how can i help my wife? (Full Version)

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BornAgainDan -> how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 1:12:19 PM)

right now I'm on fire for the Lord. I intend to stay this way the rest of my life. On April 22nd I married the love of my life. before the wedding the pastor spoke with me about being the spiritual leader for her. it's something that i take very seriously. now, my wife seems sort of half way in the world/half way in the Lord. she talks about how she wants to be closer to God and she wants to turn away from her sins and be more righteous but she doesn't want to put her full effort into it. i point things out and make suggestions as to what can help her and she gets mad at me. she says it feels like I'm attacking her. it seems like no matter what i do she is determined to not listen to me and it makes me feel like a failure. what is more important to me is that she gets to the point that I'm at. i want this for her so badly, but it seems i cannot win. and the funny thing is that she was saved long before i was. it was she who first got me to church. what else can i do to help her?



futuremartyr -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 1:19:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros

right now I'm on fire for the Lord. I intend to stay this way the rest of my life. On April 22nd I married the love of my life. before the wedding the pastor spoke with me about being the spiritual leader for her. it's something that i take very seriously. now, my wife seems sort of half way in the world/half way in the Lord. she talks about how she wants to be closer to God and she wants to turn away from her sins and be more righteous but she doesn't want to put her full effort into it. i point things out and make suggestions as to what can help her and she gets mad at me. she says it feels like I'm attacking her. it seems like no matter what i do she is determined to not listen to me and it makes me feel like a failure. what is more important to me is that she gets to the point that I'm at. i want this for her so badly, but it seems i cannot win. and the funny thing is that she was saved long before i was. it was she who first got me to church. what else can i do to help her?


For some wives it helps to have a godly woman to hold them accountable, for some reason we don't take it as criticism. My husband would tell me something when I was first saved, I would take it as criticism and then the lady who was discipling me would say the same thing, and I would listen. My husband was amazed. Now that I have grown in the Lord, I am able to listen to him with understanding, not that I am perfect, but we communicate better than before. Don't be discouraged, it's not you, it's her heart that needs the changing, maybe back off for awhile and just spend time together, of course, doing things in the Lord as well, Bible study, praying, etc...Maybe go through a book together. Most important, pray for her.



GregandJenny -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 1:27:06 PM)

Remember that a leader is not necessarily a boss. To lead is to be patient, to be humble, to seek counsel from other Godly people, to pray, and to have joy.

You can help your wife by loving her for who she is. Praying for her, encouraging her. I know you're on fire but let your fire warm your wifes heart and not burn it up..

Praying here!

G



stamper_ben -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 1:57:51 PM)

Don't preach at her. Lead by example. You can do nothing to change her. You can only change your own view on things. Concentrate on your own relationship with Christ. Let Him do the work in your wife, not you. (I see a sign on the side of the road every morning, it reads "God didn't go on vacation and leave you in charge".) Pray with her daily about your own relationship with Him and your marriage together, but not on her relationship with Him. You might be surprised that after time she herself will voice that aspect of her to Him.



Pinksultana -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 2:58:30 PM)

She is already stating she wants to change and be closer to God....I would just pray pray pray for God to work in her heart and to help her get to that place.... and why not asking how you can help her? She may say that she would appreciate doing daily devotions and you prayers o something but doesnt want comments from you on her actions ect if you know what I mean...ask her how you can encourage her without making er feel attacked....its good that you can aknowege that you are both at diffeent places with the Lord at the moment...and dont forget it....as her journey is hers and you role is as a support rather than a boss or teacher - but rather the role model....



TorchHeart -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 3:04:41 PM)

I think the important thing is to watch how you "lead." Like someone else in here said, that doesn't mean being the boss. Just be careful how you tell her things to make sure you aren't going to be seen as a way of criticizing her.

And prayer definitely doesn't hurt. If she's really willing to change, it might be best to let God help nudge her along.



evryknee -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 4:25:04 PM)

As the above posters said. Focus on your own walk. You are trying to help her, but you may be pointing out her sins and struggles (which is the Holy Spirits job). You can only invite her to pray with you or have devotions with you. The rest is her choice. Desire her love for the Lord, but don't demand it. She'll come along...in God's timing...



stateofgrace -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 4:30:25 PM)

Don't focus on what she's "supposed" to do as a Christian wife (as in Ephesians 5), focus on what you're supposed to do (see verse 24 of Ephesians 5- Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her).



