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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/19/2008 2:40:14 PM
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Caseyp57
Posts: 488
Joined: 8/8/2007
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Little 1 I don't necessarily think Beachcooky is holding on to any sin-- we all get angry with God even as you say David. God can take our anger. It's good you pointed out David though-- after pouring out his heart to God about how he was feeling (not just about his sin but all his emotions) the Lord did hear and answer in His time.
(((((Beachcooky)))) Please don't feel you can't post here hon. You have many people praying for you that care about you. You may not feel like people are praying but count up the number of replies here-- not to mention almost a hundred hits (or whatever you call them) on this thread... I've been praying for you and I know others here have been too. It's good you got out with your friends.
If you are on antidepressants tell the doctor how you are feeling as he/she may need to adjust the medicine.
((((Melbourne)))) I'm sorry about your friend and I'll pray for you too. Yes like you many/most of us have been there.... I felt just like you after my brother died--and now I am also grieving for my Dad--but it wasn't so much that my good friend(s) didn't care-- though it felt like it-- I think she/they didn't know how to relate to "Me: In Grief". God still gave me a good friend to talk to on the phone who lives out of state but even after a while I think she didn't know what to say to me.... A short round of professional pastoral counseling did help me some though. Christian fiction also helped me partly by giving me something else to think about....Anyways it's a little different this time around but still difficult; please pray for me too.
_____________________________
(Psalms 138:3 KJ21) In the day when I cried, Thou answered me, and strengthened me with strength in my soul.
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/19/2008 2:44:17 PM
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beachcooky
Posts: 893
Joined: 6/21/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Little_1
You may find 'Beauty for Ashes' by Joyce Meyer helpful. Joyce does know what you have experienced because she faced some of the same experiences as you have shared. You may be amazed just how similar her life was to yours presently.
I do care that you get better and I really do believe it can happen. Furthermore, I promise to pray for you during the next month.
Little_1
Alright. I'll check it out! Thanks! :)
_____________________________
www.myspace.com/xsweetheartforux
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/19/2008 2:47:38 PM
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hellochurch
Posts: 188
Joined: 7/15/2008
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dear beachcooky;
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/19/2008 2:56:20 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2756
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
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My precious one. I can say this because I am old enough to be your grandfather. Healing from abuse takes time - been there got the t-shirt to prove that fact. It also takes time for the ant-depressant to "kick in" Work with your doc until he/she determines the right dossage and type.
There are numerous feelings going through your brain. Some are just the normal feelings of growing up. Some come from the abuse. This is where a good counselor can help you sort our your feelings. Feelings are part of life, we just can't let them control us.
Jer 29:10 - 14 (ESV) 10“For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. 11For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, 14I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.
1 Pet 5:6 - 11 (NASB) 6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. 10After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 11To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.
Sadly you are not alone in your experiences. Too many women have gone through them; but the good news is that you can be a victor over your experiences rather than remain a victim. Please remember that in Christ you have the victory.
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/19/2008 3:14:13 PM
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Caseyp57
Posts: 488
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline
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Oh one other thing that has been a help to me when I am feeling lonely and feel especially down is Christian radio-- believe it or not hearing it even in the background can be a real mood lifter although you won't get something from every program-- I switch it to oldies or something else if it is a little kids program for instance or I don't like the song/program for whatever reason. And I am not the only one to have felt this way--my sister in law (who is also my best friend) discovered this too although she doesn't go to church. Try different stations (and also different programs) to see what you derive the most help from.....Also Focus on the Family has a counseling number on their website that you can call for a one time counseling session and then they will try to help you find a Christian counselor if you want. The reason I thought of it is because my neighbor was helped a good deal by them a few years back when she was going through a difficult time. She says they were very helpful and compassionate.
Remember we're praying for you!
_____________________________
(Psalms 138:3 KJ21) In the day when I cried, Thou answered me, and strengthened me with strength in my soul.
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/19/2008 4:08:28 PM
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hellochurch
Posts: 188
Joined: 7/15/2008
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dear beachcooky;
sorry about the slip up post just before this one, i read the message on my post board and had to test to see if the message would send,
so,
here goes, I feel for you.
