RE: Quiet, shy girls (Full Version)

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freakofnature -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 3:57:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: d1sturbanc3

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakofnature

quote:

d1sturbanc3 said:
I asked to buy her lunch and hang out (especially when I'm new to an area and don't have many friend). She ignores me.


Well I think your answer to the last question relates the above response? I mean does she flatly ignore you and turn her head and walk away, or is it more of a lack of giving you a yes or no and she just changes the conversation????


I called her and she didn't return my call. A week later I gave her a facebook message. She ignored my part of getting together for lunch. But responded that she should come to worship practice b/c she made the whole band sound 10X better.

quote:

But responded that she should come to worship practice b/c she made the whole band sound 10X better.



Unless she is trying to be funny here or sarcastic... I thnk I'd move on.



d1sturbanc3 -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 3:57:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Locke

As I said in Post #13, it depends on her involvement in your life. Which of those options is more like your case?


I run the sound and tech stuff for the worship band (though I rather place on the band.. that's another discussion). I see here at the church. I would say hi to her try to involve her in the conversations since she is shy and doesn't talk that much.

I tried to involve her outside the church by a lunch thing since her campus is close to my campus. So a little of both.



freakofnature -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 3:58:59 PM)

With comments like "I make the whole band 10x's better" she doesn't sound all that shy to me??? Just me tho.



d1sturbanc3 -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 3:59:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakofnature

quote:

But responded that she should come to worship practice b/c she made the whole band sound 10X better.



Unless she is trying to be funny here or sarcastic... I thnk I'd move on.



Sorry think you miss understood. I told her that. She missed couple of music practices. I was encouraging her to come. She is the best female vocal singer we have.
I told her that she makes the worship band sound 10X better.



d1sturbanc3 -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 4:00:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakofnature

With comments like "I make the whole band 10x's better" she doesn't sound all that shy to me??? Just me tho.



she's not when it comes to music and singing and playing guitar/piano. But she doesn't join in any group conversations. She's doesn't talk that much (or maybe just around me).



freakofnature -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 4:02:08 PM)

My mistake.. Sorry dude!
[:@][:(][&:]



Locke -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 4:04:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakofnature

With comments like "I make the whole band 10x's better" she doesn't sound all that shy to me??? Just me tho.



Agreed - we need more info to truly get the whole picture, but I would advise backing down and praying about this one. I'd just be polite and treat her like any other member there - nothing more, nothing less.

Sometimes shy girls need a good excuse to bust out of their shells - if you're calling in after them, they may not have the opportunity to do that. Furthermore, she may be trying to subtly tell you that she isn't interested by not responding to that part of your e-mail. Saying "I'm not interested" in a hard thing for most people to do. They don't always know how to say it, and don't want to hurt your feelings.

Furthermore, as I said - she may just have some growing up to do.



freakofnature -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 4:07:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Locke

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakofnature

With comments like "I make the whole band 10x's better" she doesn't sound all that shy to me??? Just me tho.



Agreed - we need more info to truly get the whole picture, but I would advise backing down and praying about this one. I'd just be polite and treat her like any other member there - nothing more, nothing less.

Sometimes shy girls need a good excuse to bust out of their shells - if you're calling in after them, they may not have the opportunity to do that. Furthermore, she may be trying to subtly tell you that she isn't interested by not responding to that part of your e-mail. Saying "I'm not interested" in a hard thing for most people to do. They don't always know how to say it, and don't want to hurt your feelings.

Furthermore, as I said - she may just have some growing up to do.



In agreement here... d1sturbanc3, sorry my friend, it may just need more time... I think, yes, treating her like a musician and friend may be to only way at this point, and yes, maybe she is one of those types of people that don't know how to say no??? But if it is God's will, then I pray God's will be done on God's time? Be encouraged tho...



d1sturbanc3 -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 4:08:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Locke

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakofnature

With comments like "I make the whole band 10x's better" she doesn't sound all that shy to me??? Just me tho.



