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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 3:36:31 PM
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seagullplayer
Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
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You have told the man you need to, he understands the situation.
Write a nice letter thanking everyone for their support over the years,
And ask them to pray for you and your family as you seek a new Church
Home. Post it on the bulletin board in the back of the Church on your way out.
It is naive to think everyone will not all ready understand why you are leaving.
_____________________________
The world has only one problem, sin.
There is only one solution, Jesus.
THE WAY.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 3:49:09 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 5244
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ezri
Elders- Our church has a Deacon body. My husband is the Chairman of the deacons. We have tried to address these issues within committee and even face to face. We thought things were going okay til the pastor left and then the hole the pastor left brought the 1/3 back to their Pre-Pastor K mindset.
So without a pastor there is no one to go to to have this face to face talk. This is why I am thinking a letter. The new chairman of the deacons(a friend- one of the few that we can own within the church) will be the one to handle it.~e[/color]
I do not think that with the responsibility that your husband took on as accepting the position as Chairman of the deacons, and with no Pastor, that a letter would be sufficient.
As Chairman of the board and without a Pastor, your husband is the de-facto leader of the Church.
Have him "Cowboy up", and announce to the Church or at least the Board that he is leaving.
Leadership comes with responsibility; so your hubby needs to show some.
Thsnks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/2/2008 4:45:46 PM
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Wantin2grow
Posts: 2
Joined: 7/2/2008
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I'm going through a very similar situation and I fully intend on doing it face to face with my pastor when he gets back from vacation next week. Personally, I think face to face is by far the most respectful way to do it. He's my brother in Christ and a spriritual leader and I think that's what he deserves.
1 Thess. 5:12,13> 12Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. 13Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/3/2008 5:58:09 AM
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BibleL7
Posts: 493
Joined: 2/1/2008
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Just to clarify I really have nothing against Southern Baptist. I love S. Baptist people as much as Independant Baptists, I am a member of Independant Baptist church. I however prefer Non-denominational simply due to some of the things denoms hold to in traditions that kinda get to me. So know if i have anything against Baptists it is
all Baptists not just Southern.
Well I can only see that you seem to have done the part of letting the new head of deacons know what is the reason you intend to leave so what I have suggested is pretty much done. It is a shame that nobody in the church wants to deal with the situation. Will keep it in prayer.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/7/2008 10:14:22 AM
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GroupW
Posts: 2713
Joined: 11/16/2007
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And the painful search for a new church home begins ....
Best of wishes to you on that - we've moved around the country a lot, so we know how tough it can be.
Hang in there.
_____________________________
“For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, elegant and wrong.” -H.L. Mencken
"Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so." -Bertrand Russell
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/7/2008 12:25:26 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 3987
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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quote:
BUT we are going to be leaving behind 2/3 of a congregation walking on eggshells in fear of offending the other 1/3 that have the most ancestors names on brass plaques.
It is a sad situation. There cannot be true fellowship or worship while one is worried about offending another every moment they are in together in church.
2Co 6:3 giving no cause for offense in anything, so that the ministry will not be discredited,
May I submit to you that causing the kind of offense you are trying to avoid does not fit the scriptural command to not offend? In the above verse the word means to stumble or to sin. It does NOT mean to hurt their feelings or impinge on their religious sensibilities.
Consider this:
Rom 14:20 Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense.
Rom 14:21 It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles.
This indicates doing something that tells someone else it is ok to engage in sinful behavior.
From the sound of it, this 1/3 of the congregation need someone to offend them (in the sense of hurting their feelings) to get them out of the sins of making the other 2/3 "...walk on eggshells."
_____________________________
Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
====================================
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/7/2008 3:01:31 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2886
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
Status: online
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Dave-
We have tried... Thing is that when we do stand those behind us in the 2/3 are so conditioned to duck and cover that they forget to cover our backs.
That and the 1/3 provides more than 1/3 the operating budget so~~~~~ you catching on? We can apply CHURCH discipline and scripture all we like but we are not dealing with a church any longer- it became a country club decades ago, it only masquerades as a church.