I myself have gone through some pretty severe hurts in life. (I think most have, some worse than others) the problem it seems, if I figure this out, is the "Other" people, other than us, if you know what i mean. (meaning that i believe more than 80 % of the trouble coming our way is the fault and foibles of those around us, from their lack of love that they are supposed to be giving us, we are all created to live on love, to their misunderstanding us, to their mistreatment of us out of their own selfishness and generally sinful ways, ie for example, by rights the boyfriend was ours, but sueQ stepped all over our toes and did some below the table manipulations to steal him right out from under our noses, or thejob situ. they lied about you to get your promotion or to demean you in front of the boss when you didnt deserve it, you were doing excellently so all the more reason for them to diminish you,
it stinks! BUT THEre is good news. (will tell in a minute)
and not only do circumstances get yucked sometimes unbelievedly, but things that are due us, and owed to use sometimes are deliberately stolen or moved out of our reach, just because someone doesnt want us to be happy, or whatever, people can be awful . relaly.
As far as friends go, I believe they are over rated in this way, they really cannot be as loving as God is ever, unless they have really entered in to an understanding and closeness with Him.
Not to write off people, but to take your eyes off them as even possible answers to the needs you may have which are unmet,.christians that have disappointed you. They really do and our spiritual opposition uses christians if they can get them to cooperate in whatever nasty things they are trying to stir up to come at us,
to inspire them to say and do the wrong things at the wrong time and hurt us further.
I was down over things in my life that occurred and really hurt me and some in my circle knew something about them, which upset me because if christians are really religious, they can hurt you with things that go wrong for you,even out of trying to be religious themselves.
take Joseph's family from the bible, for example, all the guy did was tried to tell a dream he had from God, and everyone became very irritated , more so with him, to the point that family members plotted to kill him.
thank God you have not experienced this, , but think about it, he was young like you maybe 17, and they decided killing him would not make them money while selling him into slavery would give them a return.
This is a good example of the fallen nature and how rotten to the core, or "bad to the bone" to quote a pop song., it is. and It is worse in some than others.
People who should love us, if we appear needy to them, may sometimes deliberately shove us off, because 1) they are inspired by darkness to do it, darkenss works 24-7 opposing when and where they can, but the good news is Jesus has overcome them and you can through HIM>
2) they may not have any love to give, one of the symptoms of falling away in the church is lack of love and kindness to others...
3) they may unconciously want to treat you like they were treated, was no one there for them, then they may not be there for you, why should they, ? they might unconsiously think.
Whatever the reasons, why people dont love you like they should, dont blame yourself, yes of course,
we all have faults and things we need to change, so if you notice some, change them,(but this is never the real reason for these things, unless you go around punching people our or somethign which i am sure you dont) but know for sure, it is probably not you that is causing this, and it is not what you deserve according to your Heavenly Father who loves you and wants you to feel loved and important in life.
NOW THE GOOD NEWS,
I AM GOING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN AND ASK YOU THAT WHEN YOU C0M,E BACK TO READ THIS THAT YOU DONT READ ANYONE ELSE';S POSTS AFTER MINE WHICH MAY POISON YOU AGAISNT WHAT I WILL TELL YOU, BECAUSE THERE ARE DIFF. OPINIONS HERE ON HOW TO INTERPRET THE BIBLE AND SOME PEOPLE HERE HAVE ALREADY TOLD ME THEIR OPINIONS ON SOME THINGS, WHICH ARE AGAINST SOME OF THE THINGS I HAVE FOUND TO BE TRUE.
I THINK THEY ARE WRONG BECAUSE I KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE THAT WHAT I FOUND IS OK., AND NOT OPPOSED TO THE BIBLE, BUT IS THE BIBLE, ACTUALLY.
sounds like you may have had a special friendship with this guy and he left, or you were mad at God that this guy was going to be a priest, or you got involved with him and then this confused and messed him up, or something, or you just miss him.
Take it to heart, it is far far better never to get involved physically with anyone before your marriage. This is a safety net from the Lord to protect your body and your heart, this rule, it is HIs love to you to keep anyone from violating your own uniqueness. it can hurt a million times more when a relationship ends if you have crossed over the physical line, because God meant that act to bond you to your mate, and if you separate you are like getting a divorce and par tof your heart is ripping out. (also as a christian you may feel less than, even though you tell yourself otherwise, after the fact, it make you feel devalued, esp.l if you were raised in a christian home with bible adherence.