Agreed - we need more info to truly get the whole picture, but I would advise backing down and praying about this one. I'd just be polite and treat her like any other member there - nothing more, nothing less.

Sometimes shy girls need a good excuse to bust out of their shells - if you're calling in after them, they may not have the opportunity to do that. Furthermore, she may be trying to subtly tell you that she isn't interested by not responding to that part of your e-mail. Saying "I'm not interested" in a hard thing for most people to do. They don't always know how to say it, and don't want to hurt your feelings.

Furthermore, as I said - she may just have some growing up to do.


thanks. That's what did. This entire incident happened 3-4 weeks ago. I haven't bothered her since, and I been involved in another church who had more people my age. We did some volunteer work and watched some movies and that has helped my loneliness/ lack of friends. I prayed for that, and God has answered it by a guy at work who introduced me to this church. I'll leave her alone. I know what's it's like being shy (I used to by a shy person myself). But I matured and grown.



Locke -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 4:10:54 PM)

quote:

I know what's it's like being shy (I used to by a shy person myself). But I matured and grown.


Ditto. Good for you! God bless you, bud. He's got someone for you, you just gotta wait it out. It's amazing how he just makes her show up when you least expect it. I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 22. Early compared to some here, I know, but was late from my point of reference.



d1sturbanc3 -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/27/2008 4:14:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Locke
Ditto. Good for you! God bless you, bud. He's got someone for you, you just gotta wait it out. It's amazing how he just makes her show up when you least expect it. I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 22. Early compared to some here, I know, but was late from my point of reference.


Thanks. I'm 23. I haven't really dated that much. The girls I dated was either on a rebound or just wasn't right. God has blessed me with more than I could imagine. I just hope that I make some close friends in this new area. God has taught me that my happiness and joy does not depend on whether a girl likes me or not or situations. I learned through my life that joy and happiness is a choice and depends on my only. I think that being shy and confident is choice to. I made a choice to be happy with my job and new friends. I also made a choice on to be not shy and stop worrying about what other people think of me.



lpt -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/28/2008 11:15:41 AM)

Cherryfly -- "quiet" is one thing, but "shy" is another altogether.

Oftentimes "shyness" is merely a pleasant way of saying "fearful." Oftentimes "shy" people actually suffer from what Scripture identifies as "fear of man." But Scripture challenges us not to fear man, but to fear God. When you fear man -- when you're overly concerned with what they think of you rather than what God thinks of you -- you are in fact *not* fearing God.

That said, "quiet" is not necessarily a bad quality. But "shyness" often is -- who wants to hang out with someone who's fearful of others (and consequently not "fearing God")?

If you're shy, Cherryfly, I challenge you to question your fears, to grow in overcoming them, to become more concerned with God's opinion of you rather than man's opinion of you, and to go on with a vibrant, fearless, full life. :-)

Hope that's helpful!



cherryfly -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/28/2008 2:41:39 PM)

Thanks. Like I said in an above post, one reason I am shy and don't like talking is because I have a lisp in my speech. And also I am just a very self-conscious person and I worry more than I should about what people think of me. I also tend to not speak, thinking my opinion isn't important...just insecure I guess.

I appreciate the input.



lpt -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (5/29/2008 5:26:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cherryfly

Thanks. Like I said in an above post, one reason I am shy and don't like talking is because I have a lisp in my speech. And also I am just a very self-conscious person and I worry more than I should about what people think of me. I also tend to not speak, thinking my opinion isn't important...just insecure I guess.

I appreciate the input.


Just my opinion, but I wouldn't consider a lisp to be a fault. Some guys I'm sure actually find that an attractive distinctive, something endearing. Seriously. :-)



NealIRC -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (6/5/2008 4:43:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cherryfly

I was just wondering what men think about shy, quiet women. I am one of those...I tend to be very quiet and usually can't think of anything to say when I'm around other people. I realize this means a breakdown in communication, but I was just wondering if men in general don't like that in a woman?

