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RE: MySpace - 7/4/2008 9:56:10 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5089
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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I would certainly allow computer games for a set period of time(probably not more then an hour a day) but the internet makes me wary. I would be more ok if it had an extremely strict filter but even myspace has soft porn(women very scantily clad in bikinis and bra/panties) ads on the "home" page. I've seen them on mine more then once.
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RE: MySpace - 7/4/2008 11:44:09 PM
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nicole6598
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
I would certainly allow computer games for a set period of time(probably not more then an hour a day) but the internet makes me wary. I would be more ok if it had an extremely strict filter but even myspace has soft porn(women very scantily clad in bikinis and bra/panties) ads on the "home" page. I've seen them on mine more then once.
yeah that annoys me too!
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 10:52:28 AM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
Joined: 6/20/2008
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I guess in my household things will be completely different.
My husband is an IT director, and in my house there are two laptops and a desktop computer. My kids will be allowed to do things online when they are old enough to not break any TOS's. My children will be taught the ins and outs of computers and doing things online, because that is what we know. I will trust my children to do the right things online and I will probably sometimes monitor what they do, but I won't be looking over their shoulder every minute and expect them to let me have their passwords all of the time. *shrugs* I guess I just put more faith in my kids and I don't believe in sheltering my kids. Sheltering just leads to more rebellion, more social retardation, and hurts my relationship with them more than it helps.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 11:36:27 AM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6273
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From: WA
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Do you have any kids yet? I would like to see why you think my kids are socially retarded, frankly.
Has it occurred to you that it isn't only your kids who can do wrong things online, but the rest of the world that is online, some of which is after your kids? Because I think your philosophy sounds rather naieve.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 11:50:11 AM
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mommyplus3
Posts: 56
Joined: 7/8/2008
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all 3 of my kiddos (9, 11, and 13) have myspace - as do i.
as far as the age thing...and i know many will disagree...they are all under me, as i know that they are too young. i have the passwords and i do check them periodically.
as for the question you asked about someone looking them up, and doing it under my name...if someone has to look them up by name, then they shouldn't be allowed as a friend. my kids' networks come from personal real-life friends. if you don'y know exactly how to find my kiddos, you won't be able to find them LOL.
for me (and this is only for us) it works. with a few safety rules, it has been a wonderful tool for 3 kids that moved away from the only place they had ever lived.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 11:52:21 AM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
Do you have any kids yet? I would like to see why you think my kids are socially retarded, frankly.
Has it occurred to you that it isn't only your kids who can do wrong things online, but the rest of the world that is online, some of which is after your kids? Because I think your philosophy sounds rather naieve.
I think coddling is what leads to rebellion. I believe if I allow for a little bit of faith in my children, they will learn that I am not the ba guy and that they can discuss these things with me. I don't feel the need to "protect" (see, shelter) my children from the "bad guyz" online because they will be taught the difference between right and wrong, then I will allow them to make their own decisions until they prove to me otherwise.
Not only do I teach this with my kids, but my husband and I both were taught this way as well. In turn, I never encountered the kiddy porn guys or whatever because I knew where they were, how they acted, and such, so I stuck to those I knew. I knew if things looked questionable, that my mother was there to discuss it with me and she wouldn't get angry with me or try to shelter me from it. Same goes for my husband. Same goes for my kids.
Coddling and sheltering gets kids nowhere. There were quite a few kids in my class whose moms were overbearing. You can find one of those girls on Girls Gone Wild, and the other one was pregnant by the time she was 16 because she was never taught about birth control and was told "BE PURE!", so she rebelled, had sex, and there ya go. I don't think I'm being naive at all, in fact, I'm being more of a realist than many.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 11:56:24 AM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6273
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From: WA
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Children are often not mature enough to spot a predator.
In addition, I think your take on 'sheltering' being 'overbearing' and leading to rebellion is incorrect. I can say that because I have two adolescent boys who you would consider to have been sheltered all their lives. I also have seen countless other 'sheltered' kids, and they have generally not had the problems you claim they should have. Also, all kids don't react to the same methods in the same way.
