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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 12:56:48 AM
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Kath
Posts: 16989
Joined: 2/28/2005
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THere were more examples, like not making much money, a small home, that type of thing but they weren't relevant to the topic so I didn't bother.
I have Onelook.com on my toolbar so I can look up words easily. I really like onelook, it links to 20 different dictionaries.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 10:38:57 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26671
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From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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oooh!
Now, I'm intrigued!
I'm gonna hafta go check that out.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 11:30:52 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3509
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From: a mother who let me live
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WhiteRoseBlessings, CoeurdeLeon, and Ps103 -- Thank you so much for your kinds words. I don't know what to write -- I simply at a loss for words. I just hope that you both know that the feelings and thoughts are actually mutual.
I don't know, but I think the main things I enjoy on CW is the respect I learn very quickly for some of you here, and respect is what I have for all those whose names I have brought up in this whole thread (and for a lot of others here I could name!). To me, respect is the ultimate. If I don't respect someone, it is difficult for me to have real relationship with them. I don't know if that's just me or if it is basically universal.
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Kerrlaw! That story of the lady and the dentist -- too funny! And Zmanfan got to experience it first hand?!?!?! 
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Wow, it's amazing how quickly this new thread has gotten so long!! 10 pages in 5 days!
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 2:59:29 PM
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bzirk
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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phosodaud,
Great subject.
I only got to page 7, so if I'm repeating something, forgive me.
When I read the original post, a few things popped into my head. The first one was that I was surprised someone would be offended by you. The second thought I had was a passage that I frequently think of when responding to people, who for whatever reason (whether having been hurt or they've learned to manipulate this way or they honestly immature in how to handle wrongs), are continually easily offended.
quote:
I Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8Love never fails...
(emphasis mine)
If someone examines themselves, which certainly includes having the Lord's wisdom about conduct, then they can know if they're acting unbecomingly or not, e.g., whether they are acting in an inconsiderate or selfish manner ("whatever is not from faith is sin.") So if someone takes offense at something I've done, I try to examine myself and review my behavior against the Lord's word and also in prayer to Him, and if I come out wanting, then I try to be forthright about apologizing and asking forgiveness. Easier said than done, but that's what I try to do.
The second part of verse 5 is clearly applicable to someone's response to another's behavior, possibly a wrong. What's really interesting about this is that it doesn't say to ignore a wrong. It's saying that love does not look through the filter of the wrongs when it takes action. Does that mean we never address a wrong? Matthew 18 makes it clear that with our fellow Christians we can redress a wrong. But nowhere in that passage in Matthew does it talk about someone taking personal offense in dealing with the wrong. It says 'if your brother sins.' Could be personally against someone or not, but it doesn't talk about personal hurt being the motivator for going to a brother.
Bottomline is that I try not to take things personally, even if they're meant that way. This allows me to stay clear headed and deal with someone as the Lord leads. I try to always think of what is important to the Lord and not to me personally. Am I always successful in doing this? Heck no. I've messed up plenty of times. But despite falling short, it's what I strive for and ask the Lord to help me do. Again, none of what I've said precludes accountability. If a Christian brother/sister is sinful, and I'm in a position to deal with them, I should do it. Because it's not about them undoing an offense to me but about their relationship with the Lord. That's what is most important, and if I love them, and I'm in position to deal with them, I should do it for their sake and most importantly because of the Lord and what He has done.
BTW, This is coming from someone who used to replay every conversation with someone so that I could make sure I had done the right thing and not given offense and not misstepped in any way. I can tell you that for my situation, albeit my demeanor was couched in great consideration for others and the desire to do what's right according to the Lord, that I was too focused on self. It was too much about me and me being good and me not giving offense and me making sure that others were not giving offense, and all the manipulation that can go with that. May I say that wore me out. So glad I ran out of steam on that.
note: I use NASB, which I consider after a lot of study of translations, to be the most accurate. So having said that, it's important to note that this translation does not treat the verse in Matthew 18:15 as a personal offense but others do. On a broader note, I've found that by using NASB, the cohesiveness of the scriptures is more apparent than other English translations. Just my opinion, but that's why I said what I did above.
