6yr old and temper problems (Full Version)

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becomingwhole -> 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 4:02:02 PM)

Hello all,
I have posted on here before, and look for help again. My son who is 6 years old is a hand full. He is also wonderful, recently he was diagnosed with ADHD, but that has nothing to do with this temper we deal with. I have posted before about his melt down. My husband and I have tried everything we know, but basically if ds does not want to do something it turns into world war 7. Last night it began over us asking him to pick up his blocks in his room. He proceeded to yell no, and say you can't make me. We asked him to go to his room; he slams his door and begins kicking it and yelling we are mean, and so on. Many have advised us to wait until he calms down, but do we let him destroy his room or whatever he is around in the process? My husband did feel that he needed to be spanked after screaming and destroying things for over 30 minutes. Well he really got angrier and then fought the spanking. If I put him in time out he just yells, kicks, throws things, and at this point will just get out and say you can't make me. We do realize he has a strong will and do give him as many choices as we can in a day, but his room needs to be cleaned, clothes will need to be changed, baths taken, food eaten, and now these normal request cause a war if he does not want to do it. He always regrets his actions once he is calm; it is just getting to that point. The other side of this coin is our daughter will just go into her room to get away from him screaming, and read a book. He takes so much time and energy that my heart breaks for her. It is only fair to say that this temperament seems to run in my family. I am very strong willed and it has served me well many times in life. Before my dad found Jesus I can't begin to tell you the number of fights he started just to do it, and where it lead. I am trying to explain that I do understand the rage, because I have felt it, and my dad used abuse and fear to keep my brothers and me in line. I do not want that for our son. He fears nothing, and almost anything is worth losing if he is angry. Where do we go from here? Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you,
Becomingwhole



buckifn -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 4:14:47 PM)

quote:

have posted on here before, and look for help again. My son who is 6 years old is a hand full. He is also wonderful, recently he was diagnosed with ADHD, but that has nothing to do with this temper we deal with.


Are you sure the two are not related? I would recommend you speak with his pediatrician about that first, and go from there.

30 minutes of kicking and screaming destroying things and being defiant is not acceptable. He could seriously injure himself.

Discuss this with his dr. but one thing I would recommend is this- the next rampage such as the one you described results in his room being stripped of all objects except his mattress to sleep on. This takes a lot of the risk of personal injury away (although not all, such as broken window, etc) and also teaches him the value of personal belongings, and that having them is a right which can be earned or taken away.

Find a way to build an incentive system along with his chores, and also do you have him on a regular schedule? I know many many ADHD children who benefit from a structured schedule every day. Also, transition time is important. Do not expect him to just drop everything and "go clean your room now" "go to bed now" or other things of that nature. Help him learn to accept change slowly and gradually. For instance if bedtime is 8:30 start getting him going in that direction by scheduling showertime at 7, perhaps a game of his choosing from 7:15-7:35, and etc.

Do you have a schedule now at all for him?



pbaribeault -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 4:32:06 PM)

One possibility is to create a place where it would be difficult for him to actually damage anything, then allow him to shout and slam around for as long as it takes. Then simply confine him there until he becomes calm enough to be brought around.

(I'd say use a lock and walk away, but we had a long thread about that on this board once -- you can also use the method that involves doggedly picking him up and replacing him in that room until he ceases to test you. Or you could hold the door closed rather than locking it. But both of those methods are much more personally and emotionally taxing for the parent, plus they are more confrontational.)

This will take some determination on your part, because the patience and fortitude not to intervene for an hour or more the first few times will not be easy. This basically means that while he throws himself around etc. he is punishing himself, and there is no need for you to step in. This is congruent with the real world, where rage is usually it's own deterrent.

After he is done this, you might consider having him then ask you for a proper time out. This is actually a calm and safe experience that should involve him not being allowed to move or talk, but he can read or play silently, even have a glass of water to hand, a blanket, pillow, stuffed creature etc. Once he has exhausted himself, (or, hopefully eventually he will realize that this option is the better one) he should be capable of redeeming the time that he spent raging... or maybe with ADD start shorter, like 10 minutes.

This way the blow-out is not just over when he finally calms down. There is still a consiquesce, but it is neither confrontational nor punative. It is constructive (building calmness skills) and collaberative (you are both on the same side). Hopefully, as I mentioned, he will come to choose to do a proper and pleasant time out for himself, rather than letting himself get so out of hand.