Also some guys are overcharged inthe hormonal department and are pushy, even church guys who should know better, and may have pushed you wrongfully past your boundaries. Girls can get into way loads of trouble, ie pregnancy, or stds; that they do not need and this can make them feel generally overall .....down.
Forgive me for talking about these things, they are embarassing, but real life all people have been through it, the relational stuff that goes right, the stuff that went wrong and hurt like h---. someone else's selfishness that violated your sexual boundaries, this can make a woman withdraw from others and feel less than, a guy who pushed you with out your consent is completely dead wrong, and you are not wrong.
Sorry for being frank
I REALIZE NONE OF WHAT I AM SAYING MAY APPLY TO YOUR SITUATION, BUT KNOW THIS FOR A FACT THAT AS WE SPEAK THIS IS APPLYING TO MANY MANY YOUNG LAD'Y'S SITUATIONS AND MANY YOUNG LADIES IN THE CHURCH.
They have been or will be violated by men who should be trustworthy, who should have loved them enough not to be selfish or pushy. and Vice versa, sometimes women use physical appeal to trick a guy into getting locked in with them.
Its going on, especially in the church where many carnal natures still live and roam.
ANYWAY, DONT BE MAD AT ME, I AM JUST ADRESSING SOME POSSIBLITES THAT MIGHT EXIST AND IF NOT IN YOUR LIFE, IN SOMEONE'S LIFE THAT COULD READ THIS.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT GOD HAS HEALING FOR WHATEVER DAMAGE OTHERS HAVE DONE TO YOU, HE CAN HEAL IT OUT OF YOU AND MAKE IT BETTER THAN IF IT NEVER HAPPEND. YES THIS IS TRUE.
AND HE CAN FILL YOU IN YOUR CONNECTION WITH HIM TO THE PLACE WHERE YOU WILL NOT NEED FRIENDS ANY MORE BUT IN A GOOD WAY.
YOU CAN STILL HAVE FRIENDS, BUT YOU WILL NOT 'NEED' THEM IN THE WAY YOU DID BEFORE. IE YOU WILL NOT BE DEPENDING ON THEM, BUT ON GOD INSTEAD, WHO IS MUCH BETTER THAN MILLIONS OF FRIENDS ALL AT ONE TIME.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT GOD DOESNT WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD IF YOU FAILED IN DOING SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU HADNT OR WHATEVER, AND OR IF SOMEONE REALLY HURT YOU, IE IF THAT GUY KIND OF DREW OUT YOUR EMOTIONS AND SEEMED TO EVENE GET INVOLVED, AND THEN CHANGED AND DROPPED YOU. SOMETIMES GUYS WILL GET CLOSE QUICK, IT CAN BE A NASTY, THEY MAY BE AIMING AT A PHYSICAL SEXUAL CONNECTION EVEN UNCONCIOUSLY, AND SO THEY MAY USE A WOMAN TO GET WHAT THEY WANT,
AND OR THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY GET CLOSE EMOTIONALLY AND THEN DRAW BACK AND RUN AWAY, BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID TO GET TOO MUCH CLOSES, MAYBE THEY RELALY LIKE YOU AND ARE AFRAID YOU WILL REJECT THEM SO THEY REJECT YOU FIRST AND RUN ETC. OR WHATEVER,
ANYWAY BE SURE THAT GOD DOES NOT HATE YOU OR DISLIKE YOU NOR DOES HE WANT YOUHATING YOURSELF. ALL SIN IS WASHABLE, THINK AOBUT IT, WE ARE LIKE A NICE DRESS, IN A WAY, AND SIN IS WHAT GETS SPLASHED ON THE DRESS WRONGFULLY, SOMETIMES JSUTIN THE PROCESS OF LIFE, GOD WANTS US ALWASY TO HAVE A CLEAN DRESS ANDT O FEEL GOOD, IT IS WHAT HE IS LIKE, HE FEELS GOOD ALL THE TIME ABOUT HIMSELF AND WANT S YOU HIS DAUGHTER TO FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT YOU TOO.
TO UNDERSTAND HIS LOVE IN A WAY YOU MIGHT NEVER HAVE BEFORE PLS LISTEN TO WWW.BVOV.ORG AND UNDER MEDIA ARCHIVES LOOK UP LOVE AND GOD IS LOVE AND ALL ABOUT LOVE.
