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Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 1:18:28 PM
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cherryfly
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I was just wondering what men think about shy, quiet women. I am one of those...I tend to be very quiet and usually can't think of anything to say when I'm around other people. I realize this means a breakdown in communication, but I was just wondering if men in general don't like that in a woman? I'm eighteen and I don't know of anyone who has ever been interested in me...it makes me wonder if that is the problem?
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 2:38:30 PM
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vikingfan
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It depends. I am good friends with some of those girls BUT a lot depends on how you react when guys try to be your friend. Usually, if we try getting to know you, we like to know that you feel the same way. I have no trouble with it in a girl so long as she is willing to open up once I get to know her. Nothing earth-shattering, mind you, but just willing to share about her day, etc.
It's not about whether one is quiet and shy, it's about someone being willing to be friendly when someone is friendly to you. Otherwise, if a guy tries to be friendly and doesn't get the time of day, he'll move on quickly. I have no idea if you do that or not, just giving my 2 cents.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 3:19:26 PM
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cherryfly
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I do try to be friendly...it just seems once people know I'm not very talkative they just start ignoring me. Part of it may be my fault...maybe I come off as unfriendly? But I have no guys friends at all...and none have ever even approached me to try to be friends.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 3:19:39 PM
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Locke
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^ amen vikingfan. My girlfriend was shy when we first met too, but she was sociable. You don't have to be perky to get noticed, by hiding in corners doesn't work very well either. I've tried to pursue that kind of girl before - I got frustrated and gave up. While being mild and intellectual are positive qualities, timid and awkward are not. They tell guys that you're not ready for a real relationship just yet.
I used to be very shy as well - i'd advise keeping the pros of that (listening to people & understanding them) while trying to grow out of the cons (isolating yourself from people and / or being rude by ignoring friendly advances).
Like vikingfan said, - not trying to claim I know you or to be rude, this is just my experience with girls.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 3:20:53 PM
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Locke
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I'd also add that guys like to feel like they're worth the effort to get to know - are you giving them the attention that you desire for yourself?
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 3:24:34 PM
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cherryfly
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Thank you...I appreciate the input!
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 7:14:04 PM
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humbleinspirit
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Well you are young, so I would give yourself some time.
In general, as long as I am not pulling teeth trying to carry on a conversation, I do not mind much at all.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 7:26:22 PM
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figmentPez
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There are at least two major types of shy girls I've run into.
One type is responsive, at least to some degree, when you pay attention to them. They're capable of holding a conversation if someone makes the effort to talk with them. I have no problem with this type of girl. I've been told that I'm good at drawing out shy people. I don't know about that, I just like people, and asking questions, and I listen... well, when I'm not caught up in talking myself. My middle sister is this type of shy, at least around people she doesn't know. (Around family and close friends, she's got a sharp wit, and is a good story teller.)
The other type of shyness is the type where it seems to be fear based. I don't like this type of shyness. I can't handle talking with someone who acts like I'm planning to cause them harm. I haven't met that many people like this, thankfully, but it creeps me out. If you pressed me, I'm not sure I could give you specific examples of what a girl does to give me this impression, but it's not something I like dealing with.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/26/2008 9:00:58 PM
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Locke
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^ I'd like to amen this post. Good call, figmentPez.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 7:28:08 AM
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beyond
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I think shy is cute.
Much much better than loud and boisterous, and overly opinionated!
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:04:13 PM
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d1sturbanc3
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I have the same issue. I like this shy girl. I asked her out to lunch once. She didn't eat that much. I asked to buy her lunch and hang out (especially when I'm new to an area and don't have many friend). She ignores me. We like the same music, and I was hoping she would tell me about local concerts and stuff, but I got too frustrated to talk to her. I would say hi to her, and she wouldn't even respond (or say loud enough) for me hear. That was about a month ago.
