RE: A couple of questions (Full Version)

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DaveW -> RE: A couple of questions (6/2/2008 12:16:32 PM)

purplepixie: I like your handle. Does it refer to the pre-Oroboros Trance Gemini?

I have to ask you a few things. I realize you are a brand new believer, something I think those who responded failed to take into account. There are many things you are not aware of yet. You are spiritually just like a baby who is only a few weeks old and everyone here is asking you to respond like you are an adult.

How long until you are to get married?

Is your fiancee aware of just how much you are going to change over the next few months and years? (I would assume not)

As you grow up in the Lord you will become as different from how you were a month ago as a butterfly is from the caterpillar it came from. You need to explain this to him. Your likes will change, your world-view will change. Your activities will change. EVERYTHING is about to change. Is he ok with that? If not, it will be major heart break for both of you.

Are you aware of this passage?

2 Cor 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
2 Cor 6:15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?
2 Cor 6:16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

You have said you *feel* God wants you to marry him, but this command is to not be bound to unbelievers. It is very seldom God leads us by our own feelings. Instead, He guides by what is written in the Bible and the still small voice of His Holy Spirit, which NEVER contradicts the bible. Your feeling is telling you to do something that is against what the bible says. That means the feeling is not from God. In time you will learn to tell the difference.

The other passages that deal with unbeliving spouses are for those who are already married and then come to faith.

As a believer, you are now a clean vessel for the presence of the Holy Spirit of God. The power behind non-biblical religions such as shintoism is demonic and frequently the adherents become demonized. Demons do not like the presence of God:

Luk 4:33 And in the synagogue there was a man who had the spirit of an unclean demon, and he cried out with a loud voice,
Luk 4:34 "Ha! What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are--the Holy One of God."
Luk 4:35 But Jesus rebuked him, saying, "Be silent and come out of him!" And when the demon had thrown him down in their midst, he came out of him, having done him no harm.

Luk 9:38 And behold, a man from the crowd cried out, "Teacher, I beg you to look at my son, for he is my only child.
Luk 9:39 And behold, a spirit seizes him, and he suddenly cries out. It convulses him so that he foams at the mouth; and shatters him, and will hardly leave him.
Luk 9:40 And I begged your disciples to cast it out, but they could not."
Luk 9:41 Jesus answered, "O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you and bear with you? Bring your son here."
Luk 9:42 While he was coming, the demon threw him to the ground and convulsed him. But Jesus rebuked the unclean spirit and healed the boy, and gave him back to his father.

You will have to accept that your fiancee may react like one of these in the presence of God. Maybe not yet, but as you start to grow it is a possibility. It may manifest as anger, or emotional distance or outbursts such as these.

Bottom line: God and false religions do not mix at all.

But the choice is yours. At the end of the day you will do what you decide. I am just trying to make that choice as informed as possible.



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/2/2008 4:01:21 PM)

rgod--Thank you. :) I have a church to go to, I just don't get up early enough in the morning to attend church. I have found an online church, and I'll check out that link. I'll answer a question you asked...

My question is, are you comfortable being married to someone who can't/won't make space for you to be unsure or to make sure that you are comfortable with your decision?

Well, the thing is, I'm not even sure how he'd react. I'm pretty sure he'll let me delay it if I requested it, we are already thinking it will be a month later than it should be because of the time it may take. I know that he'd understand the reasons, now that I've thought about it...I know that he will definitely understand.



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/2/2008 4:05:33 PM)

DaveW-- Thanks for your long comment, and I understand you're trying to make my decision informed. :) I'll respond to some different passages in your post.

quote:

How long until you are to get married?


The wedding will be in August or September.

quote:

Is your fiancee aware of just how much you are going to change over the next few months and years?


Yes, he's aware of it, but he knows that regardless I'll stay the woman he fell in love with---I already change my mind quite a bit on things, or change the way I feel about things or beliefs a lot.

quote:

As you grow up in the Lord you will become as different from how you were a month ago as a butterfly is from the caterpillar it came from. You need to explain this to him. Your likes will change, your world-view will change. Your activities will change. EVERYTHING is about to change. Is he ok with that? If not, it will be major heart break for both of you.


