RE: Overprotective... (Full Version)

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Ellie-Mae -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 9:44:55 AM)

It doesn't really matter if he thought it was a big deal or not. The rules have been changed midstream... a rule that was specifically asked about. He needs to clear it up. It really bugs me that irresponsible people like that are put in charge of youth.[:@]



Consecrated2God -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 9:50:07 AM)

Maybe his cell phone was locked up, too. [;)]



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 9:50:29 AM)

Here's a thought...I had something similar like this happen with Thing 1 and when I asked the counselor why he didn't let me know the plans had changed he said, "Thing 1 said you would be cool with it." So there we go.

I think it's great that the mum and daughter have a wonderful relationship, but like Lioness, I would not want my relationship to be like that with my daughter, or my mother for that matter. My SIL has a relationship where she HAS to talk to her mother EVERY DAY and it's made her marriage to my brother, a former military man very hard.

I hope you guys are able to walk away from this with an amazing experience. *huggles*



PrincessDonna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 9:56:46 AM)

quote:

However, if the person didn't realize that it was a big deal to the girl's mom, he might not have thought about it. Sometimes we tend to project our own feelings on other people. If a person was the kind that wouldn't be bothered not talking to their own kid for a week, they might not understand someone else being bothered by it.


Right. Also, cell phones are usually NOT allowed at camp, even for counselors. This is the norm, I believe, as there are so many activities that could cause a cell phone to be ruined or lost. There are phones available for emergencies, but it is generally known that you don't go to camp with the expectation of talking to your family every day, so why should it be different for a counselor?



FAWIHTT -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:00:46 AM)

since she is a counselor what would the harm be in unlocking her phone once a day just to say hey mom and dad I am fine having a blast love ya. Bye. Since they are the ones who had the misinformation. Counselors should have some special privledges you would think.



manda59 -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:01:13 AM)

My kids are very close to me. I *love* talking with them, and miss it if very much they are away and I don't get to speak with them every day.

However, I don't *need* to speak with them every day, as much as I'd like to. To me, if I *needed* to speak to them every day, it would be like not trusting them to do things for themselves, and also like not trusting God with them.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:02:26 AM)

Counselors are expected to focus on the children they have been given charge over. She probably wouldn't even have time every day to make a quick call, from my experiences at youth camp.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:03:36 AM)

And she couldn't leave the kids unattended in order to call home...so then they would all want to call, too, and the dominoes start falling. I can see why the camp would lock up the phone.



stellaluna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:05:08 AM)

I think it's highly likely that the no phone rule is simply considered no big deal. There was probably a misunderstanding with the rules and it got cleared up when the OP's daughter got there and there you go. I'm sure the camp has a number (or two or ten) for each camper and staff member in case of emergencies.

I think it is generally accepted that kids will not talk to their parents while at camp, and especially not counselors who are older teenagers. Can you imagine the chaos of a couple hundred kids waiting in line to talk to their parents everyday or walking around with cell phones? It's time consuming, having a cell phone on you is one more thing to worry about (and an expensive thing to worry about and there are many camps that ban electronics all together), it can take away from the focus of camp activities, etc.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:08:56 AM)

The problem is not wether or not cell phones are allowed, but that the rules told to a parent were changed midstream without any thought to the parent and their responsibility to that parent.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:12:46 AM)

I think you do have to consider the amount of time that would have taken against the number of campers that need to be overseen. How ticked off would a campers' mom be if something happened to her young kid while everybody was scurrying to make sure the 17yr old counselors' moms were getting every last bit of information?

I would assume that a 17yr old would know enough and be responsible enough to use the phones available to keep her own mom informed if it was that necessary.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:26:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae

The problem is not wether or not cell phones are allowed, but that the rules told to a parent were changed midstream without any thought to the parent and their responsibility to that parent.


I agree it should not have been said if it wasn't true. However, the person who told the OP that it was fine probably actually had nothing to do with changing the rule or making it in the first place.

Being a counselor is a JOB, paid or unpaid. What job allows teenagers to use cell phones while they are working? Yes, it should have been stated correctly from the beginning, but it also should have been assumed that contact every day was unrealistic.



stellaluna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 10:37:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
The problem is not wether or not cell phones are allowed, but that the rules told to a parent were changed midstream without any thought to the parent and their responsibility to that parent.

