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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 6:17:05 PM
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Homegrownkids
Posts: 1159
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I guess I sort of fit into the Older parents thread. I'm 35, DH is 43, we have a 13 yr dd and a 12 yr old ds... it won't be too long before they get their birthdays again  I really like having younger kids in the house and feel rather lost having older kids in the house. It is fun, but confusing at times. I also have an 11 yr old, 6, and 19 mo. old.
My 12 yr ds is the "life of the party" and my 13 yr dd is very much a teeny bopper, sometimes she acts way much older than what she is and other times she acts younger then what she is  . 11 yr old is still normal (no preteen/tween attitude from him yet) and then the youngest two keep me on my toes.
Although we don't go out too much, the older kids are able to watch 6 yr old. Pretty soon... maybe in another year or so, I will trust them with the youngest.
My dad use to joke that they were going to take the second floor off the house so that we wouldn't be able to move back. But, I know he had empty nest syndrome when it came down to it. I know I will, too. I LOVE having my kids around!!! I am looking foward to more financial freedom (if it really exists when your kids are on their own) and I am looking foward to more time with hubby and going places with him. But.... I'm not really looking foward to not having kids at home.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 6:33:13 PM
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2shaye
Posts: 5428
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From: So. Cal.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: doinkdom
I think the issue being expressed is more about a bossy MIL trying to push her own style onto someone else. maybe?
Exactly!
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/7/2008 9:52:55 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1635
Joined: 5/27/2006
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quote:
I am looking foward to more financial freedom (if it really exists when your kids are on their own) and I am looking foward to more time with hubby and going places with him. But.... I'm not really looking foward to not having kids at home.
Me too, homegrown! I love a full house.
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"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 10:27:55 AM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4259
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From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 2shaye
quote:
ORIGINAL: doinkdom
I think the issue being expressed is more about a bossy MIL trying to push her own style onto someone else. maybe?
Exactly!
While I can appreciate that every woman has their own style, etc. I don't appreciate someone trying to change mine to their own.
MY MIL is very sweet about complimenting my home, etc. but there can be an edge to those compliments sometimes that makes me think: "I don't think she means that in a good way..." 
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 10:33:36 AM
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Homegrownkids
Posts: 1159
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My MIL use to drive me nuts!!! I have learned to really love her though, she has a good heart. She is a "cleaning nut". She wakes up around 4am (or maybe she never sleeps while she is here) to sweep my kitchen floor and wash the 5 glasses and stray silverwear...and she washes and washes and washes! She is afraid of germs. I think my house stresses her, my inlaws don't usually stay here for very long when they come to visit. She has the type of house that looks like it is from a magazine picture.
For the first 10 years of married life, she would make DH dentist/doc. appointments, even though we lived several states away. Or, she would insist and persist until I would and then she would MAKE me tell her when they were so that she could remind us. She really drove me nuts, I use to take it somewhat personal. But... I later just learned that is who she is. She does have OCD.
_____________________________
www.caringbridge.org/visit/pray4noah
God heals!
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 1:30:11 PM
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2shaye
Posts: 5428
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: So. Cal.
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Here's another question. At what point have you charged your adult children rent when they've lived with you? Or have you? How much do you charge them (if I may ask)?
My son is almost 23. He was in college until 21, at which time he dropped out. We charged him rent, as we said we would. At the time, we charged $200 and put all of it into a savings account for him to have at a future time. The next year, he had made some bad financial decisions and asked us for help with his budget. We began charging him $500 (still waaaaay under market for our area to rent a room). We continued to put $200 away for him; we made a $250 payment on a loan he has (in addition to what he was paying) and kept $50. Now, he is back in school one day a week in an accelerated program. He is making less, paying for school and is trying to save to get married. Dh thinks we should be charging him $300, but I think only $150. We want to charge him something since he is an adult and working 34 hours a week, but we also want to give him enough "space" to plan his own finances.
What do you guys do in this situation?
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I Love New York!
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 1:38:32 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3576
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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Wow. I think it depends on so much: the adult-child, their work ethic, their ability to live as an adult, the economy, etc. My son lived with us until he got married at age 23, and I didn't need to charge him anything because he was functioning as an adult.
Well, part of that time, he didn't, but most of the time, he did.
