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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:21:22 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2868
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
I'm not speaking about blaming a victim. I am speaking about people who start posting in a thread saying that they can't believe this issues is being discussed when they are hurt in their lives over a similar subject. I am speaking of people who demand appologies because civilly given opinions caused them to recall their discontent with the crisis they are going through. I am speaking about reverse bullying, where someone claims they have been bullied when in fact they are the ones trying to shame others for being content. The hurt has nothing to do with the posters in a thread and everything to do with discontent in their own lives.
Oh, I better understand.
I agree that is irksome and tiresome.
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"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:22:46 PM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: United States of America
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It is more along the line of Joan telling sally: "Hey you are wearing red. God hates red, and we don't let red shirt wearers in the club. and oh, by the way, there really is not a problem here. YOU are being too sensitive. Go play elsewhere.
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I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:23:17 PM
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christsstar
Posts: 5090
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
quote:
ORIGINAL: christsstar
quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
I think it can go both ways and often does. yes, the bully should be confronted but OTOH just because someone cries doesn't mean there is a bully.
Here's a childhood example: Joan and Sally are discussing colors. Sally says that she thinks red is an ugly color. Joan happens to love red and is wearing a red shirt. Joan bursts into tears and runs to the teacher saying "Sally hates me and thinks I'm ugly" That is not what Sally said...
That's like my step-children insulting each others style of music or clothes or TV shows. Just because you don't like it A, doesn't mean you have to tease K.
But in my example Sally doesn't know that Red is Joans favorite color until she says that.
True.
In one case, one child over reacted. In another, one child purposely cut down teh other's choices. Both are issues that should be discussed.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:24:28 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4334
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I know blaming the victim does go on, too, because i've seen it happen.
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My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:28:19 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
I know blaming the victim does go on, too, because i've seen it happen.
Now what makes a victim a victim? Simply being hurt or offended? Being told they are wrong or what? What do you think?
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This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:31:42 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1936
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:
I agree... however, I've seen the exact opposite happen where someone being oversensitive threw out the "everyone is bullying me" card, when in fact no one was bullying anyone. There are legitimate concerns about the bullying that goes on in threads and PMs- no doubt about it. We need to stand against it and committ to doing our part to not be the bully. But...
I feel that it is a huge mistake to not address that the opposite happens as well and is just as big of a problem. I, for one, have seen more self-imposed pity and discontent on these threads than I have seen bullying. We do need to be compassionate about that discontent and what others are going through, but we don't need to allow that sort of bullying to go on either.
This reminds me, I have seen a poster cry victim because the others did not agree with her. She went so far as to edit her post and when a response to it was made, she deleted it. That really happened to me , and I got tossed for it. That's just posting with malicious intent  I would also say that some are here for excitement and like to create it when they can. We can call it the online life, but I imagine that if they do it online, they do it in RL too. I also think there are some, who just want attention, whether it be positive or negative.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:31:51 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
Joined: 12/2/2005
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oooh, that's a very good question, Ruth.
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Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:37:57 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4334
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
Now what makes a victim a victim? Simply being hurt or offended? Being told they are wrong or what? What do you think?
I am thinking of people I have see told they are dumb for holding a certain view. I saw that exact comment within the last two weeks!! Victimization is the personal attacks instead of the discussing of facts and bases of opinions. It's when someone pulls a selfish attitude on you, whether that be manipulation, arrogance, or a guilt trip.
It's not simply being told you are wrong, because you may be factually wrong. That ought to be dealt with if misinformation is popping up in a thread. IMO, it's not even being told that something isn't Biblical. We all have different beliefs and are at different maturity levels, and some beliefs are mutually exclusive. Sometimes, one side has to be wrong.
That's not a good, full explaination, but I'm not sure I can do better than that. Maybe someone with better communication skills can explain it better.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:47:25 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10531
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
I know blaming the victim does go on, too, because i've seen it happen.
Now what makes a victim a victim? Simply being hurt or offended? Being told they are wrong or what? What do you think?
A victim is someone who is wronged by another.
If I whisper in someone's ear that their slip is showing to help them avoid embarrassment and they get mad. They are not a victim because I did not wrong them.
If I yell out, "Oh look at that moron! Their slip is showing!", they are a victim because I treated them poorly.
Now, the victim chooses how they respond to that yes, but that doesn't make it ok no matter how offended or not offended the victim is.
