How to initiate friendship? (Full Version)

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Luv4self -> How to initiate friendship? (5/26/2008 7:08:59 PM)

Since I became saved and baptized four years ago, all the people who I considered to be "best friends" are no longer in my life. I definitely know this is God's work. I know in these past friendships, it was mostly they take and I give. So, I have met one or two people who I am very friendly with and (this sounds so childish) I want to be their friend. What should I do? It's kind of lonely all by myself...I know that the possibility of being friends with my old friends is not going to happen. They actually stop being my friend because I didn't do something they wanted. Any ideas?



mayfly -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (5/26/2008 10:42:37 PM)

I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same boat right now too. Even my parents, who I love dearly, are not in my life as much as they used to be, because they are atheists and do not support organized religion.

What I've been doing mostly is talking to people at church, and spending time with them outside of church. It's kind of like in school, you have you "in-class" friends, and your real friends. You can turn you in-class friends into real friends, but you have to make an extra effort to spend time with them outside of school.



Roberta_ -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (5/26/2008 10:53:34 PM)

I know what you mean. I moved back to this area last November. All of my Christian friends are back in Indiana. I have no real Christian friends out here yet. I have been involving myself in church as much as possible. That helps some.

BTW- hi mayfly and welcome to the forums!



IonMoon -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (5/27/2008 9:01:58 AM)

It isn't at all childish this is very common. As people get older and their lives change, friends drift apart and then they need new ones! But it isn't something we all know how to do instinctively.

But it is simple. Just say, "Do you want to come over for some coffee (or whatever)?" Or if there is an event that involves a shared interest, invite them along. They will either say yes or no! If they say no, you have lost nothing. If they say yes, you have both gained a friend!

Remember that most people actually feel the same as you. People are afraid of rejection, so they don't ask, but they often want to be asked themselves!

A couple of other things I have found that help that people wither resist or take for granted: don't be worried that you have nothing brilliant to say, because most people are more attracted to someone who listens well (And anyone can do that!); remember little things (without seeming like a stalker!) like if they say they LOVE a certain kind of candy or something; be willing to help AND accept help--people remember kindnesses done to them, but also often feel affection towards people they have been able to help (WITHOUT being a burden/pest or doormat!!).

Finding the right balance between interest and self-confidence is the key. You don't want to seem desparate and needy, but you don't want to be aloof.

Tara



Rachel_79 -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (5/27/2008 11:33:24 AM)

I agree with rainbowtvp. I would just add that it's ok to tell your church friends what has happened in your life (without sounding like you are whining) and that you are looking for some new friends. maybe they could introduce you to a group or something? I went through something similar just after college and I would joke with people that I was I had a few spots that just opened up and that I was interviewing for new friends. (Just be sure that they it is being said with a sense of humor!)



agapetos -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (5/27/2008 11:56:07 AM)

quote:

So, I have met one or two people who I am very friendly with and (this sounds so childish) I want to be their friend.

quote:


It isn't at all childish this is very common. As people get older and their lives change, friends drift apart and then they need new ones! But it isn't something we all know how to do instinctively.

But it is simple. Just say, "Do you want to come over for some coffee (or whatever)?" Or if there is an event that involves a shared interest, invite them along. They will either say yes or no! If they say no, you have lost nothing. If they say yes, you have both gained a friend!
My thoughts exactly.



imit8him -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/13/2008 7:20:55 AM)

Does your church have regularly planned social activities?

If so, you can hang out, have fun, and slowly get to know people that way. It just takes talking to people and getting to know them and having them get to know, trust, and respect you for things to progress. ...It takes a while, but you have a good righteous attitude that I know God respects. It's good your'e seeking wholesome Christian friends.