< Message edited by bzirk -- 7/5/2008 3:08:22 PM >
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Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 3:11:43 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 3074
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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One more thing.
I've got some tapes in the basement somewhere that are of my former pastor's sermons on the subject of this thread from years and years ago. After all the scriptures he reviewed about the Lord's responses, he netted out our response as people who are of the Lord, and should know that if the Lord is for us who can be against us?
Get over it.
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Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 4:17:36 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 9808
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: bzirk
One more thing.
I've got some tapes in the basement somewhere that are of my former pastor's sermons on the subject of this thread from years and years ago. After all the scriptures he reviewed about the Lord's responses, he netted out our response as people who are of the Lord, and should know that if the Lord is for us who can be against us?
Get over it.
Absolutely beautiful! 
I agree! It boils down to who we are most trying to please: God or man. That isn't to say we shouldn't care about man - God tells us we are to love our neighbor. However, when pleasing man becomes our focus and takes all our energy, there's a problem.
One of my college pastors was sharing years back about different passions people have that tend to direct how they act. The only thing I remember (this was more than 10 years ago) has always stuck with me: The Passion for Popularity. He wasn't talking about winning a popularity contest but the passion to be liked.... by everyone.... It stuck with me because that was me... It was always hard for me to handle being disliked by someone - legitimately or not. I think the best thing that ever happened to me was that right after college, I worked for a few years in nursing homes. Here I am trying to help people but many of them are either mentally not there or are angry and take it out on you because you are the caregiver and an easy target. I was spit on, punched, hit, cussed at, kicked, etc. I learned very quickly to not take things personally (even when some of them meant it!) and it was one of the most liberating things in my life and something that has stuck with me. That's one of the reasons it takes a LOT to offend me. I HAD to place my worth in the Lord - not in what others thought of me. That's not to say that I don't have my "sore spots", but over the years, those spots have become fewer and further between. Thank you Lord Jesus!
Of course, it has created an interesting challenge which was why I started this thread: I have lost all patience with folks who have surrounded themselves with dominoes that are ready to fall over. I'm trying to find the balance between having to twist myself in knots trying to avoid knocking over the dominoes the other person has set up and just saying "forget it" and walking away.
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~Kristin~
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 4:22:24 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 3074
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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Kristin,
I understand big time! I've had to deal with my impatience on this exact issue. The Lord has been good to show me repeatedly how very patient he's been with me. When I remember that, it does make it easier to be gracious. A little application of Romans 14 also helps. I especially like this verse:
quote:
4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
on a lesser note, I like to think of holding people to something I've learned as the "I've eaten, why are you hungry?" mentality. 
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Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 4:38:43 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 3074
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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At the risk of stating the obvious, I just think you're just really sensitive about this because of your history with it. You know the lord will help you work through that and put it in perspective. Just don't be anxious about it.
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Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 5:08:04 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 3074
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
I guess my concern is that I've become not sensitive about it. It takes everything I have sometimes to not post: "Get over yourself and stop being a baby!"... I guess I'm trying to find a middle ground...
I understand, but you're not insensitive. You're still really sensitive to the situation because of your experiences.
Even if you already know what I'm going to say, I think it's good to say it sometimes, and that is reminding how very gracious the Lord is to us and how that should yank our perspective around on being gracious in turn. Matthew 18 makes this point following the passage about the brother sinning.
Now the unvarnished truth is that sometimes I just get hacked, and I want to stay hacked and take names and kick some backside.
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Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 6:09:42 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1273
Joined: 4/8/2005
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quote:
One of my college pastors was sharing years back about different passions people have that tend to direct how they act. The only thing I remember (this was more than 10 years ago) has always stuck with me: The Passion for Popularity. He wasn't talking about winning a popularity contest but the passion to be liked.... by everyone.... It stuck with me because that was me... It was always hard for me to handle being disliked by someone - legitimately or not. I think the best thing that ever happened to me was that right after college, I worked for a few years in nursing homes. Here I am trying to help people but many of them are either mentally not there or are angry and take it out on you because you are the caregiver and an easy target. I was spit on, punched, hit, cussed at, kicked, etc. I learned very quickly to not take things personally (even when some of them meant it!) and it was one of the most liberating things in my life and something that has stuck with me. That's one of the reasons it takes a LOT to offend me. I HAD to place my worth in the Lord - not in what others thought of me. That's not to say that I don't have my "sore spots", but over the years, those spots have become fewer and further between. Thank you Lord Jesus!
