When to include children in church? (Full Version)

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HomeSpunLady -> When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 3:04:55 PM)

I'm starting to want to include my soon to be 3 yr old in church. Her father is the pastor and while I know she might not get much out of the sermon itself, I want her to learn how to sit. She is learning how to sit during sunday/wednesday night services. She's getting better. What age did you start keeping your child out of nursery and at the services?



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 3:13:05 PM)

We started our oldest at 5. Could-I-go-back..I would have started sooner. I think 3 is great..
maybe try some role-playing at home. Do you have any of your husband's sermons recorded? Even if you don't, perhaps set up a 'pew' of a few chairs in the living room or in front of the computer and play one of his (or another) sermon and start teaching her how to sit when the pastor is talking. That way she can start picking up the rules at home, without all the newness of 'grown-up' church to distract her
Sandy



clag4christ -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 3:18:17 PM)

We've been working on having Hannah sit in church since she was born. She sat through the entire service this morning...she'll be 3 at the end of July.



locomom -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 3:23:21 PM)

One of the best things we did that helped my daughter look forward to church is to teach her some of the routine. At the time that was our current church's version of the Lord's Prayer, and some of the more common hymns. A couple of good hymn CDs are a good investment, as well as a young children's picture Bible. We sat with her on one of our laps and in whisper explained what was going on. So she never felt left out of sitting through a boring adult experience.



kohls356 -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 5:20:15 PM)

When my children were that age and at our former church, nursery ended at age four. So when my kids turned 4 they came into "big" church. I don't really remember having much trouble with them. One thing is kids will get older and be able to sit in church. I understand some people want their kids in church at an early age but for me I just didn't want the battle that I have seen with making young kids sit through a service before it was really necessary or they were ready.



pbaribeault -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 5:21:05 PM)

At our Church, it is ordinary that small children (and babies) sit with their parents until/unless they become unmanageable. (At which point the parent would usually take them to the un-staffed nursery and stay with them as long as need be) Most of the adults are tolerant of some disturbances from children during the service, but not too much. Starting fairly early (before 2) many of the kids go to "children's church" after about 20-30 minutes of announcements, worship songs, prayer etc... before communion & the sermon.

So, I guess we trained our girl to sit, or be held, for that initial 30 minutes of mostly-music, basically from birth. We spent some time in the nursery from time to time, but I don't recall being unable to be in at least part of the service with her most weeks. Some families who are working on these skills sit at the back of the Church, so they can easily slip in and out of the nursery as they need to.

If she had to sit through the entire sermon etc. I'd have something quiet to occupy her (colouring, probably) as she got used to that length of time. I'd also whisper to her periodically some of the key words and phrases of the sermon, and explain them to her at her understanding level.



zoebob -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 5:37:54 PM)

Our church has a nursery for birth through 2. Once they turn 3 through Kindergarten they are in the service until right after the offering. After the offering is "prayers for the kingdom" when the pastor prays for various christians in the world, nation, and local community, then the sermon and closing hymn. On communion weeks that falls after the sermon



Ellie-Mae -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 7:16:29 PM)

For my oldest four, they have been us since birth. With my youngest was born while attending our current church which has had a dedicated children's program that treat children as valuable assets to the church so they attend children's church. However we chose, it has worked well with the possible exception of my youngest son. We had to work really hard to find the best options for him because he didn't fit anywhere for a year or two.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 7:47:02 PM)

Personally, I would start from the very beginning.

Unfortunately, our church is not "baby friendly" and we caved and have ours in Sunday school. They stay until after the offering and the choir, and then leave for the sermon.

I still remember my Mennonite friend's 5 yo sister happily participating in the after-church conversation about the sermon, so I know they can do just fine staying in church.



gmc4Jesus -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 8:33:13 PM)

There was a time when they did not have children's church, nursery, etc. What did parents do then?

My parents took my siblings and me to church with them from the time each of us was born. I remember sitting between mom and dad and listening to the sermon (or doing what kids do while the sermon is going on). I learned to obey mom and dad. I learned to sit quietly. Sometimes I could draw pictures, but often, I just had to sit quietly.

Age isn't the issue. It is learning to obey mom and dad and respecting the place and purpose that are more important. Your children see you as a role model. As they see that sitting in church, singing the songs, praying, putting money in the offering plate and sitting quietly while the preacher is talking is important, they will learn to love and respect God and the art of worshipping Him on the Lord's Day.

