Lighten up, please! (Full Version)

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free-to-worship -> Lighten up, please! (7/4/2008 1:02:16 PM)

Why is it that many Christian men seem to tense up in conversation with Christian women? What I mean is this. Most of the time when I have a conversation with a single Christian man, all he can talk about is the things of God. Now don't get me wrong, I myself am a Christian and very learned in the things of God, and I feel that if you are real with your walk with God it will show naturally. It seems that most times the guys I talk to want to seem deeper and more learned than they really are, and make the Bible their whole conversation. I like discussing the word of God, as a matter of fact I am a Teacher of the word, but I'd like a guy to just ask me..."So what do you like to do in your spare time?" Everything doesn't have to be deep, and most things aren't as deep as we make them out to be. Lighten up guys! LOL!



Blazingson -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/4/2008 5:53:05 PM)

I've noticed the same thing in people of both genders. It's almost as if they're afraid that you'll forget they're Christian if they aren't constantly discussing the things of God. And others go so far as to sprinkle their speech with "Praise God", "Hallelujah" and "Amen" at the end of almost every sentence.
For some I think they are just trying to impress others with how holy and religious they are, some are new in Christ and think they aren't allowed to think and talk about any other subjects and still others may be so insecure they feel the need to remind everybody around them of their status by talking this way.
But whatever the reason, I agree that they need to lighten up.



jn1010lf -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/4/2008 8:59:34 PM)

Hello free-to-worship

Women have to walk a fine line, I think. If they come across as "super spiritual" every man within miles of her will rebel. Such women usually inform everyone around them that they are a "teacher." Such women make men feel that they are being overbearingly mothered.

Does this seem like an impression of mine? Well, let me say that I've met many women who come on too strong with Bible knowledge. Men will rebel every time.

This may come across as a prejudicial generalization but singel and divorced women have a hard time being teachers, either self acclaimed or even ordained. Men just don't like authoritative women. As a pastor friend once said, "I really resist being alone in a room with a bunch of "spritiaul" women.

I'm convinced, based on observation, that any women that preaches or teaches needs to have a Christian husband that supports here. i.e. Joyce Meyer. Don't get me wrong here, I truly believe that women can preach or teach. I love to see husband and wife pastor teams. But a woman alone? I will nevetr accept such people as a Pastor of authority over me. Most men feel the same way.

That's my take on women.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/5/2008 12:38:25 PM)

Well, just speaking for myself, I do not tense up when talking to Christian women at all. In fact, these forums have really helped me be relaxed around women instead.



colliefan -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/5/2008 3:25:17 PM)

quote:

Why is it that many Christian men seem to tense up in conversation with Christian women? What I mean is this. Most of the time when I have a conversation with a single Christian man, all he can talk about is the things of God.


But what is the context of the convesation and where does this take place? Is it with someone you have just met? Or, is with someone you know some of his interests (and you know his)?

A conversation in a church setting is more than likely to be of a spiritual nature. In a casual setting, who knows? But a good conversationalist knows how to ask open-ended question.



DaveW -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/5/2008 10:47:28 PM)

Hey I tense up talking to any woman, except my own family members.



OneJohn410 -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/5/2008 11:53:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colliefan

quote:

Why is it that many Christian men seem to tense up in conversation with Christian women? What I mean is this. Most of the time when I have a conversation with a single Christian man, all he can talk about is the things of God.


But what is the context of the convesation and where does this take place? Is it with someone you have just met? Or, is with someone you know some of his interests (and you know his)?

A conversation in a church setting is more than likely to be of a spiritual nature. In a casual setting, who knows? But a good conversationalist knows how to ask open-ended question.


I 2nd the motion. More info please. Thanks!



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/6/2008 5:49:10 AM)

I'm never serious. At all.



APZR -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/7/2008 12:22:30 PM)

Big DITTOs to free-to-worship and Blazingson. People who answer every question with a Bible quote really turn off those who are considering Christianity. I call them "power Christians".
I've also run into many "blessing Mary" who blesses you or break out into a prayer every time you sneeze, give them a complement, or ask for help cleaning the kitchen after Wednesday night supper.
We also have a "evangelical gospel stinger". The stinger is not in the choir for obvious reasons... but he will sing out of tune gospels, think of fingers on a chalk board, very loudly so everyone knows that he knows the words to songs by heart.
I think every church has a "spot light missionary". They are not like church sponsored missionaries or others who quietly do their work without being asked or expecting a hymnal to be donated and dedicated in their name. The "spot light missionary" loves to see their names printed in the weekly bulletin for having cut the grass, painted a book shelf in the nursery, or sat as voluntary receptionist at the Family Life Center.
And of course we have the newbie Christians. Everyone who is a Christian went through this stage... carrying a Bible around every where, being so hungry to learn, and looking for opportunities to use or show off new found wisdom. This is the most awkward time for a newbie as they are most vulnerable. If try to butt heads with a rival who is superior in apologetics, they can be torn down in 5 minuets flat.



