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mychng -> children and blogs (7/24/2008 4:42:44 AM)

Hi forum members,
I don't have any kids but I'm wondering if I should let my sister know that her teenage daughter has a blogsite.
I guess when my niece was younger, she was closer to me and i learned about her blog when i stumbled upon it in Friendster.
She may have forgotten that she had added me in. When I read her blogs which she made public (i doubt my sis is aware)...I get worried about her. And I don't know if I should tell my sister about the blog as in give her the link and leave it to her to decide what to do. Or just totally keep quiet about it.
Would want to have some input from those of you who have teenage daughters / sons.

Thanks


Melissa



manda59 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 6:00:19 AM)

When you say, teenage - how old exactly?



Sunnymom -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 6:42:54 AM)

If she is a dependent child, then the information doesn't 'belong' to you- you need to ask the mom if she is aware of the blog. If the daughter is a legal adult, however, I'd not say anything unless asked or it came up in conversation.



SteveSund -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 9:11:11 AM)

She may also want to learn that this kind of information, depending on on the subject, may have an effect on future employment. There was a student teacher at my daughter's school that blogged about the staff and students she worked with. Much of what she said was not very flattering and influenced the decision to not extend her a job offer despite there being openings.



mychng -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 9:39:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

When you say, teenage - how old exactly?


Hello
She's 14.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 1:56:20 PM)

Yes, you should tell her mom.

My sister had a secret blog for maybe 2 years in her mid-teens and we all wish we'd known sooner. She was dealing with things and struggling with issues that *really* needed my parents attention, but they had no idea what was really going on with her (just taht she was troubled) until they were able to access her blog.



manda59 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 2:12:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mychng
quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59
When you say, teenage - how old exactly?

Hello
She's 14.




If it was me, I'd tell her mum.

My dd is 14 and has bebo and facebook; she was concerned about what a friend of hers was posting, so I had a quiet word with her mum. To this day, the friend does not know that I told her mum, but her mum is aware which just has to be a good thing.



garsyt -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 2:35:51 PM)

I don't have a teen daughter yet, but I do have a 14 year old ds that also blogs. IF anyone were to see something on his blog that concerned them I would want to know. Chances are I would know since I keep tabs on his blog and we've always had a very open relationship, but in case I missed something I would want to know. Same goes for my other children as well when they decide to do the blogging thing. (I have two the blog already and it won't be long before the other two do too)

all that to say - yes I would pass along the link and have a quiet word with the teen's mom. My eldest has several friends with facebook and myspace accounts as well as blogs and I would expect him to tell me if something was amiss and I would likely have a quiet conversation with the friend's folks.

Blessings,

Garsy



manda59 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 2:43:12 PM)

If the blog is set to private, then passing on the link won't enable the mum to see it. She might need to take a screen shot and give it to her.



MrsTracy72 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 3:25:47 PM)

Ok, let me get this straight. She had a blog and added you two years ago. So you knew two years ago that she had this blog and didn't tell her mom. Did you know back then that her mom didn't know? You imply that her mom doesn't know about this, but yet didn't say for sure.

I guess I would be asking what is different now than when she added you and you knew about it back then?

If I were in your position, I would have proably talked to her mom about it long ago and made sure it was ok before I let myself be added as a friend. But now that has passed by, I suppose I would simply ask her if her mom knows, and if not, I would let her know that if her mom doesn't hear it from her within the week, I was going to talk to her about it because I think she should know.

That way you give her a chance to do what is responsible and after that time is up, ask her mom if she told you and explain why you waited. That way her mom shouldn't be mad at you for knowing and not telling if she even cares at all.



Karaboo2 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 3:34:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsTracy72
I guess I would be asking what is different now than when she added you and you knew about it back then?


I think from reading the OP, my take is that the 14yo is now posting things which are causing the OP to be concerned, whereas prior to this it was just basically "this is how my day went" kind of thing.

And the OP may not have realized prior to this that the girl's parents may not be aware of the blog.



