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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 9:27:45 AM
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Consecrated2God
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I don't think it's a problem with the Women's Folder, especially since the thread you are talking about was in Current Events. That's a folder that I usually avoid, personally. The Women's Folder is mild compared to CE.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 9:28:02 AM
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monamie
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Ditto, Phosy. I'm rarely in this folder......or theo folders (except for the easily offended thread or the vampire church secretary thread)........or current events folders.........for the same reason. I'm not even sure why I wandered in here this morning, but here I am and I agree with you.
Now I'm off to find that airplane thread.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 10:34:12 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
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quote:
But I can understand a decision to not post in certain folders for the reasons you give. Personally, I stay out of the "spiritual folders" for the exact reasons you gave about staying out of this one.
Same here.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 10:50:27 AM
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fluffmonkey
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Krisitin, your post is true...and not only does it apply to threads but our lifes as well... many times we speak with out really truely thinking about our answer, sometimes we say our way is right when its Gods way that is! I know at some point in time we all have said something maybe we didnt compeletly think through..but we should all appoligize. We all come from different backgrounds so we all see different things in different views BUT as Christians we should all be respectful and Christ-like when trying to help some one.
(I am always reminded of this verse)
So then, my beloved breathren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19,20
btw I have not read the thread you were talking about but I have been in threads where someone was getting attacked, and your right debating is fine But shredding people down is so UGLY!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:06:16 AM
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moon_mouse
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I guess I'm similar to some other posters here in that I find this folder to be one of the safer, kinder folders on Crosswalk...and this comes from a working-outside-the-home, childfree by choice, jeans wearing, non-headcovered product of the public school system, LOL!
I think what has surprised me about Crosswalk is that I expected a kinder, gentler, more reasonable forums here, because this is a Christian website. What I found in reality was often the opposite. There is a lot of arrogance on these forums. There are a lot of people that feel they are "standing up for Jesus" and that gives them the right to be just as blunt, rude, or downright ugly as they wish. They mistake self-righteousness for righteousness. I've also been dismayed that there are certain viewpoints that can't be expressed, even though they are shared by large numbers of Christians IRL, some viewpoints are more ok than others, and I've seen the presence of attitudes that I'd call out as bigotry if I met them IRL, but are clearly acceptable here. I must admit that I've considered a few times wether or not participating in these forums is tacit approval of that sort of attitude or behavior.
So, why do I stay? First and foremost because there are many, many people on this board that I may disagree with on some issues, but whom I have grown to respect greatly. I've learned about some perspectives that I would probably never have encountered in my day-to-day interactions, and I feel one is always improved by learning more about people different from you. I have also been able to give other people the opportunity to learn about people they may have had misconceptions about by talking about my life. But to gain that benefit, I've had to grow a thicker skin, and learn how to truly disregard commentary from people who are obviously out to hurt or who are too intellectually lazy to defend their point like an actual thinking grown up. I've also had to tell myself that Crosswalk is not "real life". What happens here doesn't define who I am. It's just something that I do.
I guess what advice I would give is to stay out of folders where you know you become too emotional about the topics. Remember that text is a very context poor communication medium, and just because you took something one way doesn't mean that was the way it was meant. Ask for clarification. And, if you feel someone has stepped over the line, don't be afraid to report it. That's what our moderators are here for, and they have no problems taking a look at something you are concerned about.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:15:37 AM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2474
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Miss Giggles
quote:
Why is it that when someone disagrees with a certain way we think, they are automatically labeled as wrong or in need of repentance or somehow sick in their thoughts?
Good question. I don't know why people do it.
Yeah, since when can we judge someone like that? That's what got me about the other thread. Sometimes I think the mods need to step in (or we need to report it-- I know they can't see everything), but it doesn't change the way that person wants to think. I just think being sorry and going the way of apologizing is archaic now or something.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:21:20 AM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2474
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
I don't think it's a problem with the Women's Folder, especially since the thread you are talking about was in Current Events. That's a folder that I usually avoid, personally. The Women's Folder is mild compared to CE.