Lack of boundaries can also lead to rebellion, because kids need boundaries and will push until they find them.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:02:47 PM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
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That's fine. I'll see you on the other boards when your kids run to the high hills when they turn 18.
I give my children enough credit for their age. They know what to look for in terms of coming across a predator. They know to come to me (and that I won't turn them away, I won't shut off the computer and be angry, or otherwise) if their is anything they have any questions about. I think it's naive to believe that our kids are mindless drones who can be shaped into whatever we want to shape them into. I am here for guidance in their lives, and by having some faith in my children, and encouraging a type of open relationship with me and their father, they will seek us for guidance (and they do, often). They have boundaries and they have rules, but I am not naive to the fact that they can and will make their own decisions at points in their lives. Surprisingly enough, this sometimes comes at an age under 18, at which case I give my children some credit as to make the right choice, unless they have proven to me otherwise somehow. If they prove they are trustworthy and they are making correct decisions for themselves, there's no reason for me to be up in their business all of the time dictating their decisions.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:06:36 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6273
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From: WA
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Correct me if I am wrong, but you are NOT a parent, right? When you say 'your children' you are actually talking about other people's kids?
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:12:10 PM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
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I am a parent and I have a youth-group. I'm sorry I've disappointed you. ;)
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:15:07 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6273
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From: WA
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I checked your bio and it says you have been married less than a year. But you have kids?
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:21:55 PM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
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... you're right. I can't possibly be a Christian if I had my children out of wedlock. I'm so sorry, I should not be responsible for Christian children since this is the case.
And people wonder why I sometimes feel like I'm losing my faith in the church. I was told my entire life growing up that I could never fit in because my mom was a single mom... and now I can't be Christian or guide Christian children because I had my kids before we got married. *shrugs*
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:24:16 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6273
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From: WA
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I asked because you said your friend's out-of-wedlock pregnancy had to be the result of strict parents...but if so, then what was yours the result of, since your parents were so wonderfully submissive? You can't claim the one and ignore the other!
Mine had nothing to do with strict parents, btw, and an awful lot to do with parents who did little in the way of parenting.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:30:06 PM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
Joined: 6/20/2008
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I had them because I was married and then got divorced. My children are out of wedlock because I had them AFTER the divorce was final. If this is not out of wedlock, then cool beans, my kids have a good mom after all! They are my current husband's kids. There is nothing wrong with that at all. But I'll remember that my first husband should be my only husband... you know, with the hitting and drinking and all. 
And Ma'am, this girl was promiscuous because she felt unloved at home, because she felt like she could never talk to her parents because they'd get mad at her and not trust her if she asked a simple question. I know this because she told me so. She eventually told a counselor so, as well. As for the other girl, in the GGW video, I have no idea how she came to that conclusion, but I do know her parents were really hard on her growing up, too. She asked the teachers and her peers a lot of questions that I personally could ask my mother herself.
Sorry ma'am, you're wrong again. But keep nit-picking because you know I'm right. ;) Please don't be angry because my kids know they can count on me to answer life's big questions and your kids have to seek their guidance from someone else because you'll flip out.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:32:35 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5089
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LivePrayDream
... you're right. I can't possibly be a Christian if I had my children out of wedlock. I'm so sorry, I should not be responsible for Christian children since this is the case.
And people wonder why I sometimes feel like I'm losing my faith in the church. I was told my entire life growing up that I could never fit in because my mom was a single mom... and now I can't be Christian or guide Christian children because I had my kids before we got married. *shrugs*
Cripes! No one is attacking you, it was simply a question.
I have seen children from both scenarios go in both directions. Moderate parents who didn't shelter had children that stayed conservative AND who went nuts. I have seen the same thing from children who were sheltered.
There is not one standard that works for everyone, you can't point fingers and say Jenny is wrong for the way she is parenting her children because only SHE knows them best and knows their strengths and weaknesses.
My parents tailored rules depending on the child and their strengths and weaknesses. I was allowed more privileges then my younger brother because I was less likely to buck the boundaries. There is no one standard for everyone.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:33:24 PM
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ta_mosquito
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From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
Let's cut out the personal attacks and sarcasm and parenting criticism and get back to the topic, which is children on MySpace.
