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RE: Angry Children - 7/8/2008 1:55:56 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6052
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From: Hampshire, UK
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Just wondering if you saw my post here:
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: TooLoudx4
But when I get angry with the kids I start yelling and they're yelling, and we all just have a hard time setteling down to some type of "normal" sounds.
When you yell, is it just normal conversation but louder, or do you say any things that you regret afterwards?
Working on controlling your own volume (and possibly what you say) might help your dd regulate her own behaviour. Have you talked to her at all about how she feels when you yell at her?
I see you have also said:
quote:
So I'm sure that she just takes alot of her cues (sp) from DH & me.
Would this be in yelling at each other (and name-calling or saying hurtful things?) within the hearing
of the children, or both yelling (and name calling, or saying hurtful things?) at the children?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Angry Children - 7/8/2008 4:12:56 PM
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buckifn
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quote:
know of everything that she does and goes to. So I'm sure that she just takes alot of her cues (sp) from DH & me. What child doesn't mirror their parents.
Knowing where a child goes does not prevent sexual abuse and/or molestation from taking place. It often happens in the child's home right under the other family member's nose and they don't have a clue as to what is happening.
I suggest you take your child for an exam and also talk with her about this.
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RE: Angry Children - 7/8/2008 4:58:44 PM
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creationtalk
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I have found that when I have the most trouble with my son--anger, bad behavior, what ever, it is usually when there is something in his life that is hurting him and he feels helpless to solve it or when he needs a lot of time and attention from me and hasn't been getting it because I'm too "busy". And the behavior will last as long as he is in this position or feeling this...and sometimes beyond when the acting out has become a habit.
I don't really know what to do or what might be causing this.
Maybe when things are relatively calm, you could ask her to write 5 things about her life that she would change if she could. Look them over to see if you can accomplish any of these. At least talk about them. She may feel that no one really sees her except when she is behaving poorly.
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RE: Angry Children - 7/8/2008 10:39:21 PM
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RepentanceIsRequired
Posts: 1111
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From: Home is where the heart is.
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quote:
Maybe when things are relatively calm, you could ask her to write 5 things about her life that she would change if she could. Look them over to see if you can accomplish any of these. At least talk about them. She may feel that no one really sees her except when she is behaving poorly.
This is a good idea. Also, have you had any alone time with her? Ryan and I always try to get one on one time with each kid.
_____________________________
--Nicole--
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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RE: Angry Children - 7/8/2008 11:06:39 PM
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mommyplus3
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tooloud-
i don't have much advice...just <<hugs>>
some children are more explosive than others. i have a 13 (almost 14 - eek!) yo dd that had some of the same experiences that you have described...the awake ones ;o). she has long come out of that "stage", but i remember how helpless i felt.
my daughter seemed to even out more once she started her period. we lovingly called it the 2 year PMS. do you tend to have moodiness when your hormones fluctuate? i think that some of it can be hereditary...if so, maybe offering her an explanation as to why she is acting that way will help her. my daughter didn't like the way she was acting, didn't always realize she was doing it, and if she did, she couldn't always stop it. once we were able to pinpoint the issue, it gave us a lot more peace for everyone to deal with.
any of this make sense? i am soo weary and ready for bed  good luck and i will keep you in my prayers.
<3
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RE: Angry Children - 7/9/2008 1:21:31 AM
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TooLoudx4
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From: Where Everywhere Is Nowhere
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Thanx mommyplus3, I think you might have hit the nail on the head on that one. Ya, that moodyness thing. I'm all over that one like a fly to a bug zapper. I guess I just needed someone to tell me that.
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<------Can Somebody Find My Shoes !!! I know I put them right over there?!
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RE: Angry Children - 7/9/2008 7:06:44 PM
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RepentanceIsRequired
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From: Home is where the heart is.
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That's a good point. If you are quick in your temper and lash out quickly, she will piick up on that and be more apt to do it as well. Keep looking to see how you can work on keeping yourself in check during those moments.
