RE: Why are you still single? (Full Version)

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BlessedAngel1983 -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 1:23:26 PM)

There is a myspace layout that talks about the top of the tree. I can try to find the link if anybody wants it.



broyce1981 -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 1:24:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women.


what percentage of men do you think are lazy and insecure? are you talking about all men in general, or ones that are single and lisa's age?


It's someone else's post, I read it to, but don't remember where. And it applies to guys as well.

Are you willing to settle for the bruised apples on the ground, do you grab the hanging ones on the bottom branches, or do you climb all the way to the top to get the best ones???

Have you allowed your standards to drop so low that you are willing to do ANYTHING to get into a relationship? Do you still have limits, but they are much less strict than they used to be, since the ones you had didn't work? Or are you still holding out for the absolute best God has for you, even if you know it's a whole lot harder to meet someone willing to rise to that challenge, and it gets kinda lonely sitting at the top of the tree with very little company?


I've actually noticed a huge change in the standards that I hold to as I've gotten older. My standards have constantly been rising as I learn more about myself and what things would be a hindrance to a good relationship. After seeing friends in bad marriages I've strengthened my resolve to become more picky as time goes on. It's just not worth it to accept somebody if I know it will be a bad match.



offtheisland -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 1:24:58 PM)

I envy the women who have their Mr. Right. One friend teases me that she married three times the get Mr. Right; she's been widowed twice.

There's some secure men who can step up to the plate or climb up the tree. I think they are already taken, though...



KuKu -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 1:33:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: offtheisland

I envy the women who have their Mr. Right. One friend teases me that she married three times the get Mr. Right; she's been widowed twice.

There's some secure men who can step up to the plate or climb up the tree. I think they are already taken, though...


Forums blur here- I posted recently that of the hundreds of marriages I know, there are about 3 that make me still want to marry.

I am one of those people who doesn't believe in "Mr. Right". Any couple (I know some interesting people that together have celebrated 40 years) can be a wonderful couple with enough work and enough desire to make it work, assuming your marriage is based on the Word of God. Any 'perfect couple' (so say their friends, family, church, etc.) can go down the tubes if they aren't willing to work on it, and/or some aspect is out of God's will and His Word.

I also believe that there are men out there who are willing to step up, and women too, but a lot of us have kind of 'given up' and think there aren't...



Rivermoon -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 1:39:07 PM)

quote:

mutinywxgirl:
Oh, my standards haven't gotten any less - in fact, they have probably gotten even more stringent as I get older. That's really why I anticipate sitting alone at the top of the tree - because at my age, the guy is going to have to do some serious climbing, and I don't know if they will be able to do it physically any more.....kwim???????


You know what? I like you too, as I like your analogy that you're sitting at the top of the tree anticipating. It's true, it's said in the bible that men should spend efforts to pursue and get their wife, not waiting at the bottom of the tree to wait for the wife to drop (either from the sky or from the tree). :-D



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 1:42:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women.

what percentage of men do you think are lazy and insecure? are you talking about all men in general, or ones that are single and lisa's age?

It's someone else's post, I read it to, but don't remember where. And it applies to guys as well.


i realize she said the story was from someone else, but she gave her own summary saying most men are lazy & insecure. i think most people (including who this post was addressed who gave 3 personal reasons) took part of the responsibility themselves. thus i was curious where this demeaning attitude toward men came from.



shemaromans -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 1:53:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women.

what percentage of men do you think are lazy and insecure? are you talking about all men in general, or ones that are single and lisa's age?

It's someone else's post, I read it to, but don't remember where. And it applies to guys as well.


i realize she said the story was from someone else, but she gave her own summary saying most men are lazy & insecure. i think most people (including who this post was addressed who gave 3 personal reasons) took part of the responsibility themselves. thus i was curious where this demeaning attitude toward men came from.

I didn't intend the comment as demeaning towards men. That's your interpretation of it. Anyone who knows me well knows that I love men, even the lazy and insecure ones.

I can't provide you with any firm statistics. My data is qualititative--personally derived from my own experiences and from observations of and conversations with women--and is thereby subjective in nature. That doesn't decrease it's value, however.

Numerous times on the forums I've read the posts of women (and even men, as Kuku wisely commented) lamenting that men dropped the ball, settled for women who held lower expectations of the men, etc. What would you attribute these choices to?


(I've got to leave for a while but look forward to reading your thoughts)



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 2:34:33 PM)

the below is from page one: (i started this list for another purpose but it fits well here)
Pursue Education
Pursue Career
Pets (i think this was a joke)
Take care of family members
Turned down offers
Social anxiety fears
No confidence
Overeating
Drug use
Not knowing what we want
Not emotionally ready
Sabotaging potential relationships
No man yet understands my past personal tragedy
Being selective/discerning about potentials
Enjoying life, not making it a priority
Difficulty reaching out
Don't drive

that is page one only. i see a lot of reasons why we ourselves believe we are single regardless of opposite sex. shifting focus seems to blaming the opposite sex, just seems like a bait and switch. however i'm not a woman and don't have experience as a Christian woman trying to land a Christian husband. i would think if a woman shined enough, without a lot of the problems mentioned that haven't been dealt with yet, it would be very motivating factor even for any man to pursue such a woman on the top of the tree. i wouldn't expect to draw the cream of the crop of the opposite sex while dealing with multiple personal problems or road blocks.



shemaromans -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 4:17:13 PM)

That's an interesting list, especially the inclusion of pets. [:D]

quote:

shifting focus seems to blaming the opposite sex, just seems like a bait and switch.