I know he'll be OK with that. :) He doesn't mind people changing or anything, lol. He's a very open-minded person.



buckifn -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 11:26:33 AM)

quote:

. You don't get my story. Yes, my dad slaps me around. But, back years ago I was beat a lot by my mom, yes she stopped, but still...she beat me a lot. Sometimes she almost killed me. When I was 13, I started fighting back, and it stopped. I didn't feel like she cared about me at all, it wasn't until I was pregnant with my eldest that I knew she really cared, because she told me. However, to this day, I do still doubt it a lot. It's not my way now, because I have friends and a fiance that make me happier than I've EVER been and they make me see that people DO care about me, and DO love me, and I don't have to fornicate to be happy.


Actually I have worked with thousands of cases with similiar stories...abuse, addictions, rapes, children out of wedlock, and then their destructive patterns in relationships as they grasp at straws in search of self.

I understand you don't see it right now, but someday I hope you see there is hope, and healing for you, and it can be found right where you are, not running off to another country. Yes, there are good and bad counselors, but unless you are willing to open up enough to allow someone to help you that is something you will never know.

10 years from now I hope you can give an awesome testimony of how you made the right choice, your children blossomed and grew up to be successful adult's, your marriage is happy, and God is the center of your life.

The chances of that are very slim, however, because instead of allowing yourself to be healed, you are running.

Did you realize many victims of abuse become abuser's themselves? Wounded people wound people. It's a fact. That is why Jesus cared so much about making people whole.

Why would you not want to be made whole? Why take such high risks with yourself and your
children ?

You said this stranger would "never ask for custody of your child because he knows they mean to much to you" and just how do you know what a stranger will or will not do?

How many women have been raped and/or killed by someone they thought "would never do that" How many women stay in domestic abuse thinking it will "get better" "he loves me" so of course things will work out.

The only person you are kidding with that mentality is yourself.

God is showing His love to you right here by having people share what they see I hope you receive it.



lpt -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 12:01:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: purplepixie87

quote:

ORIGINAL: SouthernBelleGrits

Purplepixie,
Dear Heart, I just caught up on this thread. I'm treading lightly into this conversation and hope my words give life.

Ask yourself one very important question:

Will you be okay if your fiance' never chooses to be a Christian?

Don't answer too quickly. Really think about it. You have a new life in Christ, and you are so worthy of a Christian man to love you and your children. I was so sorry to hear that the Fathers of your children are not in the picture. I hear a lot of fear in your post........ BUT I also hear a lot of love for your fiance' so I'm not here to tell you that you are right or wrong in marrying this man. Above all, please do not go into a marriage wanting to change the man you are marrying. This is thinking which is usually detrimental to a marriage.


I would be okay if he never chooses to be Christian, even though I would like for him to, I'd still be fine with him choosing not to be. I don't really want to change him, I just want to help him with religious choices is all. If he doesn't ever make the choice, then I understand and that is fine.


What I don't understand is that on one hand you imply that you love this man, and on the other hand you're happy to see him go to hell without Christ. That just doesn't make sense to me. If I loved someone, I'd want to see them enter into the joys of heaven, rather than continue hell-ward.



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 1:13:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lpt

What I don't understand is that on one hand you imply that you love this man, and on the other hand you're happy to see him go to hell without Christ. That just doesn't make sense to me. If I loved someone, I'd want to see them enter into the joys of heaven, rather than continue hell-ward.


I didn't say I was happy with it, just that I'd be fine and understand if he never chose Christianity. I know that the only way to heaven is through God and Christ, but I'm still very respectful of others religious choices. Yes, I'll pray for my fiance, and try to be a witness around him...but that's all I can do. I can't MAKE him be a Christian. I can't sit there and give him a sermon. Because that is very very disrespectful of somebody.



agapetos -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 1:20:24 PM)

quote:

I can't MAKE him be a Christian. I can't sit there and give him a sermon.
Remember, there is more than one way of 'giving a sermon'. You can show him your faith though your actions ~ the way you speak and act etc.