Thank you!
Tricia
Forums Moderator
Please do not reply to this message within the forums or chat.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 12:42:07 PM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
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Like I said, I trust my children until they prove otherwise. If my child shows me they cannot make good decisions over and over again, there will be stricter rules encouraged. If they continuously show me they are mature, they will be treated that way. The kids in my youth group are a mature lot of kids and can discuss music lyrics better than some professors I've met in college, so I'm gonna treat them that way AND have fun with them (see the Rock Band for the Wii thread). Same applies here. I know my kids well enough to know if they are hiding something from me, but they talk to me, so I let them be. With my kids, there's no reason to coddle or hover over them, and I'm not naive for letting them be their own person.
Edited to fix BB code.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 1:03:31 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2907
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
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I have a MySpace account- I do not like the ads and all that are associated with it. I have my account set up to have my approval for EVERYTHING. It is my 2nd MySpace acct- the first one was the default set up- I left it for a month and came back and had porn in my comment area!  the default settings reek! there is no protection there. As one mom to another- If you do allow your child a MySpace when they are old enough by the sites TOS to have one check out the security setting options and set it as tight as you can to keep the freaks that cruise to post such nasty stuff far far far away.
*End of public service announcement*
My children are 9, 10, 12, 14, 16, & 18
My 18yo and 16yo have facebook accounts. I had mine first- about 3 months before some of the girls friends found me and asked if the girls had accounts. I said no but that if they wanted an account they could. Both girls now have accounts. Both accounts are set up so that ONLY friends can see them.
I like Facebook better than MySpace. They still have ads and some of the ads still have bikini clad bodies in them BUT they are much tamer and smaller than MySpace.
My 14yo son has asked about getting a Facebook account in the past- I told him no. I am reconsidering now that we are moving churches... it would be a way he could keep contact with one of his pal's at the old church. It would require some training for him. (PLEASE HIT **SKIP** WHEN IT SAYS SHARE WITH FRIENDS!) but it may be something that he can try on a trial basis now.
As for TOS- they are there to protect you and yours, as well as the company that has them.
FaceBook TOS
quote:
Eligibility Membership in the Service is void where prohibited. This Site is intended solely for users who are thirteen (13) years of age or older, and users of the Site under 18 who are currently in high school or college. Any registration by, use of or access to the Site by anyone under 13, or by anyone who is under 18 and not in high school or college, is unauthorized, unlicensed and in violation of these Terms of Use. By using the Service or the Site, you represent and warrant that you are 13 or older and in high school or college, or else that you are 18 or older, and that you agree to and to abide by all of the terms and conditions of this Agreement.
MySpace TOS
quote:
Eligibility. Use of the MySpace Services and registration to be a Member for the MySpace Services (“Membership”) is void where prohibited. By using the MySpace Services, you represent and warrant that (a) all registration information you submit is truthful and accurate; (b) you will maintain the accuracy of such information; (c) you are 14 years of age or older; and (d) your use of the MySpace Services does not violate any applicable law or regulation. Your profile may be deleted and your Membership may be terminated without warning, if we believe that you are under 14 years of age, if we believe that you are under 18 years of age and you represent yourself as 18 or older, or if we believe you are over 18 and represent yourself as under 18.
~e
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*only* 8,985,600,000,000,000 Nanoseconds til I get to touch him again---
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 1:11:54 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6273
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From: WA
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That looks to me, Ez, like even if the parent has the account under their name, the kids are not supposed to be using it if they are under 13.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 1:23:29 PM
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ezri
Posts: 2907
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Point B, NC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
That looks to me, Ez, like even if the parent has the account under their name, the kids are not supposed to be using it if they are under 13.
That would be my interpretation as well.
~e
_____________________________
*only* 8,985,600,000,000,000 Nanoseconds til I get to touch him again---
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 1:51:25 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6052
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Mine too. It says that both "use of the .. services" and "registration" is to be for over-14 for MySpace and over-13 for Facebook.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 4:58:54 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7993
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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LivePrayDream,
To better understand your point of view, from the position of a parent, would you please clarify the ages of your children? It would also be helpful to know if you are the leader of the youth group.