But the exact same thing has happened here in Women's...over the same topic (not the OP, but the topic it "strayed" to), and with some of the same posters saying the same things they said there.
I disagree that women's is mild compared to there...it's always going over there, but the actual things said don't seem as hurtful to me. Saying universal healthcare is a dumb idea for America might be a little bad (to those who want it); telling someone they have a sexual perversion because they disagree with something you agree with is another story, IMO. I see that happen more in women's than CE.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:27:24 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5097
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quote:
I know this is unfair, but I'm deeply ashamed of my gender right now and now I think I finally get why I tend to gravitate to male dominated fields. Sometimes, I just don't like women.
I tend to be the same way, I actually don't really have female friends "IRL". DH jokes, although there is alot of truth to it, that I only have female friends online because then I can turn them off and walk away for a week(or more) if they are bothering me.
quote:
I have avoided women's folder simply because the attitude of many seems to be that if you decide to not stay at home, not give birth at home, not homeschool, have a career, be treated equally by your husband, you are headed to hell.
I would spend a little more time getting to know the regular posters, I've been around here for a couple years and I can name one hand the women that feel the ways you just mentioned.
quote:
I see that happen more in women's than CE.
Obviously I am missing all these mean and awful threads 
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:42:41 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7616
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
I must say that right now I am deeply saddened (almost in tears and I rarely ever cry) after having read a thread in current events. I can be a fierce debater and I know that I'm pretty blunt and that can turn folks off, but there have been several threads lately which have made me never want to post in this (women's only) folder again. If this was an isolated thing, it wouldn't bother me. But it's not.
What am I talking about? I just read through the airplane thread and I must say that in my years of posting here, and the most intense debate threads I've been in, I have never seen such anger and downright vicious cutting down than I saw in there. One particular poster was being downright skewered and accused of all kinds of things. When it came to light that these accusations were false there was no apology... at all.... Even after another poster tried to defend the person being attacked. Rather some more snarky comments about how men can be like that too. I'm starting a new thread because it would be off-topic there and besides, I believe that this is something that needs to be addressed and discussed.
I have done my share of offensiveness on these threads and even as laid back as I am, there have been times that my frustration came out when it shouldn't have. But one thing you will find about me is that when I am wrong, I will admit it, apologize and move on. Simply put, I don't see that happen in this folder and I wonder why? Is that not the biblical response? Can women not discuss things and disagree without burning each other at the stake? And when we do hurt each other, especially unjustly, can we not at least attempt to make amends? Is that not the biblical model?
I have to be honest, threads like that and ones I have followed in here have pretty much made me decide that this isn't (this particular folder) a place I want to be in. Most of you don't know me so you won't get how significant that statement is, but needless to say I am an extremely laid back person and it takes a LOT to get me upset and discouraged. But I'm there. 
I know I will get attacked for this thread, but I also know there are a lot of hurting women on these boards who are either like me and simply don't want to listen to this kind of venem or who have been the victim of such venem so I feel it needs to be said.
I know many of you are wonderful, godly women. The only thing I ask is that we ALL take some time to look into our hearts and maybe humble ourselves and seek to build each other up and stop ripping each other to shreds.
I know this is unfair, but I'm deeply ashamed of my gender right now and now I think I finally get why I tend to gravitate to male dominated fields. Sometimes, I just don't like women. 
Am I wrong?
Fear not phosy...you're not alone. *huggles* I too tend to stay away from this area for reasons you've mentioned and reasons mentioned above.
I ONCE posted a question and tried to gain some perspective and instead of focusing on my question, the way I raise my children was completely shredded.
I guess I'm too open minded when I say that what works for you is great, just don't get your knickers in a wad if it doesn't work for me.
IRL I don't have a lot of girl friends and I prefer that. Women can be so biting and so harsh and so harmful to their fellow sisters. I always hear of parents of multiple sex children say they prefer boy drama over girl drama and I agree. Boys will pound on each other and then get up and get ice cream together. Girls swipe with their tongues and the wounds can stay open for months. It's so sad.
