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For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/22/2008 5:33:35 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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I didn't meet my best friend until we were teenagers. However, she had been home schooled since 3rd grade. At the time I met her, she told me that when they were little, their mom named their school, and when adults asked them where they went to school, they were to say, "Faith Christian School," and not to say they were home schooled, because they wanted to make sure some busybody didn't get them in trouble with the law (My b/f is now 32, and married with #3 on the way, so that gives you a time reference).
Nowadays, most home school kids I know can freely say they home school without it being a big deal...so that is one of the great things about home schooling being more popular..Also, there are now so much more curriculum resources, co-op and activity resources, sport and activity resources then there were back, then, so that is great.
On the other hand, way back in the day when I was being home schooled,
one of the biggest blessings of my home school p.e. class was that the girls were all nice to each other, and there was no division by cliques, and no pressure over clothes...since I didn't home school until 11th grade, that was a refreshing change for me ('90 is my graduation year), yet now that so many are home schooling, as I see home schoolers in my church and my community, I see some of those same old cliques/clothes/boyfriend issues developing among them, and in a way, to me, that's kind of sad. So, I guess my question is, while being thankful for the benefits of the growth of home schooling, how can we reclaim some of the lost benefits?
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"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/22/2008 5:38:33 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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I think it comes down to the individual families. I think some of the negative changes you are seeing are a direct result of more and more families being comfortable homeschooling, as opposed to the select few in the beginning who were very hard-line people. Also, homeschoolers institutionalize themselves nowadays with all the co-ops and so on. I can remember Josh Harris saying that a group of homeschooled teens left unsupervised is going to get into the same trouble a group of PS teens will get into, and I think parents forget that. They allow the same social structure to creep in that they think they are avoiding.
I have only seen one HS clique, and it disgusted me. Come 9th grade, every single one of the girls in that clique was sent to PS, and there was a resounding feeling that finally they were where they belonged, as in, their education now matched their attitudes. But, the moms could have stopped it in its tracks if they had paid attention in the beginning instead of going with the false comfort they had that this could not happen in a homeschooling group.
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Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/22/2008 7:08:29 PM
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Consecrated2God
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I think the biggest change for the worse is a trend that's bothered me for some time now. For years homeschoolers have encouraged others that anyone can do it, that it's not that difficult, that you don't have to be a supermom, etc, and we've been able to show how successful homeschooling can be, all of which is true and I agree with. However, I fear that some parents have gotten the wrong idea and feel that if they withdraw their children from public school their kids will automatically excel with no effort on their part. The unschooling movement (I have nothing against unschooling if it's done right) has given the idea that kids are eager to learn and don't need any sort of structure. I'm a little worried that these parents are going to cause greater regulation because they aren't putting in the time and effort necessary to educate their children. Back when it was hard to homeschool, parents had to have results and they worked very hard to prove their children were getting an education. Now that it's easy to homeschool and accepted, I've just seen a lot of slacking off lately in the homeschool world, and it worries me. I firmly believe in freedom to parent our children as we see fit, but I'm afraid that if we take that freedom for granted we're going to lose it.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/22/2008 8:20:10 PM
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betterisoneday
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quote:
However, I fear that some parents have gotten the wrong idea and feel that if they withdraw their children from public school their kids will automatically excel with no effort on their part.
We moved to a town in MN when I was young and the superintendent started sending people with homeschool questions to my mother. That was the idea most of them had when they came to talk to her. Only a couple of the people she spoke with took the 'work' part of it seriously. One of the other mothers that thought she didn't have to be involved sent her kids back to public school the next year and told everyone that homeschoolers must all be stupid.
Where I am now there are quite a few homeschooling support groups (meeting weekly or monthly) and all but one or two are "only these people (Christian, non-Christian, gifted, special-needs) can attend". I can understand it somewhat but at the same time we had all of the above in our support group, you'd get good and bad advice from any view. Possibly it makes a difference that we only met once a month and field trips were only three or four times a year, but it still seems odd to me.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/22/2008 8:55:09 PM
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sen10tious
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In the past year, I have seen homeschooling used as a "treatment" for social troubles. And by that I mean, homeschooling was being used as a disciplinary threat—the mother of all time-outs if the kid didn't straighten up.
After all the years of "But what about socialization?" interrogation, I view this as the height of hypocrisy!
Fortunately, I don't think that attitude is commonplace.
I agree with Consecrated though about the "looseness" of the new breed of homeschoolers putting the freedoms at risk of tighter legislation. Probably technology and economics will contribute to pushing things that way too.
As for the cliques, clothes, and boyfriend issues; that happens because so many parents, in their actions and spending habits, show that they would rather have their kid be popular among people than they would have them honor God. Seriously, how much have you spent on yourself to impress God?
