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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 12:09:50 PM
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sen10tious
Posts: 362
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This sounds like the father has been very negligent in defending the mother’s position in the home for a very long time.
I don’t think the police here would do much unless the mom wanted to press charges. A lot would depend on which officer responded. Some would identify with the son, like sideways. Some others might pick up on the mom’s crying and shaking and take the comment about leaving seriously enough to suggest a counselor. Unfortunately, most of the women’s counselors at social services like to help women get divorces and start over. It is easier to get funding for a women’s shelter program than to fix belligerent males.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 12:43:58 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 2536
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Any young man who thinks it's ok to punch a woman because he's mad needs a serious wake-up call, right away.
Sure thing, but it's generally it's not okay for a female to strike a male, either. A controlled spanking for a younger child is one thing. This appeared to be a totally different scenario.
I still think that the entire family would best be served through consoling; though a tour of a jail/police station isn't a bad idea.
Bzirk, I live in Georgia, so I know a lot of conservatives, and I like quite a few of them, too. I still disagree with certain general tendencies I see with conservatives and their views on crime and punishments, but I apologize if my post painted all conservatives as "unfeeling Neanderthals".
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 12:45:10 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 135
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
Status: online
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I'd have called the police and had him arrested on assault and battery charges so fast his head would have spun.
We DID do that with my youngest son...then turned him over to DSS...he was totally and completely out of control. We did the counseling, we did the shrinks, we did all that stuff. It didn't do any good...the kid wanted to "rule the roost" and was completely resistant to any sort of boundaries, rules, etc.
On April 28, he assaulted me and his dad. HE called the police, attempting to portray himself as the "poor, abused victim". However, since my husband needed 25 stitches to close the damage to his face when my son punched him right square in the face, the police quickly understood what was happening. My son was sentenced to 60 days in the secure juvenile detention center (jail for kids) and then turned to DSS until his 18th birthday. He is now 18, still unemployed, still drifting from friend's house to friend's house.
We cannot and will not allow this child in our home, as we do not trust him with either our younger children or my elderly mother.
He made his bed, he has to lie in it.
NDY
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Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 12:50:27 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 2536
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I'm sorry for your troubles, NDY, but at least you tried working with your son first. You gave him a chance through counseling, shrinks, etc. and he didn't take it. Yours is a completely different situation.
I still think there's more going on with this kid then just this one incident. Just because someone is a minor doesn't mean that they should take all the smacks their parents dish out and never strike back.
< Message edited by Sideways -- 6/28/2008 12:58:28 PM >
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 12:57:01 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 2951
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sen10tious
This sounds like the father has been very negligent in defending the mother’s position in the home for a very long time.
My thoughts exactly. If this isn't what has occurred, I would be very surprised.
Sideways,
I understand. Just wanted to make sure there was no implication we're neanderthals. 
< Message edited by bzirk -- 6/28/2008 1:03:17 PM >
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Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 1:23:26 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3222
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: acm1300
Hi, I am not a parent but am asking this question to parents. Last night there was a little fight in my home, which is very rare, but it got out of control. I was not home at the time but this is the story that I have gathered so far.
My brother threw a pillow at my sister and then she threw it back. He did not like that so he threw it again with all his might at her face but missed. My mother was there and iguess slapped his arm and yelled at him. He then full out punched her on her shoulder, grabbed her arms so she couldnt move, and stuck his leg up inbetween them so that she couldnt come nearer to him. After a few seconds of my mom yelling at him to let her go he finally pushed her away. She told him to go to his room, so he did and got onto his laptop and started to text on his phone. My mother was so upset that she was crying and shaking. She then did her thing and said that we should go on vacation without her and that she might leave my dad, but that is just talk and she has said it before when she gets upset and she doesnt mean it. She is now scared of my 15 year old brother and he doesnt care.
What should I do, if anything? What could my parents do?
Any help would be great, thank you.
I am reminded of a parent teacher meeting I attended once that had a child psychologist as a guest speaker.
One of the fathers stood up and said that he and his family were growing fearful of their (big for his age) 15 year-old son and asked what they should do. Apparently at Thanksgiving Dinner that year, the boy had gotten angry at something his his mother said or did and reached over, grabbed a wine bottle, broke it on the edge of the table and began threatening her with it.
The psychologist stared at the man for a moment and said, "Well, surely there were signs that this boy had issues long before that fateful TG dinner incident...I'll bet he had some serious behavior problems at the ages of 2, 5 and 10, didn't he?" The father replied that he did. The psychologist asked how they addressed those problems, to which the dad replied, "We didn't know what to do with him, so we really just hoped he'd outgrow them." The psychologist said, "So, now at the age of of 15 when he is big enough to manhandle you, now, you're asking me what to do?" He basically was saying it was too late at that point.
To the OP: Surely this wasn't the first incident of this type with your brother, was it? It may have been the worst, but was it the first? How have your parents dealt with him in the past?
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 2:19:43 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 596
Joined: 7/13/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: acm1300
Hi, I am not a parent but am asking this question to parents. Last night there was a little fight in my home, which is very rare, but it got out of control. I was not home at the time but this is the story that I have gathered so far.