How do we, as members of the body of Christ change this path? How do we as sisters to each other mend these wounds from our words? *sigh*
You're always welcome at Andalasia though! *huggles*
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:54:03 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
I tend to be the same way, I actually don't really have female friends "IRL". DH jokes, although there is alot of truth to it, that I only have female friends online because then I can turn them off and walk away for a week(or more) if they are bothering me.
*snicker* I like that, Ryanne!
I've developed a lot more female friends since I became a SAHM, but that's a relatively short period of my life. Before that I had a much easier time with men, but then I was in a male-dominated field. Taking a break from CW does make things a lot easier some times.
quote:
I disagree that women's is mild compared to there...it's always going over there, but the actual things said don't seem as hurtful to me. Saying universal healthcare is a dumb idea for America might be a little bad (to those who want it)
No but you could be told you're not really a Christian if you aren't planning on voting for the same candidate that they are.
I think there are some cases where someone's opinion is a result of a personal issue they have that, in my opinion, needs to be worked on within their own heart. But I think there are ways I could better express that, and in the end, they probably won't agree with me that the issue is their's, and not the woman sitting next to them - so it's probably better for me not to say anything at all.
That's another area I really need to work on, knowing when a conversation is going nowhere, and we aren't going to agree, and I need to be the bigger person and walk away before someone really gets hurt. I could definitely improve on that.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:58:24 AM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
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quote:
Obviously I am missing all these mean and awful threads
Me, too. I know that certain topics have become heated at times, but it's not very often. I feel pretty safe in here, lol.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 11:58:54 AM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
I ONCE posted a question and tried to gain some perspective and instead of focusing on my question, the way I raise my children was completely shredded.
I was inaugurated this way too.
Yet, I still find it worth keeping friendships that I have made here. And maybe I can push for a change in the culture of this forum that is more pleasing to our Lord.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:07:25 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
So, why do I stay? First and foremost because there are many, many people on this board that I may disagree with on some issues, but whom I have grown to respect greatly. I've learned about some perspectives that I would probably never have encountered in my day-to-day interactions, and I feel one is always improved by learning more about people different from you.
I've seen that as well. One lady, 3cappiciosmom, is very, very different from me in a lot of ways (even though we're both breastfeeding, SAHM's), but I've learned a lot from her, and I really respect her. We've argued a bit on threads, but I almost always come away from those arguments feeling pretty good about the discussion.
Other women have opened my eyes about why a woman might choose to stay at home, even though she has no children.
quote:
I guess what advice I would give is to stay out of folders where you know you become too emotional about the topics. Remember that text is a very context poor communication medium, and just because you took something one way doesn't mean that was the way it was meant.
That's a good one, too. I think I can get pretty heated in my posts sometimes, even though I'm not actually all that mad. I need to be careful about how I express myself, given that the person can't see my face or hear my voice.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:10:24 PM
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isaacsmom
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quote:
And I've never seen anyone say that if you don't homebirth, homeschool, cover your head, etc. you are going to hell. Never.
Yup. I've never heard any kind of agenda pushed from those who choose to cover. I also participated in the pregnancy/baby threads when I was preggo with my daughter, I had an elective c-section and plenty of intervention and had nothing but support, thankfully.
There are some who are passionate, yes. But I've just learned to let their posts go. I'm not going to change their mind, I choose not to let them influence me. My friendships here are far too valuable to me.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:10:51 PM
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tracydolls
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I too have to take a break from here sometimes. When I find myself shredding others, it's time to go for awhile. It seems like that is all people understand. I love debating, and come from a LARGE family that debates alot.
I guess I thought it would be different on a "Christian" forum. I had just left Beliefnet because of the same thing. I thought to myself I would like to fellowship with other Christians. Because on top of the racism, sexism, etc there was people who not only did'nt believe in God, but hated Him.