There's a huge difference between someone that is shy, and, someone that simply has nothing to say.

If people simply have nothing to say, they you would have to acknowledge that.

Edit: If *you* have nothing to say, then you should acknowledge that, so people don't mistaken you for shy.

quote:

I'm eighteen and I don't know of anyone who has ever been interested in me...it makes me wonder if that is the problem?

No.



aldrmctchr -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (6/13/2008 1:24:00 AM)

what do you consider overopionated and why would that bother you so much?



willfs -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (6/13/2008 9:59:48 AM)

I don't think a girl being quiet has been the reason I didn't ask her out (except when I used to be really shy. We might have been working against each other. However, even in that situation her shyness, if I percieved it as shyness and not snobbery, might have made her less intimidating and more likely for me to feel confortable around.)

The only reason a shy girl might have turned me off in the past is if I percieved it as snobbery. But even then, she might have been seen as a challenge, which might make her more appealing.

Or, like I said above, if I percieve her shyness as insecurity, then she could be less intimidating..... or less attractive because confidence can be attractive. In any case, I would say you don't nessisarily know how a guy will respond to shyness. Just my opinion.



OneJohn410 -> RE: Quiet, shy girls (6/16/2008 12:52:33 AM)

Hey Cherryfly,

quote:

ORIGINAL: cherryfly

I was just wondering what men think about shy, quiet women. I am one of those...I tend to be very quiet and usually can't think of anything to say when I'm around other people. I realize this means a breakdown in communication, but I was just wondering if men in general don't like that in a woman? I'm eighteen and I don't know of anyone who has ever been interested in me...it makes me wonder if that is the problem?


It was a dark and stormy night... (sorry, I love your Snoopy there at the keyboard)

You shared with us about a speech challenge, and when I read that feel that's got to be some hurdle to have to face each day. It's nothing to be cutesy about either, and I don't sit here to make light of it. I know you probably pull of some really intriguing pronunciations for things. That could be something to try. However, put a little trill on a word in a sentence to see if you can get a chuckle, then just explain it away. That's just something you taught yourself. Just a thought there. Don't let a challenge like that take on the name of disadvantage- put a positive on it and use it as you work to rid yourself of it.

Talking to strangers... there's always something you have in common with someone else in the same room. The room. Temperature, lighting, lengthy speaker, too noisy, punch is good, nice shoes, is that your real hair? Harmless little questions/comments like that are what quickly break ice in a setting. Now if you follow sports even a little, and really want to blow a guy away, just comment that was some game last night, and ask the guy did he see it? You'll want to know a little bit about the team, but you can listen to a response, and if someone goes on and on and doesn't introduce themselves, or can't come up for air, then something isn't all it could be there, right?

One of my favorite actors, James Earl Jones- the older voice of Darth Vader, in Field of Dreams with Kevin Costner- I've heard him admit he had and still has a stuttering problem at times. He might not be such an inspiration to you, but there's an actor that continues to practice and battle his speech challenges.

Give it a try in the privacy of your own place. Put together a sentence that uses all those little lisps in trying to say something right, then with as much seriousness as you can drum up, just pop it out with as much misplacement as you can. If you can fit that into some other short-easy to say sentences- then sandwich in the lisps and see if someone is paying attention or not. I don't know about others on this board, but I'd think you were incredibly gifted to do something like that and act like it was nothing. It's out of the ordinary, it's played off as being intentional. Something like that would remind me of a babysitter long ago who practiced and could perfom a sneeze, burp, cough, and yawn(?) I think, all in the span of maybe one second. That memory continues to impress me.

Please don't hear me saying to you that you've got to all of a sudden step out of your comfort zone and pin a guy to the wall with ten minutes of conversation. That's not it. Just don't go negative on yourself- especially not without trying to have some fun doing it- which may get rid of the negativity altogether.

OneJohn410



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