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RE: Early dating phase - 10/1/2008 9:35:10 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5064
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
What's wrong with the "friends first" approach? There is nothing wrong with the friends first approach unless you are a one size fits all person in a world which one size never really fits everyone.
What are your expectations during the early stage? I don't have expectations. I just enjoy his compay at the moment.
How much contact do you expect? See answer above.....I don't expect any but very much enjoy the time we spend.
Do you expect to be exclusively dating right away? Once we have decided we could see marriage in our future and begin having discussions which move us in that direction then both he and I will stop doing things with friends of the opposite sex........mostly because by then we will want to spend all our free time together.
What do you discuss? We discuss our days, what God is doing in our lives, what God spoke to us through the bible during the day......how work is going....things we both enjoy such as notre dame football......etc.....if it was not easy to talk to him I would not be spending my free time with him.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 12:48:56 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8064
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
quote:
What's wrong with the "friends first" approach? There is nothing wrong with the friends first approach unless you are a one size fits all person in a world which one size never really fits everyone.
I kind of see it opposite. "Friends first" paints this rosy picture that everyone can build a friendship and it will become a romantic relationship. Yep one size fits all. We can all be friends etc... But for the vast vast majority of people it never works that way. If our friends were good potentials, we'd all be married already. Why do you suppose that most people end up marrying someone they've met relatively recently (that is, their spouse is not picked form among their friends)? Because none of their friends fit.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 12:51:14 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12885
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
Why do you suppose that most people end up marrying someone they've met relatively recently (that is, their spouse is not picked form among their friends)?
Yep, that's always been my thought!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 2:22:07 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 913
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline
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What are your expectations during the early stage?
I would expect this relationship to be a good one. I'd expect that you're not dating anyone else. I'd expect you not to make assumptions about me.
How much contact do you expect?
do you mean contact as in terms of how often we'd go out and talk to each other? Quite a bit - phone wise and going out wise. As we'd be trying to get to know each other & to determine compatibility.
Do you expect to be exclusively dating right away?
I wouldn't go out with you if you were dating someone else.
What do you discuss?
Almost anything and everything. Got to know his perspectives on life, relationships, religion, etc.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 3:22:25 AM
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agapemami
Posts: 143
Joined: 1/24/2006
From: somewhere over the rainbow
Status: online
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So true so true! Amen, John O!
My sister is actually marrying a friend, but that is nothing short of a miracle. As her older sister, I prayed that she would marry a friend whom she knows very well, so maybe its an answered prayer.
She didnt like the guy for years though...and he asked her to marry and she was still thinking about it, saying to me that she wasnt romantically interested in him...and then bamn! I think she just decided to allow someone who loved her to love her and the results were 200% better than whatever she had experienced before, so she kept him.
I agree w/you.
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
quote:
What's wrong with the "friends first" approach? There is nothing wrong with the friends first approach unless you are a one size fits all person in a world which one size never really fits everyone.
I kind of see it opposite. "Friends first" paints this rosy picture that everyone can build a friendship and it will become a romantic relationship. Yep one size fits all. We can all be friends etc... But for the vast vast majority of people it never works that way. If our friends were good potentials, we'd all be married already. Why do you suppose that most people end up marrying someone they've met relatively recently (that is, their spouse is not picked form among their friends)? Because none of their friends fit.
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 6:27:04 AM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
quote:
What's wrong with the "friends first" approach? There is nothing wrong with the friends first approach unless you are a one size fits all person in a world which one size never really fits everyone.
I kind of see it opposite. "Friends first" paints this rosy picture that everyone can build a friendship and it will become a romantic relationship. Yep one size fits all. We can all be friends etc... But for the vast vast majority of people it never works that way. If our friends were good potentials, we'd all be married already. Why do you suppose that most people end up marrying someone they've met relatively recently (that is, their spouse is not picked form among their friends)? Because none of their friends fit.
I guess maybe the problem is that I have a different definition of friends?
If I work alongside someone once or twice and we talk at all and get along ... friends. Perhaps things like this are part of why my parents worry about me so much and say I'm too trusting?
So what counts as "relatively recently?"
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 8:47:34 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8064
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
I guess maybe the problem is that I have a different definition of friends?
If I work alongside someone once or twice and we talk at all and get along ... friends. Perhaps things like this are part of why my parents worry about me so much and say I'm too trusting?
So what counts as "relatively recently?"
Could be. That's what I'd call an acquaintence.
A friend will get out of bed at 2:00AM, and drive to the bad part of town in a snow storm to jump start your car. (And of course never let you forget it).
