I guess I'll have to just look at your picture until I get up to that lofty 50 posts :D

That's kind of what I'm afraid of though. I know that my opinions on Islam are a bit skewed from the average Christian. Without going into too much detail for reasons I can't speak much about my wife was in the military when she was taken home to our Lord by 'enemy combatants' in Afghanistan. Because of this, I have an intense hatred of all things related to the Muslim faith for obvious reasons, both personal and in my faith.

Are there any states where captive in the woods is an option?



cynthia -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 3:35:41 PM)

I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost a friend in Iraq last year. He left three children and his wife.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/23/2008 9:53:23 PM)

Hi. I am a single homeschooling mom of two boys, so we have a lot in common.[;)]

Since you are raising your daughter by yourself, you must have help from outside your home. Your mom or someone is watching her, right? I don't think you need to worry as much about non-christian opinion as you do about simply exposing her to good, godly women. I know I have been blessed by many men in my family and church family who have stepped into be role models for my boys (who are now 15 and 12, btw).

The rest will come--there is no way to avoid it. And so my solution has always been to talk about everything with the kids. Why we believe differently, what the consequences of this belief and that belief are, etc. And of course, in teaching history/social studies, you will come across a lot of it, but moreso, in your daily life--at the store, even in church, etc, your daughter will be exposed to the whole world, while still under your suupervision and influence. As for forming her own opinions, you could certainly be praying that she become a godly young woman. I would not be worrying too much, though...you know what the Bible says about that.[;)]



creationtalk -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/24/2008 9:35:35 AM)

quote:

I'm going to be homeschooling her which is not an easy task when I'm a corrections officer and work long hours.


I can relate to this. I work in operations support (on call and shift work...sometimes up to 80 hours a week). I am homeschooling my 7 year old son. It is a challenge. I am not able to homeschool the way that I would prefer, but have had to make choices that make it possible for others to supplement what I do in the "core" classes--reading, language arts, and math.

quote:

My fear though is that by being my child's sole educational provider, she will be missing out on experiencing the opinions of others, as false and misguided as they may be.


I do not think you need to worry much about this. Unless you put your daughter in a bubble and never let her out, she will be exposed more things than you would ever want just walking through WalMart. As her instructor/teacher, you can use these things as teachable moments. I have always had "Christian" caregivers for my son. Yet in some of these homes he has seen movies or learned things that I do not approve.

At his father's house my son is exposed to all sorts of things that I would rather he never see...and it's worse because at his father's house these things are "OK". I have regular discussions with my son about "Well my daddy lets me do it..."

quote:

I fear, that by exposing her to social standards and beliefs outside of our own, she will begin to form her own opinions on these things that are outside what I am teaching her and what the Lord demands. She is exceptionally bright (I know, everyone's own child is right? ) and is already showing signs of thinking independently on issues a five year old typically just doesn't acknowledge.


I thought that you were afraid that you couldn't expose her to enough... The sad truth is you cannot keep her from forming her own opinions. What you need to do is give her a strong REASON foundation for your beliefs and teach her to form her own opinions based on foundational truth. You want your daughter to be able to reason and form her own opinions; you DO NOT want to condition her to follow the current "authority" without question. Think about 20 years from now.

quote:

I am especially concerned with a Muslim family that has taken up residence with a neighbor a few houses down. She began asking me about Mohammad this past evening (that's what sparked this thread btw) and a chill ran down my spine!


The Islamic faith has many logical inconsistencies and other problems. You can explain them in simple terms for your daughter. You do not need to go into to much detail because for now she WILL look to you as the final authority. I have done this with my son when he has asked questions...my son and I have discussed world governments, the war in Iraq, all in simple terms, with the discussions arising from questions my son has asked.

I am very sorry for the loss of your wife. Your feelings are completely natural and I cannot begin to imagine how it feels to lose a beloved spouse that way. However, before you apply an intense hatred to Islam on account of that (not saying that hatred/feeling of repugnance is wrong), consider this: if you had lost your wife in a battle where the opponents were Christian (Consider WWI and WWII) would you hate Christianity? There are many valid, removed from emotion, reasons why Islam is bad...use these to teach you daughter and as Jesus encouraged, do your best to separate the sin from the sinner. People who follow Islam are as in need of Christ as any of us.

quote:

I guess my real question here is will my 'closed-mindedness' (can you believe someone actually called me that?) to popular culture and the outside world have a negative effect on my child even if it is inline with the word of the Lord, our God?


No. If anything it will help protect her.


I have faced many of your struggles. When my marriage ended, I was told by a respected Christian counselor that I would need to remarry to provide a "Godly male role model" for my son. I was devastated. I had NO prospects, didn't trust my judgment when it came to men and I was being told that my son would not be Godly if I didn't remarry? Upshot was over the next few months, God brought a family into my life that were my son's caregivers for the next 7 months. My son got to see how a healthy family relates to each other. God showed me clearly that He didn't need my help in providing a Godly male role model for my son.

