Why I am not married (Full Version)

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joy2give2u -> Why I am not married (5/28/2008 3:59:23 PM)

I remember a while back there was a thread which asked us why we felt we were still single and if it was because we were anti-social. Through the year or so I have been posting similar threads have appeared. Some I posted in some I did not.

As I reflect back on my life I found possibilities or reasons which seem to make sense to me as to why I was not married.

During one period of my life I thought it was because God had a lot (I mean a lot) of work to do in me before I was ready. It seems a great answer or so I thought but the problem.... is he still has a lot of work to do in me..........he will continue to have a lot of work to do in me even once I marry...........So was that really the reason?

Lately my justification has been my looks especially my weight. A while back I did a survey which asked several questions.........at the end, through God's help, I realized that deep down I really believe if I were not heavy I would be married by now. To some degrees this is true since the pool of possibilities is much slimmer for me at this weight. It takes a man with God's eyes to see past my outside to who I am inside.........but is that really the reason?

This weekend I found out the reason. As soon as God spoke it to me, through a friend, I knew without a doubt it was truth.

I have debated sharing here. I have been advised it may not be wise.

Yet I have to share.

God won't let me rest until I do.........for I know many will read what I write, disagree and find fault..........this is not written for those of you who God does not speak to through it.........but there is someone........who I don't know who God wants to hear what I experienced.

I am asking each reader to take a moment and pray before continuing. Please pray for God to open your ears to hear His heart through my words. That is my prayer as I write this.........that whoever it is who God wants to hear will hear clearly what God is saying........what he said to me.

I am going to take a moment to gather my thoughts and pray before continuing. If after reading this post you do not feel what I have to share is for you then feel free to not read the next post..........



joy2give2u -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 4:35:10 PM)

This weekend I spent quite a bit of one on one time with an amazing woman of God. This is a woman, though I don't know well, her walk with God speaks loudly as well as the wisdom and power God's gives her to speak into the lives of others.

As we were driving home, after watching a most amazing sunset,(see avatar) we were discussing our family relationship. I was sharing about my mother and how hard it was for me to forgive her for the past pain and brokenness she had passed on to us girls through her choices.

I was sharing how I had to come to the point of asking forgiveness from her for my thoughts and anger towards her. I realized that it was not her mistakes which were holding me in bondage and keeping me from freedom but my unforgiveness.

I shared with my new friend, how between the age of 22 and 27 I vowed I would never allow a man to get close enough to me for me to hurt him. I vowed I would never get married......because I believed, with all my heart, if I allowed a man to fall in love with me I would hurt him......and there was no way....NO WAY....I was going to be the cause of such pain in another..........after all everyone kept telling me I was just like my mother and that is what she did.........she hurt my father and she hurt us girls...

Every man I dated I considered a "friend" making it very clear to him that we would only be friends. If I started to have feelings for a gentleman I stopped dating him and if I felt he was developing feelings for me I pushed him away.

As I was talking and sharing, my friend became quiet, contemplative and prayerful.

She asked me.

Dawn have you ever repented of your vow and asked for forgiveness from the Lord. Have you asked him to remove the vow you made?

I was like what? What do you mean.......I don't still believe what I felt then.......I do not believe that I am my mother's daughter in the since that if I marry I will hurt the man. I don't still act the same way and it is no longer my belief. I want to get married now........

I told her I don't push men away anymore and am more then open to marriage.....this all happened a long time ago and I was no longer intentionally keeping men at a distance.

She began to explain.

You see Satan is very legalistic. He is a legalist.

God is about grace and forgiveness but not Satan.....he loves rules, regulations and he especially loves vows........because you see vows, whether actually stated as a vow or just a statement or belief we have give him the legal right to hold you to that vow........

In the old Testament God set down laws to guide us as we walk closer to him.......with Him it was all about the relationship which would develop because of the boundaries he placed ........Satan took those same laws and put people in bondage with them.........

When I vowed I would never marry I gave Satan the legal right, I opened a door for him, to do everything in his power to keep me from marrying.

I gave him legal access to my mind so he could speak lies to me which lead me to believe men who were interested in me were not which often lead me to give them signs of disinterest.........

I gave him a legal right to allow my insecurities to tell me I would make an awful wife and mother.........I opened the door for him to shape my reality to reflect I am unworthy of love.

Being unmarried is not God's will or plan for my life........but Satan he loves it that I vowed I would not marry because it gave him the right to speak as loud or louder then God's voice on the subject.