God bless you as you are striving to bring your children up in the ways of the Lord.



HomeSpunLady -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 9:30:44 PM)

What I want to know is how the Amish do it. Their children are in there for hours from birth. I know for a while I didn't want her there because I needed some time to just listen, without interruption to the sermon to be fed. But now I want her there. I don't know why, I just do. I think it's time for her to learn. And if I need to take her out, then I'll do it. I have no qualms about it. I'm just not sure how I'm going to handle her and a newborn when he comes. That's the only thing I'm having to really think about. Because I'll nurse him and I never got up enough guts to nurse in church. Now with my hubby being the pastor I won't have to worry about embarrassing the pastor. Nice perk. And maybe that's the key, train her now how to sit so that when the baby does come, I won't have to worry about it as much.



PrincessDonna -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/1/2008 10:39:09 PM)

My kids don't stay through the whole service until they are Children's church age (kindergarten), because we don't always have Children's church. We keep them with us until they are distractingly mobile toddlers, then they go to our WONDERFUL kid's classes.

But knowing that not all churches and certainly not all kids are the same...if you want to train her now, before the baby is born is probably the time to do it. Although...what happens when hubby is preaching and Nadia maybe needs to be taken out and "reminded" of how to behave, AND you're trying to nurse a baby? Don't panic, but think about it...it happens.[;)]

Do you have a nursery or jr children's church in your church? Are they a play time or a time for kids to learn about God on a level they can understand? As the pastor's wife, if you see room for improvement in that area, maybe that is something you can suggest?

And I have no idea how the Amish do it. Or the families in our church who choose to keep their kids with them for the whole service. It's not for me or my rowdy kids...but I'm glad our church allows parents the choice.[:D]



Roberta_ -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 12:26:41 AM)

I used the nursery and children's programs as a way of taking a break from being a mommy for awhile. If it weren't for those programs, I probably wouldn't have come to know the Lord because I wouldn't have gone to church. My hat's off to you parents who have been able to train your child to stay through church. I'm glad it has worked out for you.



lexie -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 9:40:31 AM)

We don't have a nursery at our church, so Akeelah has been with us since birth. Oh how easy it was when she would just sleep through the whole thing!

Dh and I just sit in the back, so if we have to escape with her, we do. But mostly she plays with toys in the back, or will go from person to person and sit in their lap which no one minds.

At 1.5 she is beginning to "participate", she claps and sings throughout song service and then naps through the sermon (hmm....). I am about to start having her sit in her own chair now, as well as bring a book for her to "read" so she feels like she is included (since she is at the stage where she wants to mimic everything.)

Kathryn - is there someone you can ask to sit with you who can look after Nadia when you need to pop out with your baby? You could start now with them sitting next to you, so Nadia understands that if you aren't there, that person is and she needs to behave with them the way she would if you were there.



kernsfamily -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 9:47:38 AM)

At our church, we have a phenomenal children's ministry....they LEARN quite a bit in there, as it's not just "babysitting" and "Play".....

from nursery thru kindergarten, kids can participate in their 'sunday school class' while we go to church, and then to our adult sunday school class.

BUT, beginning with 1st grade, it's set up in a way that the children must go to church with parents, and THEN kids go to their sunday school class, while we go to ours.

Of course, if you insist on bringing your babies/young children to church, you're more than welcome to. But, they get so much out of being in their sunday school class....

The people who go to my in-laws church, do not believe that their children should be involved in that type of "ministry", though......they ALL take their kids to church....if that's what they want, that's fine.....but, they PRIDE themselves in having their 2 and 3 year olds "TRAINED" to sit up straight, be quiet, and "listen" to the sermon and all in church.....not sure how much they get out of that (other than being "trained" to do that).....kind of makes me wonder though, what it takes to get your 2-3 year old to do that.....Personally, I prefer my children to learn what they are taught in sunday school class....instead of church being a place to simply be "trained" to sit up straight, be quiet, and don't move a muscle.....



HomeSpunLady -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 11:51:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexie

Kathryn - is there someone you can ask to sit with you who can look after Nadia when you need to pop out with your baby? You could start now with them sitting next to you, so Nadia understands that if you aren't there, that person is and she needs to behave with them the way she would if you were there.