MrsTracy72 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 3:56:08 PM)

Either way, I think that the OP needs to give the teenager the option of doing the right thing before going to her parents. Plus Manda is right, if the blog is set to private, then the parents won't have access to the link anyway.

If I were a parent, I would want to know. BUT I would rather hear it from my child even if it was two years later than from somebody else. And I would put a time limit to it and make it very clear to this girl that on such and such a date, I was going to ask this girls mother if she has had a chance to talk with her about the blog. That way, it isn't like tattling, and the girl gets to choose between right and wrong, and learn a bit of a lesson.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 5:47:06 PM)

I don't think that she should talk to the teen first. There may be info on their that the parents need to see. If she has allowed others to see personal info that may cause the family danger or herself danger, then I would want to make sure that she didn't purge her blog before they saw it. It is important that the parents know what strangers had access to on her blog.



manda59 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 5:56:08 PM)

I don't think that the OP should speak to the teen first either. What if the teen said "no no, mum mustn't know, it would upset her, please please please don't tell her", the OP would be in way too difficult a position.

If the OP tells the mum, and the mum handles it in the right way, the teen need never know who told her.



garsyt -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 5:57:42 PM)

It was stated in the original post that the teen made her blog public, not private.

I'm with Ellie. Teens don't often think to rationally regarding info they place up for viewing. Actually there are some adults that could benefit from taking a serious look at what they put on their blogs! If by chance there is information that could put her or the family, or anyone for that matter, in danger, her parents need to know.

Blessings,

Garsy



mychng -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 6:01:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsTracy72

Ok, let me get this straight. She had a blog and added you two years ago. So you knew two years ago that she had this blog and didn't tell her mom. Did you know back then that her mom didn't know? You imply that her mom doesn't know about this, but yet didn't say for sure.

I guess I would be asking what is different now than when she added you and you knew about it back then?

If I were in your position, I would have proably talked to her mom about it long ago and made sure it was ok before I let myself be added as a friend. But now that has passed by, I suppose I would simply ask her if her mom knows, and if not, I would let her know that if her mom doesn't hear it from her within the week, I was going to talk to her about it because I think she should know.

That way you give her a chance to do what is responsible and after that time is up, ask her mom if she told you and explain why you waited. That way her mom shouldn't be mad at you for knowing and not telling if she even cares at all.


Hello
The blog is located at another site outside Friendster. My niece (when she was a child) usually wanted to sleep with me in my room whenever they were over at our place for a visit. But that was when she was about 12 or so. I thought she was closer to me but probably cos I have a computer in my room.
Anyway, I've added her in Friendster about a year ago where there was no link in the Friendster to indicate that she has a blog elsewhere.
Then my mom (the teen's grandma) told me that my sister has been quite stressed lately because her daughter doesn't like to study and that she's been moved to different schools because my sis was afraid she may be influenced by friends as her behaviour had declined.
So, I thought of finding out if she wrote anything in Friendster cos I don't check her site often or whether she updates anything. As far as I knew, I was the "modern" aunt who has a friendster account and nothing more. One day, (this was just about April this year), I saw a link to her blog listed in friendster so decided to read to find out how she's doing. So...things were not that bad. The usual stuff... about school...projects etc... I stopped reading for a while and continued and it doesn't look good. So I'm now in a dilemma whether to show her.
I mean I don't like to be accused of meddling into a person's life. In this case, she's my niece and I am concerned about her. At the same time I don't want my sister to think that I think she's not raising her daughter up well.
So, it's been a while that I wondered if I should just ask her that if she wants to see her daughter's blog. I wouldn't comment any further to her but just to see her response. If she doesn't, I'll keep quiet about the whole thing and continue to pray for my niece.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 6:47:27 PM)

If this was my teen, I would want to know so I COULD take measures to address things that needed addressing BEFORE they were all grown. Your sister will feel horrible if she is not able to protect her daughter just because she didn't know the whole picture, and her wrath may turn on you if she finds out (after daughter is deep trouble) that you could have prevented it by alerting her to a very important thing.

