Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (Full Version)

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IMA_CHRISTIAN -> Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 1:09:20 PM)

Hi - I am a born again Christian for about 3 years, I noticed lately when under pressure if someone asks me a question, I sometimes lie for 2 reasons - either the answer will make me look stupid, or else the person is asking me a question that I dont want them to know the answer. Actually the 2nd reason is self-preservation, if I answered their question, I could be harmed or they have no right to know such personal information.

How can I overcome this? I dont say a "little white lie" is ok, but it looks like I have fear of man :(

by choosing to lie, I am fearing man more than God. but I dont know how to answer the question or not. What can you say when you dont want to answer a question but yet not sin?

one example is when my ex-friend asked me what my new phone number was and I dont want him to have it as he ends up harassing me. if I tell him, he will know where I went and I dont want him to know as he is very pushy.. the truth will give him a clue where I am and I dont want him to find me... he is my ex-friend for a reason! he asked me "What is your phone number?" all i did was go "ummm well.. uhhhh" and then he hung up the phone on me angrily!

thank you.



bzirk -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 1:14:58 PM)

Trust the Lord in the moment by praying to Him in the moment. These are wonderful opportunities for the Lord to reveal Himself to you in ways that will build you up like nothing else, my friend.



SomeFineDay -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 1:50:01 PM)

I struggle the same thing myself. Only I have to add lying about procrastination as well. I have wrestled with this so much. The only thing I can say is that I am better of identifying it as I do it, so I hopefully can reorientate myself to tell the truth. My prayer to God was that he would help me identify my action in the split section before I commit and open my mouth.

The other side, is as I become more aware, the conviction that if I do lie is so great, I prefer to avoid it.

That and the fact that I know I will have to repent anyways.

I am sure there are root issues, but the fact of the matter is, that sin is sin.



Miril -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 1:52:31 PM)

Practice self control with your faith in God.

God is truth, he wants us to be truthful. When you lie you go against everything he stands for.

By lying you disrupt God's path and the outcome he has for you, because you have taken matters into your own hands.

Have faith in God, be honest, the outcome is what is meant to happen.

FAITH
TRUST



bzirk -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 1:56:09 PM)

I base what I said earlier on this passage:

quote:

Philippians 4

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


But certainly this can be done anytime and should be where we live. The Lord is teaching us how to live there.

It's amazing what the Lord will reveal to us when we stop mentally wringing our hands and trust Him to show us how to proceed. I have no idea how many things put me in a quandary, only to turn and trust the Lord and find the perfect answer and spend years marveling at it.



bzirk -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 1:59:00 PM)

You see it's not enough to use our reason in knowing that we fear man more than God. It really is about faith in the Lord as Miril said. We have to let go and trust that His instruction to us will uphold us. We can't do that on our own. It is about seeking the Lord even in having faith. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. We didn't come up with that on our own, and we don't do what's right on our own.

The good news is that the Lord is patient.



TJStarfire -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 3:14:35 PM)

quote:

he asked me "What is your phone number?" all i did was go "ummm well.. uhhhh" and then he hung up the phone on me angrily!


So where is the lie in that?

You know it is alright to just say no
and/or question why a person wants to know something.
It is even permitted to tell people to mind their own business.



laura... -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 3:28:39 PM)

It helps to prepare ahead of time answers to specific questions that you don't want to answer. For instance, giving out your phone number -- "I'm sorry, I don't give out my number"; or, "I'd rather not." (Why were you talking to your exfriend in the first place? -- You don't have to answer that question.) In the case of your exfriend you could say, "No, I'm not giving you my number. Your past behavior indicates that I cannot trust you with it." Honesty doesn't equal providing all information when asked. It just means not being deceptive.



HisCovenant -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 3:51:53 PM)

I agree with all of what's already been posted.

I wanted to address this:
quote:

I sometimes lie for 2 reasons - either the answer will make me look stupid


My father does this same thing, and you know what? When I realize he is twisting something to make himself look smarter/right/wise, he looks even more foolish. Others know that you aren't perfect and you just have to get over the fact that others will notice that.

It sounds like you have the type of personality that is concerned with appearance. Nothing wrong with that. The Bible speaks of us being of good reputation and avoiding the appearance of evil. However, you can't take wanting to appear beautiful (inside or out) too far or you become lacking in substance. Others see this lack just as clearly as the facade you are covering it with.

