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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 7/29/2008 12:30:38 AM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1242
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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You know, we can read all the self-help books, christian and secular and do all these things we think that we can be prepared for marriage, but all these books does not prepare you for marriage nor has the answers because even if you get married, it is no easy task because God is still teaching, even when you are married, you still learn.
And yes, people think that marriage is so easy, unfortnatly, when look in the marriage boards on this server, there are very, very sad stories because people chose the wrong person, or believers who regret that they chosen a partner who is not of the faith.
I believe that the first marriage manual which prepares you for marriage is God's word, not pop psychology which people believe.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 7/29/2008 12:30:49 AM
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Vently
Posts: 13
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
offtheisland
Can I borrow this list? I will print it and keep it handy. Great list, well thought out.
Borrow away. you're welcome to cut-n-paste, change it all around and make it your very own.
quote:
11. Never to be the first one to stop the "hug"
I stole this one from an old article I read about a Mom improving
her relationship with her kids.
I think it would work well with spouses as well
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besiderself
Just wondering; you didn't put your age in your profile, but, are you, by ANY chance, in my demographic????
wait a second...I'm the incurable flirt !
quote:
Cute-N-Sassy
I especially liked this one:
18. Never leave the toilet seat up
This will be an easy one now. I'd save up my pennies and buy one of these:
> Self lowering toilet seat <
quote:
besiderself
One thing I thought of was:
"If I say "not tonight honey" it automatically means "some other night this week, for sure!"
That actually made me remember another:
I promise not to pout nor sulk (or tantrum of any kind)
to the statement of "not tonight honey"
Also brought to mind a speaker (possibly a preacher) I heard.
I just remember him as coupon guy.
Gave "coupons" to his family along with gifts, For birthdays and Christmas.
Such as 2 hour complaint free shopping trip.
Back rub (for the wife)
dinner out
Always thought it was a rather unique thing to do.
A wacky thought - a "not tonight honey" coupon.
Second thought scratch that. Don't think it would be a good
idea to put intimate things on "coupons" The other stuffs sure.
But wouldn't "private time" be a daily issue?
Yep, got to reverse my tongue on that one.
I think it would be too much pressure in an area that IMHO shouldn't be pressured.
With that its sleep time. before I get wacky (oops too late)
already talking to myself and playing with a flashlight 
Vently
_____________________________
I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Job 42.2
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 7/29/2008 8:51:38 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8004
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Vently
Also brought to mind a speaker (possibly a preacher) I heard.
I just remember him as coupon guy.
Gave "coupons" to his family along with gifts, For birthdays and Christmas.
Such as 2 hour complaint free shopping trip.
Back rub (for the wife)
dinner out
Always thought it was a rather unique thing to do.
A wacky thought - a "not tonight honey" coupon.
Second thought scratch that. Don't think it would be a good
idea to put intimate things on "coupons" The other stuffs sure.
But wouldn't "private time" be a daily issue?
Yep, got to reverse my tongue on that one.
I think it would be too much pressure in an area that IMHO shouldn't be pressured.
Way back when they made "Love Coupons" in little books. You could get them at Spencer Gifts and those sorts of stores. They were always a good little gift sure to bring a smile. It's not so much the booklet itself (I don't think we ever intentionally redeemed a coupon) but the thought behind it that says "I will gladly do all sorts of nice things for you whenever you want them, just ask".
Love coupons
Google and found lots of listings for them. (Can't verify the family friendliness of the site as I can't see the pictures)
< Message edited by John_O -- 7/29/2008 9:31:34 AM >
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/2/2008 9:31:20 AM
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coinpurse
Posts: 98
Joined: 5/10/2008
Status: offline
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Getting closer to God
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/10/2008 7:46:30 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1555
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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I'm doing a lot - but it isn't really a plan that I've had but rather what God is doing in me. I have been reading some books over the years, such as Shaunti Feldham's "For Women Only" and Lisa Ethridges "Every Single Woman's Battle." On the physical side, God is leading me to do a lot with my appearance and I've lost some weight, cut my hair, wear makeup, and am changing my wardrobe (this part is new). I'm working on time management and am no longer habitually late. Over the past few years I've learned to cook healthily (I bake things, cook veggies, if I fry I use cooking spray etc.). God is also leading me to deal with body issues as well. I'm pretty together financially, but am fine tuning some things and am also pursuing some of the goals that I've had. I now live with room mates - so I'm relearning how to share space.
Emotionally and spiritually, the Lord is preparing me as well. I deal with emotional issues as they arise. This week I'm dealing with inner vows. Over the past year or two I've been facing most of my fears - one I faced recently was saying yes to a relationship and risking being rejected. I'm glad I did it. I'm continuing to work with increasing my capacity to connect with people, to overcome patterns of rejection, and to forgive. I'm also spending a lot more time with the Lord. I'm also at a point where I can give up other things to be married and a mom. I wouldn't feel cheated in any way if I had to give up a "career" because I've already had one.