I KNOW THESE PEOPEL ARE OLDER THAN YOU AND SOME THINGS WILLSEEM CORNY, BUT WHAT THEY WILL TELL YOU ABOUT GOD AND THE BIBLE WILL HEAL YOU AT A VERY DEEP LEVEL MORE AND MORE THAT YOU LISTEN AND YOU WILL BE FILLED WITH THE WORD OF GOD, AND WIL BECOME STRONG IN THE LORD AND IN THE POWER OF HISMIGHT, HE IS THE WORD OF GOD.-
JESUS. IS THE WORD OF GOD
HERE IS A CLEANSING SCRRIPTURE TO APPLY TO ANYTHING WRONG THAT IS SIN IN YOUR LIFE, IE. IF IT WAS YOURS OR OTHERS FAULT, TAKE IT TO JESUS, HE IS ALL LOVING AND WANTS YOU TO BE OK,
JUST LIKE I DO. JESUS ISNT ABOUT BLAME, HES ABOUT WANTING YOU TO BE HAPPY AGAIN, IE A GOOD PICTURE OF HOW THE FATEHR GOD FEELS ABOUT YOU IS THIS, THE FATEHR OF THE PRODIGAL, NOT THAT OU ARE PRODIGAL AND NOT THAT YOU SINNED, THIS IS JUST AN
EXAMPLE, ANYWAY, HE THIS GUY DID SIN AGAINST HIS DAD AND GOD AND YET THE DAD, WHO IS THE BIBLE PICTURE OF GOD, WAS LOOKING AND WAITING WITH LOVE IN HIS HEART FOR THE BOY TO COME BACK HOME AND WANTING HIM TO BE OK AND LOOKED AFTER AND HAPPY AGAIN, HE WASNT WANTING TO PUNISH HIM AT ALL, IN FACT HE CELBREATED JUST THE FACT THAT HE COULD SEE HIS SON AGAIN. THIS IS OUR GOOD FATHER GOD. ITS HIS PICTURE.
IF WE CONFESS OUR SINS HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE US OUR SINS AND TO CLEANSE US FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS.
THIS WORD CLEANSE I DID PERSONAL STUDY ON, AND IT MEANS DEEP CLEAN RIGHT INTO YOUR CHARACTER AND EVERYTHING, IE SOME SINS SEEM TO GO CHARACTER DEEP AND AFFECT HOW WE EVEN SEE OURSELVES, WE BECOME THE SIN, SO TOSPEAK IT WILL EVEN REMOVE GUILT, BECAUSE THE SCRIPTURE SAYS JESUS TOOK OUR GUILT ONHIM ON THE CROSS SO WE DONT HAVE TO HAVE IT.
GOD IS ABOUT FORGIVING EVERYTHING AND MAKING IT FOR THE PERSON LIKE THEY DID NOTHING WRONG. NO MATTER IF THEY KILLED A MILLION PEOPLE EVEN OUT OF HATRED, GOD PUT THAT ON JESUS AND WANTS TO STEAM CLEAN THE SIN OUT OF US, INCLUDING ANY GUILT, BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT TO PUNISH OR HURT US, HE WANTS US TO BE HAPPY, AND FULL OF HIS LIFE AND LOVE AND GOODNESS AND TO ENJOY OUR LIVES.
GOD UNDERSTAND S BECAUSE HE MADE US AND DOESNT WANT US TO FEEL GUILTY AND PUT DOWN, THAT WAY, THAT IS WHY JESUS CAME TO BECOME SIN FOR US, SO THAT WE CAN BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD, IN CHRIST JESUS.
EVERY TIME WE COME TO GOD AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS, HE GIVES US A COMPELTELY CLEAN RECORD REMOVING THE SIN RIGHT OUT OF US, EVEN OUT OF OUR CHARACTERS, BECAUSE JESUS BECOMEING SIN FOR US MEANS, THAT JESUS BECAME THE ONE WHO SINNED FOR YOU, SO THAT YOU CAN BE THE ONE THAT DIDNT SIN WITH THE SPOTLESS RECORD. A COMEPTELY CLEAN SWEEP OF REMOVING THE THING AS FAR AS THE EAST IS FROM THE WEST.
WE BECOME HAVING NO SIN. CLEAN SPOTLESS WITH JESUS'S SPOTLESSNESS.
