I need help (Full Version)

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GunForHire -> I need help (6/18/2008 2:12:22 PM)

Or prayer or advice or anything anyone can offer. I’m not even sure what forum topic this should go under.

Where do I start? I’ve struggled with the temptations of porn and masturbation for years of my life. Every day I used to have to fight these temptations. For a long time I lost these battles. I somehow found porn as a way to release frustration with my loneliness. Of course it would never last and never end well, and I knew this full well every time I would do it. Then when I got to college I was amongst a group of strong Christians all the time that would help keep my spirits high and I would not feel a need for porn. I never told any of them about my problem though but for a long time it subsided and I felt like I had gotten through it.

It was during this first year of college that I met a girl that I really liked. I actually met her on the first day because she was in my orientation crew and we really “hit it off’. She had a boyfriend though. I respected this and didn’t pursue anything except for the occasional friendly conversation. Then about halfway through the year she broke up with her boyfriend. I found out about this from mutual friends, but was still reluctant to pursue since not only do I have the worse type of shyness, but I was also pining after another girl at this point. But eventually she found out that I had liked her thanks to mutual friends. She then started trying to hang out with me a lot and I completely forgot about the other girl and started to fall for her.

We spent a lot of time together the last few months of college and it looked like we might be getting into a real relationship. We went home for summer and we planned to have me come down to visit her in a couple of weeks where she lives, which was kind of far away but not bad. I picked a job that would give me flexible hours so I could have the ability to make any kind of trip whenever I wanted so I got a landscaping job with a friend. When I went down for my visit we had a great time and on the last day of the trip I asked her if she would be my girlfriend and she said yes.

It wasn’t even two weeks and she started getting cold feet. During the school year she would frequently become upset when her ex would send her messages telling her how he was depressed, alone and that he wanted her back. She told me that she didn’t want to go back to him, but that she thought it would take time for her to get over the fact that their three year relationship was over since she was so used to having him around for so long in her life. I should have taken that as a serious warning sign, but as someone who had never had a girlfriend before I still really wanted to try this. But she broke us up not even two weeks into the relationship. Even though all the signs are against me I am still determined to keep things working. I told her I wanted to keep things like they were during the school year as long as she needs time in hopes that she’ll come around to me again, but I’m afraid that she’ll really just end up going back to her ex boyfriend.

Now back to my struggles and temptations with porn. I’ve had to quit my job because of my mom’s poison ivy allergies (they are very severe and whether or not it’s in her head, as long as I work outside landscaping no one going to be happy). So lately I’ve spent a lot of time at home alone and miserable. Old temptations have been creeping back into my life and I’m not proud to say I’ve been succumbing to them. Most of my friends at home live kind of far away and with gas prices today and with no job I can’t really get out to often to forget my troubles. I’ve been praying a lot but I feel like I need to talk with someone about all that’s been going on (kind of why I’m writing all of this). I have trouble talking with my parent’s about this kind of thing but I’m really hoping an opportunity comes to talk about it.

Sorry this is such a book. I also feel like just writing this and being honest to myself is therapeutic.



ChoirDJ -> RE: I need help (6/18/2008 2:26:55 PM)

Sounds like you have a close relationship with your parents if you would even consider talking to them about such deep issues. Having said that, I'm sure they would help you in anyway they could but your best help might come from people who've fought this battle also.

Given your struggles, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to have a girlfriend because that will only exacerbate your struggles and you may end up falling into immorality. Get a plan together for how you are going to spend your friend time. Every Man's Battle and Pure Desire are great books that I have read. What's helped me is to not spend so much time trying to not lust or masturbate but to focus on loving and being obedient to God because I don't want to grieve the Holy Spirit. The're also many online resources that will help you.



GunForHire -> RE: I need help (6/18/2008 2:43:16 PM)

I know what you mean by me needing to face my struggles before getting into a relationship. When we first broke up and I began to feel the temptations I told myself I was not going to slip up again because I wanted to prove that my obediance didn't only come when times were good. That lasted about two days. I guess I do really need to prove to God and myself I can control these urges in even the worst of times before I can get into a relationship. Thanks for the recommendations.



GunForHire -> RE: I need help (6/18/2008 6:34:05 PM)

any other input is welcome, I see a lot of views



ChoirDJ -> RE: I need help (6/18/2008 6:39:25 PM)

I don't think it's not necessarily about proving anything to God or yourself at this point. I think it's about an opportunity to connect with God on a level you've never experienced before. Not long ago I had an epiphany regarding this issue. I was exposed to porn for the first time when I was around 6 years old so my views about sex had been distorted for as long as I could remember. Sex was so taboo in our family and it was the last thing I would dare to discuss with my parents. So I suffered for years in shame and confusion as I struggled to make sense of what sex was all about. Viewing porn and masturbating became my MO for coping with stress, frustration, loneliness and depression. Yet I would feel so guilty and dirty because I had become so enslaved to it.

