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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/1/2008 1:21:38 AM
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MowTin
Posts: 31
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
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It's very late and I'm very sleepy so I'll keep it short.
She didn't come home that night. She stayed with her girlfriend. She texted me in the very early morning saying she was sorry for disrespecting me and that I deserved a better wife. She came home the next day. I finally after all these years scheduled an appointment with a counselor through our church.
Today we went to our first counseling session. My wife was a little late because of traffic so I was able to tell the MC about the verbal abuse and violence without making her feel embarrassed. The counselor gave us some homework.
The title of this thread is really how I felt that night. I felt that I couldn't take it anymore and felt certain I was ready to file. Today, I'm not as angry as I was that night.
I came to feel that no matter what happens married or divorced I don't want to feel anger toward my wife. I don't like anger period.
Today is the first time in a long time that we've been able to talk about our marriage in safety. We mostly skimmed the surface but I'm somewhat hopeful.
Pray for us.
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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/1/2008 1:56:59 PM
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JJB1222
Posts: 227
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: where the mountains meet the sea, Puget Sound.
Status: offline
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Glad to hear things are looking up for the two of you.
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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/1/2008 8:39:09 PM
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Skyprincess
Posts: 2
Joined: 6/25/2008
Status: offline
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Hello,
I totally feel your pain. I too, am married to someone who is verbally and emotionally abusive. I, however, have been married for a short nine months. And, am six months pregnant to boot. This is my second marriage to yet another abusive person. Absolutely not what he portrayed himself to be. I am struggling with filing for divorce, however, I am ashamed that I am divorced even once, but twice??? My point is this, I believe what the Bible says, that God hates divorce, but at the same time, one can only take so much. I am not advocating you rush out and file......but, at the same time, if she is sneaking around, having an emotional affair, and having tantrums, verbally abusive, and physically. Pounding you in the chest, hitting you?? If you as a man did that to her....they police would stuff you under the jail........I wish you the best, and hope you can work things out...but no one deserves abuse, whether you are a man or a woman.
Blessings,
Tracey
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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/5/2008 7:25:31 PM
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keepingfaith
Posts: 840
Joined: 5/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
I came to feel that no matter what happens married or divorced I don't want to feel anger toward my wife. I don't like anger period.
This is a very good point, forgiveness is key... and forgiveness may be an ongoing thing. It is God's will that you love and forgive your wife the same way Christ loves the church. He created marriage as a symbol of His relationship with the church. That really puts things in perspective... when we see exactly how selfless we are called to be. But our natural instinct is to walk in the flesh... I want, I need, I deserve... When we are more concerned about serving and putting the other person first and meeting their needs, our needs are more likely to get met.
A good read is Hosea if there has been unfaithfulness (or suspicion of). We are called to reflect God's faithfulness, in the midst of unfaithfulness.
In the book of Hosea... he was told ahead of time that his wife would be unfaithful, and there was MUCH unfaithfulness and many trials... yet, God asked him to take her back and love her...
Matthew is a good read as well when we don't feel like we are being treated fairly. We are called to such a different standard than the normal worldly response would be. Jesus tells us how we are to love, forgive and treat those who harm us... even our enemies. Not seeking revenge... praying for them, forgiving infinitely.
The most important thing to understand is that my feelings, my circumstances, no matter how good or bad have nothing to do with whether I am in God's will. His Word is His will and His will sometimes involves suffering and walking THROUGH the trials to conform us to His image. The biggest mistake I see people make is believing they can't be in God's will if their circumstances are too bad... so it must mean they need to leave their marriage. Throughout scripture we see those who were in the center of God's will and that meant trials, suffering and persecution... Let's not forget- Jesus... I bet He didn't "feel" too comfortable waiting in the Garden to be crucified. But He was obedient unto death and the end result was Glorious!!!
I will pray for you... just dig into the Word... if you are walking that out...and walking in obedience to God, you can't go wrong. I would highly recommend visiting the divorce/remarriage thread to see what God's Word says about the subject, and if the so-called greener grass is really an option for you.
God bless.
_____________________________
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13
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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/6/2008 5:03:46 AM
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Keabird
Posts: 694
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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Praise God, He is bigger than all of this. Your answers are in Him. I recall reading your posts a long time ago (don't get much time to spend in this forum these days!) and it sounds like things haven't changed much, and I understand how that feels too.
However, know this: nothing is hopeless in Christ.
I encourage you to seek Him directly for specific answers, for keys, even to know just what to pray for. He will show you if you really take time to listen. The answers may come through other brethren as well.
But the most important responsibility you have in this marriage is: live Christ.
Show the love of Jesus in all you do. the Word says "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church (He died!!!!) ... " you probably know the scripture well. Perhaps read it in its entirety in context to get the full picture of WHY. (Through perfect love, the bride is also brought to perfection ... "spotless and without blemish" - the husband has an awesome yet beautiful responsibility to live his own life in such a way that he brings out the BEST in his wife).
That doesn't mean being a doormat - there may be times when you have to firmly say, "I can't continue this conversation right now because I am beginning to feel angry and don't want to lose control - but I am willing to talk about it at another time if we can both maintain self-control." And how it is said is important. Calmly and lovingly with assurances, but know when to STOP - again, only the Holy Spirit can help with that. We are encouraged to ask for wisdom.
Jesus is preparing His bride (us). He gave up His life first, in order to save ours. His is true leadership - leading with love and justice. A husband who does the same WILL see good fruit.
I know it's hard to maintain self-control when we feel provoked. But it's not impossible - acknowledging that we can ONLY do it with the help of the Holy Spirit! None of us can do it on our own for very long.
I pray that both you and your wife will find the strength and determination to put aside personal outrage and seek the best for the other person... not to help yourselves, nor to try and find your needs met in the other (our spouse will never be able to fully meet our need for love - only God can fill that perfectly) but because you love JESUS and want to love Him with all your heart ... He must be your mainstay or else things will never change. But they CAN. In Him lie the answers, and the building of a strong relationship.
_____________________________
"The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/6/2008 9:53:34 PM
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slushie
Posts: 2006
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline
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Yeah. For right now - find someone in your church you can TALK to and actually TALK to about these issues. Keep us posted.
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/6/2008 10:02:13 PM
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slushie
Posts: 2006
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline
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oops, didn't read the rest of the posts. I'm glad things are looking up and please do keep us posted. I'm glad you were able to skim the surface and yes, pray, and persevere.
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: I'm Filing for Divorce! - 8/9/2008 3:58:23 PM
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mrsrevbob
Posts: 185
Joined: 7/31/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
$800 Louise Vuitton bag for Christmas--made me it hard for me to say "I love you." I forgave her we made up and things seemed like they were getting better. You would think that after being busted lying about an emotional affair that she wouldn't be so indignant about trust issues. But I guess I'm the bad guy.
Repeat after me...LOUIS VUITTON, not Louise. And you could have probably gotten the $800 bag for a hundred or less on OVERSTOCK.com.
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