THAT is NOT meddling!

You are not a bad person or aunt if you let your sister know.



manda59 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 7:18:15 PM)

Also, imagine how you'd feel if you said nothing and something happened ..............



MrsTracy72 -> RE: children and blogs (7/24/2008 9:00:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mychng

So I'm now in a dilemma whether to show her.
I mean I don't like to be accused of meddling into a person's life. In this case, she's my niece and I am concerned about her. At the same time I don't want my sister to think that I think she's not raising her daughter up well.
So, it's been a while that I wondered if I should just ask her that if she wants to see her daughter's blog. I wouldn't comment any further to her but just to see her response. If she doesn't, I'll keep quiet about the whole thing and continue to pray for my niece.



Well, then let her have a chance to tell her mom instead. If she does, then you don't have to worry anymore because it will be between her and her mom. If she doesn't, let her know that you are going to follow up and that you hope she makes the right choice, otherwise you will do what any other caring adult would do and talk to her mother. Explain that it is for her safety and to keep the peace in your family, but first and foremost HER SAFETY. If she doesn't respond to that, then she deserves to have you tell her mom. But I wouldn't keep quiet. Give her a chance to step up and let her know the consequenses of her not doing that.



manda59 -> RE: children and blogs (7/25/2008 4:26:32 AM)

MrsTracy

Would your advice vary at all if you knew, say, she was talking about self-harming or suicide? Or anything else that a child might find very hard to tell a parent herself?



shadowspring -> RE: children and blogs (7/25/2008 4:36:11 PM)

As the parent of teen who was quite troubled at 14, PLEASE tell her mom!

Do not tell the teen first, as she will just go deeper into hiding her troubles most likely. Fourteen is not exactly the peak of wisdom and maturity. If this particular fourteen year old girl was mature and wise already, she wouldn't be in such a bad spot and she wouldn't be hiding it from her mom.

Pray for your sister that she will handle the information wisely, and for your niece who obviously needs help from the Lord. I will pray too. The girl is blessed to have a loving Christian aunt who cares so much for her niece. [:)]



MrsTracy72 -> RE: children and blogs (7/26/2008 12:44:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

MrsTracy

Would your advice vary at all if you knew, say, she was talking about self-harming or suicide? Or anything else that a child might find very hard to tell a parent herself?


Had to think about that one for a sec, and yes, my advice would vary just a bit. I would still tell her that she had to go to her mother or I would, but I probably would talk to her mother privately and tell her what I found and that I gave her an option of letting the child come to the mother, and to please let her think that she did it because she made the right choice.

If it came down to self harm I definately would not sit back and let it go, but I would still want to see the child go to the parent so that she can learn that the parent is going to be there to help her and is a safe place to go. She needs to trust a responsible adult in her life, and hopefully that would be one or both of her parents and how can she do that if she is not given a chance. But if it did come down to her safety, I would talk to her parent but request that her parent let the child come to her, but be aware that this is a very big sign of trouble.

But I didn't see any of that mentioned here and I am sure that the OP knows if it was that serious she would handle it first before posting here waiting for advice for three days.



shadowspring -> RE: children and blogs (7/26/2008 11:01:25 AM)

Maybe that's because the rest of us trust the parents to handle it with wisdom according to their family's values and their child's temperament? Without our advising them how to handle it?



twoboys -> RE: children and blogs (8/5/2008 10:34:18 AM)

There are some good christian blog sites to maybe direct her to (with a parent permission I would think) www.lordsmessage.com is a good network site and there is a good teen forum (can't think of the exact website now) to chat at.



MrsDC -> RE: children and blogs (8/13/2008 2:09:19 AM)

I agree wholeheartedly with Manda and Garsy. Just tell her mom that she should check out the blog. No blame, no guilt, no excuses. Just go check it out. Then let the mom take the measures she needs to take and Auntie can keep praying for her neice.

That's my opinion.

-- Rebecca



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