If your church does not have these activities, it may take some initiative to start them or suggest them and invite people out. Once you have something to do, you can then get to know people by talking and hanging out. [:)]

(Oh yeah, Bible studies can actually be good for that too.)



rose19 -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/13/2008 1:43:54 PM)

quote:

Since I became saved and baptized four years ago, all the people who I considered to be "best friends" are no longer in my life. I definitely know this is God's work. I know in these past friendships, it was mostly they take and I give. So, I have met one or two people who I am very friendly with and (this sounds so childish) I want to be their friend. What should I do? It's kind of lonely all by myself...I know that the possibility of being friends with my old friends is not going to happen. They actually stop being my friend because I didn't do something they wanted. Any ideas?


wow, I know what your going through! After i graduated from high school i was saved and now my non-christian friends from high school don't understand. so now I'm trying to make new friends, but I'm actually a shy person, so its been hard for me. I pray that you find some new and strong christian friends!



redeemedsaint -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/13/2008 3:15:18 PM)

Just be yourself and invite someone out to lunch at work or church. Ask God to reveal to you who you can be a friend to.



miscindy -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/14/2008 10:38:48 AM)

I was in a similar situation. My husband doesn't share my faith and we have no family or close friends here. We have neighbors we say hi to and the occaisonal cookout, but not real friends. Anyway, I prayed for a Christian friend for a long time and kept attending church. One day after the service this woman came up to me and said, "I noticed you have come back to our church. I don't even know your name, but I wanted you to know I've been praying for you." I just looked at her and tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe someone who didn't even know my name had been praying for me! I'd been needing it! Now, a year later, we've done some social things together: Christmas shopping, lunch on her patio, trip to Chicago . . . and we're getting ready to start a discipleship group together with another woman. I'm so thankful and blessed!

So, pray for friends! :)



deermousie -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/14/2008 11:30:35 AM)

It seems to be different, depending on your gender.

Two guys who watch a football game together are friends. Seems tenuous to me, but this is what I observe. So if you're a guy, get a plasma TV and invite other guys over for the game. [:)] Provide chips and soda.

If you're a gal, it's different. I'd start attending a Bible study with the other ladies at church, or the college/career group, and get involved in activities there. The possible friends will become obvious to you, and I think the cup of coffee mentioned in other posts here is a good idea, just to chat.

If there's no singles group or college/career group or ladies' Bible study, then ask around if anyone would be interested in starting one, and you lead it! Yeah, you! Go to a Chrisitan book store and find a guide for a Bible study (like, lovely godly womanhood or something that will appeal to all women, even the married ones) and you arrange the time and place (probably your place), make snacks and just read the book out loud and ask people to answer the questions. As people start coming regularly, ask different people to bring the snacks next time. Then they have to come! [:D] Throw a potluck at the end of the study and ask if they'd like to do another one, and what kind would they be interested in? If they are single, maybe plan a day trip to somewhere fun.

Meanwhile, pray like crazy and ask God to bless others through you and to bless you with friends.



preserved -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/16/2008 4:00:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: redeemedsaint

Just be yourself and invite someone out to lunch at work or church. Ask God to reveal to you who you can be a friend to.


I like this response...Get involved in church activies then ask. Be an acquaintance and let God allow the friendship...Let people get to know you before wanting to become friends so quickly...



ebony101 -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/17/2008 12:56:10 AM)

It's always a bit hard to make friends when you are new at a church. What I've discovered is that if you join one of the church groups you'll soon make friends with people in the church. Join a goup that shares a talent that you have or an interest that you like, like the choir, newsletter committee, hospitality ministry etc. - it's a really great way to start and expand your network of friends.



Cloak -> RE: How to initiate friendship? (6/17/2008 5:42:13 PM)

Another good tip is during coffee hour that proceeds the service it a great opportunity to meet friends. Although I am a shy person, when I start going to church; I would simply smile and say hello and a conversation would simply start to flow. Some people would even invite you and encourage you to join some activities in the church such as: Bible study, choir, meetings etc.

Do not stress over it, just be yourself and let nature take its course. Same principles could be applied everywhere at work, neighbourhood, public places. Most people respond to a smile and a greeting.

Blessings!



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