The epiphany came when I realized that I could totally confide in my heavenly Father all the feelings that prompted me to view porn and masturbate in the first place. I realized I had been projecting my feelings towards my father onto God even though God created me and could totally sympathize with my struggles. I poured my heart out to the Lord and expressed that I needed help and really wanted to change not because of the shame or guilt but because I had seen how these sins grieved Him. I had been so beat down over the years by impurity that I lost all hope that I could change. I talked to God about my frustrations over having these urges but yet not being able to satisfy them without sinning and the many other things I felt over the years. As I learned to be vulnerable, pour my heart out to God about my feelings and start protecting my heart from the sexually arousing things, I no longer felt the need or desire to masturbate. I haven't viewed porn in several months now although the thoughts are always there. It's not about the victory for me anymore because it's about expressing my love for God through obedience. I used to masturbate almost daily but I haven't done it in over a month and I no longer have the urge to. I really do feel God has finally set me free since I've been connecting with him on an emotional level I never had with my father. I think a lot of men who don't have a close bond with a father figure become enslaved to impurity in a feeble attempt to fill that void.

Don't give up and don't beat yourself up. Strive for a closer relationship with God each day and some day your love for Him will surpass your love for the sin.



terryjohn -> RE: I need help (6/22/2008 1:12:13 PM)

The devil finds work for idle hands. You could also say that a man with out a vision is destroyed. Considering the pain and violence porn does to a man's heart and spirit, you would wonder why any should go there twice. I imagine that it is an attempt to try and forget current situations for it does have an addictive and mind numbing quality much the same way as do drugs. And like in drug addiction we need to find hope in desperate situations rather than trying to escape. You could say all addictions are but our trying to avoid facing up to our problems. We believe it is a solution but really it is only avoidance.

Now as I see it you have to do a number of things; the first and foremost is to get an image of who you want to be in Christ and this includes your character and what you want to do. Once you have a firm idea of the potential you have in Christ, I beleive you will need to get up from a position of defeat and as scripture says take on all the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18). Beat your chest in anger and sin not.

You may have to get a job, for as sick as your mother is, it can never be used as an excuse for not being all you can be in Chirst. Pursue your vision in Christ whole heartedly and be not destracted by your desires/cares of this world. With regard to women do not seek their comfort out of a lack of relationship with God Himself. By all means love your sisters in Chirst as Christ himself would but do not have them have you settle for anything less than Christ would. From what you have said you are too young to marry and considering that there are places to go, things to do and things to say in Chirst anything less will only prove to be unfilling and lead to disatisfaction with life. Actually, in the light of the glory of God, all that besets us is nothing. Porn, lust, thus become dust

Is anything impossible in Christ? Without a doubt scipture does not lie when it says seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be given to you. The gospel is about delivering men from bondage and all about setting men free. I am convinced that this kingdom has been forcefully advancing since the time of John the baptist and forceful men have been laying hold of it. Hence, Christ demands that we be strong and couragious not in our own strength but in His. By all means get angery for all men of righteousness are in the light of the evil that surrounds them, but they are only so after first having seen the coming glory of God. Get up, forgetting all that has happened for today is a day that the Lord has made and I hear the army of God standing at your front gate calling you out to join them in the battle but you are yet to get out of bed and all the armour of God lies rusting at your feet. I also hear Christ saying to you, "What do you want?"

Finally, begin everyday in prayer holding firm to the man you want to be for Chirst each and every day and hour for all of creation as well as us should groan in expectation of the revealing of the sons of God.



plappy03 -> RE: I need help (6/22/2008 8:34:41 PM)

Hey man I struggle with exactly the same thing (I'm 15 though). I suggest a website called Setting Captives Free. It has a wonderful 60 day course on sexual purity and I'm on my third day and it's been wonderful. It's given me a whole new insight on getting free from this mess and getting even closer to God. They give you a mentor which you can contact my email whenever you need to. I highly recommend it. Check 'er out!

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

Peace homie, I'll keep ya in my prayers.



SavedByGraceMD -> RE: I need help (6/23/2008 3:56:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: plappy03

Hey man I struggle with exactly the same thing (I'm 15 though). I suggest a website called Setting Captives Free. It has a wonderful 60 day course on sexual purity and I'm on my third day and it's been wonderful. It's given me a whole new insight on getting free from this mess and getting even closer to God. They give you a mentor which you can contact my email whenever you need to. I highly recommend it. Check 'er out!

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

Peace homie, I'll keep ya in my prayers.


I am struggling with this too. I am going to be 32 in a couple of weeks. So it affects men of all ages. But I too have gone to this site that plappy suggested. Until I was saved I never even thought porn and masturbation were problems, but that they were just normal every day things for men. So it took the conviction of the Holy Spirit and a desire to please the Lord which sent me looking for help. The way of purity course has really strengthened me, and helped me keep my focus on the Lord. It is not easy, I struggle daily and slip at times. It is a hard road, but try to always keep your focus on Jesus, and doing what would please Him, and hopefully this course will help remind you that you have already been set free by the work He did on the cross for you. You just need to realize that, and so do I. Good luck brother, and I will pray for you.



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