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RE: ZamDad's World - 1/15/2007 1:22:36 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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January 15, 2007
I’m home today for MLK day. Home with a sick daughter too. She sounds like a seal barking when she coughs. I have several projects to tackle today. There’s a leak coming from the hot water heater or something. I can’t get into the area unless I remove some sheetrock. I have to switch out the battery from my truck to my car as the car battery is dead and I’m not using the truck this winter.
As I sit to write this, I am in thawing out and cooking chicken noodle soup for the sick child. It’s just below zero outside and it’s warm in the house. I’m not much of a mechanic. I probably know just enough to be dangerous. Yet, I can fix things if I need to. I really don’t like working on mechanical things. I dislike it even more when it’s cold. But, Minnesota cold is not as frigid as Alaska cold.
Just before leaving Alaska, in February 1999, it was -47. I was refereeing hockey games late into the night. As I was leaving the Carlson Center parking lot, my left front tire blew. I recall thinking, “Oh great, a flat tire at -47!” I got the jack out of it’s compartment in the hood of the car. I kept the car running because I knew I was going to need the warmth. I looked at the gas gauge and saw I was under a half tank. I prayed that this would not take too long because I would be in trouble if I ran out of gas.
I got the jack in place under the car and began trying to loosen lug nuts. They were cold and did not really want to budge, but they came loose. I tried to crank on the jack. It was frozen solid. I was cold and returned to warm up in the car. I used my cell phone to call home and tell my wife why I was late.
I was finally able to get the jack moving. It took three hours to change that stinking tire. One of the things I noticed, however, was that no one stopped to check on me. Several cars had driven by. Some slowed down to look, but no one asked if I needed help, needed to have some called, nothing. It was an interesting revelation.
Ten years before we had one of the coldest winters ever. The temps hovered between -40 and -70 for several weeks straight. I was living in a house with three other guys about six miles from the college campus. All of our vehicles were frozen. Because I had a job on campus, I had to get there. I bundled up and began walking. I never had to hitch a ride. Any car that was moving would stop and ask where I was going and then insist that I get in out of the cold. Now, ten years later people were no longer willing to reach out to strangers. If someone was freezing to death, it was that person’s problem, no one else’s.
I fully understand why people have become so fearful of helping others. Several weeks before the flat tire I was driving the family home from an evening Bible study. Again, the temp was somewhere near -40. There was a truck parked on the side of the road and a person wearing a parka and short pants standing beside the truck. I could see that the engine of the truck was still running as the exhaust was emitting a thick, frozen cloud. I recall thinking that this guy needs help but I have my family. I began thinking it was some kind of setup because the engine was still running. There had been several people robbed while trying to be good Samaritans. I was fearful of subjecting my family to harm. As I drove past I told my wife I was going to stop. I parked up from the truck and ran back. It turned out the drive shaft of the guy’s truck had fallen out and that he lived two blocks from me. We took him home and he got help to go back and get his truck.
It was an interesting mental exercise. It was also interesting to observe how the people of Alaska had changed in a ten year period. I know that my observations apply all over the place, not just to Alaska. In talking with friends and neighbors here in rural Minnesota it’s apparent that others have noticed this change as well.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 1/15/2007 1:39:20 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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January 15, 2007
While I’m at it, talking about the cold, I saw something on the news just before Christmas that still bothers me. There was a story about a large chunk of ice that had fallen off the coast of Greenland. The news report said that no one saw the collapse, but that it was captured on satellite moving away from the mainland.
Of course, the news media went right into the global warming controversy. They began showing clips of environmental experts talking about the changing climate and how ocean currents are warming which leads to large chunks of glaciers falling into the ocean.
I don’t doubt that scientists saw satellite imagery of this ice moving. But, there was something troubling about it all. All of this took place above the Arctic Circle in mid December. I don’t recall which network I was watching, but as they were talking about global warming and how it’s having negative impacts, they moved to footage of one of their correspondents speaking about how the temperatures of the ocean currents are warming. In the footage the correspondent is in a boat wearing a jacket that is partially unzipped. There is open water with little chunks of ice floating by. He has no hat or gloves on. And, the sun is shining. I was troubled by this as they played it with the story of the falling ice making it appear as if they had a correspondent on the scene reporting the devastating effects of global warming on the arctic. No matter how warm it may have been in the arctic, in mid December there would not have been any open water and the sun would not be shining.