One way would be to make the effort to get up to go to church on a Sunday and house group in the week. Or go to church on a Sunday evening.

And you can talk about your faith (not saying shove it down his throat, may only be a minute conversation, but it may have an impact ~ something that you heard that he'd find funny, something someone said that he'd agree with, something where you don't know what his response would be) and invite him to church activities (many churches have events to encourage people who aren't Christians and don't go to church).



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 2:06:29 PM)

quote:

I'm not rushing into marriage, we've known each other for 3 years. We both know almost everything about the other.


We're you with him when your older two children were conceived?

quote:

For me celibacy is almost impossible, and I haven't had a relationship in years before this one.


You won't even be willing to wait 2 months? Trust me, I married and was not a virgin but we waited until our wedding night to consummate our marriage and it was the best decision we ever made. \

quote:


I mean really, because any respectable Christian man will not marry a woman that already has children.


Really? I know more then one women on this forum who has remarried with children. My husband proposed to me when I was PREGNANT with someone else's child.

quote:

I have a feeling that God wants me to be with him, God wants me to marry him despite His rules.


God does not give us "permission" to break His rules. Sorry, it just doesn't work like that.

quote:


I would be okay if he never chooses to be Christian, even though I would like for him to, I'd still be fine with him choosing not to be. I don't really want to change him, I just want to help him with religious choices is all. If he doesn't ever make the choice, then I understand and that is fine.


You will truly be ok with eternal separation from the one you love? I can't imagine any woman being ok with that no matter what her beliefs are...


How did you come to be a Christian? I think at this point in your walk with the Lord it is imperative that you be in a church and even find an older woman with a stable marriage to mentor you so that you can begin to develop the character of a Godly woman.



Auben -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 3:52:19 PM)

Hon, I'm sure it feels like people are coming down on you here. We don't mean it that way.

The thing is that most of us have been around long enough to know people with only a few of your red flags (abused past, internet relationship, unbeliever, new country, unaccepted by fiance's family, new christian, blended family, million dollar Tokyo house 'given' to him) and see how terribly things have gone for them.

I know you love him, but now is the time to be cynical and practical about every inch, every moment, every thing you do. You have little ones now. This decision will not just be for you. You have to put their welfare first.

Please think about these things:

~you do not really know him until you have been with him in person. You only know a part of him. You don't really know him until he's gotten mad because you burned the rice or the eggs [;)] or when the kids are screaming and running around. Those are all things you can not gauge online.

~no matter how many internet friends you have in common you can not trust that they will help you in a bad situation. I know they are kind and loyal but in Japan domestic violence is usually a private matter. Most people will not get involved to help you, ESPECIALLY if you are married. They will be embarrassed for you. They will be sorry for you but it will be hard for them to act for you.

~I was in Japan during the '90s, while Tokyo has many English speakers, still a majority of people do not speak a lot of English. In order to get out of the house you will need to know at least the basics of Japanese. And even in Tokyo you will get stares (depending on how 'white' you look) when you go out, especially with 3 small children.

~How will your children be educated? When/how will they learn the language? Will it be okay if they only have a few friends? Is it okay if they experience more teasing then they might in the US? If they attend public schools how do you feel if your husband pushes them about their schoolwork? How will discipline work?

~If your fiance is providing the money to Japan, what will you do if he is abusive (physical or emotional) to you or the kids? How will you return to the states? What if your friends tell you to work it out with him when you know you can't?

~What if his family never accepts you? What if they treat your children badly? Being told that your future MIL likes children is not assurance that she will be kind to your children. Or if she is kind what if other relatives are not?

~Is your fiance bringing up practical matters? Is he talking about what you'll do all day and where you can learn Japanese (or your children)? Is he talking about how the children will be raised? Does he know their names, habits, and likes/dislikes? Does he talk to them? What does he talk about the most? Sex? Work? Your future life?