I found other people to talk and hang and do stuff with, so I'm not as lonely now. She kind annoyed me. I never had that problems when befriending people before. I'm a friendly guy, and back at college (I just grad couple of month ago), I had a bunch of cool friends which did a lot of stuff with
How do you deal with people like that except to ignore them. I mean she's cool b/c she has a beautiful voice and play multiple instruments. I play the guitar and keyboard, but she's not that friendly. I mean I didn't really ask her for a relationship. I just want to hang out with people and being in a new area with no family or friends sucks.
< Message edited by d1sturbanc3 -- 5/27/2008 3:17:27 PM >
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:12:41 PM
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Locke
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quote:
ORIGINAL: d1sturbanc3
How do you deal with people like that except to ignore them. I mean she's cool b/c she has a beautiful voice and play multiple instruments. I play the guitar and keyboard, but she's not that friendly.
In my experience, that depends mostly upon how often she pops up in your life.
If she goes to your church or is somehow popping into your life on a regular basis, I would suggest treating her with respect and polite courtesy regardless of whether or not she is mature enough to return it.
If you have to go out of your way to involve her in your life, maybe you'd best take a step back and see what happens. I've never had any success pursuing that kind of girl. She seems to have issues that she needs to work through with a female mentor or friends before she can be worrying about male relationships, IMO.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:15:53 PM
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cherryfly
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quote:
ORIGINAL: d1sturbanc3
I have the same issue. I like this shy girl. I asked her out to lunch once. She didn't eat that much. I asked to buy her lunch and hang out (especially when I'm new to an area and don't have many friend). She ignores me. We like the same music, and I was hoping she would tell me about local concerts and stuff, but I got too frustrated to talk to her. I would say hi to her, and she wouldn't even respond (or say loud enough) for me hear. That was about a month ago.
I found other people to talk and hang and do stuff with, so I'm not as lonely now. She kind annoyed me. I never had that problems when befriending people before. I'm a friendly guy, and back at college, I had a bunch of cool friends.
How do you deal with people like that except to ignore them. I mean she's cool b/c she has a beautiful voice and play multiple instruments. I play the guitar and keyboard, but she's not that friendly.
It's rather interesting...there are many types of personalities and quiet people are one of them. And there are different kinds of quiet people...and some just don't warm up at all, I guess. In the past, I've possibly ignored people...just because I don't know how to respond! Sometimes we don't say anything thinking we'll come off as an idiot. So that may be one reason. I actually think the quietness (at least for me) stems from some sort of insecurity. Of course, we are just quiet naturally, to some extent, but I think there are some insecurity feelings that make us quiet too.
For example, one reason why I don't speak a lot is because I have a lisp in my speech...I still struggle with saying th's, sh's, and mix up my r's, w's, and l's at times. And that just makes me feel...well, retarded! I mean, only toddlers should be struggling with words like that...so maybe that is one reason. I really hate telling people (even though I feel it's obvious).
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:16:23 PM
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d1sturbanc3
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Yea she goes to the church which I'm currently at. There isn't too many singles that are my age. She's the only one close to my age. She sings on the worship band. I do sound for them. I'm not asking her to be my girlfriend or anything. I just want to know where are some good concerts/places to eat/places to volunteer. I been here for couple of month in a new state for a really great job.
I had a bunch of close friends, and graduation and this new job/grad school ripped me away from them. It's kind of tough and lonely period of my life.
< Message edited by d1sturbanc3 -- 5/27/2008 3:28:20 PM >
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:19:20 PM
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d1sturbanc3
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cherryfly
For example, one reason why I don't speak a lot is because I have a lisp in my speech...I still struggle with saying th's, sh's, and mix up my r's, w's, and l's at times. And that just makes me feel...well, retarded! I mean, only toddlers should be struggling with words like that...so maybe that is one reason. I really hate telling people (even though I feel it's obvious).
