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Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 12:20:02 PM
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stampinlady
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I had to chuckle when I was up here yesterday because of all "support" threads.
Why are we so critical of how each of us parent? If it works fine, if not find another way. Sorry if this sounds simple, but I can't see how it's beneficial to critique or berate ones parenting choises, as long as it's not hurting the child. I don't get it.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:08:55 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
actually the first started because Ryanne was discussing AP with her hubby (because she is discussing parenting, etc in her college classes)...so she wanted a place to discuss it with others APers online without debating...thus the first thread was born. The others popped up after that (seeming to be in opposition to the first that was started, though I personally do not know for sure).
I don't think most support threads are started for the purpose of being contentious, but rather they want to want to discuss it with likeminded people without having to worry about a debate.
I think some support threads are not really support threads, but rather a challenge to the opposite viewpoint since they aren't allowed to voice their disagreement in the support thread.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:32:04 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
Some of the other support threads were not started to be contentious, but as a way to refute the abuse claims that were made by the "other side" and to SUPPORT the idea that you can be a loving parent and not follow a certain parenting philosophy.
If they are started to refute something said in another thread, should it really be a support thread, then? Usually in a support thread, those who aren't supportive of whatever it is aren't supposed to participate. It's not a debate, it's for supporting. For example, there's a headcovering support thread (I know it's not in parenting--I'm just using it as an example of a suppor thread.) They talk about where they buy their coverings and things like that. They aren't there to talk about how evil people are who don't cover, just support each other in their conviction to cover. Now, I don't cover my head. If I wanted to discuss headcovering, I would post in the headcovering debate thread, or start one if there wasn't one, but I wouldn't go out and start a non-headcovering support thread. Why? Because I don't need support on not covering my head.
If I were to start a non-headcovering support thread to refute the idea that women should cover their head, all it would be is everyone talking about how mean people are that tell them they should cover. I am not in needs of tips of how to best not cover my head.
That's what I see some of these "support" threads as--places where women feel they can say mean things about other people, without naming them, and those other people can't defend themselves.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:35:01 PM
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Sideways
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Where else can people talk about their frustration over the claim that they are abusive to their children? It's not mean to say "I am not a child abuser because I follow this parenting philosophy." No one was being personally attacked. What was being refuted was an idea.
No one in the headcovering thread is saying that women who don't cover are bad women, so the analogy doesn't really hold.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:43:38 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
No one in the headcovering thread is saying that women who don't cover are bad women, so the analogy doesn't really hold.
I know they aren't. They are all sweet women. I used that example because it's a fictional example so no one can get offended by it. But what if I started one and talked about how mean they were, but it was a support thread. So only non-covering people can post, right? So these nice, sweet women who cover their heads are not allowed to come in and say, "that's not true!"
These support threads are starting to turn into secret clubhouses.
quote:
Where else can people talk about their frustration over the claim that they are abusive to their children? It's not mean to say "I am not a child abuser because I follow this parenting philosophy." No one was being personally attacked. What was being refuted was an idea.
If you want to discuss it, start a thread to discuss it. I don't see anything fruitful in shutting people out of a thread in order to vent about them without them being able to defend themselves. The Bible says we are to go to each other if we have something against each other.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:44:51 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
I started my thread for the same reason that I started my "UNNatural Childbirth" support thread - not in opposition to the Natural Childbirth thread, but as a statement against the term used, not the thread itself.
Are you saying it's not a real support thread? Just a statement? Did you want a debate or not?
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:46:26 PM
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Memaw.
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quote:
These support threads are starting to turn into secret clubhouses.
I agree.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:54:44 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
These support threads are starting to turn into secret clubhouses.
All of them, or just the ones you don't agree with? Cause I'm sensing a real double standard here.
quote:
If you want to discuss it, start a thread to discuss it. I don't see anything fruitful in shutting people out of a thread in order to vent about them without them being able to defend themselves. The Bible says we are to go to each other if we have something against each other.
Let me repeat, we were not slamming people, we were discussing the hurt and frustration that comes from an idea. Is is wrong to want a thread where you can discuss the issues surrounding CC and not be told that you are a child abuser?