Sitting in the car, next to my friend, the tears fell. I knew what I was hearing both from her and from God was truth.........I knew the reason I was not married was because I had made a vow I would never marry and never once had I given God permission to remove that vow from me.........for his blood to break the vow I made to stay single.

I cried, I prayed, I repented and I asked my father, my loving father to forgive me for making a vow which was contrary to his plans for my life.........I asked for his forgiveness for my unfaithfulness and asked his to break the generational curse placed on me from my grandfather, mother and my own heart/words.

An amazing thing happened. One I am not sure I can explain........

But I know I was released from the vow. I know that the spiritual world and the natural world came into alignment.........I know that for the first time in my life, in the area of marriage/children/relationships, things were being done here on earth as they were in heaven.........they were reflecting each other in my heart, my spirit, and my body.

I share this today because I know I am not the only one........I hear words all the time....spoken out of hurt and rejection.........

I hear a divorced mother speak........I am never going to get married again.....I can't handle that pain........then years later wonder why she is still single.


I know women who believe, and yes having a belief or faith in something not godly is a type of vow towards that thing, they will never marry because of past mistakes.

I know women who get into the same type of relationships, have premarital,over and over again because they believe no man can really love them so much he will wait till she says I do.......

Before I began typing I asked you to pray. I hope you did.........Now I hope you will spend some time reflecting over you life.....asking God to show you any vows you made, spoke,thought or believed which has kept God from giving you the blessing of marriage.

Once he reveals it to you I pray you will take the time to repent of the ungodly belief and vow seeking His truth in it's place and I pray you will ask Him to guide you into speaking new vows, new truths and placing your faith in the things he wants for you and not in the things your experiences tell you will happen.

If anyone wants to discuss this further or has a question please feel free to pm me.

With dailyjoy

Joy



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 5:54:14 PM)

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........ Wow, Joy...

This is some huge stuff... definitely a lot to think about....

I'm trying to think if I ever made a vow.... something that would keep me from experiencing God's blessings in my life....

I think for me.... vows happened when I was younger.... vows happened out of hurt and intense pain rather than out of joy.

I can remember making vows to 'never be (act) like my mother'....

..... to never let anyone hear me cry.

..... to never let anyone know how much they hurt me.

I know that when I decided to truly and wholly love someone.... I can't honor any of these vows....

.... because in order to make a relationship work... we must be vulnerable to our mate.

He will see me cry.... I will express it (respectfully) when I'm hurt.... these vows no longer exist in my world.... (well.... the crying one exists... but I'm aware of the foot hold there and working on that one... [;)])

Now... as far as being like my mother??? [8D] It's too late.... I possess her wonderful qualities... and have been working on the other stuff which was programmed into my brain.

I think it would be a good idea to not just think of these things on my own.... but to talk to the LORD about them.

...... after all, isn't His input the best? [;)]



I'm interested to find out if anybody else has made any vows which have kept them from experiencing God's blessings....


Anyone? Anyone?

Ferris?



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 5:57:51 PM)

Oh, I guarantee I have - now it's time to go back and think on them - I do recall one from back in 1989 - over the pain that I felt when someone got married - saying that if getting divorced hurt as much as how I was hurting then - I never wanted to get married. And guess what? I haven't! It wasn't until 2006 when I allowed myself to open enough to experience love to the depth I felt it then. That didn't work out, but it was the catalyst to how God is moving in my life now.

I'm going to have to do some serious praying tonight at church.




[sm=car.gif]



Picaruth -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 6:16:28 PM)

I understand what joy2give2u saying. I never have been kissed, never have been on date, never have a boyfriend, and never have a deep relationship. Sometime my patience is running out but I pray to God that I trust in Him. I must remind myself that I'm not alone because the bible always said, "God's always be with you" over and over. I must have patience and pray. I must trust God before He will give me a right man. I don't know when or what time. However, still I trust in Him. I know it's hard but you are not alone.



jlp1 -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 6:20:33 PM)

Joy, I just want to say thank you!!!! I felt every word you said.



dsfuva -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 9:25:18 PM)

Joy, thank you for sharing this testimony. You've given me a lot to think and pray about.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 9:37:53 PM)

wow ... thank you for sharing ... i think these vows we make can become a big stumbling block in our life ... and can take many forms from a self-fulfilling prophecy to a learned behavior from growing up ... i have to think about this some more but thank you for posting!



collie1 -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 9:57:12 PM)

Yes, thank you joy, very important words. Definitely something to think and pray about.