I think, Phosy, this is the jist of it. We all like to be liked. But, Christ tells us we are to love others. All too often love hurts. Being liked or likeable is easy. To really love someone often means having to be brutally honest.
I too have always been a person that most people really like. Generally, I get along well with others. Yet, God placed me in a vocation where I have had to confront others. I know I have repeated this countless times on these forums, but after 16 years in corrections, both in the community and behind the walls, I believe I have learned how to love others just as Christ loves us. I've been punched, slapped, scratched, spit on, had urine and feces thrown at me, insulted, called a liar in court, had allegations made against me, all in the course of my duties. Yet, I have to ocntinue to serve the same individuals over and over. In order to effect change in thinking, to ultimately correct behavior, I have to engage in relationship with those who have no desire to reciprocate that relationship.
I too have had to learn not to take things personally. It only makes matters worse. Recently I've made a career switch and am now working as a police officer. A couple of weeks ago I responded to a disturbance in which a young man was out of control, filled with anger. After getting him handcuffed, I pulled him to my car, sat him down and talked with him. I listened to his side of the story. He calmed down and was beginning to cooperate with me. I then went to speak with one of his relatives who was still acting hostile. The young man waw yelling out the window to this relative to be quiet, quit making things worse. My partner arrived on scene and told the kid to shut up. My partners presence escalated the young man's ire again. I spoke with my partner about this. His respose to me as to his telling the kid to shut up was that the kid "Made me mad." My thought was, "it's not about you." Because he was upset at the kid for yelling out the window, he caused the kid to get even more upset. Seems like it was a failure to seek first to understand, then be understood.
I guess the so what of it all is to not get discouraged and to realize that there are far too many people who are going to complain becauze they can. Like I said before, some people aren't happy unless they have something to complain about. Let em be happy with themselves.
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You can take the man out of Alaska, but you can't take Alaska out of the man.
Me
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 11:01:28 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 9808
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zamdad
I think, Phosy, this is the jist of it. We all like to be liked. But, Christ tells us we are to love others. All too often love hurts. Being liked or likeable is easy. To really love someone often means having to be brutally honest.
I typed up another post but deleted it because as I was posting my mind went another direction - and this is it. I think what it boils down to is that I (I should probably say we) tend to measure our "love" on how much we are "loved back". There are times we can distance ourselves from this measure - like when I worked in the nursing home and mentally had to recognize that loving wasn't going to get me loved because x, y and z. But in reality, maybe the reason I get so annoyed at people who are easily offended is that it's not fair. It's not fair to love someone and be kind to someone to get smacked upside the head in return. I should get "loved" back right?
Wrong! We can never measure our love based on how much we are loved back, patted on the back, given kudos, etc. We can only do our best to walk in the Spirit - whatever that means: being a shoulder to cry on, being a voice of honesty even when it hurts, etc.
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~Kristin~
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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RE: The easily offended - 7/5/2008 11:26:01 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4359
Joined: 4/12/2005
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It's clear to me that you can't get through life without someone getting offended just for you being you. They might be offended by your house, your hobbies, your hair, your voice, your mannerisms, the Bible you carry, how you mow your grass, etc. None of these are issues of sin (sin is offensive); they are issues of preference.
I'm glad Bzirk pointed out that each of us are responsible for our reactions to others--a person who gets provoked just for me being genuinely me (get that--not me being a jerk) is a person who most likely has issues with themselves.
We are to be gracious to one another, kind, forgiving, comforting one another, edifying, and telling the truth (even when it isn't what we want to hear), teaching and admonishing one another, giving preference to one another. The one another passages are incredibly instructive for how we are to behave.
It's not longsuffering to take easy offense at everything and everyone, but it most likely makes a person's life seem long and suffering.
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Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
He Himself is our peace! Ephesians 2:14:a
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RE: The easily offended - 7/6/2008 12:59:07 AM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 16705
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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Well, I am off ended.
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