That is an excellent idea. And I know just the person. Nadia would love it. She is the lady who babysits for us. Nadia loves her. Thank you for that suggestion! I know I could ask her and she would just love it.



pbaribeault -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 2:46:33 PM)

On Sundays when my husband doesn't make it to Church with us, and I'm nursing in the nursery, I ask another family if she can join them... this works well only because she already has the skills to behave herself acceptably, though, and only needs a little watching-over.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 3:06:24 PM)

Baby not here yet so take this with a grain of salt...but I plan to try to keep our child in church from the beginning. I think quite toys (books, coloring, etc)are appropriate and plan to have our child sit and play quietly during the service. Alot of it, I think, depends on the childs temperment, but I think sitting quietly during the service, even if they arent looking right at the pastor and "listening" prepares the child for when they are older. And I think even if a kid is doodling on paper or looking at a bible story book, they are hearing some of what the pastor says and learning a lesson.

At our church, they offer "children's church" which begins right after singing (as the pastor is going to the front of the church and the music leader going to their seat, at that time whoever is in charge that week (we rotate) "collects" the kids who will attend. At our small church it is usually about three 2-4 year olds. The general rule is if they can sit in kindergarten class they can stay during service. Though some parents keep their kids the whole time, its basically left up to the parent.



LaurainAL -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 3:25:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HomeSpunLady

I'm starting to want to include my soon to be 3 yr old in church. Her father is the pastor and while I know she might not get much out of the sermon itself, I want her to learn how to sit. She is learning how to sit during sunday/wednesday night services. She's getting better. What age did you start keeping your child out of nursery and at the services?


I started training Ella at about 2 1/2. She is 4 now and always sits with me at church. It is a special time for the 2 of us. There are some in our church who are trying to start a children's church. If they do, I want Ella to stay in "big church" with me. Children understand much more than people think.

At first, it was hard for her to understand why Daddy could walk around and talk in church but that I needed her to be quiet and reasonably still. One time when she needed a restroom break, she announced it to the congregation on the way out by saying, "Daddy, I be back, gotta go pee pee". [:)] She eventually learned though and is a good girl in church. I am SO proud of her.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/2/2008 3:42:53 PM)

I think it also makes a difference how kid friendly your church is. Our church, no one minds kids that are a little loud (within reason of course) or if they make "announcements" like above. We are a small congregation and everyone is pretty much like a big family.

People try to keep the kiddos quite out of respect for pastor, but no one would ever suggest a child go to the nursery.



W.O.F. -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/7/2008 12:09:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HomeSpunLady

I'm starting to want to include my soon to be 3 yr old in church. Her father is the pastor and while I know she might not get much out of the sermon itself, I want her to learn how to sit. She is learning how to sit during sunday/wednesday night services. She's getting better. What age did you start keeping your child out of nursery and at the services?

from birth. Seriously. We didn't put our children in the nursery for church services. I kept my infants with me. IF they acted up too loudly...I took them to the nursery, but stayed with them, but it was NOT an every Sunday event (except for the Sunday school hour after they were about 6 months old). Usually I took them out, comforted/calmed them..and then returned to church.

We do bring quiet toys/books that are for church only (that way they are special) to keep hands busy and tiny mouths quieter.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/7/2008 3:56:56 AM)

quote:

What I want to know is how the Amish do it.


Cookies, soft toys, and good discipline. [:D]



Annie64 -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/7/2008 5:16:14 AM)

I have a different opinion than that of most of the posters on this board, because I love children's church, and not just for the tiniest kids, either. I have no problem with having a children's program available for kids all the way up to 12 years old. My kids, all teenagers now, went to children's church for as long as there was a program available. I know that a lot of people don't agree with me, and people in my own church don't agree with me, and we don't do it that way anymore. But that doesn't change how I wish it was.

Here are my reasons for feeling that way:
1. It's not just about the kids from our church family, whose parents attend every Sunday. When my kids were younger, I used to bring unchurched kids from my neighborhood to church, and then I would cringe when they were asked to sit in the adult service for part of the time. These kids didn't know that God loved them, and they weren't coming to church to worship Him. They were coming because they thought they were going to get to do something fun. I wanted them to get the Gospel, but they didn't know they were going to get anything important at all. Some of them had behavior issues and asking them to sit quietly for something that wasn't designed for them would only create resentment and disillusionment with church.