JustJeannie -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 10:29:15 PM)

Wow, Joy! I am truly at a loss for words. You have given us so much insight into your walk with God, and so much that each of us NEED to think and PRAY about.



John_O -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 10:37:01 PM)

Excellent post Joy. Vows are still important. We do not have the power to speak anything into existence that is contrary to God's word, but we do have the power to refuse the blessings God has for us. And a vow is one way that refusal can be done.

On the flip side. When we say our wedding vows we can speak blessings on us and our spouse that are in accordance with the word. And you just can't get better than that.



devinevessel -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 11:09:49 PM)

Thanks for sharing your testimony. I believe words have power. There were vows that I have made that prevented the blessings of God so now I am careful about the word I speak.



woodwind228 -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 11:16:17 PM)

Joy, I can only imagine the strength it took for you to pour your heart out like that. It's definitely a lot to think about, as others have said. Our words, that little tongue, has so much power. Satan loves to get into our minds, the birthplace of sin. He feeds us lies and, after hearing them often enough, we can believe them and act on them. And before you know it, there's a stronghold. Priase God that you were released from those vows!

There is a book I read a while ago called Lucifer Exposed. The subtitle was something like Satan's Plan to Destroy Your Life. I think it's a great introductory book on spiritual warfare. It was really an eye-opener for me. I made something to put on my fridge that quotes Ephesians 6 and the Full Armor of God to remind me that our battles are not here on earth, but in the heavenlies. The great thing is, we don't have to defeat the devil...Jesus already did that for us. But we do have to apply that victory.

Thanks for posting and sharing your heart with us, Joy. And for giving us all so much to think about.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Why I am not married (5/28/2008 11:27:17 PM)

Thanks for that as well. This is the same journey that I'm in. Ever since I felt a strong desire to get married, which is maybe just the last two years or so, I had been reflecting on what it is I do, or think, that prevents me from getting closer to any man. I've often been labeled as commitment phobic, and I used to shrug them off. NOw that I really am searching my heart, and allowing God to show my ways that's leading to my being single, I'm finding out that most people's observations about me are correct. Now I have to find out what stronghold there is in my life that's making me that person.



clownfish -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 12:59:48 AM)

Thank you for sharing Joy.

I know other single women who, at one time, purposely did not show certain emotions--crying especially--in front of single men. I've even heard that some dads teach their daughters to "never let the guys see you cry". (I'm a guy so I can't vouch if this "teaching" is valid.)



sunshinesoprano -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 8:58:08 AM)

Joy, that was fantastic.
The enemy wants us to believe that it's something like our appearance or our weight, or something "wrong" with us that keeps us from our desires. That's how he hurts us.

Just about every moment of my life, I've thought about my size. I've never, EVER been small and and every window, mirror, or reflective glass I've walked by has been a reminder of that.

I've always felt like it kept others away from me, and that every person that looked at me judged me because I wasn't a "small" person.

And for years, especially after I put on a little weight because of depression during college, it got even worse, to the point I wouldn't even look a man in the eye.

It took some good friends and a LOT of revelation from my gracious, loving Father to help me through it and to realize that I was giving the enemy WAY too much power in my life.


It's neat that you had this revelation, because I had one, too, and was thinking of sharing it, but was a little afraid to. You've given me the courage to send it.

I won't hijack your thread and start my own now.

Thank you for being so transparent and sharing this. [:D]



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 9:32:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: woodwind228

I made something to put on my fridge that quotes Ephesians 6 and the Full Armor of God to remind me that our battles are not here on earth, but in the heavenlies. The great thing is, we don't have to defeat the devil...Jesus already did that for us. But we do have to apply that victory.

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........... Wooooot!!! [sm=icon_smile_super.gif]



joy2give2u -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 10:08:18 AM)

Thank you to everyone who has posted a reply. I am continuing to pray God will use this thread to speak into the lives of all of us.

A friend pointed out last night I didn't really ask any questions which would generate discussion..........shock for me........I don't think I have ever written a post without at least 20 questions LOL.........I am a question girl. [:D]

I shared what happened this weekend because I knew God asked me too. I knew God wanted to speak to someone specifically yet at the same time I know a discussion on this topic will benefit each of us.

