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ORIGINAL: Ashleyyy

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ORIGINAL: misty35

Ashleyyy, I just want to start out by saying that I'm very sorry for what you're going through, there is no one that looks forward to losing a loved one, but knowing that person knows Christ, and that they are going to Heaven, a place that I long for, should be so comforting and that alone, should give you faith. Ashleyyy, I have read through all these loving peoples comments on here, and you were brought here for a reason. But the one thing I must ask you, is Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior? Ashleyyy I'm not trying to be harsh, especially at a time like this, but it's so important. I read where you want to blame God for what's taking place right now, and only the devil will cause a person to do that. He knows our weaknesses, He is the deceiver and the liar! But I can promise you this, if you have ask Jesus to come into your life, if you confess all to Him, and ask Him to cleanse you of all unrighteousness, and to give you understanding on what's going on, He is faithful enough to do so Ashleyyy. He is that friend that will never leave you nor forsake you, in your darkest hour, He can give you comfort that surpasses all understanding, that's a promise! But it begins with you. My best advice to you, is to stop entertaining the devil, and stop giving him credit, and you plant your feet firmly on the Word of God, you call out to Him, and He will answer you. We serve a God who has the answers to everything that we will ever face, but it begins with you. People can give you advice all day, but until you decide to stop blaming God, and decide to have a heart to heart talk with Him, and sometimes the best prayers begin with, "I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND LORD!" But guess what, He does! My heart goes out to you Ashleyyy and I'm praying for you, but we must all remember this, He never promised us an easy journey, but He has promised us a safe landing. He says, do not lean on your own understanding......and we sure don't live by what we feel, but stand firm, on the PROMISES He has made. So, I'm asking you today, to trust Him, He cannot, He will not and He is not capable of making a mistake. Even as Christians Ashleyyy, we still have choices to make, He gives us free will, He will not make you do anything, but I feel in my heart, He is saying Ashleyyy just trust me my child. Ashleyyy, the Lord can take something so tragic in our lives, and turn it into something that you never expected. You are in my prayers. Love, Misty

Yes, he is my Lord/Savior, but like I said throughout my other posts it's been hard to think of him in that way. I'm so upset and frustrated with him. I know he never promised us an easy journey, but I also don't think he promised something this hard. And right now, it's getting harder and harder to get close to him again. I can feel it slipping away and I have prayed and I've asked "why?" but I get no answer. I do feel alone, I don't feel like he's with me anymore...I felt that after my Grandpa died and it's just getting stronger as more and more things happen to my Grandma.

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ORIGINAL: misty35

Ashley, u said its hard to think of God in that way, right? I want u to do something ok. I want u to read Job, not part of it, but all of it, and if u can get a STUDY APPLICATION BIBLE, that would be even better, if u can't, I would be more than happy to send u one, just let me know. And remember this, when u pray, when u call out on God, He's there and He's never late, He's a right on time God, u said He isn't answering u, so I have to ask u the question, when u call out on Him, do u wait patiently on His answer, do u go to His Word for the answer, or does the devil make u anxious, worry, fearful and before u allow God to answer, have u already expected Him not too? When we pray, we are to expect, He tells us these things. Ashley I do not read His Word unless I ask Him for wisdon, knowledge and understanding, WE MUST ASK AND EXPECT, don't be defeated before u ALLOW Him. And I want u to know something else, U HAVE NOT LOST YOUR FAITH MY FRIEND, if u had, u wouldn't be here searching for answers. He is with u and don't u ever forget it! I hope u will read the book of Job Ashley, I believe the Lord has big plans for u!! But know this, only those who seek wisdom, will be given wisdom. Do not sit down with a defeated attitude, and from this day forward, be careful of what u speak into existence. When u sit down in a quiet place, alone with no distractions, u are sitting down in His discipleship Ashley, and only He can teach u and give u answers. And I have a question for u, that I really want u to think about, u said u have spoke to your Grandma, and u have shared with her what your feeling, what if the Lord decides today, that it's her time to go home, u will be left here knowing that when your Grandma left that her Grandaughter was doubting God. Ashley I really want you to get the answers you are looking for, but you have to let go of the defeated mentality that the devil has surrounded you with. What joy it would be, to go to your Grandma and say, "I trust the Lord, and I will not blame Him another day!" Instead of blaming Him, why not ask Him for an ultimate healing Ashley? You have accepted defeat, reverse this on the devil, God says are weapons against him, are LOVE, PRAYER, FASTING, TRUSTING HIM and FAITH IN HIM. I will not waver on my beliefs Ashley. The Lord says count it all joy when you are faced with trials, why? I'm sure u ask, because it's then, that we truly begin to realize how much He loves us, He pulls us in, and He finds us worthy! He has a plan for you, and right now, He is pulling you in my friend. Love, Misty btw, if you don't have the study application bible, I will purchase one for you, and send it to u, and I wont nothing in return, the Lord gets all the GLORY, not me. i will happily give u my phone number so u can call me :) You are going to just fine, the Lord isn't finished with you!