You do not owe us an answer to these questions. Please don't post them. You do owe yourself (and your children) answers to every one of them plus more than I can come up with in 10 minutes. Plan like NASA before putting your children in this situation. Every move, every life decision. Being married is hard. Being married to someone from another culture is very hard. Add kids to that and it can tip everything over. get every little thing figured out before you go.


Regarding the unbeliever/believer question: as Christians we are called to have our faith enter every aspect of our lives. It affects all our actions and all of our thoughts...similar to how being in love affects us. Can you imagine pretending your fiance did not exist? Never mentioning his name or things you've talked about? It's like that being a Christian. It's not really something you can relegate to the back room in your head if you're serious about it. Maybe if it was an acquaintance you saw occasionally, but with someone you live with every day, it's right out there.

I understand that you want to respect your fiance's culture and tradition, but being Christian is not against Japanese culture or tradition. I know several Christians in Yokohama and went to school with one of them here (in the States) before visiting her home. She didn't have to stop being Japanese to be a Christian. She can respect her ancestors and believe in Christ.


Anything we say here, we say in love. We just want to be those big siblings watching out for you. We're questioning the situation, not you. You deserve to be loved and happy. We just question that this is the best way.



crankius -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 5:44:20 PM)

Hello,

I've read your thread. I'm glad you are a new believer. I can tell you are struggling a bit with what this new life in Christ really means for you.

Mt 13:44 - "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."


When we find the truth of Jesus Christ, and we fully recognize the treasure that we are given through Him and in Him, we are willing to give up everything for Him.

You are quite frankly willing to give up everything to pursue this man in Japan. You are in a great sense making him your savior. You are seeking after this man OVER your seeking after God.

I encourage you in your new-found faith to seek the Lord in all you do. Seek the scriptures and seek to follow what God is telling you in the scriptures. You have been given much wise counsel from those who also love and serve Jesus Christ, and are taking the time to show in you in the scriptures what God has instructed in these matters.

Proverbs 4:20-27 My son, pay attention to what I am saying; incline your ear to my words. Don't let them out of your sight, keep them deep in your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to their whole being. Above everything else, guard your heart; for it is the source of life's consequences. Keep crooked speech out of your mouth, banish deceit from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze on what lies in front of you. Level the path for your feet, let all your ways be properly prepared; then deviate neither right nor left; and keep your foot far from evil.


Do not deviate from what you know are God's instructions for your life. This is how you guard your heart. By choosing to completely ignore what God has instructed, you are choosing a path which will not guard your heart. The heart is "the source of life's consequences". I can see that your heart is already hurting from a hard life away from God--please, I encourage you as your sister in Christ, place ALL your trust and hope and faith in God. Choose to follow Him above all else in this world.

Psalm 73:25, 28

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.

But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, That I may declare all Your works.

Choose today whom you will serve--your fears, your desires, your heart, this man in Japan, OR the Lord God.



manda59 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/3/2008 9:27:02 PM)

purplepixie

Will you have a Shinto marriage ceremony or a Christian one?



georgerobbyjr -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 12:15:32 AM)

It seems I'm a little late, but I'll give you my 2 cents. I married a non-christian woman, she is also Japanese. My faith is still strong but I wish I could share Christ with her. My wife does not understand my walk with God and probably never will. Yes we still have a good relationship but she doesn't fully understand who I am because I'm a christian. We know that biblically I disobeyed God by marrying her, but now that I am here I am called to stay married (I think these verses have already been posted). You are a new christian and will probably change more than you or your fiancee are counting on. It is not good enough to say God will forgive you later or justify your decision because you have kids (thinking you are slightly less desirable because of this). Let me put it plainly. Don't marry him, because 1) you will be disobeying God and 2) He will probably never undestand your relationship with God and this will affect your relationship with him. btw christian or not, do you feel you know this man well enough and that things aren't rushed? Marriage is not to be taken lightly.



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 12:17:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

purplepixie

Will you have a Shinto marriage ceremony or a Christian one?


