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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:28:34 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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There have been some really good posts in this thread; Mona's and Jalanda's come readily to mind.
Two things that I have personally noticed are:
(1)
There are women here in this thread that have the attitude of "if you don't agree with my lifestyle, then you can just go to another thread because your opinion is not welcomed here." At least, that is what it seems like in reading their posts.
Over the past 7 years, I've been in a few of threads that wanted to "discuss" what could be considered hot topics. Initially the OPs were worded in ways to imply that thoughts and opinions from both sides of whatever topic was invited. However, that's not the way the specific threads I have in mind actually went. It quickly became very clear that anyone who didn't agree with the prevalent opinion was not welcomed (regardless of what the "popular" opinion was for).
I am not imagining this; I have experienced it first-hand here in the Women's folder and I have also witnessed other posters experience it as well.
(2)
In other threads here in the Women's folder, by the very wording of the OP, they are exclusionary of single women who don't have children; i.e, "All you moms / wives, what do you think of . . ."
I'm not talking about threads that only a wife or a mother can answer; I'm talking about topics that are not specifically related to being a wife or a mother; but yet, the OP's wordings doesn't include single women with no children. Since we're all women here in this folder (or at least all who are responding should be women), then why even have the specification of marriage and/or motherhood in threads that don't "require" it? In fact, just before making this post, I came across 2 current threads that match this profile (and I did so in a matter of just a couple of minutes).
I am a 44-year old single woman with no children; with, in relation to this folder, emphasis on woman; not my age; not my marital status nor my motherhood status.
If I were to detail my life a little bit further, I'm a 44-year old currently-single woman who has been married twice, divorced once and widowed once (with a 21-year gap between the two marriages). I have never raised any children; but almost 24 years ago, I did give birth to a beautiful baby boy whom I placed for adoption. I'm a bit of a health nut (and becoming more so as time goes on). I'm definitely a nature freak. I love skirts and dresses but do not believe that it is a Scriptural requirement of women. I personally do not feel comfortable in front of a woman who is breastfeeding, but I certainly don't think what she's doing is wrong or inappropriate. I cannot remember the last time I redeemed or even saved a coupon; but if that's someone's thing, then go for it. I don't think it's any more holy or righteous for a woman to stay at home versus working outside of the home . . . and this from someone who, for the very vast majority of her adult working life has been self-employed and worked at home. If it's respectable work, then whatever a woman needs to do to take care of either herself or her family is awesome; good for her!
Etc., etc., etc.
If we continue to segregate ourselves out to the inth degree, who will be left for us to talk to?
HIS Peace and HIS Joy,
Sharon-Marie
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:29:01 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
And to round it back to topic, what kind of education each women did or didn't get, or plans to get, should also not divide us. God uses each life experience to bring a unique perspective.
What really gets me about the whole thing is that besides being judgmental it's like saying "and obviously your not hearing from the Lord correctly"
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:30:55 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26208
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
quote:
Secondly, I want to use an analogy. I've thought about this for a while. You know how there are so many different portals to this site? And we even have some choices in our formatting? That means we are all seeing the same words with different colors and in different formats. It is the same emotionally. We all see through the lenses of our own personal filters and life experiences. If we remember this, we can try and be careful not to take offense, and make an effort not to give it as well.
I like that.
Very nice, OneOfHisJewels!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:38:08 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Thank you, Jalanda!
I spent about 40 minutes on that post. 
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:38:22 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
And to round it back to topic, what kind of education each women did or didn't get, or plans to get, should also not divide us. God uses each life experience to bring a unique perspective.
What really gets me about the whole thing is that besides being judgmental it's like saying "and obviously your not hearing from the Lord correctly"
I have a suggestion, of what to say to that, if I may.
My suggestion is to say, "God wants me to submit to my husband, and my husband wants me to do this, so I am confident I am hearing from the Lord directly."
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"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:43:14 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
And to round it back to topic, what kind of education each women did or didn't get, or plans to get, should also not divide us. God uses each life experience to bring a unique perspective.
What really gets me about the whole thing is that besides being judgmental it's like saying "and obviously your not hearing from the Lord correctly"
I have a suggestion, of what to say to that, if I may.
My suggestion is to say, "God wants me to submit to my husband, and my husband wants me to do this, so I am confident I am hearing from the Lord directly."
Seriously, that made me snort. I know how you meant it, but it's pathetic that I would even have to say that...