My brother threw a pillow at my sister and then she threw it back. He did not like that so he threw it again with all his might at her face but missed. My mother was there and iguess slapped his arm and yelled at him. He then full out punched her on her shoulder, grabbed her arms so she couldnt move, and stuck his leg up inbetween them so that she couldnt come nearer to him. After a few seconds of my mom yelling at him to let her go he finally pushed her away. She told him to go to his room, so he did and got onto his laptop and started to text on his phone. My mother was so upset that she was crying and shaking. She then did her thing and said that we should go on vacation without her and that she might leave my dad, but that is just talk and she has said it before when she gets upset and she doesnt mean it. She is now scared of my 15 year old brother and he doesnt care.
What should I do, if anything? What could my parents do?
Any help would be great, thank you.
I'm so sorry this has happened in your home. My oldest child is almost 12 yrs old so I can't say for sure exactly how we'd handle such a situation. But I do know that my husband (the children's father) would take strong disciplinary action if our son ever even came close to doing something like that to me. He would be livid if ANY man (or teenage boy) laid a hand on me.
What was your dad's reaction to all of this? I think that family counseling is definitely a good idea. We would at least ground our son for a LOOOOONG time. He would likely lose ALL privileges. Meaning that he would have food, a few clothes, bed to sleep on. He would go to school, do chores and probably not much else. And that would last a long time. We would go to counseling as a couple to and would have him in counseling as well.
Did your mom slap him hard or was it more of a tap? Has your brother had problems in the past? How has he been disciplined before? What have your parents done in the past when he misbehaved?
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 7:14:09 PM
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SteveSund
Posts: 733
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: Michigan
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
Yes, it can definitely happen. If someone assaults someone, then that is usually grounds for being arrested.
Does being arrested there necessarily mean a jail sentence then?
No, IME a minor involved in a domestic assault, first offense, would most likely not go to jail. Depending on the severity, he may not even be arrested. If he were, then he would likely receive probation or some kind of other diversionary program.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/28/2008 8:56:29 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1813
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
Well, if we had a 15 yo son and he hit me, I think he'd probably get softer treatment at the police station than from dh.
My dh would react the same.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/29/2008 12:01:58 AM
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acm1300
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Hi all, I have been at work and not able to responed, and for that I am sorry. Ok, i will try to get to a few things that I remember reading, but what you all need to remember is that I was not there and have just gathered together a story from which I got bits and peices from everyone in the house.
My dad. From what I have figured out my father was downstairs, when my sister got him and told him what was going on he came upstairs and had about a half-hour talk with my brother. My father is not violent and very laid back, which can sometimes be a bad thing i know but sometimes good as well. From what I have overheard it seems that my brother will have his laptop, cell phone, and Ipod taken away (to someone elses house so he cant get them) untill school starts up again in mid august. Us kids hardly ever get grounded, we just get seriuos talks, which usually works.
For the most part today everything has calmed down a ton. My mother is better and herself again, and my brother is being himself, which leads me to another question I remember from replies. My brother has had "anger problems" in the past. He takes after my mother when it comes to his, its my ways and i am always right, attitude. In the past he has gotten my mother angry at him for other stuff as well, such as the time my mom hit him for hitting my sister and then asked him if he liked it. Other than the original problem and this example I can not think of a another time my mother laid hands on us children (Im 18 now). So in these cases it seems like my mother is trying to teach that violence is wrong by using violence, which is not right.
My mother also told me today (i was able to read a few but not reply) that calling the cops never even entered her mind.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/29/2008 1:43:12 PM
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badtink
Posts: 2
Joined: 6/27/2008
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Tell your mother that what your brother did to her and your sister is considered assault. Have her remind your brother that it is punishable by law to make contact with someone with the intent to hurt them. 
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/29/2008 9:54:44 PM
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isaacsmom
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Joined: 12/2/2005
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quote:
In the past he has gotten my mother angry at him for other stuff as well, such as the time my mom hit him for hitting my sister and then asked him if he liked it. Other than the original problem and this example I can not think of a another time my mother laid hands on us children (Im 18 now). So in these cases it seems like my mother is trying to teach that violence is wrong by using violence, which is not right.
I'm glad your dad talked with him and imposed consequences for the behavior. It sounds like your mom reacts in anger, which isn't right, like you stated. I pray she chooses to get that under control. It isn't productive or a good example.
< Message edited by isaacsmom -- 6/29/2008 10:01:15 PM >
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/29/2008 11:18:42 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3035
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I guess what horrifies me most in this whole story is the fact that this boy held her down while he put his leg between her legs. Don't tell me I am making more of this than was there -- that is what the boy did. This is horrific. And that he held her, not letting her go on top of that?
NO ONE belongs between my legs without my permission, and NO SON belongs there at all, I don't care if it is at the ankles! There is something very wrong with this!
my precious son, bless him, NO! He could not do that, even in his imagination! He would never have done that on a threat or bet! This is completely abnormal behavior for a son to do this to his mother! And my stepson had anger issues, but he never so much as touched me. This is completely unacceptable.