We're having a Christian marriage ceremony. :)



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 12:19:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: georgerobbyjr

It seems I'm a little late, but I'll give you my 2 cents. I married a non-christian woman, she is also Japanese. My faith is still strong but I wish I could share Christ with her. My wife does not understand my walk with God and probably never will. Yes we still have a good relationship but she doesn't fully understand who I am because I'm a christian. We know that biblically I disobeyed God by marrying her, but now that I am here I am called to stay married (I think these verses have already been posted). You are a new christian and will probably change more than you or your fiancee are counting on. It is not good enough to say God will forgive you later or justify your decision because you have kids (thinking you are slightly less desirable because of this). Let me put it plainly. Don't marry him, because 1) you will be disobeying God and 2) He will probably never undestand your relationship with God and this will affect your relationship with him. btw christian or not, do you feel you know this man well enough and that things aren't rushed? Marriage is not to be taken lightly.


1) I don't mind disobeying God at all. It doesn't bother me.
2) I don't really think that will affect my relationship with him, he didn't understand my Paganism back when I was Pagan either, and we weren't affected by it.

Yes, I know him well enough and no things aren't rushed. :)



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 12:20:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agapetos

quote:

I can't MAKE him be a Christian. I can't sit there and give him a sermon.
Remember, there is more than one way of 'giving a sermon'. You can show him your faith though your actions ~ the way you speak and act etc.

One way would be to make the effort to get up to go to church on a Sunday and house group in the week. Or go to church on a Sunday evening.

And you can talk about your faith (not saying shove it down his throat, may only be a minute conversation, but it may have an impact ~ something that you heard that he'd find funny, something someone said that he'd agree with, something where you don't know what his response would be) and invite him to church activities (many churches have events to encourage people who aren't Christians and don't go to church).


Thanks. :)



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 12:26:17 AM)

quote:


We're you with him when your older two children were conceived?

No, my eldest was conceived before I even knew him, and my 2 year old was conceived before I ever liked him LOL.

quote:

You won't even be willing to wait 2 months? Trust me, I married and was not a virgin but we waited until our wedding night to consummate our marriage and it was the best decision we ever made. \


I've already waited 3 years to be with him, and over a year since we've been together to be with him, I don't think 2 months more will make much of a difference, and it won't bother him at all since he's not a sexual person. The comment I made about celibacy was referring to if I was single, I can't just sit around for years and years and years and never get married and be expected not to have fun.

quote:

Really? I know more then one women on this forum who has remarried with children. My husband proposed to me when I was PREGNANT with someone else's child.


Well I'm sure they wouldn't be with one who has 3 kids by 3 different fathers and had a history of being well....to put it lightly....extremely sinful and that is STILL sinful.

quote:


How did you come to be a Christian? I think at this point in your walk with the Lord it is imperative that you be in a church and even find an older woman with a stable marriage to mentor you so that you can begin to develop the character of a Godly woman.


I dunno, I just wanted to? I was at a play hosted by a local church and they had prays after it, so I just decided "Whatever, I'll do it because I guess I wanna..." and I was already arguing with myself over it for a month before that. I can't go to church right now, and I don't like any of the women at our church except a friend of ours, and she's an adulterer, so I don't think she's a good choice. ;)



PrincessDonna -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 7:52:14 AM)

quote:

1) I don't mind disobeying God at all. It doesn't bother me.


So God sends His Son to die for your sins, to redeem you from eternal damnation. You accept this free gift and think that's just the end of it?

It's not, I promise you. God loves you, and if you were sincere in your desire for salvation, He's not going to let you go on disobeying without consequence. Like a loving Father, God wants His children to obey Him, and it grieves His heart when we don't. How do you feel when your children don't mind disobeying you and it doesn't bother them at all? Do you wish that they would obey, because you know that you know more about life than they do? It's the same with God.

If you truly love God, and KNOW that He loves you beyond imagination (which I don't think you get at this point), you will want to obey Him. And it will bother you to disobey...actually, it will grieve you until you come to repentance.

You are in a dangerous place spiritually right now, of that I am sure.[:o] 1 Peter 5:8... Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Be sure that Satan has you where he wants you right now.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 9:44:34 AM)

quote:

1) I don't mind disobeying God at all. It doesn't bother me.