If his phrase is "You can't make me!" you need to know that that's true. You can't... but you can make other things happen until he chooses to comply... and that's the truth he needs to know. (You say, calmly, even pleasantly, "Of course I can't make you <pick up your blocks> but I can take you out to the car and clip you into your car seat until you tell me you know how to obey your parents. Do you know how to obey? Then show me."



becomingwhole -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 4:47:23 PM)

buckifn - thank you for your reply. He is on a schedule, and has been since he was about 6 months old. I need schedules as I am very much like him. I will try your advise.
pbaribeault- Your advise makes so much sense. I guess I worry that the fits will only increase, and never decrease. I needed to hear your point about not making him... I have explained it to him from that perspective. He is very inteliglgent, and loves to agrue. Again I say he and I are very much alike, many say I should have been a laywer, but instead I went with business. For me I dream of a time I can say please do this and here okay without anything else.
Thank you both,
Becomingwhole



pbaribeault -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 5:08:06 PM)

quote:

For me I dream of a time I can say please do this and here okay without anything else.
Be encouraged! I'm willing to bet that you live your 'dream' at least 20 to 60 percent of the time. If you dream of 100% instant compliance, well, I'm pretty sure you (or anybody) would feel that a child that behaved like that was just a little unnatural. You 'signed up' for parenting, which means work, which means finding what works. And I'm sure you can.

Perhaps you would feel a little more positive and successful (which would make you feel confident & powerful) if you instead set a reasonable goal, such as 90% compliance, then planned for success and tracked his progress. 90% still means a fight 1 out of 10 requests, but why would anybody feel badly about being 90% successful? Sounds like a dream to me.



Row1 -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 5:26:24 PM)

hi!
with all respect, I want to point out that in this example, he won - he did not have to pick up the blocks.

how did he win, he got you diverted into other things.

a temper tantrum is not really a big deal for him. i wish i could throw a temper tantrum some of the time.

however, what was a big deal for him was not having to follow the authority. the time to loosen up on instructions is not 6 years old. not for a few years.

think about it. you asked him, or instructed him, to pick up blocks, but he never did. he won. rules don't apply to him. he can create havoc and get his way.

these are not good lessons.

in my opinion, and in my home, [believe me we have been thru this], i would be determined that NOTHING under the sun OR THE MOON would happen until th blocks are picked up.

I don't hit or spank. But I mean what I say.

If the whole ordeal included time-out in room, etc., a visit to the psych hospital, a visit to the emergency room from broken glass, etc., it eventuall would END with the blocks being pciked up. Until then, no play, no TV, no internet, no friends, no ice cream, no trips, no bicycle, etc.

Blocks. Pick. Up.



becomingwhole -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 5:54:25 PM)

pbaribeault- I like the way you look at life. Yes, I did sign up for this in more ways then you know. Both of our children were conceived through infertility... and in many ways he is exactly what we prayed for, before we were even told I would be able to have children. He was the detailed prayer request that we held up to God for several years. God sent our daughter first and she is the child that most would dream of, and then came our son. Both are amazing children that I love dearly, and yes your are right the battles are not all the time, but when we have one it feels like always. Thanks for the reality check ... I need those sometimes, as I did state, I do know where he gets a lot of his personality from.
You are a blessing thanks so much,
becomingwhole



becomingwhole -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 5:56:21 PM)

Row1- yes by time it was all said and done he did pick up his blocks. He ate his dinner had some speacil time to chill out and then went to bed at 8:30 right on time.



MrsTracy72 -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 10:52:59 PM)

What kind of doctor are you using for your son's meds? Do you have a therapist or psychologist that you are working with also? That might be a good idea if you are not already doing that.

My 7 year old has been having violent tantrums since the age of 4. We have had to make her sleep on the floor and clear her room to keep her safe. The floor was because she was on a top bunk and jumping on it. We were afraid of her falling off, and of her falling through onto her younger sister.

We have learned alot about how to control her temper and also that she probably has a bit of anxiety going on and is not yet totally able to use the right words to discuss her feelings when she gets like that. But it is like the smallest thing can trip her off and she will scream and kick and do whatever, but then when she is done, that is it. It is like it never happened in her mind.