_____________________________
--Nicole--
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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RE: Angry Children - 7/10/2008 5:46:48 PM
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RepentanceIsRequired
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Just checking in to see how things have been going.
_____________________________
--Nicole--
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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RE: Angry Children - 9/17/2008 9:16:07 AM
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TooLoudx4
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Sorry I haven't checked this forum lately to give anyone an update. Things are a little better only the anger has shifted to a different phase since school has started. Maleah (aka-angry child) has a short temper when I try to help her with the homework. She's in 3rd grade and the work is so much harder and more of it of course. You know kids are learning things that are a little different than the what I did. So to help her with the work and to understand it at the same time she gets impatient with me which quickly turns to anger cause she don't want to take any time to help me understand it either. BTW, her teacher does some things that don't make sence in the grand sceam of things anyway. PT confrences are next week so hopfully I can get some answeres on a few things.
She has math homework everyday that doesn't always get done in class so she has to finish it at home. Me and number go together like a cat and a piece of tape stuck to the paw. So, this is what I'm dealing with right now. Hope this helps clarify things.
_____________________________
<------Can Somebody Find My Shoes !!! I know I put them right over there?!
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RE: Angry Children - 9/18/2008 2:09:17 AM
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RepentanceIsRequired
Posts: 1111
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From: Home is where the heart is.
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quote:
Me and number go together like a cat and a piece of tape stuck to the paw.
Sorry sis, but this gave me a good laugh.
I'm wondering though, does she ask you to help? Has she ever asked Keith for help? If she doesn't ask, then I'd suggest giving her some space. See how she does things on her own.
_____________________________
--Nicole--
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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RE: Angry Children - 9/18/2008 7:59:39 PM
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SuccessinTruth
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Often a child has outbursts of anger just to get attention. If they get attention for good behavior and not for their outbursts of anger, that may help. If her tantrums are getting her what she wants, she's going to continue them.
One thing that concerns me is the way she is treating you with a total lack of respect. Telling you she hates you is one thing, that's just expressing the way she's feeling. But calling you an idiot, stupid and striking at you is disrespectful and not acceptable behavior.
Respect for one's parents carries over to respect for others in authority positions, teachers, police, employers and even God.
I speak from experience, I am the mother of one angry child out of three, and I was a probation officer for seven years. There were so many mothers who handed their teenagers over to me saying "Help!".
By the time they are 15 or 16 and their parent(s) have put up with disrespect their entire lives, guess what? The kids have no respect them and will not listen to anything they have to say, will not follow any of their rules, take the car, hit their mom, etc.
Children do imitate their parents, so it doesn't help that you get loud and sometimes yell things that you shouldn't. However, that does not give her the right to disrespect you. The Bible doesn't say, "Honor thy father and thy mother if they are perfect examples and don't make mistakes".
I have absolutely no doubt that in your love for her, you are going to do what's best. In helping her, it's going to help you. Let her know that you love her so much, you're going to take three minutes before bedtime just to pray with her. Let her know how much God loves her too. It can't help but make a difference. Trust in the Lord, He'll never let you down. May God bless your family and guide you in His wisdom.
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SuccessinTruth
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RE: Angry Children - 9/21/2008 1:21:25 AM
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RepentanceIsRequired
Posts: 1111
Joined: 9/14/2005
From: Home is where the heart is.
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quote:
Children do imitate their parents, so it doesn't help that you get loud and sometimes yell things that you shouldn't
I completely agree with this. I have to keep myself in check every time I feel my temper rising with Rae. For the first 6 years of marriage with Ryan I yelled ALOT at him. In turn I was always yelling at the kids. Then I couldn't understand why she wouldn't listen to me. On top of that she is a strong willed child, so that didn't help. Over the past year, I've learned I have to keep myself in check and talk to her using reasoning and questions. To make her think about her actions rather than just yelling at her for doing something wrong or not doing what I told her to do.
_____________________________
--Nicole--
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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Yes, I have at times gone back and tried to converse more after I have calmed down, but just don't do it often enough.