Examples-
Mrs. Soandso, She approached honey with the complaint "The chairs are not on the pulpit" Said chairs were removed during our last ministers tenure because the big "throne" behind the lectern only leaves 24" to stand in. Mrs. Soandso states that "they have always been there" honey says "I will take it before the deacons" Mrs Soandso then states"Well me and my husband aeren't long for this world and would like to see them back." honey says "I will take it before the deacons" Mrs. Soandso states"Well those chairs were given by Mr & Mrs Suchandsuch, what if they come by for church and they are not there what will they think???" hone said "I will take it before the deacons" at this point I said those chairs were placed there in a time when ministers actually used them. Most choose not to sit in them any longer and on top of that there is hardly any space between the big one and the lectern to stand in. She stood her mouth hanging open.
New church secy is a church of God of prophecy member(Bylaws state it cannot be a church member) She is a good secy. knows her job does it well. Mrs. W.G. sits back during church meeting after asking what church the new secy attends and crosses her arms over her chest stating loudly that her parents and grandparents are rolling over in their graves right now. and cant we get a good So. Bapt Secy?
Oh and we cannot replace the light on the piano because it was given by Mr and Mrs Someoneoranothers momma and daddy. the thing is a fire hazard from the 50's and doesn't work half the time. the Pianist refuses to touch it.
Stuff like that.
~e
_____________________________
<-- My Handsome Honey.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/7/2008 3:16:53 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 3987
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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Yeah - I feel for you. This looks like the result of a long history of lack of proper teaching. Believers that are senior citizens physically but as chistians are still infants. This will not be changed without someone standing in the pulpit and showing how these attitudes are contrary to scripture and need to be repented of. Not just once but as often as it takes until it either they change or they leave.
_____________________________
Avatar is Saphira 5 months and Louvena at 23 months!
We are now grandparents TWICE!!
====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/8/2008 1:08:02 AM
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101
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I remember the story of when Jesus was walking along with his disciples. He turned them them and said; "unless you are willing to drink my blood and eat my flesh, you cannot follow me." The disciples said; "this is too hard to do", and left him until only 12 were stayed behind. Put yourself in the disciples shoes in thier time and ask yourself; if you lived with the Law like they did and someone said to you to do something that was clearly against the Law, what would you do?
From your post I believe that you have been a practicing Christian for a lot longer then I have, and although I have never been apart of the church leadership, I can sympathize where your coming from. I just want to point out that since you are an accepted member on the board, I believe that your opinion is still valued, but only that your method of verbal transportation is in question. Maybe you need to take a different approach as to how you want to get your message out. God is an amazing being for he teaches us many things if you pay attention. One of the things I have learned is that personalities play a huge role in leadership, and therefore they clash when it comes to decision making. What you are experiencing is that force in play. The question I have for you is; what were you expecting when you joined the leadership? Obviously you thought that you could help with church direction but instead you found yourself "outside looking in" so to say. The question of choice in doing right and wrong is not an easy one to know. This is the same for leaders as well. In the story above, history shows that Jesus was not talking about eating his body or drinking his blood in a literal manner but a figuative one. But the disciples did not know that, and so they did what they thought was right, and left. Those that stayed were unsure of what Jesus was talking about, but they stayed on faith. There is a lot in Christianity that is hard to understand, but faith does not come from understanding but on our trust of Christ. The 12 disciples had faith because of Jesus personality and his history. The problem is that you have lost your trust in the leadership and so you have no faith left in the hierarchy. It seems that you believe that leaving is the only answer left. Leaving the church for another is not the answer to your Spiritual growth for where ever you go you will incounter the same thing. This is a life lesson that God has put in front of you to learn from and grow. Have you asked God; "what can I learn from this experience and how can I use it to enhance my Christian life?" My advice to you is to stay and watch what God does. There may be a time where the Lord will lead you to another place but until then try to look at the problem from the other members prospective. Ask yourself, how does this direction the church is ready to take really hamper my Spiritual life and what can I learn from it. In all of the complaints I have heard from others in regards to other members of the church including leadership stem from the ego. Ask yourself; is my complaint an legitimate one, or am I angry because no one is listening to my views. Remember the story about the begger that was told to sit in the back while the promenant fellows sat up front. There is an interesting phenomenon that happens when you just sit back and watch, where there will come a time when all eyes will be on you. Why this happens I do not know, but I have seen it time and time again. When it comes to understanding why we do the things we do, I go to the bible and read the stories. There is a lot of wisdom there and I have not seen a situation where I have been in nor heard of that is not related there. I believe that the proper choice for you is already written scripturely and all you have to do is follow it.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/8/2008 10:22:55 AM
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ezri
Posts: 2886
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
Status: online
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Dave Nailed it-
quote:
Yeah - I feel for you. This looks like the result of a long history of lack of proper teaching. Believers that are senior citizens physically but as chistians are still infants. This will not be changed without someone standing in the pulpit and showing how these attitudes are contrary to scripture and need to be repented of. Not just once but as often as it takes until it either they change or they leave.