One specific thing that the Lord has been doing in me is working on my faith and my attitude. Instead of looking at couples and thinking "Must be nice - but I guess I'll never get married" I now think "How wonderful for them. Bless them Lord. And thank you Lord that will be me one day." That makes such a difference. I'm excited about what is to come!
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/11/2008 12:13:06 AM
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scottiezsister
Posts: 51
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
Perhaps you are reading a book on dating, going to therapy, or dealing with an area of your character that was a trouble spot in a previous relationship.
I have been doing all of the above for some time now. I like who I've become!
quote:
Of course, I am going to a divorce recovery group (my divorce was finalized last weekend) to address the emotional and pragmatic aspects of the divorce so I don't carry any baggage into that next relationship down the line.
Good for you!!! There are a lot of divorced people that don't realize that they need to heal.
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/11/2008 2:38:18 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Many of you have some excellent ideas and it sounds like a lot of maturing is happening. I haven't been posting nearly as often (although I'm reading) because my job has updated it's policy regarding Internet use for personal reasons and there is none...not even on breaks or before/after hours. I used to do most of my posting throughout the day and it has been so challenging not signing on throughout the day.
I will have to say that it has increased my productivity because I could easily spend three hours through the day on this site if I am not careful so the policy was a blessing in disguise.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/11/2008 1:39:35 PM
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Bridgitt
Posts: 237
Joined: 6/18/2008
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quote:
What are you doing to prepare for marriage?
I let God prepare me and accept the changes He wants in me by surrendering to His will for me. God knows what surgery needs to be performed before the big day.
_____________________________
We are not qualified to pass judgment on others because we cannot read hearts.
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/11/2008 2:40:18 PM
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C76
Posts: 1
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
You know, we can read all the self-help books, christian and secular and do all these things we think that we can be prepared for marriage, but all these books does not prepare you for marriage nor has the answers because even if you get married, it is no easy task because God is still teaching, even when you are married, you still learn.
And yes, people think that marriage is so easy, unfortnatly, when look in the marriage boards on this server, there are very, very sad stories because people chose the wrong person, or believers who regret that they chosen a partner who is not of the faith.
I believe that the first marriage manual which prepares you for marriage is God's word, not pop psychology which people believe.
I agree with you that the Bible ought to be our ultimate guide. But some books can't hurt. For example, someone mentioned Lady in Waiting. I found it perfectly harmless and beneficial. And...Interesting. I tried recommending it to someone once. At one point I said to her, "...what if God doesn't want you to get married?" The look on her face after I asked that question...I thought she was going to hit me. 
That isn't to say that I think God doesn't want people to get married. I was asking the question more than anything else to wake up the woman I was talking to. Important events such as marriage ought to happen on God's schedule. Not ours. 
< Message edited by C76 -- 8/11/2008 3:08:55 PM >
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/11/2008 11:54:39 PM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 331
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: C76
... I agree with you that the Bible ought to be our ultimate guide. But some books can't hurt.
Yes, and thankfully for us God has gifted so many Christian writers nowadays to write books based on scripture that show how God's word can apply to this area of our lives.
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/12/2008 7:41:55 AM
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twinkly
Posts: 146
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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I honestly feel that one important thing I am doing is learning from my mistakes of my first marriage. Yes, he is the one who cheated, many times, but, I made many mistakes as well. See, his parents and mine were both divorced so he and I really did not have a very good road map for what a marriage should look like. Between that, and reading, and watching other couples who are successful, and a marriage building site I frequent, hopefully one day I will be ready again to try marriage.
_____________________________
God FIRST, family second, and all else will fall into place.
My side business:
http://www.arbonne.com
Let me help you make some fun mad money!
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/12/2008 8:34:49 AM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2981
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
I honestly feel that one important thing I am doing is learning from my mistakes of my first marriage. Yes, he is the one who cheated, many times, but, I made many mistakes as well. See, his parents and mine were both divorced so he and I really did not have a very good road map for what a marriage should look like. Between that, and reading, and watching other couples who are successful, and a marriage building site I frequent, hopefully one day I will be ready again to try marriage.
That is so wise! And something so few divorced people do. All too often "we" (I was divorced about 5 yrs ago too) rush into another relationship or marriage to feel wanted and loved again, without working out what went wrong in our first marriage. There are always things that each person in the marriage did "wrong" and need to learn to do differently, sometimes one more than the other, but both people had faults to work on (granted we will always have 'faults' in this life, but you know what I mean)! Hopefully if you do marry again one day you will be ready for a great marriage. 