David_D -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/7/2008 1:27:22 PM)

free-to-worship, I wonder if the fellows you are talking to have heard that they are supposed to be spiritual leaders in a relationship but don't really understand what that means? Just a thought.



makarizo -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/7/2008 6:16:36 PM)

quote:

Most of the time when I have a conversation with a single Christian man, all he can talk about is the things of God. Now


if talking about God, and talking about 'other things' are 2 entirely separate entities, (unless I am misunderstanding you) something is wrong.

quote:

make the Bible their whole conversation.

okay, now i got ya. I do not think for a second that the bible is God, and the bible is not a box that my God is trapped in.

I experience God in the sunrise more than I do in the bible.
the 2-dimensional God is too deep for me too!!



TheRefinersFire -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/7/2008 11:27:28 PM)

Sorry. [;)]

But seriously... Or not... I am a comedian and I even tense up. For me it is not wanting to look like a fool, probably not realizing that it is making me look like a fool.

God bless, and thank you!



free-to-worship -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 1:01:33 AM)

Maybe so, but it's just conversation for crying out loud. I don't know what the deal is, sometimes it seems as if they are giving a pop quiz to see how much I know about the Bible and God himself, and when they find out, one of two things happens. They either want to challenge me (as if we were competing to see who knows more) or they get upset and want to end the conversation. Wow, wassup with that? To me it is a big 'NO-NO' either way. We don't have to overly spiritual all the time or even some of the time. If we are truly following Christ and living our lives daily thorugh Him and for Him, then who we are in Him will naturally show. I mean c'mon, we're not talking relationship, we're talking fellowship. Can't we all just be friends...lol? Thanks for the insite David_D. God bless.


quote:

ORIGINAL: David_D

free-to-worship, I wonder if the fellows you are talking to have heard that they are supposed to be spiritual leaders in a relationship but don't really understand what that means? Just a thought.



free-to-worship -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 1:06:13 AM)

Yep, this is true for most of the ones that I have met. Thanks, for your thoughts on the matter.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blazingson

I've noticed the same thing in people of both genders. It's almost as if they're afraid that you'll forget they're Christian if they aren't constantly discussing the things of God. And others go so far as to sprinkle their speech with "Praise God", "Hallelujah" and "Amen" at the end of almost every sentence.
For some I think they are just trying to impress others with how holy and religious they are, some are new in Christ and think they aren't allowed to think and talk about any other subjects and still others may be so insecure they feel the need to remind everybody around them of their status by talking this way.
But whatever the reason, I agree that they need to lighten up.



free-to-worship -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 1:07:24 AM)

Being a comedian is a welcome change. lol. Don't apologize, being tense is natural, giving me a pop quiz in theology is not. LOL! I don't think your coming out looking like a fool unless your jokes are inappropriate or being said at the wrong time, but I'm sure you know that timing is everything. (SMILE) I'm a girl with a sense of humor, and everything does not have to be serious all the time, I know when to get serious, but I also know when to LIGHTEN' UP. lol So go ahead, tell me a joke. lol
God bless ya and thanks for responding.
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRefinersFire

Sorry. [;)]

But seriously... Or not... I am a comedian and I even tense up. For me it is not wanting to look like a fool, probably not realizing that it is making me look like a fool.

God bless, and thank you!



CoachSteve -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 11:45:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: free-to-worship

So go ahead, tell me a joke. lol




So a horse walks into a bar. bartender asks, "why the long face?"
ba da ching



e.barrett -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 12:10:03 PM)

Maybe the issue has to do less with being a Christian and more to do with poor social skills? One of my favorite things to do is talk about God. But that just comes from the fact of how radically he's changed both my life and who I am. So whenever I can engage someone in that conversation I'm thrilled. (which is why I have a website and post on christian forums)

That said, I'm also aware that not everyone wants to always talk about God. So you simply have to read the situation. No one wants to be thumped with a Bible, even Christians. [;)]



APZR -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 1:12:01 PM)

Nice web site... looks good and easy to navigate. [sm=thumbsup.gif]

Sometimes I wish I had the talent or know how to design and build a beautiful web site. I'm not so good when it comes to design... that's why I hire decorators to chose colors when I build houses. [:D]



terryjohn -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 2:46:23 PM)

..."So what do you like to do in your spare time?" sounds like a pick up line. The reality is, guys would not say that to another guy. Actually, as most of us live in the real world it is quite refreshing not to talk about all the superficial things and it is all joy to discuss spiritual things in stead of sports, politics and everyday things. When I think about it I would really only get about 2 to 3% of my week to talk about the things of God.