It is scary and it has driven me up to the edge at times. Now we are getting them under some control and I am learning how to better deal with her when she is like that.



locomom -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 11:28:42 PM)

What medications is your son taking? My daughter was like him in anger, and we still work with her temper at age 20. Medications, ADD and otherwise played a big role in her anger, as did her sensitivity and strong-will. We did get help from a Christian therapist twice during her childhood. Advicewise, I would say the less attention you give to his anger and temper tantrums, the more likely they will diminish. Is he having them at places other than at home or when he is with others, not you or your family? You may find it preferable to see a specialist about any ADD medication he takes. It has some very common problems that none of the pediatricians told us about. We were uncomfortable with getting a psychiatrist since their understanding of people is nonChristian. We were protected from this step by God when the Christian psychologist we were working with told us that neurologists can also supervise ADD medications. That has worked very well for us, and insurance pays a great deal more for a neurologist than a psychiatrist.



MrsTracy72 -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/29/2008 11:42:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: locomom

We were uncomfortable with getting a psychiatrist since their understanding of people is nonChristian.


What makes you think that? My son's psychiatrist actually attends a sister church of ours. I dont' think he meant to tell me where he went to church, but when he did, I was so happy because I always knew he was a believer, but now I know that he and I hold the same beliefs and it makes me feel better knowing that. I think that they need to distance themselves from their patients so much that you have to actually ask them if you want to know. But they are not all non-Christian. In fact, many of them are Christian, but you simply don't know it because they have to keep their personal lives so far removed from their patients.

I don't think it is always the best idea for a person to not have a doc who specializes in those types of disorders taking care of meds. Some docs are not as familiar with all of the med choices and dosages. No matter who you go to, you have to do your homework, but don't write off a doc because you THINK all of those types of docs are non-Christian. If you don't know, simply ask if it is that important.



buckifn -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 6:00:55 AM)

Have you went to counseling to deal with your own exp. of abuse and the relationship with your dad?

Also, how often does your daughter receive 1 on 1 time with you and with her dad? It's very important you do not allow your daughter to just retreat to her room and deal with everything in isolation. She needs to know she is valued apart from her brother. Seeing him receive all the attention through negative behavior is not a good thing. Make sure she knows how to ask for what she needs in a proper way and make sure both of you give her 1 on 1 quality time minus interruptions from her brother.

Also, the role of proper meds for him cannot be stressed enough. It is VITAL you have a dr. who fully understands the area of Psychotropic drugs..do research yourself on the internet, and ask the dr. lots of questions.

Here is a basic list of what you need to know (taken from the article on website) and a link to 1 website that can give you more information.

What you need to know
There are several factors to consider when working with a physician to determine if psychotropic medication is appropriate for you

What is the diagnosis, and why is a particular medication recommended? What symptoms relief can you expect and when?
By all means take medication as prescribed, but what should you do if you happen to miss a dose?
What are common side effects (routine or predicted reactions) and how long will they last? Be ware of possible adverse reactions (such as rash, severe headaches, nausea, and vomiting, breathing difficulties, etc.) and what should you do?
What initial and ongoing medical tests/lab work (usually to rule out other medical problems and establish a baseline from which to gauge the therapeutic dose for you) are required?
How long will you be on medication, and how do you discontinue (taper off) the drug?
Will your routine activities or diet be restricted in any way?
What follow-up medication appointments and treatment sessions are required?

http://www.counseling.txstate.edu/selfHelp/bro/psychmed.html



mommyplus3 -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 9:10:04 AM)

to the OP:

what meds is your son on? is there a certain time of day that the tantrums/anger are worse?

i ask, because i used to take adderall xr, and at certain times (read: coming off time) i would feel uncontrollable and angry and sad...just all around horrible. once i went off the adderall, those feelings subsided. also, my dd used to take meds - and there were some that caused the meltdowns (not in relation to coming off of them). there were some that she just could not tolerate. when she was your son's age, i would pick her up from school. she wolud get in the car, and hit her brother or sister - for no reason at all. she would literally turn into another person. in the long run, we found that she didn't need meds - along with our psychiatrist, we gave her tools to control the ADHD...and she has done remarkably well. i don't say this to suggest that meds are bad....they are not, and some people need them to function. you might just want to look at what meds he is taking.