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/22/2008 11:38:33 PM
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cynthia
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I agree with Consecrated too.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/22/2008 11:54:57 PM
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Homegrownkids
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I think I can relate to the OP (is that the right lingo here?!) I do notice a change in some homeschool families with the teens. I'm not sure if it is really h.school related though. I just think some churches, youth groups, and maybe other activites the kids are involved in, media...etc.... introduce our children to cliques, dress styles, etc. I know my children, as they enter these teen years, are not what I pictured in a homeschooled family. When I look around, I realize that I'm not the only one. How to reclaim??? I'm still trying to figure that out. I know homeschooling helps, prayer, too.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 10:10:45 AM
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roligirl
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We just went to a hs meeting last night, it was an all-family get together. Great to see all the dads there, lots of little kiddos running around, my little guy was loving it! But I was so surprised at the cliques with the kids 11 and older. We are new to the group, and my girls were looking forward to meeting some older girls, but were so disappointed with the closed circle of older kids. My girls are are very outgoing kids, but being their first time there they were nervous, we had hoped established families would have extended themselves to be friendly.
We encouraged them and will be praying for heart connections.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 10:26:08 AM
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roligirl
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quote:
I think this stems from being homeschooled myself, but there's a big desire among homeschooled kids to not appear weird. We just want to be normal. We don't want people taking one look at us and saying, "Oh, you must be one of those homeschoolers!"
I understand what you are saying but I think that can set up our children, and maybe girls more, to see worldly standards as "normal". We aren't Little House on the Praire people, we want to be current, but have to weed out a lot of fashion. I desire that my girls exterior is a reflection of their open hearts, and not based on being "cool".
We just went to a hs meeting last night, there was that whole clique thing going on with the older kids, the girls already too cool to play a game or be friendly. I really like my kids being "uncool", and hearing people say " You homeschool don't you?" 
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 11:23:14 AM
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shadowspring
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betterisoneday
quote:
However, I fear that some parents have gotten the wrong idea and feel that if they withdraw their children from public school their kids will automatically excel with no effort on their part.
We moved to a town in MN when I was young and the superintendent started sending people with Herschel questions to my mother. That was the idea most of them had when they came to talk to her. Only a couple of the people she spoke with took the 'work' part of it seriously. One of the other mothers that thought she didn't have to be involved sent her kids back to public school the next year and told everyone that homeschoolers must all be stupid.
Where I am now there are quite a few homeschooling support groups (meeting weekly or monthly) and all but one or two are "only these people (Christian, non-Christian, gifted, special-needs) can attend". I can understand it somewhat but at the same time we had all of the above in our support group, you'd get good and bad advice from any view. Possibly it makes a difference that we only met once a month and field trips were only three or four times a year, but it still seems odd to me.
That's the way it is in my world too. Home schoolers divide themselves up into ever smaller groups. It's not only sad, but you are right to point out that it's counter-productive as far as helping us all become the best teachers/schools we can be.
If I only hang out with people I already agree with about everything, how can I learn?
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"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 11:25:42 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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That's why I think it comes down to individuals. A clique is several selfish individuals, willing to exclude other kids for various reasons.
Nate goes to youth group with my sister, because he prefers her youth group to ours. He says he has a hard time making friends in our youth group, and I think some of the kids have said some hurtful things. Perhaps because he comes 'attached' to my sister and her friend, Sarah, he has an easier time there? I don't know. But this week when he came home he said, 'I think I found someone who needs a friend!' (they were choosing kids to play a game and he said one girl looked sad because no one was choosing her, so he did and he said that made her happy, lol)
I hope I did something in the raising of these kids that encouraged them to seek out those who needed friends rather than attempting to be a hanger-on to the popular kids. I know homeschooling helped that, and probably a lot is just their personalities, I guess. So I am afraid I don't know the magic words.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 11:26:33 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
We do have standards of dress as well, but my kids wear pretty normal looking clothes. We don't put them all in matching jumpers or anything like that. I don't see anything wrong with being stylish,
Oh, goodness, I am not against dressing stylishly..and I try to do so mysellf...but I hate to see kids that don't have up to the minute styles be shunned by those who do...that's where my op was coming from.
_____________________________
"We basically use what I have seen referred to as "get off your butt" parenting. It employs more interaction, more redirection, more prevention, and usually less spanking."
-Mrs. Wifey
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 11:27:57 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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When my mom was in high school, kids would flip the tags out of your shirt so everyone could see the brand! Talk about superficial.
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 11:38:09 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4913
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quote:
Oh, goodness, I am not against dressing stylishly..and I try to do so mysellf...but I hate to see kids that don't have up to the minute styles be shunned by those who do...that's where my op was coming from.