I don't think any guy will say what you want them to say for fear of you getting the wrong idea about their intentions. If you want deep meaningful conversations about personal things you really have to seek out a sister in Chirst.



e.barrett -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 3:18:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: APZR

Nice web site... looks good and easy to navigate. [sm=thumbsup.gif]

Sometimes I wish I had the talent or know how to design and build a beautiful web site. I'm not so good when it comes to design... that's why I hire decorators to chose colors when I build houses. [:D]


Thanks! I also like talking about web design (although I didn't actually design that template). But if you think people look at you funny when you want to talk about God. [sm=Llol.gif]



TheRefinersFire -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 6:03:43 PM)

"Hi free-to-worship, I saw you in the sanctuary and thought you look like the type of person who appreciates a good joke. So here's one.


One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."



free-to-worship -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 9:17:25 PM)

LOL! Good joke!
Sometimes you just have to laugh. I'm sure Jesus did. Thanks for not taking yourself to serious, and not being so legalistic. I know the Lord, and I know that I am 'saved', 'sanctified', and like the Apostle Paul I am daily dying to the flesh, which means I am daily being delivered. I enjoy talking about the things of God and discussing the word, but I also enjoy people being themselves. Thanks for the reply.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CoachSteve

quote:

ORIGINAL: free-to-worship

So go ahead, tell me a joke. lol




So a horse walks into a bar. bartender asks, "why the long face?"
ba da ching



free-to-worship -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 9:26:55 PM)

That is one way to look at it, and I think they may be true for some. I love to talk about the Lord too, and how he has changed my life more than I can say. If he'd only came to save us it would have been alright, but He didn't just save us, He gave us everlasting life and forgave our sins, making us new creatures in Him, giving us back the authority that Adam lost in the Garden, and He bridged the gap between God and man. So I too like to tell of His goodness and of His love, but I also love when people can let God shine through them just by being who He created them to be. When we are truly in the Lord, Jesus comes not just out of our conversation, but also through our actions. Thanks for not thumping me.[:)] Also, I'm going to check out your blog, and feel free to check out some of mine at www.multiply.com/kimmyjustlikeesther.
quote:

ORIGINAL: e.barrett

Maybe the issue has to do less with being a Christian and more to do with poor social skills? One of my favorite things to do is talk about God. But that just comes from the fact of how radically he's changed both my life and who I am. So whenever I can engage someone in that conversation I'm thrilled. (which is why I have a website and post on christian forums)

That said, I'm also aware that not everyone wants to always talk about God. So you simply have to read the situation. No one wants to be thumped with a Bible, even Christians. [;)]



free-to-worship -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/9/2008 9:48:44 PM)

Hi there! You're right , I do enjoy a good joke and yours was great. LOL! Thanks alot. You know my screen name means just what it says...FREE TO WORSHIP...(free to laugh, love, and live)! I believe it pleases the Lord to see His children laugh.
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRefinersFire

"Hi free-to-worship, I saw you in the sanctuary and thought you look like the type of person who appreciates a good joke. So here's one.


One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Lighten up, please! (7/10/2008 12:19:24 AM)

Hi Free-to-worship,

How you doin? So, what do you like to do in your spare time? [:D]

Ok, so someone had to say it... Seriously though I agree with what others had to say here, but I'll give you my 2 cents anyways.

Personally, I think some Christians definitely need to turn the Christian lingo down a notch and act like normal people. We don't have to say praise the the Lord every few minutes and call everyone a brother and sister at church, especially around non-Christians, because it appears you're just putting on a show.

Although, since I spend most of my week working and don't see many Christians till the weekend I do have a desire to connect with a women on spiritual stuff. It's kind of like a breath of fresh air after a long week with a bunch of heathens...oops. Anyways, I guess there's a fine balance and most of it probably just comes down to social skills. So, give the goofy brothers at your church a break and tell them to chill out and be cool.

God Bless!



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