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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 1:00:39 PM
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firefightermama
Posts: 1378
Joined: 10/24/2006
From: Canada
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I just wanted to say that I've been posting here for 2 years or so, and I'm not a SAHM, I quit breastfeeding early, I don't cover, I don't homeschool and I work outside the home, I had an epidural in a Hospital, and I've never once felt adversity directed at me over any of those topics.
When I read the OP, I didn't really know what she was talking about, because I stick mostly in the WO folders, I don't venture outside these folders much, and I was quite surprised to read of so many women who won't post here.
_____________________________
~yolanda~
"I wish I was a glow worm, cuz glow worms are never glum.
How can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 1:05:24 PM
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momma_bee
Posts: 1180
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I started reading the airplane thread but must have bailed before it got heated.
I have been told I'm not QF because I said my quiver was apparently filled at 2 kids. I'm fat and lazy (that from the men's thread - GuyNoir stuck up for me on the fat part and probably was scolded behind my back), I cost my son 5 IQ points by giving him a bottle and of course, I use public schools so that explains every behavior problem I have ever had and if I want to improve them, I will pull them out of school..
And, I have been told by someone that I am probably one of the most QF people here, I just keep my mouth shut and that someone forgets that I DON'T HS because I was a supporter of HS rights and programs. (I love learning about the lessons, programs, books that someone uses. What works, what doesn't, why did you say that. Because I don't know who I may share your knowledge with tomorrow)
And, I have been known to disappear as well, just to avoid hurt feelings.
I've been thinking about truth on here. How do we know what is true and what isn't? Am I really a 38 yo woman? Do I actually have the kids I claim to have or did I hire actors for the day Ellie came to my house?
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 1:06:45 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
Joined: 12/2/2005
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The only real debatable-topic-discussion thread I frequent is here in this folder. I love Kicka. I'm thankful Jeanie created it. I love being able to get everyone's insights in a civil and loving manner.
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<<< My littlest punkin'
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
pirtlefarm.blogspot.com
Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 1:55:16 PM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2474
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
But the exact same thing has happened here in Women's...over the same topic (not the OP, but the topic it "strayed" to), and with some of the same posters saying the same things they said there.
Here in Women's Only, only women can post. So I don't think there has ever been an instance here of gender confusion.  It really was an entirely different situation, one that couldn't have been duplicated here. Have there been heavy debates on the issue of public breastfeeding? Yes, although I think it's been a couple of years. It might have triggered some bad memories, but overall I think this a great group of women. And I've never seen anyone say that if you don't homebirth, homeschool, cover your head, etc. you are going to hell. Never.
True in some ways. But I guess I think it's odd to assume someone is a man with sexual problems because they don't care to see a part of your anatomy. <shrugs>
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:00:18 PM
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3tulips
Posts: 329
Joined: 2/1/2007
From: sandy shore
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
Those are the types of people I've learned to just post around . . . . . if they start a thread, I stay away from it. I don't go to the BC debate thread, the Vaccination debate thread, etc. Just not worth it.
Me too. One time a mod on these forums said I did something, when it was another person with a name close to mine. I pointed that out and was told "my mistake." Not much of an apology, in my opnion, so that is one person I avoid.
_____________________________
I opened up the mouth of love and found the wisdom tooth. Larry Norman 1947 - 2008
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:16:54 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
Joined: 12/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
Those are the types of people I've learned to just post around . . . . . if they start a thread, I stay away from it. I don't go to the BC debate thread, the Vaccination debate thread, etc. Just not worth it.
BTW . . . . I just want to clarify myself, lest I offend anyone . . . . I mean nothing personal against the individuals who started the threads I named above (I honestly don't have a clue who authored either one). I just used those threads as examples, because they are hot topics.
_____________________________
<<< My littlest punkin'
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
pirtlefarm.blogspot.com
Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:23:25 PM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2474
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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In some hot topic threads (and even some support threads here in women's), I really think the situation can be ameliorated, but can't be because no one wants to admit they might have said something wrong or in a way that was too harsh. I saw this happen earlier in the week here...and all that really came out of it is (in a nutshell), "I said it, and whatever way YOU take it is on YOU, not on me." I think it's a two-way street...and I know the people that say that are usually the ones who'll get up in arms if someone said something they didn't like and then told them that whatever way they feel is "on them." They don't like it, but turn around and tell all the other women to get over it and control their reactions. Right.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:37:45 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1983
Joined: 12/2/2005
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quote:
Very true. I really don't understand how anyone could read posts in here and not get this impression. The snide, self righteous attitude rolls right over into parenting, marriage, relationships, and other folders.
Wow.
The way I see it, we are all very different on these boards.