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 7:59:58 PM
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LaurainAL
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The probable response she would get might say, "it's a pity your husband doesn't study scripture. That must be so sad for you"
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:05:56 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4935
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quote:
Oh, and I can't remember what Mod said it, but sometimes you do feel a bit silly when you have reported something and the mod says that in their opinion its fine. That's hard, its not easy to report someone, well not for me anyway, when I do it, it has to have really hurt me. But like it was pointed out earlier, some who are really up with the TOS know how to hurt someone without actually breaking any rules, yet you can't say anything to them, because then they will probably do you for a TOS!
I've had times when I wasn't moderating that I've reported someone because my feelings were hurt, and it wasn't a violation, so I can understand that it's hard to take. The time that really stands out to me I really felt like they were directing their statements towards me, but they weren't. It can be so easy to take things personally.
Someone may have a strong opinion on something, and when it's about a parenting choice or something very personal, we tend to hold our opinons quite strongly. For example, a mother who strongly believes children should be wearing helmets when riding their bikes it going to have a difficult time saying "whatever works for you" to other parents who don't care if their kids wear helmets or not. That mother is going to have a difficult time explaining her position on it and why she feels so strongly about it without making someone out there feel like a bad mama.
It's usually not that someone is skirting TOS trying to hurt someone. It's usually someone is passionate about why they do what they do and is trying to explain their thought processes, and someone else is offended.
It is so important to not react in a defensive manner when offended. Often the person who is offended is the one that starts with the personal attacks. For me, if the prevailing opinion on a thread makes me feel attacked simply because I read it, then I need to find another thread.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:06:39 PM
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christsstar
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Sharon-Marie ... as always, you took the words right out of my keyboard.
I've been pondering this thread all day. So many thoughts wandering through my head. I've been reading the CE thread also in my spare time today (Not even close to finishing I dont think, but I know the pertinent info from it).
I think that aside from it being only women posting, this folder is like all the others in the forum (and on the net for that matter). We're all human. We all make mistakes. We all have our own issues. We all have our own opinions. Nobodys going to be happy 100% of the time. We could start a thread on favorite past-times and offend someone.
I'm not really saying anything specific I don't think.
I do see, however, that a thread of "why the women on CW have hurt me...." nature gets posted about once/month or so. The last one I remember was the one about all the baby threads.
I've been on CW for almost 8 years now and its always the same. Nothing really changes. Sometimes teh people do, sometimes they dont'. I've seen some posters who used to annoy the stuffing out of me really mature and refine how they say things. I've seen some people disappear completely. Ive seen some come back. I've seen some posters not change at all. I've changed as well. What used to annoy be doesnt anymore and what I once thought insanely ridiculous I now swear by. Maybe i've matured too in the last 7 years.
All this to say ... I'm not really saying anything. Sharon-Marie said what I was thinking/feeling far better than I ever could've.
And since I ahve a million typos and don't feel like fixing them, it's time to be done.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:12:41 PM
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nicole6598
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Consecrated- yes I agree with what you wrote, there are those times. Then there are the other times when you have asked for advice, or are sharing something that's happening in your life and you get the "get over it" type of comments, or when someone will post things in a round about way that you know they are directing the dig at you, but not doing it so they don't get reported. There are two types of times. Anyway, I said my bit, thanks for sharing :)
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:16:28 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
when someone will post things in a round about way that you know they are directing the dig at you, but not doing it so they don't get reported.
I think there's a lot of that going on in this thread.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:24:38 PM
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nicole6598
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
quote:
Secondly, I want to use an analogy. I've thought about this for a while. You know how there are so many different portals to this site? And we even have some choices in our formatting? That means we are all seeing the same words with different colors and in different formats. It is the same emotionally. We all see through the lenses of our own personal filters and life experiences. If we remember this, we can try and be careful not to take offense, and make an effort not to give it as well.
I like that.
I like that too, maybe it should be in all our signatures to remind all of us on all the forums :)
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:26:32 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
when someone will post things in a round about way that you know they are directing the dig at you, but not doing it so they don't get reported.
I think there's a lot of that going on in this thread.
I disagree. I think a lot of people are trying to express their frustration over the way things are without making specific accusations toward anyone. Hoping against past experience that the women who need to take it to heart will do so.
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This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:27:21 PM
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LaurainAL
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Tis the way of crosswalk. If someone were to call out a poster by name and say what you are doing is not right, they would be reported and be charged with a personal attack.
What would you have me say, Sarah?
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:32:48 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
when someone will post things in a round about way that you know they are directing the dig at you, but not doing it so they don't get reported.
I think there's a lot of that going on in this thread.