WHAT THIS IS IS AN EXCHANGE, YOU GET HIS PERFECT RECORD, AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL ABOUT OURSELF LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER DONE A THING WRONG.
HE GETS YOUR SIN AND ACTUALLY TAKES IT AT THAT DEEP CHARACTER LEVEL IE. IF YOU DID SOMETHING REALLY OUT THERE LIKE IE.
IF YOU WILL FEED ON THE MPS'S AT THAT SITE, DAILY, EVEN PUT ITIN YOUR EAR WHEN YOU SLEEP, SOFTLY PLAYING AND FEED YOURSELF ON THSOE WONDERFUL TRUTHS OF HIS LOVE FOR YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL LIFE IN JESUS, OU WILL BECOME FULL OF LOVE HIMSELF AND SOON WILL BE FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOU.
PEOPLE STILL MAY SAY AND DO THINGS THAT HURT BUT SOON AFTER LISTENING TO A LOT, YOU WILL CMOE TO THE PLACE WHERE THEIR WORDS AND FAILING WILL START TO BOUNCE OFF AND YOU WILL TRUST GOD IN A DEEPER WAY, KNOWING HOW MUCH HE HAS TAKEN YOU INTO ACCOUTN AND HOW MUCH HE HAS PREPARED AND WATNS TO GIVE YOU.
I FOR ONE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND RECOMMEND THAT YOU GET AN MP3 IF YOU DONT HAVE FAST, AT WALMART MAYBVE 30$ IS THE CHEAPEST. I THINKG LOAD UP AND LISTEN, TRY TO IGNORE CORNY SOUTHERN USA STUFF, OR OTHER TPS OF THINGS IF YOU OBJECT, FOCUS ON WHAT ISIN GODS WORD THAT THEY ARE SHOWING YOU THE RICHNESSS OF HIS LAVISH LOVE POURED OUT TO YOU. IF YOU NEVER KNEW ANOTEHR HUMAN WHICH YOU WILL, YOU WOULDNT NEED THEM TOHAVE GOD LOVE YOU LIKE THE WAY HE DOES AND WANTS TO TELL YOU ABOUT THROUGH THAT COUPEL.
HUAMSN FAIL, EVEN THE BEST OFTHEM SOMETIMES AND THEIR LOVE IF THEY ARE NOT WHERE THEY SHOLD BE IN THE LVOE OF GOD THEMSELVES, THEY CANNOT REALLY BE WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE,
YYOU WILL LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT THEIR OPINIONS OR WHAT THEY DO OR DONT DO OR SAY, IE YOUR FAMLIY, THEY CAN BE EXPECIALLY SINNSER AND MAKE YOU FEEL BAD WHEN THEY SHOULDNT BUT YOU CAN OVERCOME THAT AND HAVE IT NOT HURT YOU ANYMORE AND NOT NEED THEIR APPROVAL FOR WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR REAL DADDY'S APPROVAL, WHICH YOU HAVE HE IS YOUR REAL DADDY, YOU WERE ONLY LEANT TO YOUR HUMAN FAMILY, HEIS THE ONE WHO CAN TREAT YOU AS THE TRUE PRINCESS THAT YOU ARE. YOU ARE HIS PRINCESS, READ SONG OF SONGS THAT SHOWS THE LOVE BETWEEN THE MAN AND THE GIRL, THIS IS ONLY A PICTURE BUT A PICTURE BUT OR TRANSLATED INTO ROMANTIC LOVE, BETWEEN YOU AND JESUS, HE IS USING A ROMANCE TO TELL OFHIS LOVE FOR HIS BRIDE, -YOU. YOU ARE HIS SPECIAL LOVE-DOVE, LITTLE DOVE EYES, LITTLE DOVE-EYED DEER.
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/20/2008 12:14:00 AM
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beachcooky
Posts: 893
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Caseyp57
Little 1 I don't necessarily think Beachcooky is holding on to any sin-- we all get angry with God even as you say David. God can take our anger. It's good you pointed out David though-- after pouring out his heart to God about how he was feeling (not just about his sin but all his emotions) the Lord did hear and answer in His time.
(((((Beachcooky)))) Please don't feel you can't post here hon. You have many people praying for you that care about you. You may not feel like people are praying but count up the number of replies here-- not to mention almost a hundred hits (or whatever you call them) on this thread... I've been praying for you and I know others here have been too. It's good you got out with your friends.