I think this is one of the reasons I have not been able to buy the global warming argument. It another reason I don’t trust the media.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 1/27/2007 4:18:57 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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January 27, 2007
What to write? Here I sit again wondering what to say on this blog. Each and every day presents so many things that make for good material. If only there was a some form of software to write the thoughts as they occur. Yet, the thought of that type of technology scares me to death.
When I was in college I had to take six math credits to get my BA degree. I took computer science 101 for the first three credits. Math has always been a very weak spot for me as well as one of my biggest fears. I flunked out of pre-algebra in a community college course designed to improve my math skills. I learned a lot from the course, it was the hardest F I’ve ever earned.
After taking the CS 101 course, I saw a course offered called Computer Science 270, Computer Ethics. I signed up for the course and hoped it would count as my remaining three math credits.
The computer ethics course was taught in the spring semester of 1988. We discussed the internet. It was around, but not something used by everyone as it is today. We discussed how technology was improving and how it was going to be used in the future. Many of the ideas being debated in this course have now come to fruition: HDTV, TIVO, instant messaging, the internet, cell phone technology, etc. It’s been something else to see many of the things we studied in this class come to life and to see how these things are used.
And, by the way, it counted as the three math credits I needed to graduate. I noticed, however, the next time the course was offered that the bulletin said “Does not count as a math credit.”
The other thing on my mind as I sit to write today is that my wife’s office is having their annual holiday party. She has been planning what she’s going to wear for months. She was busy last night after work helping with decorations and set up. She really gets into this stuff. I know I need to be supportive of her in her efforts and I try to do my best. This morning, however, she’s asking me what I’m going to wear and then where are my ties. I get the sense that she already has in her mind what she wants me to wear. I tell her to pick things out for me and I’ll put on the clothes she chooses. I find myself faking excitement for the party. Truth be known, I could care less. It’s a party, a one night event that will only last a few hours. Yes, it will live in our memories for a long time. But to me, it’s not worth all the fuss, planning and preparation. Yet, I continue to do my part to be supportive.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 1/29/2007 9:15:27 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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January 29, 2007
I know that defense attorney’s have their job to do. That they have to protect the rights of the accused. In my position I get to know most of the defense attorney’s in the area and have a pretty good relationship with them. Over the past couple of months I have been working with a young woman addicted to meth. She was in a treatment program and got kicked out of the program for using. Of course, she places all the blame for her termination on the treatment provider. She says that she had a personality conflict with the provider.
I had the young lady arrested last week and brought to jail. She was apprehended at the home of her drug dealing boyfriend. She swallowed a bunch of meth to protect the man who beats her and throws her out of moving cars. The dope dealing boyfriend hired an attorney for her hearing today.
I had never met this attorney before. I anticipated that he was going to fight the violations she was in court for. Instead, they entered admissions to the violations. The attorney said that she needs to be in treatment, not incarcerated. I agree. But, people coming off meth need to detox for an extended period of time and my recommendation was intended to allow her the time to detox and take treatment serious when she gets there. This attorney told the court that I am cruel for wanting to incarcerate her for and extended period of time.
As I said, I know the attorney has a job to do. But, what the attorney is really doing is allowing his client to avoid taking responsibility once again. We are where we are in this case because this young woman has lied, cheated, manipulated and done everything in her power to avoid consequence. She has never faced her demons and, if continuing on the present course, never will face them. It seems that everyone in her life, her mother, some other relatives and her probation officer are all working harder than she is to straighten out her life.
While this particular case aggravates me, it’s the Minnesota judicial system that really gets my goat. If you want to commit a crime, come to Minnesota. Minnesotan’s talk about how expensive it is to incarcerate someone. They go to great lengths to avoid locking people up. Our system begins by giving the majority of offenders stayed sentences. Felony offender’s usually begin with a stay of imposition meaning that once probation is successfully completed, the felony becomes a misdemeanor. In other words, they have to earn their way to prison.
Before most Minnesota offenders are sent to prison, they have been back in court a minimum of three times for probation violations. Far too frequently that means that the offender has committed new offenses which have resulted in more victims. More victims’ means more costs to the taxpayer. Costs to cover restitution, insurance increases, attorney time, court time, police officer time, probation officer time, tax payer funded treatment programs (often multiple failures at treatment before incarceration), social services cost, etc., etc.
As a tax payer, where’s the savings? I would rather have the offenders who have deemed themselves to be the most dangerous locked up for longer periods of time.
