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creationtalk -> RE: Confused about my current marriage (6/1/2008 10:20:03 AM)
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I feel so sad for your little stepson.
You are in a difficult position. Normally I would say that the wife must come first. However, in this case there is the prior relationship with your children (all three). These children are a part of you. When current wife (cw) says exclude one or all of them, she is rejecting part of you. She was well aware that there were children involved so she has no excuse for her behavior. I also do not like it that she is wanting you to exclude your children from "family" vacations. Even if these children do not live in the house all the time they are part of the family...just as much as new wife and her child(ren).
I can understand her wanting to have time for just the two of you, but in that case ALL the children should be left with others.
I too am very curious as to what problems previous wife has cause in your marriage? Is it that the pw has actually done things to damage your relationship with cw or is cw reacting to normal interaction between two people who share children? And how long was it after the marriage that cw started complaining about ss?
The fact that cw refuses counseling because "you are the one with problems" is problematic to me. In a marriage, if ONE person has a problem that affects the marriage, the BOTH have a problem because in marriage they become one. When one party of a marriage refuses to engage in solving the problems, or when he/she agree to counseling but expects the other to make all concessions, the marriage is in trouble. Both parties must engage in the process of solving the problems, and both must be willing to give a little. If you had asked my advice prior to getting married, I would have recommended that you spend at least 2 years seeing if you could solve any problems in the first marriage for reconciliation AND resolving those issues and what led to the divorce--identifying your role in the divorce and taking steps to address them-- before considering remarriage. Unfortunately, it's beyond that, but before you have children with cw and before things go much further, you really need to consider these things.
My personal position: I dated and married a man with children from prior relationships. Although I was married to him only a short time (less than a year) seven years ago, I STILL am in contact (sporadic) with both children. I made things for both the wedding and now new baby of the daughter and will do the same for the son. Any man who cannot accept that I care for these children (regardless of how I feel about the father) is not the right person for me.
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