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 8:56:45 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7616
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
quote:
What's wrong with the "friends first" approach? There is nothing wrong with the friends first approach unless you are a one size fits all person in a world which one size never really fits everyone.
I kind of see it opposite. "Friends first" paints this rosy picture that everyone can build a friendship and it will become a romantic relationship. Yep one size fits all. We can all be friends etc... But for the vast vast majority of people it never works that way. If our friends were good potentials, we'd all be married already. Why do you suppose that most people end up marrying someone they've met relatively recently (that is, their spouse is not picked form among their friends)? Because none of their friends fit.
You know, I haven't seen that around me. Most of my married friends tell me that they have known each other since they were younger, or they ran around the same group in college, or went to the same church, or something. I have more married friends who didn't marry a 'stranger' then I do who did.
As for the OP, I am really not interested in 'dating' someone so you could say I have no expectations. One of the sweetest stories I know is of some friends of mine. They were friends, they hung out in the same group together and they never 'officially' dated. They were interested in each other but that's about it. They lived life togther though and that's how they got to know each other. He proposed and after they were engaged he took her on their first 'date'.
That's what I'm looking for. I just want to be around someone, be comfortable, and live our lives.
_____________________________
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 9:20:45 AM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
I guess maybe the problem is that I have a different definition of friends?
If I work alongside someone once or twice and we talk at all and get along ... friends. Perhaps things like this are part of why my parents worry about me so much and say I'm too trusting?
So what counts as "relatively recently?"
Could be. That's what I'd call an acquaintence.
A friend will get out of bed at 2:00AM, and drive to the bad part of town in a snow storm to jump start your car. (And of course never let you forget it).
I see! I'd do that for some - but not necessarily everyone I know. I dunno though - I'd have a hard time saying no if someone I knew needed help.
Though if it were a guy asking for a jump at 2am ... that would probably deligate him to the friends forever category ... as in, not my type of dating material. Not into the gentleman in distress :)
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 9:46:54 AM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5064
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
I kind of see it opposite. "Friends first" paints this rosy picture that everyone can build a friendship and it will become a romantic relationship. Yep one size fits all. We can all be friends etc... But for the vast vast majority of people it never works that way. If our friends were good potentials, we'd all be married already. Why do you suppose that most people end up marrying someone they've met relatively recently (that is, their spouse is not picked form among their friends)? Because none of their friends fit. The comment about same size fits all is in regard to how some people view the topic...........though many and I repeat many women on crosswalk have stated they build friendships first some have refused to believe , since they do not, that others might just be different then them.........Some claim that because they can't have a friendship with a woman and then later fall in love with her that means no one can........in their mind what works for them, works for everyone (same size) despite being told over and over this is not true................
Of the peoples who's relationship I most respect and admire all but two were friends for a long time before they moved into something more..........so please don't tell me it does not work.
I have not heard a single person, who believes in friends first, state that every relationship must start that way or that those who do not build friendships are deceiving themselves........no those people realize that one size does not fit all and just because they believe God will allow, knowing how they best function, them to build a friendship first it does not mean he will do the same for everyone else.
In the early dating phase I expect a man to accept my word when I tell him that I do not think of men romantically until I have built a friendship with them. I expect them to take my word that I know myself better then they know me and trust what I say instead of basing how he sees my actions on what he thinks everyone does........
In the early dating phase I expect a man to see me as an individual and not as a generalization.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 2:52:09 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5064
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
Best of luck to you Joy I don't believe in luck........but thank you for you well wishes.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Early dating phase - 10/2/2008 3:03:29 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2277
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
A friend will get out of bed at 2:00AM, and drive to the bad part of town in a snow storm to jump start your car. (And of course never let you forget it).
Yes, that would be a definition of a friend, they do stuff like that! (They also keep you from
getting pounded by the 6'5" guy that you mouthed on the volleyball court and then lecture you
about keeping your big mouth shut and not mouthing people and making them rescue
you...*winks*)
In the early stages of a relationship I want to just get to know the guy in his own environment,
with his friends, at church, somewhere where he is forced to be himself. I never, ever use the
phrase "let's just be friends" with a guy and I don't really see my guy friends as friends, they
are more like my brothers, which in Christ, they are! I do think something more can grow out of
a friendship though, because if you had told me two years ago I would be falling for Singing Boy
I would have laughed called you crazy and went on to explain that he was my brother, not a
possible boyfriend, but we grow up and we change I guess!
_____________________________
I Think I'm Outta Control!
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