I disagree. I think a lot of people are trying to express their frustration over the way things are without making specific accusations toward anyone. Hoping against past experience that the women who need to take it to heart will do so.
I very much agree with this, Lioness!
There's an old saying in Twelfth Step Recovery Groups . . . "Principles before Personalities" . . . which basically means to discuss the actual issue; don't make it about the person.
Me, personally . . . that's been a credo of mine for years.
Christine - Thanks!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:38:26 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Tis the way of crosswalk. If someone were to call out a poster by name and say what you are doing is not right, they would be reported and be charged with a personal attack. . . . And actually, reporting such a thing should happen. Personal attacks should never enter into the conversations.
We're all supposed to be women here . . . Christian women. Adult Christian women.
If we can't even express our sentiments, beliefs and opinions in a calm manner without someone automatically taking offense and assuming that they are being secretly signaled out, what does that say about us? Not much, in my opinion.
I don't mind people disagreeing with my opinions one bit. I welcome reading people's differing views on things. What I don't welcome nor will I tolerate is the attitude that I mentioned above in my first post of this thread.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:53:44 PM
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landabee
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I don't see how naming names would be of help at this particular moment in this particular thread.
If we are talking about things that have happened in the unfortunate past threads and one identifies one's own poor behavior within the example given, then perhaps it is an issue that needs prayer.
I for one, will not name names in this thread. I will however be MUCH quicker on the report button.
quote:
I disagree. I think a lot of people are trying to express their frustration over the way things are without making specific accusations toward anyone. Hoping against past experience that the women who need to take it to heart will do so.
Exactly.
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"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:54:46 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10531
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
when someone will post things in a round about way that you know they are directing the dig at you, but not doing it so they don't get reported.
I think there's a lot of that going on in this thread.
I disagree. I think a lot of people are trying to express their frustration over the way things are without making specific accusations toward anyone. Hoping against past experience that the women who need to take it to heart will do so.
You know it's funny. I knew I would take a lot of flack for starting this thread. I knew I'm stepping on toes, because none of us like to admit that we all have behaved poorly at times and there really are some genuine hurts as a result. So I agree with Lioness. I suppose some may be trying to dig at folks in a roundabout way and if they are, they need to stop. Period. That's not what this thread was intended for. However, some may bring up examples (as I did) to help make their point but I don't know how you can discuss this otherwise when some seem to think there is no problem with how we talk to one another (I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one). I think most have done well at trying to keep things general and not pointing fingers.
I'll be honest, it appears that a few (I'm not naming names and I'm not saying all so you all have no idea who I'm talking about here so don't try to figure out who I am addressing and get all offended) who seem most annoyed by this thread who are often the ones who cut others down the fastest. I'm not trying to cut others down, rather I am hoping to get us ALL to look into our hearts, get down on our knees and admit the ick, then grow up and stop posting like teenagers (I'm assuming we are all adults right?).
And by the way: I find that before I assume someone is making a dig at me and get all offended, the biblical thing is to go the person in private and make sure I am not reading things into what they are saying that they aren't. Assumptions are the devil's playground.
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Resume Quotations: "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:55:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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I just remembered something and honesty compels me to amend my most recent post above.
There is one person who I have intentionally and "subtly" targeted with some of my posts . . . but the couple of threads that I did that in were not here in the Woman's folder (edited: that doesn't make it any less wrong; I'm just illustrating that it wasn't any of y'all. end-of-edit)
And in the end, while my stance may have been correct, part of my motive for writing those specific posts was nowhere near God-honoring.
My behavior was shameful . . . because of where my heart was.
It also did a number on me for a while and I walked around angry all the time.
My whole point in saying this (other than for honesty's sake) is that the "secret-yet-public backbiting" is never a good thing; and can often do great damage to the one who is participating in such a thing.
.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 8/21/2008 9:09:17 PM >
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/21/2008 8:57:32 PM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Tis the way of crosswalk. If someone were to call out a poster by name and say what you are doing is not right, they would be reported and be charged with a personal attack.
What would you have me say, Sarah?
excuse me? did I miss something, cause I have no clue why you are addressing me personally in that comment. All I did was agree with Lisa...that's the only post I have made in this thread...two words.
Maybe I should state it differently. What posts in this thread are passive - aggressive, Lisa & Sarah? Also, do you have any suggestions on how to post differently with out violating TOS since you are both long- time, seasoned, and experienced crosswalk members?
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Christine 
So she'll say anything to hurt me sometimes...esp. when she's upset. But I know jealousy plays a part, because she admitted it. 