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forgiveness and bitterness? - 7/31/2008 6:00:11 PM
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swappo
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What is forgiveness exaclty. I tried to make peace with my christian enemies only to have the door shut in my face.
Now I see how all those who hurt me and destroyed my reputation at church are being bless with family, jobs, exc.
While I have now been diagonsed with dietities, anxiety, depress. And can't hold a job or have any friends.
I just don't understand this. They are bitter towards me while I tried to make peace. What gives?
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 7/31/2008 6:13:06 PM
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Carleejoan
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You're not sharing the whole picture here. We don't know anything about what happened to cause their reaction to you. You may have issues that make others feel threatened for their safety. You should go for pastoral counselling to root the the issues as there is usually a lot more going on.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 7/31/2008 6:20:13 PM
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Mosesman
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Remember, "forgive and forget."
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"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
~Galatians 5:13~
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 7/31/2008 9:25:40 PM
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etnlyHis
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From: Iowa
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Asking for forgiveness was as God intended. What happens to them in this world is not related to the fact that you asked for forgiveness, nor is it related necessarily to the fact that they are bitter. They may have lots of "stuff" but their bitterness makes them unhappy just the same.
Do not dwell on what others have. Focus instead on what God has and how you can glorify Him.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 7/31/2008 9:29:30 PM
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delete123
Posts: 969
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mosesman
Remember, "forgive and forget."
I beg to differ a person does not have to forget to forgive.
to the o/p: Forgiveness: Is that you forgive those who trespass against you. (commit a sin upon you and you need to give it up to God.)
Bitterness is: You may have forgiven, but you really never gave it over to God, which causes discord.
You are seeing them blessed, because you never did let it go and wished them the best.
Doesn't mean you have to forget the incidence. This will help or enable you if a circumstance in the like comes your way again. In other words, learn from this and move on
May He pour His blessings upon you
CRH
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 7/31/2008 9:41:59 PM
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slushie
Posts: 2006
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I heard a good pastor say, "It's not forgiving and forgetting, it's forgiving and choosing not to bring it up again and again - to choose to remember it no longer." It's not forgiveness just because of any benefits (earthly benefits, like money, or good health) we might get. If that makes sense.
Anyway, I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure what the circumstances are exactly and without those it's hard to say anything. Like, what happened to make your Christian enemies (as you call them) ruin your rep?
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 7/31/2008 9:50:53 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1919
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quote:
What is forgiveness exaclty. I tried to make peace with my christian enemies only to have the door shut in my face.
Now I see how all those who hurt me and destroyed my reputation at church are being bless with family, jobs, exc.
While I have now been diagonsed with dietities, anxiety, depress. And can't hold a job or have any friends.
I just don't understand this. They are bitter towards me while I tried to make peace. What gives?
We are to forgive others as God forgives us---and that follows repentance. You can hold forgiveness in your heart toward these individuals, but until they come in repentance, they cannot receive your forgiveness.
However we are NOT to let a root of bitterness grow in us. That means you need to pray God's blessing and prosperity on these individuals. It is God's kindness that leads to repentance (Romans 2:4).
You didn't say what you did to make peace. Oftentimes we cannot make peace. We are to do all we can to live at peace with others. But they must be willing. There is a pseudo peace that is no peace at all.
Perhaps God has you on His path. The path of knowing Him often leads to misunderstanding and struggles. Thank Him. He loves you. He wants His very best for you. And is going to use all that you are going through to reveal Himself to you. Consider yourself the beloved of God. Praise Him and pray for those who have hurt you. Bless you.  LL
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/1/2008 12:12:17 AM
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Mosesman
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quote:
ORIGINAL:crh737
This will help or enable you if a circumstance in the like comes your way again
Do you mean Lord it over them?
quote:
In other words, learn from this and move on
Yes, learn, then move on, forget about it, not much difference.
_____________________________
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.
~Galatians 5:13~
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/1/2008 4:13:26 PM
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delete123
Posts: 969
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mosesman
quote:
ORIGINAL:crh737
This will help or enable you if a circumstance in the like comes your way again
Do you mean Lord it over them?
No I do not mean Lord it over them.
Exactly what I wrote: If a similar circumstance again crosses their path, then they will have the knowledge to avoid the incident, because they remember from experience the last outcome.
CRH
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/1/2008 5:05:02 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1905
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I agree with CRH and LiveLoved; we forgive and let go of the offense (which avoids bitterness) and pray for the blessings of those who hurt us, like Jesus did. The bad guys nailed Him to a cross - not fun - and didn't care that it hurt and He died. He still forgave them... and us. It was our sin and His love that kept Him there. We are to become like Him (Rom. 8:29 and other places). Either the the offenders receive your forgiveness or they don't; that's between them and God and you can't change it one way or another. So do your part and let it go. God knows it hurts (He's been there/done that). If they are sinning then that's part of the deal, and God will deal with them and might not include you in it. Let God do what He wants, and you just do what God says for you to do. Tell God you hurt and ask Him to comfort you. Mentally climb up into His lap and let Him hold you a while. He loves you. So do we. Take heart, Christian, it won't always hurt like this, and better times are coming. Look at Psalm 84:11. Great promise!