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ORIGINAL: misty35

Thank you KnowJesus I Love Jesus with all of who I am, I am nothing without HIM!! And to see the deceitful ways that the devil works, and the lies that he tells people, especially in times like Ashley is facing right now, makes me sick!! But I dont expect anything less when it comes to satan. I just want Ashley to know, that it's times like these, that she faces, that God WILL pull her through! Lets just get into agreement, that we will all pray for our Lord to strengthen her, and to give her the answers that she so desperately needs. May God always Bless you and yours :) Love, Misty

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ORIGINAL: Ashleyyy
It's just to hard to have faith in Him after all of this. I felt that he left after my Grandpa died and I've never felt so far away from God in my life than I do now. It's hard to keep faith in Him and to know He loves me when he's taking away people that I love so so much.

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ORIGINAL: Ashleyyy

A year ago my Grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer only a couple months after my Grandfather passed away. She went through chemo for about a year and just a couple months ago got off it. But she's been having terrible pain all over her body. She went to the doctors, took a bone scan and found out that she has bone cancer. She's only 68 years old, she's eaten healthy all her life, never smoked, drank...nothing. And she gets cancer.I don't understand it...what gets me so mad is how much suffering she's going through. The same thing with my Grandpa...he suffered multiple TIA's [mini strokes] He was in hospitals and nursing homes for 4, almost 5 months. I just don't understand why the people I love so much are suffering...why did my Grandma get cancer AGAIN?

I have no more faith in God, right now it's just a joke to me. I don't attend church because it gets me so mad how he can take a great man, my Grandfather away from me and my family...and now he's going to take my Grandma too. He doesn't stop suffering...I'm just at a loss about what to do.

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ORIGINAL: laughing4lily

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you're feeling a little better. So many people have shown their support for you already. I wish to add in my 2 cents. In fact, you're the reason why I decided to join this forum. I was actually complaining to myself tonight how there weren't any decent Christian forums then this place showed up. I'd like to tell you my story. It's late, so I may ramble a bit. Just some advanced warning.

I just lost my mother about 2 and a half months ago in July just a week before my 26th birthday. Right now I'm sitting in the very room where she died that Sunday morning. It wasn't what I wanted, and what's worse I had to witness my dad giving her CPR and her face turning blue right after waking up. Now I live alone with my father who treats me like a kid and yet at the same time expects me to fill in for my mom, while my little sister retreats to the couch where Mom passed out, spending all her time talking to her friends online while she is here, claiming that she is just keeping everyone updated, and barely gives us the time of day while she's away at college. Neither lifts a finger to take care of our dog who's getting on in years. Everyone I know wants me to talk while I'd rather just spend time with them doing fun things (my dad is really bad about this). I even tried to coax my sis off the couch with a game of cards and she just kept saying 'later.'

