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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 12:30:33 AM
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nicole6598
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I don't think you were playing the victim card at all Jae. you were hurt, you are allowed to say that and feel that way (((JAE))) We all have been hurt at one time or another.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 7:58:21 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5997
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Flintejae
Our choice of parenting has been compared to abuse more than I can count. I actually believed it was after reading all of their opinions. I was so scared to try it thinking my son would be abused or scarred for life, but after much prayer - and trying it - I discovered their advice and opinions were not only wrong, but also bordering on harmful for my family.
As you know, Janine, I am not backwards about coming forwards, but you will remember that whenever you and I talked about CC and I described how I'd done it with my ds, I felt it best for us to discuss it offline, to avoid the negative comments which were bound to come.
quote:
My mother was abusive
Same here. That's likely why it was a vulnerable area for me too. Not that I care what anyone else here thinks of my parenting, it's just a sensitive area.
< Message edited by manda59 -- 10/6/2008 8:25:48 AM >
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 8:36:27 AM
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lexie
Posts: 3055
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:
It is very easy on these forums for offense to be taken without any offense meant. I have done that myself a time or two
It is very easy. I guess the problem is that while we don't mean to offend others with what we say, we don't always take the time to think whether our words could offend someone. It's like that in real life. Why else do we warn others to be slow to speak and to hold our tongues. Because our words can hurt even when we don't mean for them to.
I was recently very hurt by something said to me. The person said it knowing there was no place for it in the conversation. But it was typical of this person, who tends not to consider the whole situation before she opens her mouth.
So in my reflecting on it over the last few weeks I've come to realize that that being slow to speak is much more important than I ever thought it was. I knew not to purposely say hurtful things, but I realized that I myself was also not considering the whole situation before speaking. We're all entitled to our opinions, and there is always a reason as to why that opinion was formed. And there is nothing wrong with discussing it with like-minded people. But we need to understand that there is always a lot more to the situation than we will ever know. And we should always be considerate of that in our dealings with each other.
God didn't create us to be robots. He also didn't create us to be carbon copies of each other. There is a big world out there full of people with the freedom to make their own decisions. And for every decision there is a reason behind it, that we should all be respectful of even if we don't know what it is. We may not agree with the person, but before sharing that disagreement we need to consider what good will come from it. And there will be many times that no good will come from it and we should keep our disagreement to ourselves.
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I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 8:49:53 AM
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buckifn
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quote:
That's what I see some of these "support" threads as--places where women feel they can say mean things about other people, without naming them, and those other people can't defend themselves.
I agree..it's an effort to have the last word regardless of the terms of service.
It seems to be easier to just state your own response and not worry about who agrees or disagrees. I noticed in the political thread almost everytime a new one starts someone starts another with a title to counteract it. All that seems contentious and a waste of time to me.
I know some people post who need positive feedback, but as in our churches and everywhere else we go sometimes we get the downright mean, nasty, hateful, spiteful, and bitter responses too. The best thing to do is pray for them and move on with our day.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 8:53:37 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5997
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
It is very easy on these forums for offense to be taken without any offense meant.
I agree. I think it's largely because this is a one-dimensional medium, and we can't see facial expressions, hear tones of voice, read body language.
I think it can also happen when people post about something about which they are really passionate, and their zeal overtakes them a bit, without them ever intending to have upset anyone.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 9:09:18 AM
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Flintejae
Posts: 2626
Joined: 4/11/2005
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((((((((((((((((((Maggie)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hugs back! :)
((((((((((((((((((Maggie)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hugs back! :)
A lot of this is from what I consider sarcasm or passive aggressive behavior. You can assert yourself and your opinion without outright calling someone an abuser. Using " " is a way.
Example: "Well, I guess you can do that since you think your son has a "problem". You know what that " " means because they have already articulated their thoughts on the issue.
So, in essence, what they are really articulating is that your child doesn't have a problem, You have the problem and sadly your baby will have to suffer through YOUR Problem.
Its not about just one post, but the collective posts that caused many woman - not just me - to be hurt. I would be second guessing myself right now if i couldnt list the pm's i got and comments in the threads.
Basically, at this point, we know where everyone stands on issues. It's obvious. We all have hours upon hours of time we've spent on this forum to know. So when you (you as a collective person) give responses to someones choice and use " ", or make back handed responses we know what is really being said.
< Message edited by Flintejae -- 10/6/2008 12:30:12 PM >
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- Janine
Jadon, 3/12/08. Thank You, Lord, for Your Amazing Miracles
 Moo!
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 9:37:57 AM
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Auben
Posts: 1611
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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I wonder if the intent of this thread is fulfilled now? Does anyone else think this thread has been more divisive and hurtful then any of the threads in question?
Personally I think any thread should be welcome, any kind of support (we are women, aren't we? we seek each other out for support in a way that men generally don't. many of us are at home with few friends or comforters outside of our families. if that means one of us needs an I love Cairn terriors but they drive me crazy support group and can find someone to support them...fine.) should be allowed as long as it obeys TOS.
This is why we have administrators, is it not? If a thread is becoming too negative and hurtful they should nudge it back in the right direction. If one of us wants to debate we start a debate thread.
Sometimes others need support that we don't understand. Some of us are strong in some ways, weak in others. Rather than question someone else's need for support we should either help or keep our mouths shut and pray.
Just my honest opinion, forums are for starting threads. We won't like all threads but they come and go quickly and we should allow the natural flow of conversation without judging which are real threads and which aren't.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 11:50:02 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 1572
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
Status: offline
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quote:
Does anyone else think this thread has been more divisive and hurtful then any of the threads in question?
Nope, not at all and it's really offesnsive to think that was my intent.
I've read alot of these "support" threads and most of the one on a specific type of parenting and I just don't see the fuss.
If a particular parenting style is working for you great.
If it didn't work for you, try another.
We all are different and have different personalities and so do our children. To say one parenting style superceded another is very arogant(sp?)
Calling a particular style "biblical" is very arogant too. It's like you're saying God has written it himself. How wrong.
Telling someone that they are abusive because they have strict rules and it's working for them is wrong. Who are you to tell someone this. No one knows the future and it's very possible that that particular parenting style is what is saved this kid from a terrible teen/adule life. We don't know.
I have a cousin who choose to parent using the Baby Whisper book, which in mnay circles seems too scheduled. Anyway, some in our family gave her grief about it and I couldn't understand why. I think it's pride.
I hope this thread has helped you think about how we respond to others and our "opinions' are just that, opinions.
I don't know any of you personally, but I hope I'd never tell you that your parenting style was wrong to your face.
It's one thing to ask a question because your having a problem and it's another to accuse.
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Deb
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 12:32:50 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6385
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: WA
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Janine, she asked if anyone else thought THE THREAD had caused more division and hurt feelings. She didn't say the OP had started the thread in order to do so! There is a huge difference.
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RE: Why so many support threads??? - 10/6/2008 12:54:34 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11666
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
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MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
Okay, ladies, that is quite enough.
Go to your corners for a while.
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
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I feel doubly sad about it now. That just breaks my heart.