If you'd like to see what's going on "backstage" look at Psalm 73. David sees what happens to the wicked after they die. Whoa!
If you are depressed and can't keep a job or a friend, then there are other things going on in your life. Hurts. Are you getting counseling from your pastor or a Christian counselor? Are you reading your Bible every day? It's chock full of promises and stories that will encourage you.
God bless you, and I am praying for you today. You'll come out right before it's all over, and you're on the winning team. May God deal with the people in your church, too, in His grace and love to make them more like Jesus, too.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/1/2008 9:12:28 PM
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swappo
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thanks for all the input and encouragement.
I know I need to have more faith in the Lord than I have. It is good to know there are christians out there that are willing to encourage and pray for others.
May God bless you all.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/1/2008 9:39:02 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2789
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: swappo
What is forgiveness exaclty. I tried to make peace with my christian enemies only to have the door shut in my face.
Now I see how all those who hurt me and destroyed my reputation at church are being bless with family, jobs, exc.
While I have now been diagonsed with dietities, anxiety, depress. And can't hold a job or have any friends.
I just don't understand this. They are bitter towards me while I tried to make peace. What gives?
Without sounding cruel, it seems as you sought forgiveness, not to release the wrong done to you, but more as a magic potion to bring you blessings.
Forgiveness is the active, willfull release relwase of the wrong done to you and placing the offense on the cross so you can walk in freedom. It is a process and will take time.
Bitterness is a willfull holding on to the offense. It is a slap in the face of God because He gives you the power to forgive. It is a cancer that will slowly destroy the one who holds on to it.
Do not look at God as a blessing machine but as a Father who will give you what you need when you need it. He knows you more than you know yourself.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 12:21:35 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1248
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quote:
ORIGINAL: swappo
What is forgiveness exaclty. I tried to make peace with my christian enemies only to have the door shut in my face.
Now I see how all those who hurt me and destroyed my reputation at church are being bless with family, jobs, exc.
While I have now been diagonsed with dietities, anxiety, depress. And can't hold a job or have any friends.
I just don't understand this. They are bitter towards me while I tried to make peace. What gives?
Forgiveness is not an all-inclusive action. I'm saying that all people involved sitting down together for a time of seeking to feel better about something is not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a Swappo and God thing. It's where Swappo excuses someone else for a fault or offense. It's where Swappo ceases feeling any anger for or resentment against someone else. It's where Swappo absolves someone for a payment owed.
It is a challenging thing to do. You excuse them for an offense, you set anger behind you to stay on something. You realize you made a terrible choice for someone to loan money to, and you let it go.
I think everyone before me has shared the same. What I have not heard shared is how can you best do this, in the church setting you are in.
Certainly pray about your decision, that you don't want to be living under those burdens and that anger anymore. Pray that you sense that you feel a forgiveness from your brothers and sisters in Christ.
And then, if there is no forgiveness in your direction... were I you, I'd look to find a more loving church. When you've been sincere with others that claim you've hurt them, and sought to find peace again at church and they've shrugged it off- that's a really hard situation to be in, yet nothing you need to have distracting you from your relationship with the Lord.
OneJohn410
_____________________________
When the angels had returned to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, "Let's go to Bethlehem! Let's see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about. Luke 2:15 (NLT)
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 2:57:15 AM
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saraimay75
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In Luke 23:34 Jesus says "Father forgive them for they know not what they do..." This is the verse that brought me to Christ.
Without going into too much detail. Due to learning differences I have had many teachers mistreat me. I even had a teacher call me stupid. I felt stupid and that I could never teach. I had this feeling for years. Until I forgave those who hurt me.
And I forgave myself for giving up on me. You need to forgive yourself.
I could not do this without giving myself over to G-d.
It was not until then that I could do and see what G-d has called me to do. And that is teach preschool.
I have forgiven but not forgotten. I will do my best to understand those who are different and not mistreat them, because I know what it feels like.
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God love admiration . . . I think it annoys God if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 3:35:23 AM
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jmjphe
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Lets look at it like this: Forgiveness is removing the ego entirley. Its not forgetting what happened; in that one may have future concerns over a past track record of offenses (meaning consistent mis-treatment or aggression etc.) and takes a stance to prevent further damage so to speak. Removing the ego from it means you dont identitfy yourself to it. Ill run a quick example of what i mean here.