I wanted to get away from that. But it was not to be...........
There are good people on here.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:12:54 PM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
And I've never seen anyone say that if you don't homebirth, homeschool, cover your head, etc. you are going to hell. Never.
True, but can you agree that those women might be considered "bad mothers"?
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:16:42 PM
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Sideways
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I dunno about homebirthing or homeschooling or covering their heads, but I have heard some really nasty stuff about women who work outside the home, don't breastfeed, don't wear their babies... stuff like that.
Laura and the others aren't off base on that point.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:21:30 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5097
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I dunno about homebirthing or homeschooling or covering their heads, but I have heard some really nasty stuff about women who work outside the home, don't breastfeed, don't wear their babies... stuff like that.
Laura and the others aren't off base on that point.
And I have heard(directed at me) nasty things about me even going back to school.
My apologies if I was the one about wearing babies, although I think my only real hot topics are vaccinations and extended rear facing.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:26:34 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 378
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I usually see a more passive-aggressive tactic. Women will not always say you are a bad Christian/bad mother. What they will say is that the Bible supports doing X, and how can someone not do X if they believe the Bible. The logical progression is that I don't do X, therefore I must not believe what the Bible says.
It's a position of arrogance and pridefulness when you get right down to it...an attitude of thinking that because you have come to a conclusion from your reading of the Scriptures, it must be the right one.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:31:16 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4935
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
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Could it be that women might be more sensitive? I mean, if you go into any of the other folders you are going to find strong opinions as well, along the lines of this: quote:
What they will say is that the Bible supports doing X, and how can someone not do X if they believe the Bible. I don't think folder is unique in that. It may be that the women here sometimes make that logical progression:quote:
that I don't do X, therefore I must not believe what the Bible says. when no personal attack was intended.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:39:06 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God when no personal attack was intended.
I agree that we do sometimes need thicker skins, and stating an opinion that X is the best way to go, according to their understanding of the Bible is simply stating their opinion, but...
It's a little hard not to take it personally when people crack about women who place their children in daycare are letting others raise their children for them only because they want expensive cars and vacations, and if they only trusted God enough, then they could make it on just hubby's income.
That's a big one, if you only trusted God, then you would stay at home, push on past your breastfeeding troubles, throw away the birth control, etc... and if you don't then you must not trust God. It can be difficult to not take that personally, which is why taking a CW break and/or staying away from certain threads can be advisable when it all gets to be to much.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 12:53:32 PM
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bluestone
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God when no personal attack was intended.
I agree that we do sometimes need thicker skins, and stating an opinion that X is the best way to go, according to their understanding of the Bible is simply stating their opinion, but...
It's a little hard not to take it personally when people crack about women who place their children in daycare are letting others raise their children for them only because they want expensive cars and vacations, and if they only trusted God enough, then they could make it on just hubby's income.
That's a big one, if you only trusted God, then you would stay at home, push on past your breastfeeding troubles, throw away the birth control, etc... and if you don't then you must not trust God. It can be difficult to not take that personally, which is why taking a CW break and/or staying away from certain threads can be advisable when it all gets to be to much.
exactly. It seems to not be a women's folder, as much as a folder for women who are thinking in unison about certain issues...and if you disagree, well, your "not trusting God" as we do.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 1:00:10 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
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Those are the types of people I've learned to just post around . . . . . if they start a thread, I stay away from it. I don't go to the BC debate thread, the Vaccination debate thread, etc. Just not worth it.
But, really, as others have stated, it happens in all the folders, not just here. Theo, Parenting, Marriage, Current Events, Morality and Ethics . . . . . it's not just the women's folder.
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It really was an entirely different situation, one that couldn't have been duplicated here. Have there been heavy debates on the issue of public breastfeeding? Yes, although I think it's been a couple of years. It might have triggered some bad memories, but overall I think this a great group of women. And I've never seen anyone say that if you don't homebirth, homeschool, cover your head, etc. you are going to hell. Never.