2. Kids may understand more than you think, but not always. They don't always understand. I still remember, 40 years later, a sweltering night in an un-air-conditioned camp meeting, at the approximate age of four, when I heard a man pray fervently, "Oh, Lord, melt us!" And I waited nervously for it to get hot enough for us all to melt, though I wondered why in the world the man would want something like that to happen. It's funny now, but the next example isn't. I wasn't just nervous when I was nine years old and heard a preacher tell about the unpardonable sin. That gave me pure terror that lasted off and on for years.

3. The corollary to this is that if kids are in an appropriate children's church, one that isn't just babysitting or giving a watered down, unbiblical version of the Gospel, they can received solid Biblical teaching that is relavant to them and in a form that they can better understand. The Word of God is powerful, but how much more powerful will it be when those who hear it understand? I know I'm being idealistic here, and there are many children's church programs that aren't effective and there are many churches for whom having such a program is unrealistic. This is just what I think is the ideal.

There is a fourth advantage to children's church that most people don't think about, an advantage to the adults (other than the fact that it gives parents a break): it gives the pastor a chance to speak on topics that are sorely needed in today's world but may be inappropriate for children, such as what the Bible really teaches about homosexuality.

Just my humble opinion. [;)]



zoebob -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/7/2008 8:06:17 AM)

quote:

such as what the Bible really teaches about homosexuality.


See, now I don't see that as inappropriate to children. They don't need to know the ins and outs of how homosexuality (or heterosexuality at certain ages) works but you don't need to discuss that in preaching. If there is anything in scripture that is so terrible that our kids can't be exposed to it then that can be a topic of discussion for adult Sunday school.



Roberta_ -> RE: When to include children in church? (6/7/2008 12:01:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Annie64

I have a different opinion than that of most of the posters on this board, because I love children's church, and not just for the tiniest kids, either. I have no problem with having a children's program available for kids all the way up to 12 years old. My kids, all teenagers now, went to children's church for as long as there was a program available. I know that a lot of people don't agree with me, and people in my own church don't agree with me, and we don't do it that way anymore. But that doesn't change how I wish it was.

Here are my reasons for feeling that way:
1. It's not just about the kids from our church family, whose parents attend every Sunday. When my kids were younger, I used to bring unchurched kids from my neighborhood to church, and then I would cringe when they were asked to sit in the adult service for part of the time. These kids didn't know that God loved them, and they weren't coming to church to worship Him. They were coming because they thought they were going to get to do something fun. I wanted them to get the Gospel, but they didn't know they were going to get anything important at all. Some of them had behavior issues and asking them to sit quietly for something that wasn't designed for them would only create resentment and disillusionment with church.

2. Kids may understand more than you think, but not always. They don't always understand. I still remember, 40 years later, a sweltering night in an un-air-conditioned camp meeting, at the approximate age of four, when I heard a man pray fervently, "Oh, Lord, melt us!" And I waited nervously for it to get hot enough for us all to melt, though I wondered why in the world the man would want something like that to happen. It's funny now, but the next example isn't. I wasn't just nervous when I was nine years old and heard a preacher tell about the unpardonable sin. That gave me pure terror that lasted off and on for years.

3. The corollary to this is that if kids are in an appropriate children's church, one that isn't just babysitting or giving a watered down, unbiblical version of the Gospel, they can received solid Biblical teaching that is relavant to them and in a form that they can better understand. The Word of God is powerful, but how much more powerful will it be when those who hear it understand? I know I'm being idealistic here, and there are many children's church programs that aren't effective and there are many churches for whom having such a program is unrealistic. This is just what I think is the ideal.

There is a fourth advantage to children's church that most people don't think about, an advantage to the adults (other than the fact that it gives parents a break): it gives the pastor a chance to speak on topics that are sorely needed in today's world but may be inappropriate for children, such as what the Bible really teaches about homosexuality.

Just my humble opinion. [;)]


Annie- as a former children's church leader, I agree with you 100%! I would see parents who would stop coming to church because their children weren't behaving during the service and they didn't want to be separated from them.

Children's church isn't for every family. There are some families that do great having their children with them during the service. However, there is nothing wrong with a family choosing to utilize the nursery, children's church, etc.

Some families on this board are so adament about keeping their children with them, that it almost comes across like the old homeschool vs. public school debates. There are some on this board (not this thread) who are so opposed to children's programs that they can make a parent feel second-rate for choosing to use those programs. [&:]



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