_____________________________
Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/12/2008 9:41:17 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8004
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hotsaucygma
quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
I honestly feel that one important thing I am doing is learning from my mistakes of my first marriage. Yes, he is the one who cheated, many times, but, I made many mistakes as well. See, his parents and mine were both divorced so he and I really did not have a very good road map for what a marriage should look like. Between that, and reading, and watching other couples who are successful, and a marriage building site I frequent, hopefully one day I will be ready again to try marriage.
That is so wise! And something so few divorced people do. All too often "we" (I was divorced about 5 yrs ago too) rush into another relationship or marriage to feel wanted and loved again, without working out what went wrong in our first marriage. There are always things that each person in the marriage did "wrong" and need to learn to do differently, sometimes one more than the other, but both people had faults to work on (granted we will always have 'faults' in this life, but you know what I mean)! Hopefully if you do marry again one day you will be ready for a great marriage.
This goes further than just divorce though. We shuld be doing this with ALL our relationships. M and I had a good (some would say great but the OH would hurt me if I did) marriage but there were still things I could have done better. She went home to be with the Lord now I have to get those things corrected so that my next marriage will be even better.
In Psalms David asks God to search him and reveal any wickedness in him and lead him in the right paths. We need to do the same on a daily basis. Life is a journey and we should be getting better at everything we do every day.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/12/2008 10:04:02 AM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
In Psalms David asks God to search him and reveal any wickedness in him and lead him in the right paths. We need to do the same on a daily basis. Life is a journey and we should be getting better at everything we do every day.
Amen to that! I have to remember that I am responsible for my own actions, and I can not control others. What my ex did and the consequences we (my children and I) live with are very difficult. It is through the teachings of Christ we are able to overcome and learn through this. As the iron is put through the fire all impurities surfaces and slowly becomes "clean". Well, it is a process for me and my adult children who are going through the fire. What we must always remember and trust in is that God, the powerful, will show up and take us through it. That thing between my ears is in constant training. With His grace and mercy, I am reminded that He will always love me no matter how many "pickles" it get myself into. Learning from my poor choices, enduring the difficult consequences and striving to live a pure life that is pleasing to Him is most important.
God is so awesome!
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/13/2008 12:55:49 PM
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norajm
Posts: 43
Joined: 8/5/2008
From: MI
Status: offline
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quote:
I think my preparation has been to figure out myself. To let God speak to me, get rid of the junk that doesn't need to be there, and to make me fulfilled in Him. Marriage will just be a bonus. I've read books, yeah, but it really didn't help me all that much because I was still paralyzed around guys whom I find attractive because I had such a negative perception of myself and who I am in Christ.
Day by day it gets better, and I constantly have to remind myself that God is in control and that He promised me that He was going to do it, and that there was nothing I could change about myself or do differently to make it happen because it was going to be all about HIM when it did.
That definitely helps me put my mind at ease, but it takes a little more convincing on the rough days.
Oh my goodness! It sounds like you have been living my life. I haven't read many books but I will be picking up The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/13/2008 2:29:58 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5125
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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I once read a saying posted in the classroom of a gentleman I was subbing for........It said.
The best way for a man to love his children is to love his wife.........I thought it was powerful........
I think it is true as is this
The best way to give yourself to your husband is to give yourself to the Lord.
I am preparing for marriage by giving myself more and more to the Lord.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/13/2008 4:49:27 PM
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twinkly
Posts: 146
Joined: 6/21/2008
Status: offline
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I think the best gift you can give your children is to show them a loving marital relationship.
_____________________________
God FIRST, family second, and all else will fall into place.
My side business:
http://www.arbonne.com
Let me help you make some fun mad money!
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/13/2008 5:20:01 PM
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willfs
Posts: 333
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline
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I am becoming the type of person I am looking for.
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/14/2008 2:17:57 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Just started reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris and it is an excellent read. I had a hard time putting it down and I probably have more highlighted text than unhighlighted text by now (lol).
Again...great posts Everyone!
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 8/14/2008 12:13:00 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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What are you doing to prepare for marriage?
I will do what my therapist said after my divorce. "Be sure you do not revert to you old destructive, negative behaviors and be the fun person that you are. The one that will take your heart will be one that will embrace your world."
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: What are you doing to prepare for marriage? - 9/1/2008 12:45:42 AM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 331
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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I'm working on my relationships with my family of origin. I've discovered we have some real boundary issues in our family, so I'm working on relating more healthily to my parents and sisters. I've heard that we tend to mimic our family relationships elsewhere, so if I work on the relationships I already have it will hopefully have a positive impact on a marriage relationship in the future.
Plus, that person will have to relate to my family anyway, so the better I get along with my family now, the better the situation will be for a future spouse.
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