What my mother had was Grave's Disease. We didn't realize until earlier this year that was the root cause of all the problems she's had over the years. She even had a heart attack five years ago, and after that it just seemed like she was living on borrowed time. She kept claiming she felt better even while here visits to the hospital over the last year increased. Her blood pressure shot up and she was excitable and easily angered. Eventually they decided to put her on medication to kill her thyroid which was producing four times the amount of hormones her body needed. And just a few days before she died, she went in for a shock treatment because her heart rate shot up at over 180 per minute. She's always had an elevated heartbeat and as she got older it began to sap her of her strength. Then one day, she went out like a light calling my dad's name. Basically, her own body poisoned itself.

She was only 53 and when she wasn't too tired, she was actually happy and quite active. We were told shortly before her death that Grave's Disease is hereditary and chances are I might have to go through the same thing. If that's the case I'm already halfway through my lifespan. I'm already showing a few subtle signs, same as my mom when she was younger (my sister doesn't show any). The only thing it needs now is a trigger, a traumatic event to set it in motion. For my mom it was giving birth to me. We figured this out because nothing serious happened until after I was born when she gained a tremendous amount of weight through no fault of her own (like I said, she was active when she wasn't tired). It put stress on her heart, and well, you know the rest. This probably also gave her a hard time having children.

The reason why I'm telling you all of this is not to minimize your pain, but to let you know that in all your suffering, you're never alone. I've been separated from my college friends who live far away and are difficult to contact. I recently lost a job and had contact with the new friends I have gained over the last two years greatly reduced. I've practically withdrawn from the rest of my extended family with whom I've had a relatively good relationship up to now. I was tired of all their questions about how I'm doing and how's the job search is going (I only have a part-time job right now). Right now everything is a blur, and I can't see myself moving forward anytime soon. Even so, I understand that I'm not alone, and not the only one.

I've been through plenty of nasty things in my life, and I gotta say the only thing that kept me from going over the edge is knowing that God has never left my side. Occasionally, I do get angry, and well, I guess I start begging Him to do something about it. But then that dies down and I feel silly because He's already given me the one thing I needed most: His company. He doesn't put you through anything He knows you can't handle. He's there, silently cheering you on, believing in YOU. No words. No special favors. Nothing. Just His presence. And you begin to recognize the countless miracles occuring around you. They're no longer considered miracles because they're so common, but why should that trivialize their happening? It sounds ridiculous, but when you've been shy for most of your life and people tend to avoid you because they can't understand your silence, you begin to recognize the effect of a non-moving presence. Inaction, as well as action, can speak louder than words.

I've also come to realize the one thing God ever really promised is change. Change is a part of life, and so is death. In fact, in a way, death allows life to continue (think of Jesus and the cross). It is merely a transformation; another phase of life. Even if you look at it scientifically, death provides the materials for life to continue. If you remain static, then you are truly dead, even if physically you're alive. Don't let everything God has given you go to waste. It happens too often already.

For my mother we had a traditional Lutheran funeral were once the casket was closed at the funeral home where the wake took place, it stayed closed even at the church. They covered it with a white shrowd (sp?) before it entered the sanctuary to take focus off the body and help the mourners remember her life. On it was a big butterfly; the Christian symbol of resurrection and transformation. Her body may be an empty shell, but her soul has moved on, transformed. I know it will take time for me to fully accept it. When it comes to something like this God doesn't push, He takes His time as well. If accepting were so easy, it wouldn't take time at all. Its the same with faith. Its never easy. Often it's tough, riddled with doubts, anger, and sadness. But its also about endurance and never giving up.

Cherish the time you have left with your grandmother and remember your grandfather's life (I've lost both of mine, both good men). Your own presence is the thing your grandmother needs the most aside from God's alone. This is coming from someone who has retreated from her family, feeling as if they're already gone. I'm working on it though. This is a first step for me. A good reminder of what I should be doing, and what God has been silently urging me to do all this time.

Incredibly long message, I know. It's nearly 5 in the morning here (I haven't been able to go to sleep before five since Mom passed). I promise to go to sleep now and quit irritating my dad with my all-nighters. I hope what I said made some sense.

~Lily~