Leadership- We entered the leadership role at this church believing God would use us as an instrument of change. Believe me we tried and we do not think that we tried in vain- God will use our time there. His word does not return fruitless, we may not get to see the harvest but HE is good and will complete the work. As for the Leadership, we came to find that the leadership was simply a curtain- another thing that the 1/3 must have to continue to call the building a church and not the "Brass Plaque Country Club".
It did not take long to find out who was running the show. That 1/3- they control the leadership and entire church through manipulations and finances. The remaining 2/3 have become so accustomed to ducking and covering when the 1/3 are challenged that even if they believe what you are doing is right, and good, and of God they still find themselves ducking and covering. They grew up with the wrath of Aunt Soandso and Aunt Suchandsuch.
So in this thing you can see the leadership has no power within the body. Should we have faith in people that know and agree that the thing is good, and right, and ought to be done- but will not do it because they KNOW what is coming once it is done and when it is done they recuse themselves of the action? No- we have learned our lesson- We leave and pray that the Lord uses this shake up as a catalyst for change. Perhaps it will open some eyes and someone will stand up and ask Aunt soandso and the 1/3 what on earth they think they are doing.
There is a thread out there somewhere about "can church become an Idol" the answer is a resounding YES! The 1/3 have done an awesome job making this one into an idol.
I know this is not something that is unusual- there is another church up the road that has a name on the sign but is not called by the name but as the lastname family church. At least they announce to the world that a certain family runs the place. We won't be visiting that one.
~e
_____________________________
<-- My Handsome Honey.
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/8/2008 6:43:40 PM
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hjemerson
Posts: 213
Joined: 3/4/2008
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ezri, "You hit the nail on the Head" old saying if they dont't do something the chrcu 2/3 will get tired of the battle or play church with the 1/3 . Here in the church we are at it the 1/3 all over 70 and Maybe some day the new will do better thatn what the old did .I pray we can hold on or if not the Lord will show us . We have seen a few slow change and we waiting pray the new family will have the strenght to have a change in things, Yes from old chairs to the tackey silk flower !! The chair in our nusery is so old they are un safe ,but then agin we have no babies!!God bless you as you find and heal!!!
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/9/2008 1:25:47 AM
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BibleL7
Posts: 493
Joined: 2/1/2008
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ezri, I will keep you and hubby in prayer. I do hope it will not be too long to find another church for you. Lord Bless
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RE: What is the proper way to tell you are leaving? - 7/9/2008 5:42:54 AM
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armydude
Posts: 16029
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: NC
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I've been praying on how to respond since I saw the OP, and I believe the best way to leave would be a simple letter stating something like, "After much prayer, we are being led to part company with this church." If pressed for an answer... well that's up to you.
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I am really sorry he had to catch it from the 4 different directions he caught it from. *shakes head* 
