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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/5/2008 9:15:53 PM
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baldman24
Posts: 16
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
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Wow! I was just wondering that -- and since I'm only 31, I probably shouldn't be complaining, since there are plenty of people here in their 30s, 40s, and upwards who still haven't found their "special someone."
There have been times where I've blamed God, blamed women, blamed what's going on in society and culture, but you know what? With each passing year, I realize that I'm probably more to blame than anything. It's taken me an extremely long time to get my act together in life -- and I still have a ways to go. It doesn't help that I've struggled on and off with depression and shyness and anxiety, though I'm somewhat better now.
It's kind of a vicious cycle -- lack of dating experience leads to lack of confidence, which leads to further lack of dating experience, which leads to further loss of confidence, and so on. Maybe my perceptions are warped, but love and romance seems to come so easily for other people. There are men and women out there who never seem to go more than a few months before they find someone. And here I am, not finding anyone at work, or at church, or at the places I volunteer -- it's starting to feel a little scary.
I still need to rejoice with what God has been doing in my life. I'm only now starting to feel like a "grown up" and learning how to navigate in this world and work through my difficulties, even when so many things haven't turned out the way I hoped they would.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 12:01:32 AM
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hogpharmer
Posts: 36
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline
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Why am I single? Do you know many guys who want to marry a pastor's daughter? Take that to the next level. How many guys want to marry a missionary's daughter? It's intimidating and I have yet to figure out why.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 8:09:42 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12885
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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steer over into the chat thread - that's where we just talk about everything. 
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 12:04:49 PM
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saraimay75
Posts: 7860
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: online
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They just opened a Dog Park in my area. A place where dogs and people can socialize. Now I don't have a dog yet. But for the singles who do...
Do you think a Dog Park is a great place to meet someone?
What kind of Dogperson and dog are attracted to?
What does your dog say about you?
_____________________________
God love admiration . . . I think it annoys God if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.
~Alice Walker~
http://360.yahoo.com/saraimay75
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 1:39:57 PM
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baldman24
Posts: 16
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
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Dog park, hmm? Wish there was something like that in my area!
Maybe I'm wrong about this, but it seems to me that a lot of us are single for the simple fact that there aren't many good places to meet people! A lot of the people I know who were married by age 25 met when they were in school/college. Heck, if I could afford it, I would just stay in college forever until I finally met someone! 
Really, though, what good places are there to meet others where there isn't a lot of social pressure, and there are good opportunities? I see so many advice columns talking about meeting people at the park, grocery store, etc. Does that really work? A lot of people I observe go to those places solely to exercise, shop, take care of business, and don't want time for idle chit-chat. Please tell me if I'm wrong about this.
Sorry for getting a little off-topic, but I think this gets at some of the reasoning why we're all still unattached.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 2:11:17 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2114
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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I think a lot of us are single because of our own doing. Perhaps it's a belief system that's not really biblical, perhaps, it's issues, socials, psychological, emotional, etc, that we have that we refuse to work on, perhaps it's because of choice, perhaps it's "false contentment", or we could be single long enough and we don't know how to let someone else in our lives even though we profess with words that we want to. For me, the longing is deep but my actions don't seem to reflect that I want to be married. It's something I have to work on. There's been a lot of men that's been attracted to me, but the moment they get close, I ran away. I can't blame that on God. It's my issue to work on. I believe that if I wasn't like that, I'd never be single for a long time, but as it is, I go years without even dating.
I think at times, we pretend that we're content with being single, but in reality, we're not. We're using those those as an excuse to move and pursue a relationship. We use the "waiting on God" excuse, the working for the ministry excuse, the 'not wanting to make a mistake" excuse. We use the Jeremiah 29:11 verse about God knowing the plans he had for us, but if you look at the context of the verse, it's about God's very specific promise to a specific people to bring them out of captivity in His time. What did God say to the Jews before those verses?
Jeremiah 29:5-9
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." 8 Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the LORD.
There it shows how God commanded people to live their lives. This is His instructions. He didn't tell them to passively wait for every little instruction to come from him regarding how to do this. We have the bible for that. I really think we are trying to live our lives like God is micro managing us, when in reality, we are given so much freedom. No doubt that deciding to get married requires a lot of wisdom and discernment from God, but I don't believe that it's one of those things that God will drop in my lap in His chosen time. Marriage is part of living, like finding a job, or going on a mission. It's a decision we make and finding a mate is an action we pursue. Within the will of God, or course.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 2:45:27 PM
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David_D
Posts: 126
Joined: 11/11/2005
From: OH AYTCH - EYE OH
Status: offline
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That's brilliantly honest, Prairiehiker. Great post! Without getting into issues of free will or anything, I believe I'm single due to the choices I've made. There have been some very good women in my life and because of my own issues I didn't see it at the time or wasn't mature enough or just wasn't ready. I just hope God has one more out there.
_____________________________
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 2:52:35 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6383
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
Really, though, what good places are there to meet others where there isn't a lot of social pressure, and there are good opportunities?
