showing someone you love them (Full Version)

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jrscbenn -> showing someone you love them (6/13/2008 11:49:35 AM)

is it just me or do your husbands not show enough emotions or physical contact. If it wasnt for me sometimes we would not even kiss or hug before we go to bed. He supplies me with everything I need as far as material things and he always says I'm sorry if I dont show you enough that I love you in the ways you want me too but I do love you. It just gets frustrating sometimes. I have started to just not hug him or kiss him unless he initiates.



TorchHeart -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/13/2008 12:01:54 PM)

I feel like its the oposite way in my house. I have to initiate a LOT of the emotional contact and such.



Mrs.Above_All -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/13/2008 7:48:37 PM)

Has he always been like this?

We all show our love for each other in different ways and perhaps physical touch is not his primary love language. He has said he loves you so just because he doesn't show it in the way you prefer doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I honestly would be careful as to what you say to him. You don't want him to feel bad or discouraged. Rather, praise him for the various other ways he shows love to you and receive it joyfully. Don't stop being affectionate though. And when he does initiate, thank him and tell him how good it makes you feel. But don't make him think that if he doesn't you will feel that he doesn't love you. That's the main thing. Learn your differing ways of expressing love and talk about it.

I'm engaged and have been participating on The Marriage Bed forums (engaged section) and I have to say it's a wonderful resource when it comes intimacy and sex with your spouse. I highly recommend it if you want to talk more in detail about your sex life. It's a Christian ministry.



creationtalk -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/13/2008 9:30:58 PM)

Agree w/ Above-All

How YOU need him to show you love is your love language. To him that might be a foreign language and one that is uncomfortable for him. He may be showing love to you every way that he knows...and is discouraged because it is never enough.

Perhaps the two of you could take a love language test to see what your love languages are...and share them with each other. It is possible to learn to express love in another's love language but it is not always easy. Even knowing your love language, he might never be able to express love to you the way that you would want. However, if you can learn to recognize his love language, then when he is expressing love to you, even if it's not the way you might prefer, you will still recognize the intent behind it.



jaimestarcross -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/14/2008 12:33:13 AM)

Don't grow weary of doing good for in due season you will
reap an abundant harvest.

Keep on hugging, snuggling, kissing, holding hands, etc...
even if you have to initiate them. Encourage him to show loving touches, hugs, kisses etc



deermousie -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/14/2008 12:12:14 PM)

One of the things men can do for their wives to make everyone's life better is "non-sexual touching." Touch her because *she* likes it and with no ulterior motives. My DH is a great back-rubber, and he does it only because I like it. It would drive him crazy if I tried to do it to him, so I don't. He does it just to please me, and that says clearly, "I love you.''

1 Peter 3:7
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way

God's ways are good, and we wives love it when you husbands do things for us just because we like it. Thank you, all you good men who are already doing this!



tiffywal -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/16/2008 11:33:02 AM)

When DH and I first got married he was affectionate all the time. Then thr fire started to die down a little. I noticed a change so I talked with him about it and told him how I felt. Now the fire is blazing again. He is constantly hugging me and always want to cuddle in bed while we fall asleep.

Pray and communicate your feelings to your DH.



preserved -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/16/2008 1:14:33 PM)

I say communicate is the key...Men needs to be told...they are not able to pick on hints nor clues...



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/21/2008 2:04:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jrscbenn

is it just me or do your husbands not show enough emotions or physical contact.


I can't speak for all men, but I would assume he does display it, just in his own way. If you want him to display it in a certain way, talk to him about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved

Men needs to be told...they are not able to pick on hints nor clues...


I wouldn't say that's true. When you're saying "men", you're covering a huge basis. All of us are NOT clueless, believe it or not.

I'm able to read my girlfriend like a book. I can instantly tell when something is bothering her or if she's generally not feeling good. When I recognize this, I'll try to loosen her in some way, usually by a form of sweetness.



PatricksPeaches -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/23/2008 10:10:57 PM)

Everyone feels love in a different way. I want to suggest a book. The Five Love Languages. Some, maybe even you, have heard of this book. I can't think of the author of the top of my head but the last name Chapman pops up. I could be wrong though. Anyway, give it a read. It may answer some questions for you.



preserved -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/25/2008 10:14:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrapeApe

quote:

ORIGINAL: jrscbenn

is it just me or do your husbands not show enough emotions or physical contact.


I can't speak for all men, but I would assume he does display it, just in his own way. If you want him to display it in a certain way, talk to him about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved

Men needs to be told...they are not able to pick on hints nor clues...


I wouldn't say that's true. When you're saying "men", you're covering a huge basis. All of us are NOT clueless, believe it or not.

I'm able to read my girlfriend like a book. I can instantly tell when something is bothering her or if she's generally not feeling good. When I recognize this, I'll try to loosen her in some way, usually by a form of sweetness.



grapeart...I just saying men in general do not know what a woman expects...of course not all men...There is nothing wrong with a woman communicating what she is seeking...



whoz-it -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/25/2008 3:59:01 PM)

Gary Chapman is the author of The Five Love Languages. I recommend it to every married couple along with resources to help one discover their and their mate's spiritual gift.

If I remember correctly the five langugaes are: words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality one-on-one time, and service.

My husband's love language is physical touch. An example of a small way to show him love is: many times when I pass by his recliner he will hold out his index-finger; as I pass by I touch his finger with mine. A silly little touch that isn't really silly at all, because it means a great deal to him.

My father-in-law loves to compliment my mother-in-law...words of affirmation. My mother-in-law's love language is service. She teases him and says, 'You tell me I'm beautiful fifty times and day...you want to thrill me?...take out the trash.'



isaacsmom -> RE: showing someone you love them (6/28/2008 10:33:58 AM)

I agree with checking out the Five Love Languages. If your husband doesn't show physical affection often, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's not attracted to you or is upset, etc., it may just mean that he doesn't need a lot of physical touch to fulfull him. You, however, do. My husband is similar. He just doesn't like to be touched, period. He doesn't like to have his back rubbed, or be "touching" a lot because he's really hot-natured and it makes him uncomfortable. he doesnt' like to be hugged in social situations (family reunions, etc.). So I don't smother him. We've adjusted. Physical touch is my secondary love language. He respects this and will kiss me or hold my hand, or give me a quick hug, etc. often. But I'm careful not to guilt him or pout if he doesn't feel like touching at a particular time. His secondary love language is words of affirmation. I, however, hardly ever need words of affirmation. So I have to be concious about making sure my husband gets the encouragement he needs from me. This all takes work. Both of us have the same primary love language, BTW -- quality time.

It's all about understanding each other and communicating. [:)]



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