If she goes to your church or is somehow poppi
I do the same thing... I'm confident enough to make fun of self though. I stutter and can't talk and stuff like that and sound like an idiot. But I really don't care... People can laugh at me all they want. I like it when friends poke fun at me... b/c then I can poke fun at them back.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:19:43 PM
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Locke
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quote:
For example, one reason why I don't speak a lot is because I have a lisp in my speech...I still struggle with saying th's, sh's, and mix up my r's, w's, and l's at times. And that just makes me feel...well, retarded! I mean, only toddlers should be struggling with words like that...so maybe that is one reason. I really hate telling people (even though I feel it's obvious).
It's good that you recognize that about yourself - but don't let that hold you down! Learn to laugh about your shortcomings. Everyone has some sort of significant flaw, whether it be physical, mental, verbal, whatever. We all have something. Anyone who makes fun of you for that is a moron, and really shouldn't be taken seriously. You just gotta wonder what huge flaw they're hiding that they're so insecure about yours.
If you are saved, you have freedom in Christ - go forth in boldness! Remember, you are a child of the Most High, and in Him there is no shame.
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:33:14 PM
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freakofnature
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My wife, at one point, when we first met, was very shy and quiet. She is from another country and did not speak english fluently which made it somewhat even more difficult. It was an immediate connection for us tho! I mean, she was shy and quiet but in that there was beauty and peace. Once we started to get to know each other, she was able to open up more so and over time she has learned to communicate well even with others outside her circle. She was new to my church, in otherwords, she started attending my church once we met... it was somewhat difficult for her to get out of a comfort zone of sitting right next to me and not having to speak with various people. Since then, I have had to replace the previous bass player on the worship team and that forced my wife to sit mostly by herself (or without me) and has really caused her to open up and now she is a very active person in our church. So I guess with all of that said, there are guys out there that tend to appreciate the shy quiet type and it may not always be that way for you, once you meet that right person, you may be suprised how much you open up to him. (P.S. we met and got married when I was 30 and she was 33, so don't rush anything)
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:40:33 PM
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d1sturbanc3
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quote:
ORIGINAL: freakofnature
So I guess with all of that said, there are guys out there that tend to appreciate the shy quiet type and it may not always be that way for you, once you meet that right person, you may be suprised how much you open up to him.
Do you guys think I should continue trying to talk to this girl then? I mean I never got a "no I'm not interested" or "I have a bf" from her. She just seem to stop communicating. Or rather, I have initialize all the conversations. I don't have a problem with rejection. It's only when I don't get communication that drives me nuts. I like shy girls. I don't like those people who tend to dominate conversations.
< Message edited by d1sturbanc3 -- 5/27/2008 3:47:14 PM >
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:50:56 PM
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freakofnature
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quote:
d1sturbanc3 said:
I asked to buy her lunch and hang out (especially when I'm new to an area and don't have many friend). She ignores me.
Well I think your answer to the last question relates the above response? I mean does she flatly ignore you and turn her head and walk away, or is it more of a lack of giving you a yes or no and she just changes the conversation????
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:51:30 PM
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Locke
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As I said in Post #13, it depends on her involvement in your life. Which of those options is more like your case?
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:53:49 PM
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d1sturbanc3
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quote:
ORIGINAL: freakofnature
quote:
d1sturbanc3 said:
I asked to buy her lunch and hang out (especially when I'm new to an area and don't have many friend). She ignores me.
Well I think your answer to the last question relates the above response? I mean does she flatly ignore you and turn her head and walk away, or is it more of a lack of giving you a yes or no and she just changes the conversation????
I called her and she didn't return my call. A week later I gave her a facebook message. She ignored my part of getting together for lunch. But responded that she should come to worship practice b/c she made the whole band sound 10X better.
Sorry. To clarify.. I was encouraging her to come music practice, and I complimented her and how she makes the entire band sound better. She responded to that, but ignored my request to grab lunch.
< Message edited by d1sturbanc3 -- 5/27/2008 4:09:11 PM >
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RE: Quiet, shy girls - 5/27/2008 3:54:54 PM
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freakofnature
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Locke
As I said in Post #13, it depends on her involvement in your life. Which of those options is more like your case?
I guess I didn't read all of the post, I thought I had, sorry, I agree with Locke here.
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