I agree, but I wasn't shifting the focus. Rather, I was attempting to address the concepts offered in two posts (having high standards and being intimidating) with a reasonable explanation.


quote:

i would think if a woman shined enough, without a lot of the problems mentioned that haven't been dealt with yet, it would be very motivating factor even for any man to pursue such a woman on the top of the tree.

So assume for a moment that a woman shines enough and those problems you mentioned don't exist. What are some reasons that men don't pursue (excluding "social anxiety fears" and "difficulty reaching out" (which I view as forms of insecurity))?



BugLady -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 4:28:06 PM)

quote:

No man yet understands my past personal tragedy


Whose is this?



offtheisland -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 4:45:19 PM)

In my conversation with another married friend today she mentioned to me that I must work toward becoming a Mrs. Right to attract a Mr. Right.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 6:50:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady
quote:

No man yet understands my past personal tragedy

Whose is this?


sound familiar BugLady? yes but it wasn't geared toward you specifically until you brought it up. past personal tragedy might be more generic but i was listing them as i read them ...
quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady
I'd say it's because I'm living with something that most people just don't understand... and until God sends someone my way who does understand, single it is.



BugLady -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 6:56:57 PM)

...sure, just clarifying your perception. I fail to see how that's shifting blame, but thanks.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 7:00:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans

quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

Oh, I get the intimidating thing - all the time! It's actually pretty true - but, there's nothing that I can do about it - I am NOT changing who I am for any man. God made me this way for His glory - not man's. Those who can't deal with me keep falling by the wayside. Maybe it's time for me to believe what I've been hearing all of my life and begin looking for someone who won't be intimidated?

Amen!

Do you remember sometime in the past when someone posted about remarkable women sitting in the top of a tree? Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women. Some guys, though, really do aspire to reach the top and will expend the energy and take the risk when they meet their special woman.

Ladies, there's no need to settle. You just haven't met the right men yet.


I remember reading that... question is, how do we get the guys to join us on the tops of these trees? [:D]



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 7:11:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady
...sure, just clarifying your perception. I fail to see how that's shifting blame, but thanks.


BugLady, it is a reason you gave for being single. I can quote your entire paragraph and my post again if you wish ;)



BugLady -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 7:15:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady
...sure, just clarifying your perception. I fail to see how that's shifting blame, but thanks.


BugLady, it is a reason you gave for being single. I can quote your entire paragraph and my post again if you wish ;)


I know what I wrote, and now I know how you interpret it.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 8:20:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans
That's an interesting list, especially the inclusion of pets. [:D]

it was brought up in joke context but if my house was kinda like a zoo, i could see some potentials being turned off ...

quote:

I agree, but I wasn't shifting the focus. Rather, I was attempting to address the concepts offered in two posts (having high standards and being intimidating) with a reasonable explanation.

i think we should have high standards and i think people posted that as a reason, not necessarily in those words ... is intimidating a good quality? i can see that it can be. i'm sure there are things to do in certain circumstances to ensure it's not a drawback. and for anyone interested, i did create a thread in she says about lazy & insecure as it really made me wonder. i understand you trying to post encouragement to something that seems like a drawback at times.

quote:

So assume for a moment that a woman shines enough and those problems you mentioned don't exist. What are some reasons that men don't pursue (excluding "social anxiety fears" and "difficulty reaching out" (which I view as forms of insecurity))?

shemaromans, i seem to recall social anxiety fears just as prevelant in both sexes here in cw singles. i would wonder if that holds trues. just think how many threads there are of singles not sure how to approach a certain person or not knowing what to say, the mission possibles to help singles build up their security. going by your definition, would you say most women are insecure then? personally i think social anxiety fears and difficulties reaching out that you mention, is more of a factor in singles being single...as opposed to being other ppl's problems...



shemaromans -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 10:18:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
i think we should have high standards and i think people posted that as a reason, not necessarily in those words ... is intimidating a good quality? i can see that it can be. i'm sure there are things to do in certain circumstances to ensure it's not a drawback. and for anyone interested, i did create a thread in she says about lazy & insecure as it really made me wonder. i understand you trying to post encouragement to something that seems like a drawback at times.

I looked at the thread. I doubt that you'll get an answer that will accurately satisfy your curiosity because you took what I posted and placed it in a different context--actually almost zero context. I anticipate that no one will say that Christian men are lazy and insecure when asked at face value.

