Sexual abuse in the church (Full Version)

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Pastor-Dale -> Sexual abuse in the church (5/26/2008 9:03:58 AM)

When it comes to the revolting issue of sexual abuse, far too many christians take comfort in the fact that they are not an abuser nor have they condoned or excused such behavior. But if we know Jesus Christ as our Savior we are a part of the body of Christ. When this sin occurs within the body of Christ, we are all affected by it. IN "Daniel 9:4,5"Daniel prayed and confessed the sin of Israel as though it were his own sin. It seems to me that at a time when we should be broken over this sin, that there is a great deal of pride and arrogance, and a relunctance to deal with this sin. But is that not what Paul had to address in "1Cor.5:1,2". Paul rebuked them because of their pride and for the fact that they had not mourned over this sin. We are so busy debating the technicalities of the issues surrounding this sin that we have not taken time to mourn. I believe we as the body of Christ need to seek the forgiveness of those, whose lives have been ravaged by this sin.

Certainly christians are not responsible for all sexual abuse, this seems to be acrossed the board. But we can not escape the fact that this sin lies at our feet as well. Many churches and ministries seem to think that because they screen their employees and counsel the victims that come for help, that they are somehow dealing with the sin. The problem with that is they are only dealing with the tip of the iceburg. Statistics are showing that the vast majority of cases go unreported. So even if we take every case that becomes public, and handle it biblically, but refuse to take additional steps to deal with this sin in our churches, sunday schools and christian colleges etc., we will have little impact on this issue. We need to all, as the body of Christ, come to grips with this issue. Either we are a part of the solution or we are a part of the problem.
speakingtruthinlove.org
Dale



rcjames -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (5/26/2008 9:34:45 AM)

Did you have any specifics in mind, or were you just pointing out what you consider to be a problem.

Thanks
RC



GrahamCracker -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (5/29/2008 1:21:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

Did you have any specifics in mind, or were you just pointing out what you consider to be a problem.

Thanks
RC



I wish the OP had posted some sort of question as a good jumping off place for conversation and discussion. He seems to me to have raised some excellent points.

Would anyone like to post their comments or some reflection upon his words??



zamdad -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (5/29/2008 1:47:34 PM)

Seems like this topic comes up once a year or so. It's a problems that exists everywhere. Perhaps it comes up here when it comes up in a particular church somewhere.

I've posted on this topic at length because of my experience in working with sex offenders. OUr tendency as a church, or even a society, is to react in 911 mode; when something happens. Yet, we live in a sexually saturated culture. We have the opportunity daily to address deviant sexual thinking when talking with others. yet, all too often we laugh with those who tell their coarse jokes, we affirm deviant sexual thought when we don't stop someone from describing what they'd like to do that other person. We rely on background checks to weed out perpetrators not understanding that background checks are designed to catch only those who've already been caught.

We ahve to understand that those who perpetrate on others for personal sexual gratification are masters at building relationships with people. They gain the complete trust of their victims families and friends. They know how to manipulate their victim into thinking that they (the victim) is responsible and convincing familiy members that it was the victim's fault. We, the church, are all to easily manipulated by these perpetrators because we want to be "loving" to everyone and we don't want to be accused of being judgmental.



GrahamCracker -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (5/29/2008 3:03:16 PM)

zambad,

I get reminded on occasion about how serious my demeanor is. Sexual innuendo is so commonplace that I would have to stop conversion four times an hour if I stopped people from talking about it. Then conversations with me would be so depressing, I would have no friends.


It happens so much that I get jaded. I am not as shocked about it as I used to be. Do you have any suggestions as to how to have conversations where this doesn't happen? One problem with me is that I am sometimes so slow on the uptake that I miss some of the subtle innuendo that comes by. It's easier to ignore it. I have been told by some coworkers that the conversation intentionally got course just for my benefit.



zamdad -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (5/30/2008 2:35:26 AM)

quote:

Sexual innuendo is so commonplace that I would have to stop conversion four times an hour if I stopped people from talking about it. Then conversations with me would be so depressing, I would have no friends.


Larry, I wish I had a simple answer for you. I completely understand your feeling on this. I too, all too frequently, don't live up to my own standard. MOst often it depends on howwell I know someone before I speak up about sexual comment/inuendo. A coupleof years ago I returned to school. Most of my classmates were young enough to be my own kids. One kid in particular (the class president) was always making some sort of sexual comment to get a laugh out of the rest of the class. I finally told him one day that I did not find his comments humorous and that his sexual jocularity was going to get him in a lot of trouble someday once he enters his career (law enforcement). After he and I had a chance to discuss the matter in private, he thanked me for speaking my mind and said that he had never given thought to how others might perceive it differently than him.

However, when I am with men from my church or with the youth group kids, the professional training kicks in and I begin to ask questions as to where that thought is coming from.



