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ORIGINAL: magdaleine

Hi Pamela, Shaunii and Diane! Good to see you all! Yep! I made it!

Recap

I would like to recap the last week, so those who may have missed the posts in old CW will understand the context of what’s to come.

The previous weekend was a major crash for me, prompted by problems with my husband and fed by other disappointments. I spent Sunday sobbing, even at church (which meets in the evening, not the morning). However, I was also working through thoughts prompted by the book, “Heartshift” by John Trent, which encourages a person to make small, 2 degree changes in their lives. I had decided that I would choose something related to my marriage, but what?

I didn’t get called to work on Monday, so I spent the day researching the concept of respecting our husbands, became convicted that I don’t treat my dh with respect at all and that this is where my 2 degree change needed to be.

I felt good about this decision but it didn’t do much to pull me out of my despair, discouragement and hopelessness. And in my insecurity, I misinterpreted the questions someone was asking which added to my sense of inadequacy. What a horrid place I was! And yet, somehow, through it all, I recognized God’s hand. Maybe it was the way he kept doing little things, like keeping me at home on Monday so I could do all that research.

The tide began to turn when, trying to find answers to those questions that had thrown me into feeling so inadequate, God gave me a picture of what it means to have Christ living in me. We’re not cups, we’re not balloons, we’re pipes. Think of the water pipes in your house. They’re always full of water and there is a ready supply to replace whatever leaves the pipe. We are conduits of God’s presence, always full of him, receiving more of him and pouring him out to others—if we are pipes which are clean and unclogged.

That was late Wednesday, I think. I was still in the wilderness. Thursday, the wilderness didn’t really change much except for one thing. One dear friend who is a spiritual mentor to me spent six hours of her day answering my questions and feeding me with so much spiritual meat I had to stop. I was exhausted. I still haven’t plumbed the depths of all she said. I started to. I spent the rest of Thursday and most of Friday pouring over her words and places in the scripture to which she and others had directed me.

I was nervous about Friday night, however. My dh had invited me to a Michael Card concert in a town about an hour away. The invitation included dinner at a friend of his of whom he’d never spoken. He and I have seemed to grow more and more distant, a very strange by-product of his increasing passion for Jesus/Christianity, so spending an entire evening together was risky. In fact, I’d backed out of nearly every invitation he’d given me to join him in this or that the past few months.

And so I went down to my prayer room, and using various symbols as prompts, I prayed that God would bless our evening. In particular, I asked that God would pour through the pipe that is me, unhindered and it was the picture of the pipe that was predominant in my mind all evening.

God answered that prayer in so many ways. Dh and I had the most wonderful conversation where he actually showed interest in me and where I didn’t get offended with him. I liked his friend and felt comfortable visiting with him. The Michael Card concert was filled with marvellous teaching, through both song and speech, and I was blessed. And after the concert, when we returned to the friend’s home, a young man who was leaving as missionary to Mexico in a few days, I had the opportunity to do some awesome encouraging. I was so high that I could barely sleep that night. In fact, I got about three hours of sleep.

I had to get up early because I had managed to sign up to attend a breakfast with Michael Card. This was something I felt compelled to do, even though I’m not a morning person and going would mean getting up far too early to travel to the other town. I sensed I needed to pray in the same way before I left, as I had the night before and again, God answered that prayer.

Michael Card’s teaching on lament was awesome. The really cool and awesome thing was that I got to speak to him and speak words of life and encouragement to him. I was rewarded with a great big hug. Afterwards, as I chatted with an acquaintance who had sat with me, a missionary to Western Africa, I had the opportunity to tell my story. She was so blessed by what I said that she said she wants to keep in closer touch. I think I’ve just gained a friend. That night I got to be God’s pipe again as I chatted with another friend who felt empty and dry and shared with her the things I had learned from Michael Card about lamenting in the wilderness.

In the past, highs have been followed by huge crashes. I couldn’t afford to have that happen this time (not that I ever could, but I was more conscious this time) because Sunday night at church, I was to be the “sermon-giver” and tell my story. I wanted nothing to impede the flow or to block the pipe. I asked you all, and others, to pray that

1. God would give me the right words and that I would speak nothing but what he wanted;
2. God would ensure that all who needed to hear my story for whatever reason would be there and
3. I would be an open conduit for God to move through.

And now, in my next post (at least my next post of substance), I will share what happened Sunday night and since.

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Through it all, God kept showing me, as a picture in my mind, me being a pipe, much wider than what I had normally been picturing, with him whooshing through me to her. During the entire time of ministry, I was conscious of listening to him and him alone and following his leading despite being led into ministry for which I had no experience or training.