Some are passionate
Some are hyper-sensitive
Some are very diplomatic
Some are very blunt
Some are easily offended
Some have very thick skin
There is nothing wrong with any of those things. I'm glad God didn't create us to be robots. Now, I don't agree on every issue with every poster in here, even though I am a regular poster and have been for years. I greatly differ from some of the ladies here. But I took the time to get to know each and every one over the past few years, so I can give them the benefit of the doubt, knowing where they are coming from. We each have different stories, different lives, different experience, etc. and sometimes our judgement can be greatly clouded if we don't take those things into account. Sometimes people are passionate about something because they've had an experience or a past that others could never imagine. We tend to forget that.
Now, we are all flawed and human, so I do agree that at times (I'm guilty as well!) we do spout off and say things we shouldn't. And this is VERY wrong. It is not Christlike and it disappoints me greatly. However, where some feel they have been slammed because they have careers, don't breastfeed, etc., I've had unkind remarks toward me before because I make it known that I'm a happy person with a happy marriage and I have well-behaved kids. I'm too June-Cleaver-ish. So it goes both ways.
But I don't get why the Women's folder is the evil folder here, when it happens in many, many folders. Have people not seen that?
_____________________________
<<< My littlest punkin'
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
pirtlefarm.blogspot.com
Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:41:30 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1300
Joined: 8/13/2005
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quote:
But I don't get why the Women's folder is the evil folder here, when it happens in many, many folders. Have people not seen that?
Oh yes, It is all over the forum. Maybe because a lot of women only post in women only, there seems to be a sort of clique. I don't know. That is mere speculation.
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Life Trumps Choice
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:45:04 PM
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myka
Posts: 797
Status: offline
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I haven't read the thread in question, but I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the women here who are in the minority (especially Laura and Ruth). I know that there are other women who rarely post anything here that have some pretty insightful views -- I appreciate them also. I don't post much about some parts of my life because they would draw criticism. I didn't used to post much here, because much of the topics were just irrelevant and uninteresting, and sometimes, it can get pretty judgmental. I also know that there are certain other people who don't really post much about the difficulties of their lives(they have said so).
Oh, I really like the Kicka thread, though -- deeper thoughts and subjects (thanks Jeannie).
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:55:13 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
Posts: 2708
Joined: 8/22/2007
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I browsed through that thread and have seen the same conversations in other threads about the same topic so I didn't see it as a big deal. It still stinks that people were rude, but sometimes when we are being picked on it is a good idea to just leave that thread and quit reading and posting there. A lot of the time our "arguments" won't be heard by someone who just wants to go back and forth like that so it just makes more sense to leave so your feelings won't be hurt even more.
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~Nicole~
<-----Genevieve my new siberian dwarf hamster!
For the love of photography - my blog
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:56:00 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 1762
Joined: 2/28/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
quote:
But I don't get why the Women's folder is the evil folder here, when it happens in many, many folders. Have people not seen that?
Oh yes, It is all over the forum. Maybe because a lot of women only post in women only, there seems to be a sort of clique. I don't know. That is mere speculation.
It is definately all over the fourm. There are entire topics I will avoid because I know that if I go in them, I will be crucified. I also have been treated not so nicely a few times and it has never been in the women's folder. I will say that while I do post alot, it took me a while to build any type of relationships with alot of women. I think that part if it is not that they are like a clique, but it just takes time to get to know people. I think the outright judging of others, and telling them how wrong they are about one thing or another though is a different thing. And that happens way too often in my opinion.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 2:57:07 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4259
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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We all come from different perspectives.
I have a dear dear friend, but anything said in conversation is always taken personally by her as though it were a direct attack or comment. However, because I have a relationship with her, I know that and can be sensitive to it when we are in a group.
Here the relationships are harder. The tones are non-existent or we tend to use our own hyper-sensitive tone when others make comments.
I have areas where I am sensitive and pretty much avoid because of it. The times I don't are times I sure wish I had.
I like the exchange of ideas and thinking through issues, but I am not one to debate an issue via point/counter-point. I like wrestling with the hard questions, but totally resent someone who swoops in with a final authority attitude.
I have no idea the thread mentioned by phosy, but I have certainly seen my share of snippy and belittling comments around here. Even been surprised by a few here and there.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 3:00:32 PM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2474
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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I think the woman in that thread wasn't aware of what goes on sometimes in women's when she started posting (or wherever the topic comes up). I mean, it's unfortunate that it got that way, but I don't think I've ever seen her in the forums where that's been a hot topic. I think eventually she left and the thread moved in another direction.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 3:06:10 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 378
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
Could it be that women might be more sensitive? I....It may be that the women here sometimes make that logical progression:quote:
that I don't do X, therefore I must not believe what the Bible says. when no personal attack was intended.