If you are on antidepressants tell the doctor how you are feeling as he/she may need to adjust the medicine.
((((Melbourne)))) I'm sorry about your friend and I'll pray for you too. Yes like you many/most of us have been there.... I felt just like you after my brother died--and now I am also grieving for my Dad--but it wasn't so much that my good friend(s) didn't care-- though it felt like it-- I think she/they didn't know how to relate to "Me: In Grief". God still gave me a good friend to talk to on the phone who lives out of state but even after a while I think she didn't know what to say to me.... A short round of professional pastoral counseling did help me some though. Christian fiction also helped me partly by giving me something else to think about....Anyways it's a little different this time around but still difficult; please pray for me too.
quote:
oky;
Aw, thank you! Thank you so much for understanding.
It's not like I want to be angry. I'm still working on spilling me feelings out to God. Sometimes it's so tough to do so. I don't tell anyone anything of how I'm feeling, so sometimes I just don't do it with God. But lately, I've just been really confused on a lot of things and been feeling like poop. And I just go to God telling how FRUSTRATED I am and I finally felt happy because I felt that someone DID understand. Tonight, I was crying just because my family, once again, treated me bad. And I finally went outside and left the house. I got to this baseball field (I always go there when I need to be alone) and I just literally fell on my knees and just cried. And it felt so good because I felt God with me.
But yet, I still feel like, I don't know. Just worthless...but at that moment, I felt all peaceful.
_____________________________
www.myspace.com/xsweetheartforux
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/20/2008 3:36:27 AM
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Little_1
Posts: 1453
Status: offline
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Yes - anger is a process. I am going to pray that the Lord will give you the desire to forgive over anger. I do believe God will answer that prayer and bring you to this point in your life where you want to forgive and let go because you realise it is the best way for YOU.
I too struggled and did not want to let my anger and hurt go. I felt justified holding on to my feelings of hatred and anger. I really wanted to hurt the person who hurt me so that they would experience my pain also. I was angry and bitter. But I began to realise that it was only me who was being destroyed. One night I called out to God and told him that I hated the other people who had wronged me (there was one person in particular and I wanted to tear her smug little face off). I was frightened to tell other Christians how I felt because I knew this would be frowned on in the Christian circles I was in but I told God how I felt. I told Him that I wanted to get even but I knew that was not God's way. I told Him I wanted to follow the right way and do as He would want me to do but that I was battling with all these 'feelings'. It was as if He spoke to my spirit and said what I've been trying to say to you:
"The desire to be willing to forgive has got to outweigh the desire to hold on to your hurts and pain." Then it was as if God was trying to help me to realise that what I was holding onto for 'me' (i.e. what I felt justified about including my anger and the images of me 'knocking spots off this smug person's face' to make me feel good was actually destroying me). God then went on to ask, "What is best for YOU - holding onto hurts and painful experiences and images of revenge in your mind or having peace in your life?"
I told God that I was struggling to be able to forgive; however, when I weighed up what hatred and anger was doing to me inside (i.e. all that heaviness and poop feeling), against what I could have, i.e. peace and wellbeing - I knew I had to make a decision and it had to be decisive. I could choose peace and an end to my bad feeling or I could choose to remain in the pit of gloomy feelings, hatred, tiredness (I was burning out with anger). I remember telling God that I didn't think I was able to forgive with all these feelings coming at me. It was as if a voice in my spirit said, "I'm not asking you if you are able to forgive - I'm asking you are you willing to forgive?"
At this point, I was willing because I was tired of the hatred, tired of the hurt, tired of thinking about my hurt and i wanted to stop falling further into this gloomy pit I was in and somehow get out of it. I was willing to let it go because I wanted peace with God and my life to get back on track.
I wasn't able to forgive in my own strength but that's NOT what God required of me! I had to be willing to forgive and let it go and it was God who was able and willing to deal with my heart after this!
God took the pain and the bad feelings. He took the burden off my shoulders. I could never have forgiven those people in my own strength - NEVER! When we are willing to do what is the right thing according to God's Word, God is truly able to deal with the rest. Dr Charles Stanley has a saying passed down to him from his grandad and it says, "Obey God and leave all the consequences with Him."