As we discuss vows we have made, strongholds and ungodly beliefs we hold, and how they relate to our being single I believe each of us will begin to walk in more and more freedom.

quote:

I can't honor any of these vows....
Rach it is not about whether you can honor a vow or not.........We live in a society where vows, agreements, promises mean little. We have all learned that it is OK to make a vow then back out........."I can't honor any of these vows" .......... the problem with thinking this way is God takes a different view on vows.......Through out the bible God is very clear he places high value on vows spoken and often unspoken. AND God never changes........He doesn't say you must honor the good vows but those ones you made which didn't turn out well or were not from me.........those you don't need to honor..........God, because of His very nature, takes vows seriously and he honors them.

You may try to do things differently and no longer allow that vow to dictate your actions but it is still there and Satan still has the legal grounds to act according to that vow.........

I believe if we all look closely at our relationships we will begin to see a correlation between words spoken/ beliefs held in the past and the struggles and issues we have in our relationships.

quote:

I must have patience and pray. I must trust God
Thank you for posting Picaruth and welcome to the forums. I agree we must have patience, pray and trust God. I also believe we need to ask God to open our eyes to vows, ungodly beliefs and wrong mindsets we have and then ask His guidance in removing these things from our lives.

quote:

i think these vows we make can become a big stumbling block in our life ... and can take many forms from a self-fulfilling prophecy to a learned behavior from growing up
I agree Ed. I think often we are unaware of how much these things effect our present lives........We may forget we ever thought or said something but Satan does not.

quote:

We do not have the power to speak anything into existence that is contrary to God's word,
We do not have the power to speak things into existence but God honors the vow even if they are contrary to His plans for our lives........God does not look at a vow with the same flippant attitude we often do when we make it.

Last night as I was thinking about this thread........God reminded me of a time I was so mad at my mom I vowed.........."I hate her so much Lord I am never going to talk to her again." Do I still talk to my mother? Yes. Do we communicate well? No........she often doesn't hear me and I don't hear her.........I wonder why?

Last night I asked God to forgive me for making a vow which was again contrary to His heart for the relationship with my mother and myself.

Not to pick on John_O.......but one statement I have heard you make on here is you are short on mercy when dealing with people.........that is an ungodly belief........mercy does not come from you but from the Father's spirit in you.......The same amount of mercy is in you as there is in me.......We have the same Holy Spirit in us........the difference...........Your words have given Satan the legal right to hold you to that statement........and often he does.

Thank you woodwind228 for the book suggestion. I may read it in the future.......Right now God is speaking so powerfully to me through His Word I want to continue focusing on spending my reading time there.

quote:

Now I have to find out what stronghold there is in my life that's making me that person.
Seek and you shall find.........he will reveal them to you.......I would highly recommend finding a prayer partner to walk this journey with you. Someone with eyes to see and ears to hear God's voice and a willingness to pray with you.
quote:


I won't hijack your thread and start my own now.
I hope you will share more on this thread about what God is showing you.

As people have thought about this thread have any vows, mindsets,strongholds or ungodly beliefs been revealed to you by the Lord?

If so what is God telling you to do?

Do others believe as Rach that we can chose not to honor a vow?

Other thoughts, questions or comments?



sunshinesoprano -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 10:12:28 AM)

There's a book you need to read if you haven't already, called "He Still Moves Stones." It's fantastic....



joy2give2u -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 10:32:03 AM)

quote:

There's a book you need to read
I have read the book. Thanks for the suggestion.

My prayer with this thread is not for it to be centered on me with others giving me advice or offering help.........though that is nice.

My prayer is this thread would be a place we can each share our own experiences.......share things God is showing us in relationship to vows we have made and strongholds we see in our lives.

My prayer is each person posting will feel more and more comfortable opening up and sharing struggles they have had in this area and give insight by sharing the things God is revealing to them.

Rev. 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.....

I will not allow Satan to have a doorway into my life because of vows I made in the past........I will share, giving testimony to what God is doing in my life, how he is preparing me not only as His bride but to be the bride of the man He has chosen for me and I know my testimony will defeat Satan.

I think this is why this thread is so important for me to share.........Satan has power in darkness but when things are brought to light he loses his power.

I was in darkness for so long as to how my vows and beliefs were strongholds in my life.........I refuse to be in darkness any longer........

As we come together, sharing with each other what God is doing in this area in our lives, our testimonies will defeat Him.

Isn't that cool? We don't have to focus on Satan or what he is doing.....We just have to share what God is doing in our lives in this area and he is defeated........That is very cool.......[:D][:D][:D]



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 10:34:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joy2give2u

As we come together, sharing with each other what God is doing in this area in our lives, our testimonies will defeat Him.