To give you some background about myself, I am a 44 yo mother of three children. Our first child was born a month before our tenth wedding anniversary. We belong to one of the larger churches in our town and our 14 yo dd and 11 yo dd go to the youth group. Our children have never been to school.
Since you are new to forums, LivePrayDream, you don't really know much about us, so it might be helpful to get some context.
My 14yo dd has an e-mail account, but her internet usage is extremely limited. I know her password and she doesn't get e-mail from anyone that my husband has not placed on her approved list.
My 11yo dd doesn't have an e-mail accoutn and won't until she is 13 or 14. My 8 yo son doesn't either.
The kids are allowed on some sites and spend a fair amount of time on the computer, but it monitored and they are only allowed on certain sites. None of my children are allowed on MySpace and none of them will get a MySpace account while living under my roof. My 14yo dd is asking to have an account with some group through our church. Dh and I haven't discussed it and we would have to look into and monitor it for a while before determining whether it's a good idea or not. We'll see.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 5:26:00 PM
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mommyplus3
Posts: 56
Joined: 7/8/2008
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while i can respect every parent's decision for their children, i do kind of agree with livepraydream. completely banning all that might be qustionable would not work well for my kiddos.
we choose our battles....myspace, email, IM, and all that other stuff is not a huge deal to us - within our boundaries. the color of their hair, piercings (to a degree), clothing (within reason), and other things along those lines are not a huge deal...again within our boundaries.
what i strive for in parenting my children, is to raise happy, healthy, tolerant, people with a loving and christian heart. i don't think that they need to be kept away from all that could be evil in the world...one day they will have to deal with it. i like the idea that when they face any "issues," they have a loving, supportive, and open family to discuss everything with.
again, it is what works for us.
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RE: MySpace - 7/8/2008 6:59:06 PM
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LivePrayDream
Posts: 36
Joined: 6/20/2008
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One child, age 5. This is how I will be raising her, and this is how my mother raised me. My mom and I have a fantastic relationship and I know I can count on her if I need any questions answered. My husband was raised in that "strict Christian" household and when he turned 18, he rebelled by drinking, smoking, you name it. He has to watch everything he says to his parents. It shocks him when I talk bluntly about sex or something of the like with my mother. He did eventually came back to the church, but he did it with me by his side. In fact, he didn't quit smoking until about 5 months ago, he kicked it for me.
I have already had a "Sex and the Bible" day with my pre-teens (youth group). This was published in their itinerary for the week and all of the parents knew what I would be teaching. I taught what the Bible says, however, I also taught about safe sex and what to do if it ever came down to that. The parents were pleased, especially since the schools around here teach abstinence-only and there is a huge lot of the girls in school who are pregnant. This is just case-in-point, I feel if I preach at my children, they will want to rebel or not be in my youth group any longer. I like to mix reality and society and apply the Bible to everyday life and situations that could arise.
As far as the Internet goes, many, many children learn to "get around" their parents, even if they have to access the Internet from a library or from their friends' house. This can lead to some serious dangers for the unexperienced child who has only been taught that the Internet is evil and everyone's a predator, etc. Instead, I will teach my child that the Internet is nothing to fear, and if they follow proper precautions they can have good experiences on it. She'll also know that she can come to me without recourse if something looks suspicious, but living in a house with two IT nerds (although my major is biology), she'll know the ins and outs of all things computer-related anyway.
I feel that parents need to learn to trust their children alongside discipline. I am one of the few who thinks that "I hate you" is actually a bad thing to hear from your child. I don't want to give my child anything to rebel against, and I want her to be worldly and tolerant of other people. I am not my child. I can guide her and teach her, but ultimately it is her decision. I also recognize that children are growing up a lot faster these days, so my daughter will have certain responsibilities as she matures. So long as she shows me she is trustworthy, I will trust her. Only when she breaks that trust will I do something like get passwords and read emails. I hope to have a daughter who was like me when I was her age, computer savvy and responsible for herself and her actions.
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. We both have generic passwords that our household uses...dh included. We are all each other's accountability partners with the internet.