I frequent a friends house for whatever reason (hanging out, talking, working etc) his/her sibling seems very hostiile toward me on a somewhat regular basis for no apprent reason. I quickly analyze the situation and look for two things. 1. Am i at fault in provoking something. 2. How often is this happening (maybe this individual is having a bad day). If i find im not doing something to provoke anything, and its happening often than in forgiveness I dont worry about it, and more importantly I dont "fight back",I dont loose sleep or feel offended or let it ruin my time or day. However, I would remember what tends to happen and position myelf to not be at the blunt end of things.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 7:16:55 AM
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humbleinspirit
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But are we really to forgive and not forget though? Is that scriptural? Just wondering.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 12:39:04 PM
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colliefan
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quote:
ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
But are we really to forgive and not forget though? Is that scriptural? Just wondering.
It really isn't a matter of forgeting as it is refusing to hold what often is very real hurt against that indivdual. It is releasing someone to God's judgement rather than our own. It is in refusing to release the hurt that a seed of bitterness is sown. Then that seed grows up to defile not only that individual but many in his circle of influence.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 1:13:41 PM
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makarizo
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for me, forgiving means surrendering my will to God's will.
I give God the emotion, the want of justice or revenge, the black mark that I put on my list,
and even tho I don't forget ( I was not created that way) I give the hurt and arrogance to God, and move forward.
take the high road.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 1:14:55 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 18070
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Now does forgiving also meaning trusting someone again too, or is that something different instead? Because can you say that you really have forgiven someone if you no longer trust them?
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 1:32:17 PM
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makarizo
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"The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." — Albert Einstein
forgiving them means to not feel hostile against them. if I observe that a person has honesty issues, I can still choose to love them. and pray for them, be their friend, believe in them, but if I ignore the fact that they are having trouble telling the truth, I am neither helping them, nor helping myself.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 1:43:25 PM
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humbleinspirit
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Now I am not talking about not telling the truth, I am talking about a past wrong and whether because of doing wrong whether that person can trust you again? I would find this very important in say a marriage for example. BTW, for the record I am single and never married at all.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/2/2008 2:22:59 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2789
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From: Raleigh, NC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit
Now does forgiving also meaning trusting someone again too, or is that something different instead? Because can you say that you really have forgiven someone if you no longer trust them?
Trust and forgiveness are seperate issues. Forgiveness is a matter of not holding an act against an individual. Trust is a matter of dependance on one's character,
In terms of relationship issues, while forgiveness is needed, one's past actions may be an indication that the level of relationship that previously exisited may no longer be realisitic or wise.
For example, one loans a friend 1,000 but, over a period of time, that friend refuses to repay the loan. For some time you do not hear from that individual so you decide, in your mind to write-off the loan. After that decision, you get a call from him asking for the loan of another grand What do you do?
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/3/2008 9:24:43 AM
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conrack50
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Someone just sent me this. Hope it helps Connie Lou
To Be Willing to Forgive
Father, I pray for (name one or more) and others in my circle of family and friends to take their need to forgive seriously...
Unforgiveness is a sin that affects many lives, and the hurts they've suffered seem to justify it by worldly standards. But I ask that You help these I'm praying for to rise above the principles of the world and to live as Jesus taught, loving their enemies—those who hurt them—and forgiving unconditionally from their hearts. (Matthew 5:44; 18:21–35)
Help them be willing to forgive those who have sinned against them so they may ask You to forgive them as they have forgiven others. If they hold anything against anyone, help them to forgive—just as in Christ You have forgiven them. May every hurt that grieves them be forgiven. (Matthew 6:12; Mark 11:25; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13)
When forgiveness is impossible in their own strength, may they be willing to receive Your strength to forgive—for through Christ they have strength for anything. (Philippians 4:13)
Help them see that forgiveness is not an emotion—they don't have to feel like forgiving—but an act of will, made possible by the power of the Spirit who lives within them. (Ephesians 3:16)
In Jesus' name, amen.
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/3/2008 3:34:32 PM
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Cloak
Posts: 4692
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From: Canada
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quote:
ORIGINAL: swappo
I just don't understand this. They are bitter towards me while I tried to make peace. What gives?
There will Always be folks from Church and outside church who would hurt you and you've done very well by forgiving them; however, even when you forgive those folks they will Not appreciate it, acknowledge it or realize it simply bc many of them are in denial.
As long as you have done the right thing by forgiving them, fear nothing!
Blessings!
_____________________________
Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: forgiveness and bitterness? - 8/3/2008 3:44:46 PM
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deliveredarling
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let's look at forgiveness and bitterness in terms of practicality., because in terms of spiritual health, I can't say anymore than what has already been said.
What good does it do someone to hold onto bitterness?
Is there a gain in letting a wound fester?
Isn't there freedom with forgiveness?
Isn't there freedom in becoming wiser for the next offense.
This has already been said, but it is worth repeating. Forgiveness does not mean we have to forget. To forget puts us in jeopardy of repeating the same mistake again and again.
Life is to short to not forgive.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
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