Isn't that cool? We don't have to focus on Satan or what he is doing.....We just have to share what God is doing in our lives in this area and he is defeated........That is very cool.......[:D][:D][:D]

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........ this is very cool.

I remember when I learned that witnessing was not as formal as I had thought it to be....

..... when my aunt explained to me that witnessing can be just sharing what God is doing in my life... I felt like some chains fell off me...

Very cool....

This thread... and your thoughts... have really been challenging my inner most being.

Thanks Joy....



elastic -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 10:34:54 AM)

i made a vow to never marry when i was in my late teens. however, i did meet and marry a wonderful man when i was in my late 20's....and on top of all that, i am fat.

this'll make some of you upset with me, but i think sometimes we can look for reasons things are not happening for us and then say "that must be the reason". it may not be the reason at all.

only our Father knows the reason that you are in this single season in your life. It may be the vow, it may not be. When i met my DH, i was not looking for a husband, did not remotely want to get married, had no desire at all for marriage, but God changed my heart. The time was right and He put me exactly where i needed to be, regardless of the vow i had made. I had to choose to accept His will for me or ignore my blessing.

I chose to accept that marriage was what he wanted for me.

I hope that you find the man you are looking for, and i hope by releasing this vow you have made it makes you a little more bold in your search, but don't be surprised if being released from the vow changes nothing...and you still remain single. don't get discouraged is all i'm trying to say....because then you'll just start looking for another reason why you are still single even after you have released yourself from the vow.



joy2give2u -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 10:48:07 AM)

quote:

i think sometimes we can look for reasons things are not happening for us and then say "that must be the reason". it may not be the reason at all.
true and that is what I have done must of my life.......I came up with all kinds of reasons........this time I did not come up with a reason.......I had never even considered this reason.......until God revealed it to me......and when he did.....WOW.

There are sometimes you believe or think something and other times God speaks so clearly you have no doubt whatsoever what he is saying.........for me this is what happened this weekend.....

quote:


only our Father knows the reason that you are in this single season in your life.
Agreed and I love that I serve a God who not only knows but wants to share with me when I still myself long enough to listen.[:D]

quote:

The time was right and He put me exactly where i needed to be, regardless of the vow i had made. I had to choose to accept His will for me or ignore my blessing.
I don't disagree God can do things despite my past vows.....Satan's open doors doesn't stop God but it does give Satan a way to make a smooth road bumpy.

quote:

don't be surprised if being released from the vow changes nothing.
It has already changed so much.....it may not be obvious on the outside but the freedom, hope, freedom, joy, freedom...........did I mention freedom is far beyond words and can't be understood unless felt.

quote:

don't get discouraged is all i'm trying to say..
Thank you elastic for your encouragement........I do understand what you are saying.......and I thank you for posting.......for there are some who will see this as another method to try and find a way for God to get them married.....for me it is far more.

What God is doing in my life..........he is prompting me to close doors while he opens doors.



woodwind228 -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 11:11:43 AM)

quote:

Rev. 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.....


I love that. Our testimonies are indeed powerful.

The book I referenced above was my introduction to spiritual warfare. It could not have come at a better time for me. During the days before I got that book (and others), most of the Scripture I was reading was also about this subject. James 4:7; Eph 4:27; and 1 Peter 5:8-11 were Scriptures that I kept reading over and over. I read other passages too, but I always seemed to come back to those. Days later there was an incident that I totally believe God was preparing me for through those verses. I wanted to learn more about spiritual warfare. It is very real, as I quickly discovered. Now I am more atuned to these types of things, thanks so much to God's revelation to me. The devil has no power over us unless we give it to him. But even after giving it to him, we can reclaim it through the blood of Jesus. And through Him we can rid ourselves of strongholds.

Our testimonies are not only powerful for us, but for others as well. After coming through the various trials we face, we can offer encouragement to others that my be experiencing something similar. We can share with them Scripture that helped us get through it. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

A little OT here, but something I found very interesting in that book was why the devil loves to attack us. The devil was kicked out of heaven to the earth. Then God created us to have dominion over the earth. You can bet Satan didn't like that. But something else that just struck me was that God created us in His image! The devil cannot attack God, not in his wildest dreams. BUT...he can attack the very IMAGE of God...that would be us. I'm sure he gets immense pleasure in that too. All the more reason to put on the full armor of God.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Why I am not married (5/29/2008 11:13:58 AM)

(Wow - Susan - that's awesome! I may just have to get that book myself!)



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