i would suggest talking to a psychiatrist - as this is what they do. a pediatrician is somewhat informed, but....it can go too far - as it did with my dd. ou ped finally threw up his hands (about the side-effects) and sent us. that was the first place we got any relief.

hth, and i will pray for you [:D]



becomingwhole -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 9:33:27 AM)

Hello all and thank you for your replies. Now let me try to answer everyone’s questions. We do work with a psychiatrist. He has been seeing us now for about 5 months. He does struggle with some anxiety, and has control issues because of some life situations that our family has lived through. We are aware of them. The fits follow no pattern of time they are just when he decides he does not want to do something. This can range from what we are eating, to picking up toys, what he is asked to wear (Uniforms are mandatory at our schools), if he thinks a game we are playing as a family should not be going the way it is, so basically what he perceives as wrong is when the fits happen.
Yes, he is taking a very low dose of adderall. He was just moved to 10 mg. a week ago, and we like that dose. He was put on it to mainly help him pay better attention as he is behind in reading and writing in the schools.
buckifn my dad and I are great. I adore him; it is easy for me to understand without Christ how my childhood unfolded. The abuse we lived through was nothing compared to what he lived through. When I was 18, I sat down and told my dad what I thought him, what I felt about the abuse, and yes it took a year or two, put God is so faithful, He placed a relationship where one had never been.
Our daughter does get a lot of one on one time. Dad and son go to building workshops a few times a month at local hardware stores, and her and I get girl-talking time as she calls it. I coach all of her sports, help at her school, have lunch with her; and dad does many of the same things I have listed, she is just as much a priority in our lives. She also bears the scars of our divorce and remarriage so we are very sensitive to her.
I think I answered everyone, if not I am sorry, I will read more when back from work.
Thank you all,
Becomingwhole



Auben -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 9:45:13 AM)

I think there's been some marvelous advice so I'm not going to say much.

Let me just say that with some strong-willed children spankings enforce the rage, they don't lead the child to obedience and repentance. It took me a few years to realize that I was reinforcing the defiance by using spanking with my oldest son (btw, I'm not against spanking...I'm just for using what works to bring a child to repentance and understanding). It put him more firmly in his own viewpoint ('I'm the victim here') and multiplied his anger and violence.

With my oldest son I needed to use other things. Things that affected him and made him use his mind to puzzle through his own actions and the consequences. Things that reinforced calm or removed stimulation. Like your son he's always been very intelligent and he's only recently (at 7-8) started to understand that other people have equal viewpoints and that he can't do it all his way in a group (family or friends).

So instead of thinking 'he needs a spanking,' it may be more appropriate for your husband to think 'he needs a wake up call' or 'he needs stimulation removed so he can calm down and we can talk about this' (whether it be that someone holds him on their lap and talks quietly to him or music is played or items are removed so things can't be thrown or manipulated).



MrsTracy72 -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 10:09:05 AM)

becommingwhole, you sound like you are doing the right things for your child, but what about you? Do you talk to to the doc regarding how it affects you and your reactions? It is important because sometimes taking that step back and having somebody who is removed from the situation is the best thing. We learned that we need to not treat our daughter differently, but that she may not even know why she is doing the things she is doing and that we have to deal with the situation differently. We also know that when she is done with her meltdown, she may not even realize what she just did and that may be why she goes on as if nothing ever happened. We learned to ask her why she felt she needed to act as she did and most of the time she tells us that she really doesn't know and can't explain how she feels. There is so much that you need to do differently with children like this and maybe that psych doc can offer suggestions, or you can seek out a therapist for your child AND for you. It would definately help with your stress levels.
Take care!



shadowspring -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 12:09:40 PM)

I am reading a book called "Explosive Children". I highly recommend it.



MrsTracy72 -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 1:43:04 PM)

The therapist gave me that book to read and I didn't get through all of it, but the parts I got through were good. But I do think that therapy for both child and parents is also a great idea. You do not belive how worn down you get until you start talking about it to a trained therapist. And it is such a good outlet for you to vent and sometimes get the greatest advice and insight.



shadowspring -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 7:31:12 PM)

I am almost finished with it. I believe it will be an excellent resource for me as I will be providing child care for an ADHD boy this fall.