Are you saying that some support threads are okay, but others are not? The OP of the AP thread says that the intent of this thread is to support AP and NOT debate it. So, it's okay if the AP'ers shut out opposition but not the CC'ers.
Seems to be very murky here.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 1:58:56 PM
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zoebob
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I think the difference between a support thread and a "secret club thread" is that a support thread discusses the "why we do it and here's how to do it better" vs "all those people with the opposite view think we are terrible so lets complain about it and not let them in to defend themselves"
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:04:05 PM
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Sideways
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Ok fine, I see what you're getting at. Let me use a different example.
A lady was attacked IRL for taking out a bottle to feed her baby. She went to the bottle feeding support thread to talk about her hurt feelings and to recieve support that she was being a good mom. Is that a secret clubhouse?
If someone here wants to talk about CC, why they do it, how to do it, etc... then someone comes into that thread and calls them a child abuser, is that okay? People here are often accused of being terrible parents because of their parenting choices, and sometimes they want to talk about their hurt and frustration without getting into a heated debate.
I understand we shouldn't gossip about a specific person, but discussing frustration over the idea that say, working moms are bad moms and are not trusting God.... well, wouldn't the WOHM thread be a good place to talk about those hurt feelings?
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:05:18 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
All of them, or just the ones you don't agree with? Cause I'm sensing a real double standard here.
I'm not involved in any of them, so no double standard here.
quote:
I think the difference between a support thread and a "secret club thread" is that a support thread discusses the "why we do it and here's how to do it better" vs "all those people with the opposite view think we are terrible so lets complain about it and not let them in to defend themselves"
Exactly.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:05:56 PM
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lilyofthefield
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So, is this whole discussion about whether the threads should be called "support" threads or something else? How silly.
They say "support" in an effort to convey that it is for people who are interested in or hold to the same philosophy - so they can discuss it without feeling judged. "Secret clubhouse"? 
BTW, IMHO the areas being discussed are NOT mutually exclusive. If you read thru the AP thread, many have used CC, spanking, and other controversial methods of parenting. So, I don't think most of the AP ladies are judging, although some may well be (hence the need for support). It's funny how both the CC thread and AP thread have posters who agree you can be an AP parent and use CC. 
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:07:09 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
then someone comes into that thread and calls them a child abuser, is that okay?
Calling someone a child abuser is a violation of our TOS. You do not need to create a safe place to keep that from happening, because it's not allowed anywhere on our boards.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:11:17 PM
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Sideways
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I guess you can have a support thread, but only if you never, ever talk about the negative reactions you get from anyone else who doesn't agree with your philosophy.
You can only discuss the specific issue at hand "how to do it", "why you do it", "how to do it better", but never discuss the reactions or opinions you encounter from other people.
As long as the rules are clear and applied equally across the board, then I'm okay with that.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:14:35 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
then someone comes into that thread and calls them a child abuser, is that okay?
Calling someone a child abuser is a violation of our TOS. You do not need to create a safe place to keep that from happening, because it's not allowed anywhere on our boards.
There are passive aggressive means of calling someone a child abuser and not violating TOS. For instance, you can go into a CC support thread and say "in my opinion, CC before a certain age is child abuse, and I'm entitled to my opinion".
So, you're not actually calling a specific person a child abuser, but you're telling everyone who has used CC before a certain age that your opinion is that they are child abusers. It's nice to have a thread where that opinion is not a part of the thread.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:14:56 PM
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macokjc
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quote:
Calling someone a child abuser is a violation of our TOS. You do not need to create a safe place to keep that from happening, because it's not allowed anywhere on our boards.
I don't remember any one poster being called a child abuser, but there were posts calling certain "methods" child abuse when other people have stated that they use those methods.
Ran out of time to read the rest of the thread, but it looks interesting.....
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/5/2008 2:16:09 PM
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macokjc
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must have cross posted - sorry. At least we said the same thing, only I think you said it better. 
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Yeah, everyone has a right to their opinion, but support threads are nice ways of keeping out the "opinion" that you are a child abuser.