Liveloved -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 7:41:24 PM)

Read Ephesians 5, particularly the part about what the husband's role is. You are to love, nurture, lay down your life for your wife. Godly leadership is VERY different from worldly leadership. (And don't look at the church and how IT has done leadership because it, in general, has followed the worldly pattern.)

Jesus led by taking up the towel and washing His disciples feet. He could have pointed out every flaw, every change they needed. He didn't. He loved them, cherished them, nourished them. And the response was tremendous.

So fix your eyes on Jesus and let Him do the work in your wife. Ask Him to do what you cannot and should not. He will. And pray. Bless you![:)]


P.S. My husband is one of the few who has and is living Ephesians 5/Christlike leadership to me. I am indeed blest.



jaimestarcross -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/12/2008 8:15:26 PM)

What you can do for your wife is to pray for her and be a quiet example of
a husband in submission to God.
No one likes it when someone is pointing out what they are doing wrong etc... especially if it seems more time is spent correcting than loving/praising her for the things she does do that are pleasing/nice.

You aren't a failure - you're both Christians - just because she came to the Lord long before you did doesn't mean she'll be more mature spiritually... everyone struggles in their faith walk... and some mature quicker than others.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/15/2008 2:14:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros
right now I'm on fire for the Lord. I intend to stay this way the rest of my life. On April 22nd I married the love of my life. before the wedding the pastor spoke with me about being the spiritual leader for her. it's something that i take very seriously.

This may be uncomfortable to read, but sometimes, people don't want "help," because way too often, people who want to give "help" are those who need to work on their own stuff instead. It is easier to "help" others than it is to face our own issues. I have had to deal with such, and it is very frustrating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros
now, my wife seems sort of half way in the world/half way in the Lord. she talks about how she wants to be closer to God and she wants to turn away from her sins and be more righteous but she doesn't want to put her full effort into it.
For what reason do you write that she is half way in the world and half way in the Lord? You just wrote that you are "on fire for the Lord": are you merely disappointed that she is not following your lead in such a way that she is doing what you do, thus verifying what you feel and vindicating you? (Remember that I don't know you; I am not blaming you: I am simply asking you to think about these ideas!) You write that she wants to turn from her sins. What sins?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros
i point things out and make suggestions as to what can help her and she gets mad at me. she says it feels like I'm attacking her.
Yep. It probably does seem that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros
it seems like no matter what i do she is determined to not listen to me and it makes me feel like a failure.
SHE cannot MAKE you feel anything; only you have control over what you feel. If you are feeling that, don't blame her: you have made a choice to feel like a failure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros
what is more important to me is that she gets to the point that I'm at. i want this for her so badly, but it seems i cannot win.
Oh, honey! So if she starts doing what you think is right for you, you win?? Wow. Have you ever considered that it is not your job to be H Spirit to her? He is the convictor, the teacher. Your job is to love her. That is it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLindros
and the funny thing is that she was saved long before i was. it was she who first got me to church. what else can i do to help her?
Stop trying to change her.



soundDRwife -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/16/2008 10:27:01 AM)

I don't know any advice to share that hasn't already been said. There not much you can do with a person when they don't want to listen right. The only thing you can do is Pray and let the holy spirit work on them.



lindakaye -> RE: how can i help my wife? (6/16/2008 9:33:11 PM)

Please get some help for this before you do things you can't undo.
In April she was the love of your life and is she not now because you found out that she is not perfect in your eyes?

There is a real danger when we think we are far ahead of our spouses spritually. The other posters were right, you are not her personal holy spirit and maybe another talk with the pastor would be a good thing. Or even better, a good talk with a man who has a happy happy wife.
Please stop before you do hurt to her heart that you can't fix. there is nothing more destructive than feeling that your husband doesn't think you are good enough for him.