Then you need to reconsider whether you have truly accepted Christ as your Savior and Lord. Disobeying God bothers a believer.

Two, now you say he is "not sexual", and yet you want to be sure you have lots of "fun" (sex) in your life. How do you know that he is not sexual, and if you're sure of that, do you think he's going to flip a switch and provide you all that fun when you marry?

Purplepixie, I am very, very worried about you and about your babies. There are a million red flags in this situation and in your attitude, and I am afraid you are about to do something that will devastate you and your children for many years to come. [:(]



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 9:54:58 AM)

PrincessDonna---Thank you. Though the only sin I see myself committing is marrying a man that's not Christian. Otherwise I'm not a very sinful person, at least not since becoming Christian. I think my main problem right now is that I used to pray all the time, and most of the time the praying was really for nothing, I was just babbling to God lol, and now I'm not praying much at all. I also was diligent in my Bible studies, and now I'm not as diligent anymore. I don't really pay much attention to the Bible right now, really.

3cappuccinosmom---Thank you too, if you'll read my comment to PrincessDonna you'll see my response to the sin part. :) My response to the "not sexual" it doesn't mean that he's not the type that does enjoy it, it's just he's a very moral guy and he's so used to being celibate it wouldn't bother him to wait another month or two.



PrincessDonna -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 10:03:21 AM)

quote:

Though the only sin I see myself committing is marrying a man that's not Christian.


I want to be gentle with you as a new Christian, but at the same time, I want to shake you.[:D]

God doesn't just make up rules to spoil our fun. He tells us to do things a certain way for a reason. I can personally tell you that marrying a non-Christian WILL cause you a great deal of pain somewhere down the road. I did it. I was in the same frame of mind as you...knowing what God says about it, and not caring, not being bothered about disobeying.[&o] I have paid dearly for that choice, and so have my children, even though my husband IS now saved and living for God. I also know of people who married nonbelievers and they struggled for decades upon decades and the person was never saved.

Sin is never worth it. Never.



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 10:24:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna


I want to be gentle with you as a new Christian, but at the same time, I want to shake you.[:D]

God doesn't just make up rules to spoil our fun. He tells us to do things a certain way for a reason. I can personally tell you that marrying a non-Christian WILL cause you a great deal of pain somewhere down the road. I did it. I was in the same frame of mind as you...knowing what God says about it, and not caring, not being bothered about disobeying.[&o] I have paid dearly for that choice, and so have my children, even though my husband IS now saved and living for God. I also know of people who married nonbelievers and they struggled for decades upon decades and the person was never saved.

Sin is never worth it. Never.


I bolded that part for a reason---that's sort of what I am hoping will happen. I'm hoping that, once I find my way back to the path (since, even though I've only been Christian a couple of weeks, I've already strayed dangerously), he'll see me being happy in my Christianity, never feeling alone, and see my witnessing, and decide that he will become a Christian as well.



Kat_D -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 10:28:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: purplepixie87

quote:

ORIGINAL: georgerobbyjr

It seems I'm a little late, but I'll give you my 2 cents. I married a non-christian woman, she is also Japanese. My faith is still strong but I wish I could share Christ with her. My wife does not understand my walk with God and probably never will. Yes we still have a good relationship but she doesn't fully understand who I am because I'm a christian. We know that biblically I disobeyed God by marrying her, but now that I am here I am called to stay married (I think these verses have already been posted). You are a new christian and will probably change more than you or your fiancee are counting on. It is not good enough to say God will forgive you later or justify your decision because you have kids (thinking you are slightly less desirable because of this). Let me put it plainly. Don't marry him, because 1) you will be disobeying God and 2) He will probably never undestand your relationship with God and this will affect your relationship with him. btw christian or not, do you feel you know this man well enough and that things aren't rushed? Marriage is not to be taken lightly.


1) I don't mind disobeying God at all. It doesn't bother me.


This, of all the troubling things you have said in this thread, is the most disturbing to me.