I agree that this goes on in other folders as well, I just think that in this folder we tend to discuss more personal subjects that touch sensitive places and thus we notice it more. If someone disagrees with you on international monetary policy it hits a different place than someone disagreeing with your procreative decisions or parenting techniques, KWIM?
I disagree, however, that no personal attack is intended in a lot of cases. The women (and men) here on crosswalk aren't stupid, by and large. I really think the level of intelligence and general knowledge is higher than more generic forums I visit. By and large, I think people know when they say the Bible absolutely leads to X, and people who trust and love God follow the Bible and will therefore do X, that it does make a comment about people who do not do X. It's just easier than actually directly accusing someone. It's cowardly and lazy. And, it's pretty easy to tell who knows and who doesn't. Call them on it. If they apologize and say they didn't intend that, they didn't know. If they tell you it must have "tickled your conscience" or otherwise try to turn it back on you...well, you have your answer.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 3:50:23 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 9506
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
But the exact same thing has happened here in Women's...over the same topic (not the OP, but the topic it "strayed" to), and with some of the same posters saying the same things they said there.
Here in Women's Only, only women can post. So I don't think there has ever been an instance here of gender confusion. It really was an entirely different situation, one that couldn't have been duplicated here. Have there been heavy debates on the issue of public breastfeeding? Yes, although I think it's been a couple of years. It might have triggered some bad memories, but overall I think this a great group of women. And I've never seen anyone say that if you don't homebirth, homeschool, cover your head, etc. you are going to hell. Never.
True in some ways. But I guess I think it's odd to assume someone is a man with sexual problems because they don't care to see a part of your anatomy. <shrugs>
You aren't the only one who thinks it's odd. Those were some pretty ugly accusations. Completely false accusations. Do the people who made them only act that way in other folders? Or do they do the same thing in the Women's folder where, presumably, we are all, or at least mostly, Christian sisters?
I don't think the make-up of the CE folder (or even Theo) is in the least bit comparable to what I would expect to find in this folder.
_____________________________
This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 3:50:25 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6003
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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Personal attacks are against TOS. If anyone feels they have been personally attacked, they can report the post (or pm) as a breach of TOS 6. When you click "Report" there is a drop-down list of reasons, one of which is "personal attack".
quote:
6. You will not harass, threaten, embarrass or distress users, either in the community itself or via personal email, phone, physical mail or in person. You will not engage in name-calling or personal attacks in the course of discussion or debate. You will not post inflammatory remarks simply for the purpose for evoking reaction or starting fights with other community members (Often referred to as "trolling"). Overall, promoting a spirit of divisiveness in the chat and forums community will not be tolerated.
- Attacking the character or motives of someone who differs with your view or denying that he or she is a Christian is unacceptable.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 3:50:50 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 378
Status: offline
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Yup. It's like my dear old dad used to say, "I was born at night, but not last night." 
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 3:56:02 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 9506
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Personal attacks are against TOS. If anyone feels they have been personally attacked, they can report the post (or pm) as a breach of TOS 6. When you click "Report" there is a drop-down list of reasons, one of which is "personal attack".
quote:
6. You will not harass, threaten, embarrass or distress users, either in the community itself or via personal email, phone, physical mail or in person. You will not engage in name-calling or personal attacks in the course of discussion or debate. You will not post inflammatory remarks simply for the purpose for evoking reaction or starting fights with other community members (Often referred to as "trolling"). Overall, promoting a spirit of divisiveness in the chat and forums community will not be tolerated.
- Attacking the character or motives of someone who differs with your view or denying that he or she is a Christian is unacceptable.
I really think that's what should have been done. However, there were several Mods participating in the thread and nothing was said by any of them when it was happening. I'm not one to report something that seems to be approved by a couple of Mods and I doubt others are either.
_____________________________
This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 3:59:59 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 378
Status: offline
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Also, remember that it is against TOS to question someone's commitment to the Lord because they don't agree with your POV, and it is against TOS to give someone "spiritual counsel" on a matter they didn't specify wanting input on. So, if someone tries to pull that junk, you can report them as well. I have found that the mods are excellent about deleting outright TOS violations, and pretty good at "nudging" people who try to do the passive-aggressive thing. They can't always keep you from getting your feelings hurt, but they do a fair job at getting people off your back and keeping the discussion fair, within the bounds that crosswalk has chosen to set. At least they have in my experience
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I see this happen way too often. 
. It's a very bully-ish thing to do. Or when someone picks on someone else because they aren't able to handle things the way they do or did in the past. That just isn't right to expect everyone to be able to handle things the same way you do or did. 