Pastor-Dale -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (5/31/2008 10:55:27 AM)

Zamdad

Thank you for your post, everything that you said was right on the money. I have been in the ministry for 25 years and even though I knew what my father-in-law, who was a minister at the time, had done to my wife when she was a child, I thought that this was somethting that seldom happens in the Body of Christ. We were very niave about this sin and the patterns of offenders. You mentioned in your thread that people have the 911 mentality, I must confess that this was true of us. It took another child being molested to wake us up. We started doing some serious research and talking to many people which caused us to realize that this sin is not only happening in the church but that it is prevelent. We feel that God is calling us to speak out against this sin and to help churches see the various issues surrounding this sin in light of scripture. As I look back and wonder how in the world I could have missed something so obvious, I think one of the reasons is that I had never heard anyone preach a sermon or teach a class dealing with this sin. We as Christians grew up in an age where no one would talk about the raping and molesting of children. Oh there would be the occational story in the paper of some vile person who had harmed a child, but family members, upstanding citizins, church members and even church leaders, almost no one would dare talk about that.

My wife's story is posted on our web site, http://speakingtruthinlove.org,
Every church needs to begin a dialogue on this issue. Talking about this sin may not seem all that important, but it is the first step in a long journey that the church must take if we are to ever have the Blessing of God again. We must teach Biblical ways to deal with offenders and how to help victims heal. We did a pastors conference on March 13 in the Albany area and we hope to schedeul more speaking engagements in the future.

Pastor Dale



Pastor-Dale -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (6/13/2008 4:40:47 PM)

Dear friend in ministry

Faith and I just returned from our first Southern Baptist Convention in Indianapolis. We were very please with the convention as a whole and especially with the executive committee's report against sexual abuse. The good news is that we are seeing in some ministries a willingness to begin speaking out on this subject. The bad news is that we as the Body of Christ have to deal with this evil at all.
I received an email this morning from someone who is involved in a ministry that helps victims of sexual abuse. She stated in her email that the world is actually ahead of the church in the fight against sexual abuse. It is hard to believe that the raping and molesting of children is going on in the Christian community.

Every church in america needs to take a number of practical steps to help deal with this sin. They need to do background checks on all helpers and employees. They need to have guidelines in place for dealing with offenders and helping victims. They need to use a good Biblical curriculum in their sunday school classes that deals with this issue. They need to speak out from the pulpit on this sin as well.

Please understand that these steps are only the beginning of a long journey that we must take if we are to ever truly regain God's blessing and the credibility that we need to have before a lost world.

If our ministry can help in any way please contact us at (607) 359-4366 or visit us at http://speakingtruthinlove.org. Thank you.

Pastor-Dale



cow451 -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (6/16/2008 4:40:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pastor-Dale

Dear friend in ministry

Faith and I just returned from our first Southern Baptist Convention in Indianapolis. We were very please with the convention as a whole and especially with the executive committee's report against sexual abuse. The good news is that we are seeing in some ministries a willingness to begin speaking out on this subject. The bad news is that we as the Body of Christ have to deal with this evil at all.
Pastor-Dale


The bad news is also that the SBC rejected setting up a sex offender registry. The committee recommends churches screen applicants. Wooooooooo, stepping out on a limb there. [:@]



doinkdom -> RE: Sexual abuse in the church (6/16/2008 5:05:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pastor-Dale

When it comes to the revolting issue of sexual abuse, far too many christians take comfort in the fact that they are not an abuser nor have they condoned or excused such behavior. But if we know Jesus Christ as our Savior we are a part of the body of Christ. When this sin occurs within the body of Christ, we are all affected by it. IN "Daniel 9:4,5"Daniel prayed and confessed the sin of Israel as though it were his own sin. It seems to me that at a time when we should be broken over this sin, that there is a great deal of pride and arrogance, and a relunctance to deal with this sin. But is that not what Paul had to address in "1Cor.5:1,2". Paul rebuked them because of their pride and for the fact that they had not mourned over this sin. We are so busy debating the technicalities of the issues surrounding this sin that we have not taken time to mourn. I believe we as the body of Christ need to seek the forgiveness of those, whose lives have been ravaged by this sin.

Certainly christians are not responsible for all sexual abuse, this seems to be acrossed the board. But we can not escape the fact that this sin lies at our feet as well. Many churches and ministries seem to think that because they screen their employees and counsel the victims that come for help, that they are somehow dealing with the sin. The problem with that is they are only dealing with the tip of the iceburg. Statistics are showing that the vast majority of cases go unreported. So even if we take every case that becomes public, and handle it biblically, but refuse to take additional steps to deal with this sin in our churches, sunday schools and christian colleges etc., we will have little impact on this issue. We need to all, as the body of Christ, come to grips with this issue. Either we are a part of the solution or we are a part of the problem.
speakingtruthinlove.org
Dale


[&:] I'm not responsible nor accountable to God for someone else's sin. I am responsible/accountable for my response to being sinned against.

I do think this is an issue within many churches, I believe there are many women and men who have suffered at the hands of someone sexually. Do I think that we, as part of the Body, should treat this any different than any other sin...not so much. I get that if it was from a person employed by the church, then there are legal and moral obligations different than other places.

Do I think that those who have been victimized have a safe place to be restored to God...absolutely.

I just feel caution in my spirit when we suggest elevating one sin above or below or make it worse than any other. Making it the potential sole focus of a ministry that should be first and foremost teaching and caring for people as God's vessel here on earth. There are so many in pain and hurting and not everyone has suffered in the same way.

I was a "victim" as a child, too so please don't misunderstand this post to be callous or suggesting that we do nothing.

There are many para-church ministries out there with a sole focus of child abuse, etc.

IMO, the past of suffering I have had happened so that I may grow through the restoration process and then turn around and reach out to other women so they may have hope in Christ. Not hope in another program or seminar.



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