I'd actually like to know what the OP's daughter was told about her cell phone. Remember that this 17yo is a counselor, not a camper. An employer has no obligation to inform the employee's parent of any rule or rule change. (I know we're not talking about an employee in the traditional sense of the word, and she's probably not getting paid, but again, this is an OLDER TEENAGED COUNSELOR, not a 10yo camper.) I promise you that there is no expectation that she would need or want to talk to her mother everyday and I sincerely doubt that any thought was given on the part of the camp administration that a mother would be that upset, especially if the teenager in question could have said something like, "We thought I'd be able to keep my cell phone, but it turns out that's against the rules." No biggie.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 11:16:59 AM)

I would have asked him why I or anyone else should be expected to trust them when he obviously doesn't feel that it is important to respect the parents and that it is ok to undermine them with deception. Sure she is OK, but that doesn't remove his responsibility in this.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 11:32:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 29redballoons

Well we went to praise and worship last night at the campground. First thing youth leader said was...Oh, I'll bet you are upset. I replied, why? He said, well, she hasn't called has she? I said why was that changed, he said...Well, we just did, kinda thought it was best.
So she is doing fine, we will let her go again if she likes, she will be home tomorrow night...but never again will I depend on what they tell me to be so.

SO that is where we stand.
Thanks again for your input.

I think I'm confused. You trust them enough to allow them to supervise your child, but not enough to believe their word.

Ummm...don't the two go hand in hand? I don't know...I truly am confused and completely not being snarky at all.



stellaluna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 12:11:40 PM)

And I don't understand this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: 29redballoons

Well we went to praise and worship last night at the campground. First thing youth leader said was...Oh, I'll bet you are upset. I replied, why? He said, well, she hasn't called has she? I said why was that changed, he said...Well, we just did, kinda thought it was best.

They thought it was best that your child not have a phone or eleventy billion campers showed up with cell phones and they said, "no way, we're locking them up."



29redballoons -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 12:36:13 PM)

I am sure I am not making myself clear. I am obviously biased. I do feel as though I was told less than the truth, purposely or not, it still felt deceptive. Were they intentionally deceptive, I seriously doubt it. I am sure they thought it was no big deal. What I meant by my above statement was I will not depend solely on what they tell me but will check further with church leadership. She is a mature responsible young woman, and yes, I would let her go off with the group because basically she can take care of herself. She loves the youth group and they do lots of good work. This has been my only complaint. As my OP stated, I was devastated because when I wrote that I was emotional...definitely upset, and probably crying. Now, I feel as though I have made too big of a deal over this and I feel kinda silly in fact. This are not dishonest people, as I stated to begin with, I am over protective and basically that is what it boils down to...

Sorry I have been so confusing.



stellaluna -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 12:37:37 PM)

The reason for my last post is because there's a huge difference in the camp banning all cell phones and banning just your daughter's.



29redballoons -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 12:44:05 PM)

No, I am sure it was everyone's. Only the "adult's" were allowed to have them in the first place...meaning the counselors.



2shaye -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 12:46:41 PM)

Red, obviously you love your daughter. You are blessed to have a wonderful relationship with her. I am blessed by your honesty and transparency. Perhaps you realize that this is just the beginning, or one more step towards "letting go" and that makes you sad, or react more emotionally. You're a good mom.

One more day.... [;)]



Consecrated2God -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 1:46:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2shaye

Red, obviously you love your daughter. You are blessed to have a wonderful relationship with her. I am blessed by your honesty and transparency. Perhaps you realize that this is just the beginning, or one more step towards "letting go" and that makes you sad, or react more emotionally. You're a good mom.

One more day.... [;)]


I agree. It's not easy letting your kids grow up and leave the nest, and I think your feelings are normal. You were disappointed that you weren't able to talk to her everyday like you had expected to, and that's totally understandable.

I don't think the leadership did anything wrong, but I can understand the disappointment it caused you.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 7:47:00 PM)

quote:

I don't think the leadership did anything wrong, but I can understand the disappointment it caused you.


I disagree. when someone givves you their word, espeially someone that you have entrusted your child to for their care, then they should be obligated to keep it.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 9:17:33 PM)

I dunno. I think answering a question isn't quite the same as "giving your word".

And having a counseling job as opposed to being one of the campers doesn't quite equal "entrusting to their care" IMHO. I would expect an employer to deal directly with my teenager and that my teenager would be the most responsible for her own care at work. (assuming that the workplace was a safe place to begin with which I would also assume a camp would be)

But maybe that's just me.[&:]



thisistheday -> RE: Overprotective... (6/12/2008 9:39:30 PM)

But again, we don't know what extenuating circumstances caused the change in plans. I can understand being upset.

He did allow one last phone calls so mom knew what was up. There should have been another way for mom to reach her daughter. I can certainly understand not thinking it should be a big deal since we are talking about a 17 year old. I would certainly not be giving anyone an earful without further dialogue about what happened.

I also agree with the above post. If the rules for a counselor change, I don't necessarily hold those in charge accountable to me.

Dee



Consecrated2God -> RE: Overprotective... (6/13/2008 10:37:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

I dunno. I think answering a question isn't quite the same as "giving your word".

And having a counseling job as opposed to being one of the campers doesn't quite equal "entrusting to their care" IMHO. I would expect an employer to deal directly with my teenager and that my teenager would be the most responsible for her own care at work. (assuming that the workplace was a safe place to begin with which I would also assume a camp would be)

But maybe that's just me.[&:]


I agree.



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