Oh, I see what you are saying. I agree with you that it shouldn't happen. I've never experienced that first hand, though. I've never been shunned by the way I dress, even though I've always worn hand-me-downs (and still do). My kids also wear hand-me-downs and are clueless about brands, and they've never had trouble fitting in either.
quote:
But home school teens DO have a sin nature like everyone else. We are kidding ourselves if we ever thought home schooling was going to get rid of that problem!
Amen!
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<--Plantation house in Louisiana
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/23/2008 11:42:13 AM
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roligirl
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
. But this week when he came home he said, 'I think I found someone who needs a friend!' (they were choosing kids to play a game and he said one girl looked sad because no one was choosing her, so he did and he said that made her happy, lol)
That is so great! I love that, that is so how we need to reach out to others. It encourages me to reach out more as an adult. Thanks for sharing.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/24/2008 8:53:50 AM
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narnia
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quote:
when adults asked them where they went to school, they were to say, "Faith Christian School," and not to say they were home schooled, because they wanted to make sure some busybody didn't get them in trouble with the law
I see the pendulum swinging back this way. I know that in my area, people have to be very careful about this. It's not just homeschooling either-if people don't do exactly what their doctor says for their child, the drs will report them to SRS. If someone thinks you are mistreating your child in public, same thing.
I knew someone who got reported because some busybody said her children were not wearing seat belts in the car. The report was untrue, but that family went through a lot with social services because of that false report.
I have already instructed my daughter to answer the same way when questioned by people in general about school.
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/24/2008 9:33:23 PM
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RJR_fan
Posts: 708
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From: RTP, in sunny NC USA
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quote:
So, I guess my question is, while being thankful for the benefits of the growth of home schooling, how can we reclaim some of the lost benefits?
My big passion is a desire to be in on what God is up to. 20 years ago, when we began, the mere fact that one was home-schooling was cutting-edge, adventurous, a risky step of faith. Today, though, I feel that it is necessary to think hard about what we are homeschooling FOR. We need to have family missions that reach "over the wall," and take us out of ourselves.
For example -- consider adopting Muslim college students from "closed" nations. Help them with their English, and let them help you to learn Arabic, Turkish, or Farsi. This endeavor will allow kids to pray for non-Christians they actually know and love. The effort of wrapping their brains around a language completely alien to the Indo-European family tree is a great way to learn grammar, how the components of a language work together. Also, think of how good it would look on a resume to be able to list one of the less popular second languages.
I have no desire to hand my kids off to our church youth group to do ministry things -- it is far more interesting to do ministry together as a family. And it is also more credible to Muslims, who have learned from Hollywood that Americans have no respect for God or family.
The grace of God upon our families is a powerful testimony to the Gospel.
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The future has never been shaped by majorities but rather by dedicated minorities. And free men do not wait for the future; they create it. RJR
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RE: For better or for worse-changes in home schooling - 9/27/2008 8:05:37 AM
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Sunnymom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sen10tious
In the past year, I have seen homeschooling used as a "treatment" for social troubles. And by that I mean, homeschooling was being used as a disciplinary threat—the mother of all time-outs if the kid didn't straighten up.
Reminds me of when I went to a Christian school in Jr. High- it was like rehab. Kids who got kicked out of school for drugs and vandalism were sent to our school so that they could get straightened out. S.T.U.P.I.D.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
For years homeschoolers have encouraged others that anyone can do it, that it's not that difficult, that you don't have to be a supermom, etc, and we've been able to show how successful homeschooling can be, all of which is true and I agree with. However, I fear that some parents have gotten the wrong idea and feel that if they withdraw their children from public school their kids will automatically excel with no effort on their part.
True- and sometimes homeschooling is more of a knee-jerk reaction to parents' displeasure with school instead of a carefully considered and researched commitment. I feel just as critical of parents who jump into homeschooling without any thought as I feel about parents who 'automatically' send their kids to public school without contemplating what would be best for the child.
I also agree that homeschooling doesn't inoculate one against the temptations of flesh and pride. We still have to teach our kids character and courage. A statement in this blog entry really brings encapsulates the changes in society that affect our kids-
Where once emphasis was placed upon the nurture of virtues (honesty, industry, kindness, patience, integrity, perseverance, compassion, etc.), we now emphasize values (which are self-defined, ever changing, and socially, rather than morally, conceived). Where once emphasis was placed upon the nurture of character (faithful, dependable, hardworking, selfless, etc.), we now emphasize personality (warm, charismatic, shy, optimistic, etc.).
These changes are why many began to home educate, but academics and the trappings of 'success' have come along and distracted some from their original purpose.
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