My role is to be the best "Mama" I can, teach my son about God, teach him to weigh statements against the truth of God's word. I have no guarantees, none of us do. All we can do is our best, pray, and trust God with the rest.



ritzysmom -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/29/2008 11:39:47 AM)

I am sorry for the loss of your wife. My husband is on his 3rd tour in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
If you are the devout Christian you claim to be, you must find it in your heart to forgive those who caused your wife's death. Christ himself said of those who crucified Him, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Those who we are fighting against in the war on terror have been misled by teachers of their faith who have been misled by the 'father of all lies", Satan. We are called to love our enemies and pray for them.
We are also commissioned to go unto all the earth and spread the Good News of Christs forgiveness. That starts with your next door neighbor and includes the Islamic family down the street. I'm not saying you have to be buddy-buddy with them and with your daughter only being 5, you might limit her contact. But maintain your grounding in Christ, teach her the Truth, answer her questions without hate or malice, only with truth, that their religion was started by Satan appearing as an 'angel of light' and deceiving a man (2 Corinthians 11:14). There are booklets to that I have found at Christian bookstores that compare and contrast Islam and Christianity and show how to counter the errors of Islam to witness to them. I think that would be a great resource for you to answer your daughters questions. I keep small booklets like that on several cults and religions in my home as we have had more than a few encounters with Wiccans during my husband's Army career.
As young as she is, she does need the grounding right now, but as she grows older and has that grounding, she will be able to "be in the world, but not of the world" where she will take what you have taught her in her youth and share it with others and stand her ground and not depart from it. You cannot shelter her forever or she will be completely lost as an adult. But you can choose when and how she find out about certain topics, and present the Christian truth about those things. That is my problem with public school is that some topics (like homosexuality) are presented to kids before they even understand normal relations and before they even need to think about them.
Sometimes it isn't even the world that brings them those topics, I've had to do some fast thinking and talking in the car when listening to Christian radio and a PSA was made about abortion rallies---and my daughter was only 6 and asking me what an abortion is. It was a very hard topic to broach because my husband I had infertility problems for a very long time and had suffered a miscarriage that same year. She understood the miscarriage I had as we had explained it to her when it happened, so I used it as a reference. Needless to say she cried over the explanation and later times when we heard those same PSAs I'd try to turn them down where she wouldn't hear them, but if I didn't catch it she would ask why someone would do such a thing to their baby. Some of those teachable moments are very hard, but they really stick in their minds as they grow up.
I wish you God's strength in raising and teaching your little girl.



RJR_fan -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/30/2008 7:05:29 AM)

quote:

I simply don't trust the secular school system, and even the religious academies in the area don't teach to the standards of our personal brand of faith. Like most homeschoolers, I have very strong, set opinions on how the world works and how my children should be taught!


Well, since God entrusted this precious child to your care, He evidently considers your perspective worth transmitting! Just embrace the responsibility of trusting your beliefs enough to raise your child in them, unapologetically. And trust God enough to correct for any "errors of transmission."

Then, expose her to other folks in controlled situations -- ballet classes, for example. Around the family dinner table. There's no big hurry, here. It's like teaching her to ride a bicycle -- at first, you are holding her upright, then you are running alongside, then she's on her own. (I don't believe in training wheels, BTW!)

quote:

I am especially concerned with a Muslim family that has taken up residence with a neighbor a few houses down.


My daughters, 10 and 12, cherish our Turkish Muslim friends, charming young grad students here for a few years. We met them through the university's "language partners program." Students come here wanting to earn an American degree, and to make American friends. This is an amazing evangelistic opportunity. Muslims are far more impressed by wholesome, hospitable families than they are by our propaganda. Our situations are not the same -- my girls are older, for example, and I like studying foreign languages.

Still, this might be a providential opportunity. People around the world assume, based on Hollywood's exports, that Americans hold God and family in contempt. Discovering that most of us love God, family, and neighbors, is a real eye-opener for them.

Perhaps (and I am overly opinionated, so take this observation with a grain of salt!) -- your daughter has two divinely provided opportunities to achieve greatness: a father with firm convictions, and non-Christian friends to love, pray for, and understand.



timf -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (5/30/2008 10:56:54 AM)

My fear though is that by being my child's sole educational provider, she will be missing out on experiencing the opinions of others, as false and misguided as they may be.

If you want an almost limitless supply of false and contrary opinion, purchase a television set. I would recommend against letting a child view it without you to explain what is really happening.

You can ask your daughter to explain why people are shouting, lying, and striving for attention. You can explain what motivates people to be actors or why programs are designed to grab attention.

Satan uses TV to imprint on the minds of the pliable the pattern of the world he is trying to form. We can use his unending barrage to examine his motives, tactics, and objectives.



judii1 -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (6/9/2008 1:23:12 PM)

Sooner or later, your daughter will run into lots of things that aren't right.
You aren't going to shield her from everything, but you can teach her about what is right or wrong BEFORE she runs into it.
We taught Ds about evolution and how it doesn't fit into God's design. He knows about homosexuality and what happened at Sodom. He has a good idea of what happens when people decide to have sex before marriage, because he has seen what happens to the children in these relationships.
You can't hide what's happening out in the world or at the house next door, but it you use examples to guide her and teach what is right and wrong according to the Bible. All we can do is teach them and pray they make the right choices when they are grown.



MrsDC -> RE: How can I account for opinion and still raise a child in His teachings? (6/15/2008 12:09:04 AM)

Ditto what Timf just said.

I must say that I didn't read all of the prior posts -- just skimmed. My first response was similar to Timf's. Unless you decide to hide in the hills [;)], you'll be bumping into people all the time who hold slightly to vastly different ideas about faith, life and the reason for it all every day of your life. You may be the only person buying the books and pencils, but you won't be her only source of education. Kids are sponges and they'll soak up learning from every source they come into contact with. Your main job is to teach her how to filter what she's learning so that she knows right from wrong and good from bad.

My recommendation as a mom of two girls (and 4 boys) is #1 -- to keep your communication lines open about all topics. Don't let there ever be a topic you can't talk about together (that will include friends, nailpolish, make-up and tampons...prepare yourself!). #2 -- Don't ever stop praying together -- morning, noon and night (and in between) and #3 -- Don't do spend-the-nights. (I just lost half the people who were nodding in agreement with #1 and #2.) I hold firmly, though, that my kids need to be home at night. Unless there's some "extenuating circumstance", we don't let our kids sleep over. There's too much room for error there. It's just a soapbox I have!

Hope that was somewhat helpful!

-- Rebecca



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