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RE: Maggie's Musings - 3/28/2008 3:13:47 PM
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magdaleine
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Pengie, I am so sorry to hear about Little Bit and her prognosis. Hopefully it's an infection that can be treated.
Thank you both, Pengie and Dove for such candid answers.
Pengie, what you've written is very encouraging. I will tell my sister and mom if you don't mind. I know it will give my mom hope--and my sister too. God certainly has kept you in the past 25 years or so. Wow. He obviously has a plan for you. Your daughter, maybe?
Dove, that is awesome that the chemo has been able to keep the cancer at bay. Wow. And you and Pengie, each with a very different experience with cancer (it seems to me) and yet both beating the odds, if you will. That's interesting that cancer is now being considered a chronic disease instead of a death sentence. I'll have to share THAT with my mom and sister too!
(My ds2 just brought me a plate full of steamed asparagus and broccoli with a bunch of pot stickers (a kind of Chinese boiled dumpling--a thin dough wrapped around yummy ingredients inside). My boys are such a blessing!)
Because my sister is a hospital/surgical nurse, she will have all sorts of connections for information and stuff, I'm thinking. And if she doesn't like what her oncologist tells her, I'm sure she'll have no trouble either just ignoring him/her or finding another like Pengie's parents did for her.
You have a good point, Dove, about running around when you're up to it. I guess that's part of the quality of life thing. What's the point of sitting at home waiting for death to come? I see a lot of elderly people live like that and they do die sooner, in my opinion and observation. And yeah, I can see that wouldn't run out of things to do because you see your time as limited.
I was thinking about that last night for myself. If I thought I had only a year to live--or six months--what would change for me? What would I do differently? What would I feel needed the most urgent attention? What would be my priorities in terms of what I did? My kids are grown so I wouldn't have to really prepare anything for them in the way that you and Pengie need to for your kids. But maybe I'd try to do more things with or for them? It sounds silly but I wondered if I'd start baking more to make things they like. I know that housework would be way at the bottom of the list though it's often there anyway by default. Would I want to spend more time with God before I got to see him face to face? Would I feel the need to get all my journalling stuff organized? I'm sure I would write a lot to document what I was feeling and experiencing. Or maybe I'd find none of those of value and would make a radical and unexpected shift to something totally out of my current experience.
Taking your son to the hospice centre was a good idea. Yeah, it would have been hard for him but you're right. He needs to begin facing and processing what could happen. Even though it hurts him now, it will help him later. And he will be grateful then that you did that. And for sure he's "taking notes" on what you're doing, how you're coping, how you're dealing with all this and it will certainly mark his life in a positive way.
You're a brave woman. You too, Pengie. I applaud you both.
{{{{{{{{{{{{Pengie and Dove}}}}}}}}}}}}}
_____________________________
Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 3/28/2008 3:56:45 PM
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Pengie
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Thank you , Maggie, but I do not deserve any applause. All the credit in my case goes to the Lord.
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Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 3/28/2008 4:11:49 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5119
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But you're making right choices. Not everyone does.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 3/28/2008 4:41:22 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5119
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An item for praise:
A most amazing thing has happened and I'm not sure how. I'm very lousy at managing my money. I keep no record of what goes in and out of my account and I don't check my statements. I usually never know how much I owe or how much I have except that I always assume I owe a lot and don't have much to pay it with.
So last week I went grocery shopping and spent WAY too much money. I use almost exclusively my debit card and expected the card to be declined. To my amazement, it wasn't. I had another grocery store to shop at yet and spent way too much money there too. I was sure my debit card would be declined and figured I could use my charge card but again, my debit card worked. Well, surely my account is now completely drained, including the very generous overdraft protection attached to it. But in true Maggie fashion, I don't go and check. I just don't spend any money.
But today ds3 came to me with a problem. He hasn't been working and has no money to pay his rent due at the end of March. He had hoped the management company would take charge card but they don't so today he told me that the only way he can do it is to sell his oboe. NO!!!!! He is an exquisite oboist. He must not do that. So I finally went and checked my account (and dh's account--they're both joint but we each manage one) to see if there was any way we could lend ds3 the money he needs. He's very responsible and not a sponge so it's not a problem.
Well, to my shock, only $6 of my overdraft is being used. Wow! Yes. I can lend him money for his rent because it's payday and my account is about to get filled again. While I'm there I decided to pay my two monthly bills--cell phone and charge card (dh looks after all the others). I've been very bad with my charge card and I keep going into deep debt with it. I think last summer I owed $15,000 (or maybe that was the summer before). In any case, despite putting whole paycheques into it it never seems to get smaller. Sigh. And my phone bill, well, I've been using my cell phone a lot more so maybe my bill is a bit higher than usual. I never open either bill. I just automatically pay what I can.