This book does not address the average child. This book is useful for dealing with those kids who just do not "get it" no matter how many time outs, demerits, punishments and missed treats they experience. It's for dealing with the kids who seem to have zero ability to control themselves when frustrated or when they need to be flexible.

These kids do not think like most people and their communication skills need serious modeling and practice. Like when I took my young ADHD friend to the lake:

quote:

"I don't want to swim!" he demanded in a whining shrill voice, although he had been looking forward to the trip. I could hear anxiety in his voice so I asked him why he changed his mind.

"The water smells funny." "Why is it so yellow." "It's full of fish pee."

I did not laugh, though I wanted to.[;)]

He was serious so I was serious too. I explained the color of the water from the chlorophyll in the leaves, grass and pollen that falls in the water plus the phytoplankton living in the water naturally.

I explained the smell was because there was no chlorine in the water like at the pool, but less wind than at the ocean.

And I explained the dilution of a 1/4 teaspoon of fish pee in millions of gallons of water.

So then, all his fears addressed, he went swimming and had fun.

But, if I had told him he was being ridiculous and GET IN THE WATER NOW! we would have had total meltdown.

I just lucked into my good experience. I hadn't read the book yet, and if I had been more frustrated myself I might very well have "put my foot down" and precipitated an explosion.

It really helps to see it explained as a non-verbal learning disability. You can't "demand" a child with dyslexia sound out words and get it right. Punishing them for mixing up the letters won't help either, and will damage your relationship and frustrate you both.

Neither can you punish a child into strong impulse control when frustrated if they are lacking the ability to process the information. This kid seems to be overwhelmed by his feelings, and not able to handle them without help.

I hope this year will be a big help to him.



W.O.F. -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 7:51:15 PM)

You have been given some very good advice, some good advice and some advice...all of which are sound and can be used to fit each situation as you see best.

However...one thing to keep in mind, as someone else has stated..the temper fits and the ADHD do tend to go hand in hand...

That in mind....it does NOT excuse the behaviour...just means you'll have to work that much harder to help train him out of it. He may need even more rigid rules with very well laid out in advance consequences..and you need to figure out which ones (consequences) do bring him to a place of truly being sorry for what he has done rather than sorry for himself....hence to repentance.

Hang in there...and I praise God that you are recognizing these problems NOW rather than assuming that it okay and then having a bigger issue with it when he hits his teen years.



dianetavegia -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 8:44:06 PM)

Wow. This is really unacceptable behavior! Sounds like a bad case of terrible twos.

I'm an old fashioned and older mom. If one of my kids had started destroying their room, they would have a mattress on the floor and nothing else. When a teen thought it was neat to slam their door, they lost their door for several months. Time out in a room with only a mattress is a real time out.

Screaming and kicking doors would be totally ignored. When Johnny could act his age, he could rejoin the family. He shows you NO respect!

Dry wall can be patched, but a child with this amount of anger can end up a very damaged and unproductive adult. I'm glad to see you're concerned about this behavior!

I'm very concerned for your daughter. I had a brother like your son. He never became a productive member of society. I spent my childhood hiding from outbursts from anger ridden family members. Your daughter will be affected, if only to become so averse to any confrontation that she lets the world walk all over her, bully her or even abuse her.

You should be saluted for seeking treatment for this child! Medication might keep him calm for a while, but he has to learn to behave without medication.

** edited to highlight overlooked remarks



MrsTracy72 -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 10:40:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dianetavegia

You should be saluted for seeking treatment for this child! Medication might keep him calm for a while, but he has to learn to behave without medication.



Medication is NOT used for behavior modification. It is given to these children because they have a very real medical condition. ADHD is not something that a child can simply flip a switch on and change over. It takes years of medication and therapy which includes working on techniques to modify their behavior and way of thinking.

The medication is not given to "calm" them. It is given to help their brains concentrate and focus better on what is going on around them. That concentration is what helps them to remain calm in certain situations and that focus is what keeps them level and able to manage their behavior. Without that medication, they don't see things for what they really are because their brains are unable to process events like the brain of a person without ADHD.