KPOP -> RE: how can i help my wife? (7/4/2008 7:41:48 AM)

HI THERE.

SO YOU FEEL LIKE A FAILURE?

DO NOT FEEL SO BAD

JUST WONDER WHY YOU DID NOT NOTICE WHETHER SHE IS A REAL CHRISTIAN OR NOT

SOME PEOPLE -- ESPECIALLY WOMEN -- GOES TO CHURCH FOR FINDING HUSBAND

I DID THAT BEFORE --

AND I DID FIND A HUSBAND IN CHURCH

AND HE IS A CHRISTIAN -- I THINK SO ANYWAY

HE LIKES TO READ THE BIBLE -- HE LIKES TO QUOTE CERTAIN VERSES FROM THE BIBLE

HIS REASONING SEEMS RIGHT AND IT DOES BACK UP THE BIBLE

HE USES KJV

BUT THEN YOU ONLY BEEN MARRIED NOT EVEN ONE YEAR

JUST GIVE IT TIME

JUST LET HIM HEAR ABOUT THE WORD

ME BEFORE

I USED TO PREACH IN ME AND MY HUSBAND LIVING ROOM ABOUT GOD AND JESUS CHRIST WHILE HE IS IN BED

I KINDA MAKE SURE THAT HE HEARS ME PREACH

AND WHEN HE WAS SOBER --

I TALKED ABOUT AL - ANON -- MOSTLY EVERY NIGHT

AND I PREACH IN OUR DRIVEWAY

WE USED TO GO TO THE CLUB HOUSE AND PLAY PIANO TOGETHER

NOW I PLAY PIANO BY MYSELF

BUT LIFE IS GOOD

I MUST REMEMBER TO ASK HIM

IF END TIMES IS HEAR OR ALMOST OVER

CAUSE I AM GETTING OF WAITING

SO JUST BE YOURSELF

BUT DO NOT BE VIOLENT

JUST MAKE SURE THAT HE HEARS THE WORD

WHY DON'T YOU PLAY SOME CHRISTIAN SONGS

LIKE STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN

OR JEFF FENHOLT

OR DEL WAY

GOD CITY

THEN FIND YOUTUBE.COM

AND FIND INTERESTING THINGS TO WATCH AND LISTEN TO

MY HUSBAND LIKES TO WATCH UFO

AND NOW HE IS FINDING THINGS LIKE JOURNEY

AND OTHER THINGS

AND ALSO TELL HER ABOUT CROSSWALK

AND GET INVOLVE WITH CHRISTIAN FRIENDS

AND ALSO TO GET INVOLVE WITH EMAIL

I USED TO AUTHOR BIBLE STUDY AND EMAIL THEM TO FRIENDS

AND MY HUSBAND USE TO MAKE SURE THAT I HAVE COOKED SOMETHING ESPECIAL

GOOD LUCK

KATHY



timf -> RE: how can i help my wife? (7/4/2008 9:49:58 AM)

how can i help my wife?

1. Help and encourage her to seek counsel from an older wiser woman who clearly shows the love and light of Jesus in her life.
2. Encourage her in Godly friendship with another Christian woman. Men often do not appreciate how important peer friendships can be for women. They also often fail to appreciate how harmful ungodly friendships can be.
3. Frequently show physical affection with a touch, kiss, embrace, or other gesture that communicates your desire, appreciation, and concern.
4. Verbally express your affection.
5. Help her with her work. Not because it is your turn or because it is only fair, but as a demonstration of self-sacrificial love that you hope to establish as the guiding principal for your family.
6. Cry out for wisdom. Intelligence people are born with, but wisdom is given freely from God. Wisdom is much more valuable and we should seek it.
7. Don't turn Christianity into routine conformance to church activity. Seek out an older wiser Christian man from whom you can grow and develop. You are expected to mature in faith to "the full measure of Christ". The best leadership is Christ in you.

1. Seek truth
2. Be humble
3. Cry out for wisdom
4. Walk by the Spirit
5. Repudiate the world and its attractions
6. Be so familiar with the Bible that it is a lamp unto your feet.
7. Avoid those who would turn Christianity into Pharisetical formalistic routine.



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