RE: A couple of questions (Full Version)

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purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/5/2008 4:53:43 PM)

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ORIGINAL: DenimDiva

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ORIGINAL: purplepixie87

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ORIGINAL: DenimDiva

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True...I could, but I don't really know where to start. Or if a church is accepting or not.


What do you mean by "an accepting" church?


An accepting church means like where the people aren't judgmental of you and stuff. A lot of the people at "our" church are judgmental...especially people my age. You'd think southern baptists wouldn't be, but the ones at our church are.


I used to be very close to a SBC preacher's wife. I found that that she and her family and their church were some of the most understanding and forgiving Christians that I knew. That was in Indiana. Now I'm CA and I'm finding again that some of the most loving, albeit truthful Christians there are belong to the SBC.

BTW- calling someone judgemental is also being judgemental. [;)]


Yeah, I know the most understand and forgiving Christians are from Southern Baptist Churches....but the ones from OUR church aren't. I can tell by the way they act towards me, by the way they treat me. They treat me like an outsider, like I'm not welcome.

I know it is, but I can't help but notice the way they treat me...



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/5/2008 4:55:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

We've all done things in our youth that we now know isn't good for our children.

I had a boyfriend from first grade on. But my boys, (11 and 8) aren't allowed to even consider dating until late high school and even then we're going to discuss more in depth as to why they can't/shouldn't.

Please reconsider that choice...just because you did something doesn't mean it's a wise decision for you children. It's our job as parents to protect our children and guide them with our wisdom. What good are our mistakes if we don't learn from them, and try to keep our children from suffering the same way?

*huggles*


Yes I know. And I'm going to teach them all I can, but I can't stop them from making the same mistakes that I made.....it's always possible that they make those mistakes. All we can do is the best we can do, and if they still make mistakes it's not like it'd be our fault, we did our best, right?

Btw, I'll respond to your PM in a few. :)



Hislittleone -> RE: A couple of questions (6/5/2008 5:08:23 PM)

Hi Purplepixie, welcome to the family (of believers)! [:)]

I've been following your threads but haven't posted yet. I just wanted to drop in and say that I have PTSD from a very traumatic event that happened in high school. I didn't realize I had PTSD for 6 or 7 years after it happened. It's been very difficult to deal with but I am healing. One of the best things I did was go to counseling. I went to a Christian counselor who was very kind, gentle and understanding. And I know that she cares about her patients. She'd experienced sexual abuse as a child so she was very understanding. She could relate very well to what I was going through. The best thing she did for me was to assure me that I was strong enough to handle anything. She helped me to gain confidence in myself. She never forced me to talk about anything I wasn't comfortable talking about. Going to counseling was very awkward at first. But as time went by I came to trust her and was more comfortable opening up with her. Of course, on the days that we talked about the really tough stuff it was still uncomfortable but not as much as it was at first.

If you go to counseling you have to make sure and pick a good one. If you go to a counselor who you don't like or "click" with then go to another one. Make sure he/she is a Christian. Over time you will get to know and trust your counselor just as they will get to know more about you. It's like you kind of develope a relationship of sorts with them. So it's not quite the same as talking to a friend about it but it CAN be a good experience. So keep that in mind for when you can afford it and feel somewhat ready (push yourself a little if you need to....because getting counseling is important and can be very helpful). Also, counselors are trained in how to help people who've experienced traumatic events whereas friends aren't.



agapetos -> RE: A couple of questions (6/5/2008 6:01:11 PM)

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I didn't say I wasn't going to teach my children the truth--I am going to teach them the truth. But I can't stop them from experimenting with religion. They'll do it anyways.
Not necessarily they won't.



Roberta_ -> RE: A couple of questions (6/5/2008 6:04:30 PM)

"They'll do it anyway" is something that the world wants parents to think. It's not necessarily true.

While many children make mistakes, many more strive to do what is right. They need their parents to teach them right from wrong.



buckifn -> RE: A couple of questions (6/5/2008 7:22:35 PM)

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I'd much rather keep all my emotions bottled up than I would let them out on some unsuspecting stranger.


First of all, I hope you see all the love here for you despite our words being strong. I am sincerely, deeply praying for you.

Beyond that however, I have to tell you the above solution you have (in quotes) is not a healthy solution. Please understand I am telling you this based on case after case I have known personally where suppression was the coping mechanism used. Undealt with emotional trauma has brought bad results for a lot of people. The worst part about your thinking stuffing your emotions is the answer is that suddenly without warning your pent up emotions ERUPT one day over something that may be very small and insignificant to someone else. It is the constant building up of pressure that finally brings things to an explosive point. I don't want to scare you, but have you considered the effect that could have on your children?

What if ignoring your own pain ends with inflicting pain on them? It does happen, and not because someone is such a bad, monstrous person either. Ignoring one's emotional health brings tragic results sometimes is all I am saying.

We are trying to help you avoid such an event. Nobody can put you in a category and say you are like every other female just because you happen to be a female, so how is it fair to put all counselor's in the same category and say "none of them care" or all of them are "useless" because they don't know you like your friends do?

There are good, Godly counselor's, and there are programs to help someone who doesn't have $$$ to pay either.

Check out a couple of these links for an idea of what I mean...depending on what state you are in I am sure you could find similiar assistance.

http://www.pastoralcounseling.com/faq.html- explains sliding fee scales and services




http://www.meierclinics.com/Programs



purplepixie87 -> RE: A couple of questions (6/7/2008 1:56:48 AM)

Thank you HisLittleOne--I understand what you are saying, and I'll seek counseling whenever I feel semi-ready to.

agapetos and denimdiva--Thanks. [:)] Maybe it's just the way I think, lol, My parents tried to teach me better but I did it anyways. However, I, at the young age of 20, have better morals and ethics than my parents do. [;)]

Buckifn---Thank you for the wonderful links, and the advice. Of course, I do definitely see the love here despite the fact that at times you guys' words are strong. I understand that you are just being loving and caring and trying to help me the best you can. If I didn't know that you guys loved me, I wouldn't have opened myself to you. If I didn't have trust in you, and faith in you as my sisters (and brothers? forgive my ignorance--I'm not sure if any of you are guys. [:)]) I wouldn't have told you the things I have [:D]



peacebearer -> RE: A couple of questions (6/7/2008 3:37:37 AM)

I don't have anything more to add cos you've gotten some pretty good advice already. But I know how sometimes something feels like the only out of the hell that we're already in... Whatever you do, please try to do it with your eyes wide open and if you can, please admit to yourself, at least, that you might not be doing the 'right' thing cos at this moment, doing the 'right' thing is just too much beyond you. At least this way you don't deceive yourself...

But ya, lots of people know the kind of pain that can blind us and just makes us have to run... I pray for you that you will always know that God runs with you too. And that He weeps with you. And that if you'll just keep trying to keep your little 20-year-old hand in His, He'll not let go and if you later on ask Him to, He'll help you heal. I know what pain like yours can do to cloud our minds and eyes and even the will to do what's right. But through it all, I also learnt how faithfully big our God is in His faithfulness and love and He does heal. Never forget you are God's and He is your God... And don't let yourself get pushed into something that you can't yet handle...

By the way, I married someone from another culture. In all honesty, it hasn't been easy cos his standards were not mine and what he thought was acceptable behavior with other women was way off-base with what I was always taught. I'm glad you're going to get to spend two months with this man before heading off to another culture, another world...



buckifn -> RE: A couple of questions (6/9/2008 4:32:24 PM)

how are you feeling about things now purple?



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