And yes, it does affect every member of the family. Parents included. Early intervention is crucial, but it all takes time. It took us three years to see a substational difference in my son, and as for my daughter, it has been three years since her tantrums have started, and we are finally starting to see a bit of improvement. We still have issues, but we have to change our reactions to help calm her. But we don't ignore her until she gives in. There is no way that will happen because it isn't a power struggle with her. It is more that she is unable to express her fear or anger in words. That is why therapy for the child and family (especially the primary caregiver) is important.



shadowspring -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/30/2008 11:45:23 PM)

quote:

It is more that she is unable to express her fear or anger in words. That is why therapy for the child and family (especially the primary caregiver) is important.


I totally get that, Ms Tracy!

It's counterproductive to think that more and more severe punishments will help, when the child is already enduring negative consequences and it's not helping.

For most children, the cause and effect is enough stimulus to reinforce their impulse control and help them calm themselves and find alternate ways of thinking about what is frustrating them. This happens almost automatically. No one has to talk them through it. The thought process naturally goes in that direction.

But not ALL children can do that naturally.

Just like a child can have a real learning disability in reading (and punishing them for not getting the sentence right won't help!) a child can have a real learning disability in the areas of flexibility and frustration tolerance.

The frustration that they obviously can't handle is only heightened by increasing their stress level with refusing to hear them and demanding they toe the line. There is a tendency to take their non-verbal learning disability as a personal insult or an evil heart, when that is so unfair. There is likely an underlying fear (and we all know fear has torment) that they can't express in words without some empathetic listening and problem solving discussion.

Read the book. Find a helpful therapist, not a behavior modification specialist who thinks you can punish your child to health. Find someone who believes your child WANTS to please you and WILL- once you help her find a way around her frustration/fear issues.

Special needs children have special needs. If what worked for everyone else was working already, your child wouldn't be having the explosions of frustration and anger.



stateofgrace -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/31/2008 9:13:01 AM)

OK, at the risk of sounding like a broken record (I'm going to have to find a more culturally-up-to-date phrase - perhaps an iPod stuck on repeat mode?)...

The extreme meltdowns and tantrums can be a sign of early-onset Bipolar which often is misdiagnosed as ADHD, or can exist along with ADHD. Many physicians are more familiar with ADHD and make that assumption instead of considering Bipolar. Sometimes ADHD medications without a mood stabilizer will make these kids worse, behavior-wise.

Here is a listing of symptoms of early-onset Bipolar.

If you think this may sound like your child's situation, I recommend reading "The Bipolar Child" by Dennis and Janice Paplos (he's an MD specializing in Bipolar kids, she's an RN). And then, discussing this possibility with your child's doctor.



shadowspring -> RE: 6yr old and temper problems (7/31/2008 10:29:35 AM)

quote:

OK, at the risk of sounding like a broken record (I'm going to have to find a more culturally-up-to-date phrase - perhaps an iPod stuck on repeat mode?)...

The extreme meltdowns and tantrums can be a sign of early-onset Bipolar which often is misdiagnosed as ADHD, or can exist along with ADHD. Many physicians are more familiar with ADHD and make that assumption instead of considering Bipolar. Sometimes ADHD medications without a mood stabilizer will make these kids worse, behavior-wise.

Here is a listing of symptoms of early-onset Bipolar.

If you think this may sound like your child's situation, I recommend reading "The Bipolar Child" by Dennis and Janice Paplos (he's an MD specializing in Bipolar kids, she's an RN). And then, discussing this possibility with your child's doctor.


That is really something that should be diagnosed by a professional, not on the forums.

There are actually many reasons a child can have trouble with frustration tolerance and flexibility. Most have roots in biology. Some may be helped by medications of various kinds.

But regardless of why they are having the difficulty, learning the skills of frustration tolerance and flexibility is not coming naturally to these children. The thinking process will still have to be taught and modeled, whether medication is necessary to calm them enough to learn or not.

In some cases, the process will have to be retaught and remodeled every day for a long, long time. And unless there is a miracle, in some cases-like severe FAS- they will have to be retaught every day for the rest of their lives.

Just know you are not alone in dealing with such a child, becomingwhole. And know that your child is not "this way" because you are a bad parent.

Your child is the way that your child is. What works with your other children isn't working, because your child is special needs. Ms Tracy is right to seek support and nurture for yourself and the rest of the family, as well as your special needs child.

God bless you, becomingwhole. You are in my prayers.



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