When I first became a Christian there was nothing I wouldn't do for the Lord and there was nothing I would do to hurt Him. I was bursting at the seams with love for Him and my ultimate desire was to please Him. You are in the "honeymoon phase" of your relationship with the Lord, and I would expect you to be the same way...most new Christians are very zealous in the beginning stages. Yet, at this point in your walk, you don't care one iota if you disobey Him and hurt Him. This, above everything, makes me extremely concerned for you.

In spite of everything that has been said to warn you of the dangers and sinfulness of your plans to marry this man, you remain stiff-necked and unmovable. My heart goes out to you, because I know that pain, sorrow and heartache likely await you and your children. For that, my heart is burdened.

12 "Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; 13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 14 For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end, 15 while it is said: "Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." -Hebrews 3



PrincessDonna -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 10:29:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: purplepixie87

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna


I want to be gentle with you as a new Christian, but at the same time, I want to shake you.[:D]

God doesn't just make up rules to spoil our fun. He tells us to do things a certain way for a reason. I can personally tell you that marrying a non-Christian WILL cause you a great deal of pain somewhere down the road. I did it. I was in the same frame of mind as you...knowing what God says about it, and not caring, not being bothered about disobeying.[&o] I have paid dearly for that choice, and so have my children, even though my husband IS now saved and living for God. I also know of people who married nonbelievers and they struggled for decades upon decades and the person was never saved.

Sin is never worth it. Never.


I bolded that part for a reason---that's sort of what I am hoping will happen. I'm hoping that, once I find my way back to the path (since, even though I've only been Christian a couple of weeks, I've already strayed dangerously), he'll see me being happy in my Christianity, never feeling alone, and see my witnessing, and decide that he will become a Christian as well.



Then hope that will happen and don't marry him until it does and you see fruit.

It wasn't as simple as my husband seeing me as a Christian and deciding to become one. And he didn't have another religion to keep him from it either. I bet this man hopes you will convert to his religion once you are married. We went through hell and back, quite literally. I would not wish what we went through on anyone.

Don't forget that sentence AFTER the one you bolded either, or the portion of the sentence that you did not bold. Yes, my husband is a Christian NOW, but we all are still paying the price for the time he wasn't. All of us, and sometimes I think the cost to our kids is higher than the cost to us, which tears my heart apart.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 10:31:45 AM)

My question is...why would you want to struggle and put yourself into a situation that you know could be detrimental to yourself and your children?

You do realise there are Christian men out there who marry and have married and loved women who were extremely promiscuous (sp) and have multiple children with multiple men. Life happens and we all make mistakes. The key is to learn from those mistakes and keep them from happening again.

I can almost guarantee that you will find yourself in a very sad situation and wonder how you did it. To be honest, I feel sad for you that you're okay with this and not worrying about how it will affect your children. You tell us that things will be better for them. Will they? Or will things be better for you?

Life is not horrible in this country. Life is what we make of it. I'm a single mum with two kids, and married a man I met while I was pregnant with my second child. Unfortunately that marriage did not last, but I still have hope. Not in myself, and not in my country, but in my God that He will protect and guide me. I would love to remarry again, but if that doesn't happen that's okay too because I am living for the glory of His name and in the end that's all that matters.

I pray for you in earnest sweetie because I really don't think you know what you're getting into. You're trying to fix a mistake with another one. It's okay to raise those kids on your own; it's okay to struggle a bit; it's okay to feel physically lonely. We've been there. However when we get to those situations we have ONE place to go to; HE is the ONLY one who will not let us down, not disappoint us, not leave us, not hurt us. He will do nothing but love us, and bless us, and be there for us.

I hope you are able to see that love...see that gift. Please feel free to PM me to chat more. I would love to get to know you better and understand you and show you what God has done in my life and how I am still able to smile even when I hurt. *huggles*



manda59 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/4/2008 10:46:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: purplepixie87
I don't really pay much attention to the Bible right now, really.


quote:


I don't mind disobeying God at all. It doesn't bother me.




purplepixie,

I'm just wondering what you think being a Christian is, if you think it's ok to disobey God and not pay much attention to the Bible.



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