We have had lots of discussions on this throughout the single's forum. A quick search should bring up a few threads.
HERE'S one to get you started.
< Message edited by Grace-N-Mercy -- 7/6/2008 2:59:57 PM >
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 4:36:41 PM
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DrivenbyGod
Posts: 223
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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I agree that was an excellent post Prairiehiker.
There's been a lot of great responses here and I appreciate them all.
God bless you all!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/6/2008 9:19:45 PM
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Ryan78
Posts: 3
Joined: 7/4/2008
Status: offline
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Well I read baldmans post and I have to agree where are you supposed to meet people my church has 28 members and the only woman around my age is married I have visited other churches but feel like they are judging me wondering why I'm there. I also have to address the ministers daughter. although I live here whenever I mention mission trips is when people seem to look the other way so I understand where your coming from
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/7/2008 11:34:36 PM
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StraightAhead
Posts: 91
Joined: 4/23/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: baldman24
Maybe I'm wrong about this, but it seems to me that a lot of us are single for the simple fact that there aren't many good places to meet people! A lot of the people I know who were married by age 25 met when they were in school/college....
Really, though, what good places are there to meet others where there isn't a lot of social pressure, and there are good opportunities? I see so many advice columns talking about meeting people at the park, grocery store, etc. Does that really work? A lot of people I observe go to those places solely to exercise, shop, take care of business, and don't want time for idle chit-chat. Please tell me if I'm wrong about this........
I think you're spot on on the lack of places without social pressure part. Church singles groups seem filled with the pressure. At least at my church, one man could have as many as 5 women interested in him. There is no overt competitiveness among women but nevertheless it IS there. Lots of women at my church are willing to settle to give men what I call the Christian version of "friends with benefits". They choose to form "friendships" with men, hang out, yet they are not "dating" and in the end they are still "just friends" but going nowhere. So men get the companionship they want without the commitment to a dating relationship that could lead to marriage. The rest of us who won't settle for this type of "friendship" are left alone......
It is true that when it comes to our culture, when people are at the gym, or the grocery store, etc. the human tendency is to go get it done and get out - most people will not appear open to conversation with a stranger. You can always try, you never know, it COULD work, but can't count on it as a way to meet people.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/8/2008 12:02:38 AM
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okrox
Posts: 157
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I think a lot of us are single because of our own doing. Perhaps it's a belief system that's not really biblical, perhaps, it's issues, socials, psychological, emotional, etc, that we have that we refuse to work on, perhaps it's because of choice, perhaps it's "false contentment", or we could be single long enough and we don't know how to let someone else in our lives even though we profess with words that we want to. For me, the longing is deep but my actions don't seem to reflect that I want to be married. It's something I have to work on. There's been a lot of men that's been attracted to me, but the moment they get close, I ran away. I can't blame that on God. It's my issue to work on. I believe that if I wasn't like that, I'd never be single for a long time, but as it is, I go years without even dating.
I think at times, we pretend that we're content with being single, but in reality, we're not. We're using those those as an excuse to move and pursue a relationship. We use the "waiting on God" excuse, the working for the ministry excuse, the 'not wanting to make a mistake" excuse. We use the Jeremiah 29:11 verse about God knowing the plans he had for us, but if you look at the context of the verse, it's about God's very specific promise to a specific people to bring them out of captivity in His time. What did God say to the Jews before those verses?
Jeremiah 29:5-9
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." 8 Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the LORD.
There it shows how God commanded people to live their lives. This is His instructions. He didn't tell them to passively wait for every little instruction to come from him regarding how to do this. We have the bible for that. I really think we are trying to live our lives like God is micro managing us, when in reality, we are given so much freedom. No doubt that deciding to get married requires a lot of wisdom and discernment from God, but I don't believe that it's one of those things that God will drop in my lap in His chosen time. Marriage is part of living, like finding a job, or going on a mission. It's a decision we make and finding a mate is an action we pursue. Within the will of God, or course.
How did I miss this post? It is brilliant, Prairie. The most sense I have seen yet on the subject. Thank you!
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/8/2008 11:00:14 PM
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keith503
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
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I was never really good at finding girlfriends when I wasn't saved, but now I have been in church for 15 years and I find it really difficult to approach women, most are already taken and many that aren't already taken are still working on their relationship with God and not interested in men. I just find it really difficult to approach christian women. Maybe it's just me. I have learned to be happy being single and have convinced myself that I do not need anyone in my life, but I know that is not true, I know I would be happier with a partner to share life with.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/8/2008 11:25:19 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3905
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: keith503
I was never really good at finding girlfriends when I wasn't saved, but now I have been in church for 15 years and I find it really difficult to approach women, most are already taken and many that aren't already taken are still working on their relationship with God and not interested in men. I just find it really difficult to approach christian women. Maybe it's just me. I have learned to be happy being single and have convinced myself that I do not need anyone in my life, but I know that is not true, I know I would be happier with a partner to share life with.
Welcome, Keith! If you do some searching of older threads, you'll see topics that cover what you wrote about. Lots of people have posted similar struggles as well as good suggestions.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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