I felt confident in him, so it just wasn't necessary.
That is not to say that I don't believe in doing that! I do, when it will help/teach the adult-child, when the adult-child is not acting like an adult, to help save money for them while teaching them (as you are doing), etc.
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 1:41:35 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2454
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
Here's another question. At what point have you charged your adult children rent when they've lived with you? Or have you? How much do you charge them (if I may ask)?
Two of our adult children have lived with us.
Only one was charged rent, and that was after she married and it was her, husband and two children living with us.
It was "equal" amount of people in the "two" families, so we divided the bills, right down the center.
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 2:27:24 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4259
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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Life went on as usual until I started hearing the words, "you treat me like a kid, I'm an adult now ya know!" whenever someone didn't like the house rules.
really???? we'll see...
So, I no longer bought "special food" for anyone - you either ate what I cooked or you didn't eat or you took your merry self down the street. Then a light bulb went off - duh, I can buy and cook my own meals.
Anyways...we never charged for rent, but they were responsible for all their own expenses to include food. Their room must pass a cursory non-clutter/no garbage or funky smells glance. If not, then they got a cleaning bill from me.
I ain't cheap.  
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 3:21:55 PM
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doinkdom
Posts: 4259
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
quote:
Then a light bulb went off - duh, I can buy and cook my own meals.
You don't even know what it means to me to be able to use onions and tomatoes now. 
It's amazing how one child "Mom you KNOW I hate tomatoes and onions" can limit cooking.
it's very freeing isn't it?
I just wonder when my grandkids will ever eat a veggie now
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 6:30:46 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2454
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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Another thread brought up a couple of questions.
In the event your married child needed life saving surgery and your D/SIL chose not to permit it, and your child was not able to communicate to you their wishes, what (if anything) would you do?
Do we as the parents of married children (or legal adults for that matter) have any rights once the child either is of legal age or marries?
_____________________________
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.
Every generation has to learn how to protect and defend it, or it's gone
and gone for a long, long time."
Ronald Reagan
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 7:10:55 PM
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MissInnocent
Posts: 176
Joined: 5/3/2005
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I'm gonna hop in here since I'm in the other thread that led Memaw to ask the question...legally speaking no parents don't have a say.
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 9:34:47 PM
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2shaye
Posts: 5428
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: So. Cal.
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I would actually hope not. I can't imagine my MIL overriding my decision for my husband!
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aka Skipperjoe
I Love New York!
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 10:41:34 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 2944
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HisLamb26
So,
What do I like about having older/grown kids?
I can go to Walmart by myself.
I can load the family in the car without dealing with car seats. All I have to do is unlock the doors-they all can buckle themselves now.
I can leave them alone, and don't have to pay a sitter.
They bathe themselves.
They feed themselves. (I just put the food in front of them)
They take care of their own toileting needs and cleanup.
My oldest drives and has his own car, so I am taxi=mom for only 2 now.
This is pretty much my life.
Have four kids -- 20 years old to 8 years old.
My oldest two both drive, and I have another one on the verge of driving himself. It is so much easier as far as the day to day demands, but it's different in the respect that I have children who are more and more aware of making choices that dramatically affect their lives. We have lots of discussions about what they're doing and plan to do. It's great, but it can be draining at times.
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may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: Older Parents Chat - 10/8/2008 10:44:06 PM
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42servehymn
Posts: 379
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
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Hi all!
I definitely belong in this thread. Ds1 is 20, in his senior year of college and engaged to a wonderful girl though no date has been set yet. They both want to graduate college first. DS2 just turned 19 and is in a culinary arts college here in Denver. He is still living at home full time while DS1 lives at home on breaks from school. I love seeing the fruits of our years of labor and there is a lot of freedom in knowing that they have turned out to be responsible adults. My husband and I came through the kid years as great friends and are more happily married than ever. Our sons feel quite comfortable coming to us with decisions they are making and trust the advice we give though they always know they have the freedom to take or leave any advice that we give them. These really are for us the best years yet!
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Lord help me to be the person that my dog thinks I am.
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I don't really have older kids, but they are fast approaching, and I'm past the baby years now. My oldest is eleven. I love reading your experiences and anticipating what's ahead. :)