I opened the phone bill. I don't owe them any money at all! I have a credit! I paid my charge card (without looking at the statement) and then decided that maybe I should check to see how much I still owe. To my amazement, after what I paid, I had only $200 owing. Say WHAT?
I don't have a clue about what's going on and why suddenly my money matters seem to be in such good shape. I was totally expecting to have some real rough times in the next few months since I'm not working. For some reason, even though I so don't deserve it, God seems to be smiling down on me.
Thank you, God! 
_____________________________
Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 3/28/2008 11:29:49 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5119
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Well, I've just had a cool adventure!
I was leaving Forks where I had spent several hours writing in a coffee shop when a young woman asked me for the time. So I gave it to her (had to take my backpack off to do so) and then continued to the exit of the building I was in. I thought I heard God say, "Go ask her if she needs help."
"Well, that's silly. That's not God."
But the thought persisted so, okay. I'll go back.
I turned around and she was just a bit behind me so I asked, "Are you okay? Do you need help?" Fully expecting her to say no.
But she didn't! She said that yes, she was supposed to be going to her best friend's birthday party but she got off work late (in the same building where I was sitting with my computer) and missed her ride. She was trying to get a taxi, but apparently unsuccessfully. So I offered to drive her--if she was willing to trust a stranger. Yeah, she was, but she was going to the far south east of town and surely that would be out of my way. Yeah, it is, but I'd take her anyway. So off we went to find ds1's car (he had come to The Forks earlier to switch vehicles with me).
After we found it and I figured out how to turn on the lights and stuff, we were on our way. I felt compelled to tell her why I had offered to help--that God had told me and I've been learning how to listen to him. And of course that opened up the conversation. She told me how she's been wanting to get baptized and she's been going to one particular church, and all about her recent faith journey. That was cool and the church she's been going to is a good one, from what I've heard.
Then the topic changed. I can't remember how. She started to tell me how she hasn't talked to her father in six years. He abused her sexually from the time she was three years old till when she was in her teens. She finally was courageous enough to tell someone and the whole thing went to court but her father wasn't jailed.
After she'd been talking for a while I asked if she had done anything to find healing for herself. No, she hadn't. So I told her about Living Waters. I know I had a bad experience with them but it wasn't because of the course. It was because I was being too free in what I was writing about online and they didn't like that. The program really is an awesome one. And yes, she's interested.
It's funny because every once in a while she'd say, "I don't know why I'm telling you this."
Finally we got to where she was going. She wanted to know if she could have my address so she could do something nice for me like send me flowers. Good grief! I don't need flowers for giving someone in need a ride. Besides, she'd already pushed $10 on me (said the cab would have been $25). But I did want to give her the number for Living Waters and was willing to give her my phone number and e-mail address, so I wrote those out for her and she was ready to leave. But not before she gave me a great big hug and thanked me again. So cool!
Listening to God really pays off! The book I'm reading right now by John Piper ("Desiring God") is all about how we need to pursue our greatest happiness because our greatest happiness comes from seeking God, obeying him and giving him glory. Well, I can tell you that I sure feel excited and happy about being able to help that girl. It was fun!
_____________________________
Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 3/29/2008 12:55:05 PM
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magdaleine
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I do hope he'll not notice. I used to have the same problem with my dh. In fact, when we first got married, I needed his permission even to buy a pair of pantihose (which I wore a lot back then because I wore mostly dresses).
So, what did you get your hubby for his birthday?
And Pengie, you can get "unrusty" again. My experience is that God speaks in little nudges that are hardly recognizable as him and often they're about little things that seem insignificant. My reasoning is that he gives the nudges about the "unimportant" first, so that I'll learn to listen without messing things up too much and also so he can "test" me to see if I'm really listening and obeying. As I learn to do that and prove trustworthy, he will maybe give me nudges about more important things.
I've also "experimented" with listening to him--asking him to give me direction for something "insignificant" such as where should I go for lunch? I have considered these as practice sessions and they can be a lot of fun. I don't do that as often as I used to and maybe I should do it more.
I had an answer to prayer last night. I was supposed to stop at the pharmacy on my way home last night but because of the girl I drove, I completely forgot about it. So I had no sleeping meds. I have tried to cut back on the sleeping meds from time to time and it's always a disaster, even when I take only 2/3 of what I normally take, so I was really concerned that I would have one very sleepless night.
So I prayed and asked a friend to pray as well. I took a small bowl of peanut butter and a large mug of hot milk (both are soporific) to a hot bath and enjoyed them while I soaked in the tub reading my Bible. God answered my prayer and not only did I not have trouble falling asleep, but I was able to sleep through the night (with my usual trips to the washroom in the night). Thank you God! So now I'm wondering if I should try to not use the meds at all. It would be very good if I could manage to do that.