An aside and not intended for anyone here: By the way and for what's its worth: A common thing you will find among abusers is they won't take responsibility for their actions and blame the victim. For instance, the abusive husband will blame his wife who he just slapped for him losing control because "she made him mad" or "I really didn't mean it". For this reason, I believe someone can be a victim even if the person who did the harm says they didn't intend on hurting the other person. Some things are simply wrong no matter how you dress them up.
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Resume Quotations: "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:52:30 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4334
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
An aside and not intended for anyone here: By the way and for what's its worth: A common thing you will find among abusers is they won't take responsibility for their actions and blame the victim. For instance, the abusive husband will blame his wife who he just slapped for him losing control because "she made him mad" or "I really didn't mean it". For this reason, I believe someone can be a victim even if the person who did the harm says they didn't intend on hurting the other person. Some things are simply wrong no matter how you dress them up.
Very true. The abuser also often pretends that it didn't happen at all to others (I'd never hit my wife) or that they are the one victimized (I hit you because you cheated me by looking at that man.) They make their own character out to be flawless, but it's all smoke and mirrors to anyone who cares to watch them with open eyes.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:55:49 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1936
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
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Probably all of us at some time or another here in the forums have been a victim of "forum violence", especially if we have ventured into the dark waters of high controversy!
We can all get offended at something near and dear to our hearts.
I am just as guilty of doing some of the things named in this thread. it sure would help me if people just point out what their beef is. I appreciate the upfront, because subtlety is often lost on me, some sneaky sarcasm too. I just don't operate this way, so I don't recognize it. It may be the same for many others on here who get offended.
Victim may be a strong word for here. I think we all contribute to the reactions we get, whether we realize it or not.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:59:17 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1936
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
And as a side note, in the posts I had deleted, I did pm the people and apologize for my harsh words towards them. I think things are fine with them now. I have been on both sides of the mod punishment thing.
By no means am I complaining about it. My posts should have been removed. This person intentionally posted an inciting remark to which I responded in a not so nice fashion, deleted her post and reported me as harassing her.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
http://www.myspace.com/egaip
Come visit
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 6:04:40 PM
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christsstar
Posts: 5090
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
Probably all of us at some time or another here in the forums have been a victim of "forum violence", especially if we have ventured into the dark waters of high controversy!
it's been so long, I don't remember the specifics. But my first venture out of the General Topics (when it was GT) and into Women's Only I got into a heated debate over birth control. I remember being so irate and hurt with teh same poster. I then went and did something that got me nudged by a (then) hostess and I overreacted to that too. I think I could've been in danger of getting a Fritz talking to.
I think I was being over-sensitive and over-reacted. It was my first time not just chitty-chatting and I didn't know how to handle it. It took awhile for me to realize the different dynamic over here. I thought that WO should be as laid back as GT. I almost never came back into this section. I'm glad I did, but do know what I need to avoid.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 6:10:21 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1762
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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I honestly do not have a problem with this folder. In fact, I think I have had the least amount of problems in this folder. But I have seen people get "holier than thou" when it comes to certian topics that they are passionate about. Very rarely when things get heated though, do you see people apologize when the discussion is over.
I do see where people who don't know others here can feel a bit left out, but the forums are what you make of them. I think I am kind of in the middle. I post alot and participate in some chats, but in other areas of the forum, I feel like an alien so I just stay away.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 6:12:24 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1762
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deliveredarling
By no means am I complaining about it. My posts should have been removed. This person intentionally posted an inciting remark to which I responded in a not so nice fashion, deleted her post and reported me as harassing her.
I suppose that would bother me a bit too. But I do think that the mods have access to that info so while at first it looked as if you were the person in the wrong, they can go back and see what really did happen. But I could be wrong.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 6:34:21 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4935
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
Status: online
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MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
I think this thread has gone on long enough. I don't think there is anything more that needs to be said on this topic.
If you see a personal attack in the forums, please use the report link. If you feel a moderator has been unfair, please e-mail community@salemwebnetwork.com.
If you start a thread for advice but do not wish a debate, please specifiy that in the OP.
If a thread topic is a sensitive issue for you, stay out of the thread.
This thread is now closed.
Sincerely,
Lisa Luper
Moderator
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
_____________________________
<--Plantation house in Louisiana
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