Work on stating the truth lovingly, no matter how it looks. Work on saying, "I'll have to get back with you ion that." Work on saying "no" politely and honestly. Work on building your faith in God. Work on waiting for God to speak to you before you speak.



Miril -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 5:12:43 PM)

quote:

We have to let go and trust that His instruction to us will uphold us. We can't do that on our own. It is about seeking the Lord even in having faith. He is the author and perfecter of our faith. We didn't come up with that on our own, and we don't do what's right on our own.

The good news is that the Lord is patient.


So true, and at first - very very difficult to let go and do but once you do you will not experience anything like it.[:D]



LivingParadox -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 8:35:11 PM)

The great thing about telling the truth all the time -- besides not sinning -- is that you never have to keep up with it or back track on what you've said. True simplicity.



ladyichigo -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 9:26:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura...

It helps to prepare ahead of time answers to specific questions that you don't want to answer. For instance, giving out your phone number -- "I'm sorry, I don't give out my number"; or, "I'd rather not." (Why were you talking to your exfriend in the first place? -- You don't have to answer that question.) In the case of your exfriend you could say, "No, I'm not giving you my number. Your past behavior indicates that I cannot trust you with it." Honesty doesn't equal providing all information when asked. It just means not being deceptive.

[sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]



SonInMe1 -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/4/2008 9:42:25 PM)

I guess I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I tend to be "too honest" and certainly open. What I think, I say. Wanna know how I feel? Ask me.

A guy at work asked me about a girlfriend situation. I told him what the bible said about it.

I moved to another press for a day, an unusual situation, and had the opportunity to talk with a guy who had failed the drug test just given. I didn't have any purpose in mind but the conversation came to christianity and I did my thing...lol.

My boss got after me because he doesn't think I act christian enough...though he has no clue what a christian is, because, well, I am christian and I let it be known, good or bad.

I can tell ya, being open with your faith does make you a target. Imperfections are magnified and they wait....to pounce. But...there ya go.

Jump. The worst that can happen is usually embarrassment. If you offend people with the truth, well we always try not to offend people but sometimes...people need to be offended. Not aggressivly but sometimes. it just...is.



BibleL7 -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/5/2008 5:53:32 AM)

To let someone know you don't want to answer the question it is not lying it should be done with love not in a mean way. You can also say you have your reasons which you don't care to discuss. As for answering the truth that might make you sound stupid I have to agree with the above post. Most people will see the falseness in it and may not think you stupid just a lyer. Pray often and ask the Lord to help you answer. Yea it irks people at times when you hesitate to answer because you are praying about it but hey sometimes it lessons the questions. Also if you tell the truth consistently it will also lesson the questions for they might find that they don't really want to hear the truth.



JMCrwd -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/5/2008 7:31:33 AM)

This is a hard thing to let go of. I still struggle with it every now and then. I pray to God for forgiveness after I do it and ask him to help me do better. It has been hard but it's getting better, with God's help it will be alright.



bzirk -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/5/2008 2:16:39 PM)

One of the most freeing things is to let your yes be yes and your no be no (rf. Matt. 5:37; James 5:12).



deermousie -> RE: Lying Under Pressure - Please Help to Change (6/5/2008 4:02:06 PM)

Several people have touched on this, and that is some questions are inappropriate and don't have to be answered.

General information questions are fine between strangers: your name, your job, what country you live in.

Friendship information would be: who your mate and children are, how old your kids are, where you live, your phone number.

Family information would include why you lost your last job and how you feel about it, and what you're going to do about the guy who asked to marry your daughter. Outside of the family it's nobody's business and rude to even ask.

So if someone wants friendship info and you don't want to be friends, you can deflect with another question ("Why are you asking?" It changes the subject from you to them) or outright tell them no (Someone already gave a good example, "I don't give it out." A Christian teen I know was asked out by a so-so Christian guy, and she just said matter of factly and without anger, "I won't go out with you - I don't like your walk with the Lord." He got the message loud and clear, and also a rebuke for his lousy walk and hopefully will take a hint. This was a little harsh but sometimes that is called for with people who don't take hints. If you don't look mad it will go down smoother).

Sometimes we lie because we are afraid of people. The Bible addresses this as fear of man when we should have fear of God (reverential awe). So we should tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If it hurts us, either there's something in our lives that needs cleaning up or God is allowing persecution and we are to take it like a man, so to speak, and not strike back.

If I fear people will find out I'm a twit, guess what? They'll probably know it anyway. I depend on people's grace and God's grace, and hopefully I won't be a twit someday. [:D]



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