My tasks today are to get to the pharmacy for my drugs and a few other items, buy groceries (ds1 is moving back home this weekend so lots of food will be needed), get some "nice" foods to take on the little vacation dh and I are going on (three days and two nights in a chalet in the forest on a lake), get some clothes ready to take (laundry and ironing) and pack. Okay, that's a lot. If I can do all that today I'll be impressed.
Hope you all have a good day!
_____________________________
Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 3/30/2008 3:50:24 PM
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cherish405
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From: The Land Down Under
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(((((((((((((((((((((((MAGGIE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Just read about your sister.
Still haven't had a chance to listen to the music.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((PENGIE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sorry to hear about Little Bit.
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/1/2008 3:43:35 PM
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magdaleine
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Hi everyone! Dh and I just got back from two days away in "heaven." I'll write more about it later.
Pengie, what a great idea with the stepping stones! Thanks for the link.
Trish, thanks for the hug.
As for my sister, I heard through my other sister that the cancer has not spread past the lymph nodes so that is really good news.
I'm tired.
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/1/2008 8:41:18 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5119
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I'm sorry Little Bit is declining so fast, Pengie. I'm sure it's hard to watch. And yes, God has time for prayers for little white dogs. I will pray. {{{{{{Pengie}}}}}}}
One of my boys got a flat tire driving my van while we were gone. I don't like car trouble of any sort. But you can hardly be to blame for your hubby hitting the curb and blowing the tire, even if he WAS running an errand for you. How he drives is his responsibility! But it sure was nice that he went and got you the chocolate. I went to buy some chocolate on Sunday and for the first time saw Dove chocolate in Canada. I was quite surprised.
I remember coming back from a road trip in the USA complaining that I couldn't find any decent chocolate while I was gone. So a whole big discussion ensued here in the forums and I wound up seriously offending someone from Pennsylvania by my comments about Hersheys. So, a plan was hatched that the next time I travelled to the US, those I met up with would provide me with Dove chocolate so the USA chocolate reputation could be saved. I actually don't remember trying the Dove. One person went out and made a special purchase of that brand and then forgot to give it to me! But I discovered that Gheradelli's is good, even if I can't spell it.
I do hope your guest gives a proper thank you in appreciation of your hospitality.
I took a nap at 3:30 and didn't get up till 7:30. But I think I could easily go back to bed and I just might.
_____________________________
Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/1/2008 8:58:45 PM
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MarshaBlake
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HI AMags. Glad you sister's news is good.
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You're as beautiful as you feel--
Carol King
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/1/2008 11:11:56 PM
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magdaleine
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Oh! And thanks, Marsha!
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/2/2008 10:56:16 AM
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Pengie
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Our guest moved out last night. Right in the middle of my husband's tirad. Our guest didn't have the nerve to say goodbye, what with my husband screaming at me that I am useless and a waste of skin and do nothing for him, or and let's not forget the part where where he said he hated me. The poor kid never stood a chance to say thank you. Oh well.
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Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/2/2008 12:04:18 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5119
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{{{{{{{{{Pengie}}}}}}}}}
I'm so sorry, Pengie. Have you ever thought of talking to your husband's doctor? Although I suppose that if your husband found out you did that he'd be worse to you than he was last night. Still, it might be worth it and warn the doctor that your hubby can't find out because it would be too dangerous for you. There HAS to be an answer.
As for the kid, well, you gave him what he needed when he needed it. One day he'll realize what a gift that was from you.
_____________________________
Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/3/2008 7:18:53 PM
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MarshaBlake
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From: Ohio
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Pengie, so sorry for your pain. I've lived thru' emotional abuse and I just feel so bad for you.
_____________________________
You're as beautiful as you feel--
Carol King
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/3/2008 10:35:07 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5119
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That rots, Pengie. Your guest is obviously very ungrateful and took advantage of you. Sigh. {{{{{{{Pengie}}}}}}} It sure makes it hard to reach out again, doesn't it? I too am glad you kept your ipod hidden.
As for your husband, well, I don't know if thankful is a word that works in relation to him and you, given his abusive behaviour towards you. I'm surprised the doctor can't find ways to bring up on his own the things that you've told him. I sure wish I could fix things for you.
Hi Marsha!
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Maggie
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RE: Maggie's Musings - 4/3/2008 10:37:33 PM
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magdaleine
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I missed your post about Little Bit while I was writing my post. I hope there will be a positive response. You need something GOOD in your life right now.
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Maggie
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Hopefully, he'll either not notice or listen to reason. I'd like to surprise him on his birthday.
. She has weakend to where she can no longer jump up unto the couch or into my lap. She must be lifted. She struggles with the back outdoor steps to go potty. I am pampering her all I can. Good canned dog food, her favorite treats (pupperoni), and of course she sleeps with me every night just as she always has. 
If so, could you send one up for Little Bit? Thanks . 
Pengie 
This means he not only has the one my husband gave him, but hers as well! Glad I kept mine in my drawer in my bedroom! 
.