Okay. This was so horrifying to me that I reread it. I think you intended that he braced himself from her with his leg in between the two of them. But while this is better than I first thought, this remains horrific.
< Message edited by Covaan_Meshuga -- 6/29/2008 11:26:32 PM >
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Why does He keep quoting Torah? Doesn't He know He's about to abolish it?
A tree's fruit is obvious; you have to look harder for the worm hole.
G-d has only one natural Son; EVERYONE else is adopted.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/30/2008 1:05:44 AM
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SouthernBelleGrits
Posts: 31
Joined: 5/29/2008
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acm1300,
Thiis is a family issue, but it is not YOUR responsibility to referee or make this situation better. Perhaps the only thing you can do to help this situation is to listen to your brother if he wants to talk. If he can find a person to express his anger and other emotions to then it MAY not manifest itself in physical aggression.
I do have a question. Is your sister younger than you and your brother and does your Mother tend to take her side in disagreements between them?
I'm asking because sometimes parents always take the younger sibling's side, and it can cause anger in the older sibling. I know you said he threw a pillow at his sister first but did she instigate the situation with any words prior to him throwing the pillow?
IMO, calling the police is the worst possible thing one could do in this situation. Hitting or slapping your child is wrong. A parent who does this is the one who needs a trip to the police station NOT the child.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/30/2008 12:49:20 PM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
Posts: 841
Joined: 9/6/2007
From: SW Missouri
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
Do you know how many kids go to jail for an offense like this, and especially if it's the first time? Almost none, and as for "conservatives" advocating jail time all the time or even most of the time, do you know that for a fact? I am a "conservative" who has worked in the legal system and also worked on a lot of political campaigns (20 years worth in Dallas, Texas of all places,) and I know many other conservatives (legions of them) who do not feel as you describe. BTW, I know (and yes, also like) a lot of "liberals" too.
Sadly, the mainstream news media likes to paint conservatives as unfeeling neanderthals, and alternative news media likes to paints "liberals" as emotional airheads devoid of logic. I try not to make make sweeping statements about "liberals" just because some in the media want me to. I hope you will refrain from doing that to "conservatives."
Thank you
quote:
Well, if we had a 15 yo son and he hit me, I think he'd probably get softer treatment at the police station than from dh.
Same here.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/30/2008 12:56:37 PM
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redeemedsaint
Posts: 498
Joined: 12/5/2005
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If my child ever assaulted me, I would give him a good kick in the behind and he would never do that again.
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Get off the track cause the freight train is coming - Coach Bobby Lee Duke from Facing the Giants
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 6/30/2008 10:04:01 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5964
Status: offline
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A similar thing happened between my sister and my mom when sis was about 14. She was sent to live with my dad. She ran away from dad's, got caught and my dad gave her the choice of military school or back to my mom's. She chose to go back to mom's. A year later and several offenses later, she was sent to a girl's home. Mom did routinely slap sis. Mom was abusive to all of us.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 7/10/2008 10:06:30 AM
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laura...
Posts: 2713
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
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When my oldest son was about 13 he got angry because I wouldn't let him have his way on something. He expressed his anger by picking up the end of a table and dropping it back on the floor. This caused a glass lamp sitting on the table to fall and shatter. My response to his "display" was nuclear. While he did not express his anger directly at me it was still a "power" message. I asked him right then if his intention was to intimidate me. I then told him that the day I was afraid of him would be the day he no longer lived in my house. He had several immediate consequences for that behavior. Such behavior never happened again.
Neither of my sons ever raised a hand to me. Both only did damage to the house or objects in the house once. (My younger son punched a hole in the wall...once.) I just did not tolerate it and they learned that very very quickly. As brothers close in age they of course had a few physical scrapes with each other. Those also carried heavy consequences.
As was alluded to by another poster, if a 15 year old boy is displaying that kind of violence then less serious incidents at previous times were not properly dealt with.
Given the severity of the incident, if he was my son, he would be attending anger management classes so fast his head would spin. He would be doing community service several times a week at a domestic violence shelter or other social service agency for the rest of the summer. Those would be on top of the removing of his cell phone, ipod and laptop.
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This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 7/10/2008 11:09:23 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11274
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
Given the severity of the incident, if he was my son, he would be attending anger management classes so fast his head would spin. He would be doing community service several times a week at a domestic violence shelter or other social service agency for the rest of the summer. Those would be on top of the removing of his cell phone, ipod and laptop.
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RE: 15 year old hit his mother - 7/10/2008 2:39:02 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 2951
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
Given the severity of the incident, if he was my son, he would be attending anger management classes so fast his head would spin. He would be doing community service several times a week at a domestic violence shelter or other social service agency for the rest of the summer. Those would be on top of the removing of his cell phone, ipod and laptop.
I agree. Definitely sounds like my kind of solution. Whatever would be done, I would make sure my son would know beyond a doubt that something like that would bring consequences he would not soon forget, and hopefully, the community service would bring a much needed awareness as well.
BTW, my kids have to do community service anyway. They need to know what it's like to serve others and the good things that come with that. My parents made me do community service as a kid, and I didn't like it then, but it was good for me and didn't take me too many years into adulthood to see that.
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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