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Kath -> RE: Jumping Jiminee, it's June already! (6/9/2008 11:44:23 AM)
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Donna, I do know how you feel.
Larry has a son with Downs, his name is David. I did everything for him, including wiping his rear. Everything. We were going to a psych with the specialty in mentally retarded people, the whole clinic was devoted for such children. Doc had us do certain things, we had to be consistent, and never waver because David would get confused. I worked hard. Larry'd just sit there while I would work with David over and over. One day Larry said, in sort of a nasty tone, give the kid a break. I was stunned, absolutely stunned. He hadn't lifted a finger once to help me and David was making progress. I was the one running around to SSI, to the workshop, to every single IEP that he never once attended. Not once. It was my job as "the mom" to do it all. I had to file all the paperwork that SSI and the state needed constantly for his disability. I was the one that took him to the hospital when he needed surgery, to every dr appointment, I had to make the calls to the school when they weren't doing their job, I had to clean him when he went BM in his pants, every single day, and clean the bm off the sheets. I brushed his teeth and gave him a bath. When Dan was only a few days old Larry told my mom not to take time off work to help me because he'd be home, but he left me every single day with Dan and David while he went to the farm to build something for his mom. While he was gone David went bm in the bed and all over himself and I lost it. I called my mom just freaking out. She said to just stick him in the shower and let it run on him, leave the bed for larry to deal with and order pizza to be delivered and not to do anything with David, wait for Larry. I probably did scrub him, I couldn't just leave him in there but I left the shower for Larry to clean.
Then we went to file for guardianship for me and Larry, since David was over 21. I was concerned that eventually we'd have trouble with Drs refusing to treat him because he was over 21 and unless there was paperwork saying he was disabled they might not treat him. I had never had trouble but I had read about others that had and I wanted to be covered. I'm the one that always took him. In fact it took me two years and 5 drs before I finally found one that would find out why he was losing weight and not eating. One dr said he needed surgery but he refused to do it since David was retarded.
David's mom was livid about the guardianship and refused to allow it. I had raised that kid, not her, for 13 years. She would go 3 months at a time and not see him. Larry had him alone for 8 years before I came along. She ranted and raved that she was his mother and we seem to forget that. I don't think I was the one that forgot she was his mother [sm=aside.gif]So anyway, she and Larry became the guardian and that was the last time I did anything, no filing paperwork, no taking him to the dr, no IEP meetings, nothing. I was done. About a year later she asked if he could come live with her.
So yeah, I know how you feel. It sucks. (and I hate that word)
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