I spent almost two years festering. With God, it probably took less than 2 minutes (if not 2 seconds) to change my heart when I willingly let go. He won't force us - He is patient. I pray you will come to this point soon. You have a new life waiting. God desires to give you 'Beauty in place of your ashes'.
As I have promised - I am going to pray for you along with all the others here onsite. I have commited to a month and I will keep my promise. I'm going to pray that the Lord works in your heart and mind to heal you. I believe in the power of prayer in accordance with God's Word and so I will be praying Scriptures in accordance with the Word of God regarding you in my quiet time.
Will pop onsite here from time-to-time to find out how you are doing.
Take care
Little_1
< Message edited by Little_1 -- 7/20/2008 2:18:26 PM >
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/20/2008 3:50:39 AM
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Giulia
Posts: 862
Joined: 9/29/2005
From: Giulia
Status: offline
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I have found that you also beed to be proactive with depression. Food and exercise helps a lot and it also helps to give you energy for prayer and study. Blessings to you and hope the best. I will keep you in my prayers. I have always been an outcast too but I know it's for a reason and I am just begining to discover that reason. I am a 45 yo grandmother.
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Rejected by the world but loved by heaven
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RE: I feel like an outcast most of the time - 7/23/2008 6:56:33 AM
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Caseyp57
Posts: 488
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
Aw, thank you! Thank you so much for understanding.
It's not like I want to be angry. I'm still working on spilling me feelings out to God. Sometimes it's so tough to do so. I don't tell anyone anything of how I'm feeling, so sometimes I just don't do it with God. But lately, I've just been really confused on a lot of things and been feeling like poop. And I just go to God telling how FRUSTRATED I am and I finally felt happy because I felt that someone DID understand. Tonight, I was crying just because my family, once again, treated me bad. And I finally went outside and left the house. I got to this baseball field (I always go there when I need to be alone) and I just literally fell on my knees and just cried. And it felt so good because I felt God with me.
But yet, I still feel like, I don't know. Just worthless...but at that moment, I felt all peaceful.
((((Beachcooky))) You are not worthless. I can tell from your writing you are a good person (though we are all sinners for whom Christ died of course) and an intelligent young lady. Keep talking to the Lord about how you feel and also a Christian counselor of some sort. Get with people who will affirm you as a good person whom God loves. Keep remembering that peace God gave you! And keep reading His word too. Here's a couple of verses I found for you on encouragement:
Romans 15:4 - "for whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."
"Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you." Psalms 55:22
God bless and Beachcooky I'm praying for you hon.
Giulia you're right about diet and exercise affecting our moods. And I have felt like an outcast too--I feel like I have always been subject to various prejudices for one reason or another. And like you I've come to believe there is some sort of reason... sometimes it is just so we can feel what others are going through and sympathize and pray I think. I've noticed on this board that often those who've been through something similar will be the ones who feel most burdened to pray for someone or something in particular. A good part of our social isolation has been because of our autistic sons---not only at churches (to one extent or another) and out in public but even in my own family at times. It is partly because people just don't understand..... Actually I don't feel too much of an outcast lately though thank God especially right now as my (nonautistic) sons and grandson have just visited for much of the weekend. :) It's always nice to be with people who understand and respect you and can affirm you.... which is one reason I'd thought of a Christian college for Beachcooky. Also one reason we finally had to move to another church....
Little it is good you were able to work through your hurt and anger with the Lord's help and I think I understand where you're coming from. But I think Beachcooky may be dealing with some other issues --as she says with frustration depression and an ongoing problem with her family and not necessarily that she is harboring any unforgiveness. But you're right that it is important (for all of us) to learn to forgive for ourselves and God --and as Christ said to learn to turn the other cheek and to pray for those who spitefully use us-- often on a daily basis. But all of us get hurt from time to time by others and I've found that sometimes what we need most is for the love of God to comfort us.
Lord bless Beachcooky today--lift her up and give her Your peace and draw her closer to Your side. Guide her to Christian friendships and support and any medical adjustments she may need. Bless also each person on this thread-- touch all of our lives today and heal and help each of us help in whatever way we need and help us all to remember and rejoice that we are accepted in the Beloved. Thank you for this Lord and for all that You will do. In Jesus name amen.
< Message edited by Caseyp57 -- 7/23/2008 7:46:34 AM >
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(Psalms 138:3 KJ21) In the day when I cried, Thou answered me, and strengthened me with strength in my soul.
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