Within the context of the tree example, though:
Lazy: I'm speaking of a laziness that stems more from complacency and convenience, not in the traditional sense of lazy implying the behavior of a slothful slacker. The standards of society as a whole have diminished considerably, and this change has altered the dating and marital landscape, so to speak.

Insecure: A husband is to love his wife sacrificially and be willing to lay down his life for her. A man taking strides to start a relationship with a woman establishes the basis for fulfilling that Biblical command. If a man is too afraid of failure and subsequently shies away from asking a woman out (or even trying to get to know her better), then it displays the appearance that he might not have the ability to lead in the relationship.


quote:

So assume for a moment that a woman shines enough and those problems you mentioned don't exist. What are some reasons that men don't pursue (excluding "social anxiety fears" and "difficulty reaching out" (which I view as forms of insecurity))?

I'm still curious what you think about this question if you feel like answering it. No problem if you don't.


quote:

shemaromans, i seem to recall social anxiety fears just as prevelant in both sexes here in cw singles. i would wonder if that holds trues. just think how many threads there are of singles not sure how to approach a certain person or not knowing what to say, the mission possibles to help singles build up their security. going by your definition, would you say most women are insecure then? personally i think social anxiety fears and difficulties reaching out that you mention, is more of a factor in singles being single...as opposed to being other ppl's problems...

Again I never intended to put the blame on the men. I was positing an idea that I believe merits attention and serves as an encourager. The fears being prevalent in both sexes, though, does not negate the tree theory.

Are most women insecure? To a certain extent, I'd say yes. I've yet to meet anyone that doesn't want to be loved, and being loved requires transparency and vulnerability. That's enough to make many, many people insecure if relationships do not have open, truthful communication.



scottiezsister -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 10:37:44 PM)

because I refuse to settle for less than what God has for me (if I just be patient)!!!! [:)][:)][:)][:)][:)]



John_O -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 11:17:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans

quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

Oh, I get the intimidating thing - all the time! It's actually pretty true - but, there's nothing that I can do about it - I am NOT changing who I am for any man. God made me this way for His glory - not man's. Those who can't deal with me keep falling by the wayside. Maybe it's time for me to believe what I've been hearing all of my life and begin looking for someone who won't be intimidated?

Amen!

Do you remember sometime in the past when someone posted about remarkable women sitting in the top of a tree? Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women. Some guys, though, really do aspire to reach the top and will expend the energy and take the risk when they meet their special woman.

Ladies, there's no need to settle. You just haven't met the right men yet.


Have I told you I climb like a monkey? I love the tree tops!



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 11:19:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: shemaromans

quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

Oh, I get the intimidating thing - all the time! It's actually pretty true - but, there's nothing that I can do about it - I am NOT changing who I am for any man. God made me this way for His glory - not man's. Those who can't deal with me keep falling by the wayside. Maybe it's time for me to believe what I've been hearing all of my life and begin looking for someone who won't be intimidated?

Amen!

Do you remember sometime in the past when someone posted about remarkable women sitting in the top of a tree? Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women. Some guys, though, really do aspire to reach the top and will expend the energy and take the risk when they meet their s[;)]pecial woman.

Ladies, there's no need to settle. You just haven't met the right men yet.


Have I told you I climb like a monkey? I love the tree tops!


You only climb like one? I'll refrain from what I really want to say. [8D]

Hey John, can you teach a few others to climb like a monkey too? [:)]



shemaromans -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 11:41:44 PM)

I totally respect a man that will climb to the top of the tree--especially like a monkey!



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/21/2008 11:56:48 PM)

I'm curious about you top of the tree gals... How much effort do you expect a man to exude to be worthy of a date? I personally am not a monkey and will never aspire to become one. There's a place called the zoo for all you monkey lovers.

I'll make a few valiant efforts with a woman and after that you can enjoy the view on top of your tree.

God Bless



shemaromans -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/22/2008 12:16:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: totalfaith

I'm curious about you top of the tree gals... How much effort do you expect a man to exude to be worthy of a date? I personally am not a monkey and will never aspire to become one. There's a place called the zoo for all you monkey lovers.

I'll make a few valiant efforts with a woman and after that you can enjoy the view on top of your tree.

God Bless

The premise of the tree top isn't that the women are smug and vain or that they're playing hard to get. Wrong idea there.

The point is that most men DON'T make the effort with these women (and it's not because the women have three noses, bad breath, and seriously horrible social skills).

Concerning monkeys? That refers to the way in which monkeys excel at climbing trees.



BugLady -> RE: Why are you still single? (7/22/2008 12:51:35 AM)

When I pick apples from a tree, I usually pick what's within my reach. I don't think that makes me lazy. Why pick from the top of the tree when there are perfectly good apples within my reach? I guess I could get a ladder, but who wants to have to lug a ladder around the rest of their life? [;)]

I'm poking fun of you all and apple theory. If people were fruit, we'd all be in the produce aisle in the grocery store. It's much more convenient.



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