Yes, when it comes to drug addicts, they have to want help before they can get help. The courts imposing treatment has little rehabilitative or deterrent effect. While the media plays most of them to be non-violent drug offenders, far too many of those clogging the system have criminal records indicating they have earned their bunk at the prison.
I think it’s time we return to indeterminate sentencing and take away the gold card plan this determinant sentencing structure has given offenders. We keep allowing the worst of the worst back out to victimize more citizens and then continue raping the tax paying population as whole.
Okay, I feel better. I’ll get off my soapbox.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/1/2007 9:18:45 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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February 1, 2007
In my last post I wrote about my frustration with the Minnesota criminal justice system. I know that I am not the only one feeling this frustration. Several colleagues have expressed the same feelings I have in recent days.
One of the local papers published an editorial in this weeks paper about a recent case that I wrote the PSI on. I have to agree with the writer of the editorial, the outcome of the case was a travesty.
Let me begin with a little background. A well respected, church going mother of a couple youngsters got a job with a local bank. She moved rapidly to head teller and had complete access to the safe and was responsible to make sure the safe balanced every day. After nearly a year of employment the woman took a leave and traveled out of state with one of her parents. While she was on leave, the bank was unable to reconcile the safe, they were nearly $30,000 short. An investigation revealed that the only person who could be responsible for this shortage was the woman whom is the subject of this post. I’ll call her Mary.
My job in this was to prepare a pre-sentence report for the court telling the court about Mary and make a recommendation for sentencing. When I received the file I got a copy of the complaint and the details of a plea agreement that indicated she was going to receive a cap of 30 days jail with the option of electronic home monitor and to pay restitution. In conducting the PSI, I found that Mary had a prior conviction for theft when she worked at another bank. She had taken some misprinted checks that had been returned by a customer and cashed them at local businesses. She even monkeyed with the computer removing the stop payment on some of the checks allowing them to clear and then replaced the stop payment after the fact. Her employment history revealed that she had worked in the banking industry her entire adult life and that she had worked at many banks in several states.
After entering her plea agreement, Mary moved out of state. As a result of her being in another state and me having a short time line to get the report completed, I had to do a telephonic interview. I hate doing interviews over the phone because body language communicates so much more than the mere words a person speaks. During the interview, Mary denied that she committed the offense. She stated she took the plea because her attorney told her that her prior conviction would ruin her credibility if the case went to a jury. Mary told me that all the girls she worked with were jealous of her because she dressed better, was more professional, and more respected by the customers. She then said that because she was not a true local, had not grown up in the area, she was disliked and cast out.
Mary painted herself as a devoted Christian mother who had decided to leave the professional world and become a full time, stay at home mom. She reported she was active in her new church and a regular participant in a Bible study from another church. Mary assured me that even though she had entered a guilty plea to the offense, she had been cleared by the FBI because her bank accounts had been searched and no funds that could not be accounted for were in her accounts.
My assessment of the report was that Mary was not the person she wanted others to see her as. Her prospects for rehabilitation were not good because she refused to accept responsibility for her role in the theft. She dismissed the first conviction as a one time mistake in which she readily confessed as soon as it was detected. She had paid all restitution on that case and had moved on. I was also troubled by the fact that she was able to pay restitution on this present case in large amounts when her husbands income alone is not a large amount. My gut tells me she never deposited money, that she stashed it away in coffee cans. My gut also tells me that with her employment history in the banking business that she has made a pattern of acquiring money she has not legally earned and that she has either not been caught in the past or has been dismissed without legal charges.
Mary was indignant with me when she read my report before sentencing. How could I say such things, paint her as a criminal? What I don’t understand is how this state could let Mary off so lightly on a crime that should have been charged out federally. If she successfully completes probation her conviction will be reduced to a misdemeanor and she can honestly answer on future job applications that she has never been convicted of a felony. I made a recommendation to the court that she not be allowed to work in an industry again in which she handles cash. The court disagreed and said she would have to tell prospective employers of her conviction. In essence, with two stays of imposition for felony theft, successful completion of this probation supervision means she will have two misdemeanor theft convictions that will not preclude her from working in the banking business again. There’s something wrong with a system that gives the criminal a gift at the time of sentencing.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/3/2007 10:26:53 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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February 3, 2007
Yesterday was a good illustration of how my job is, in many ways, more dangerous than law enforcement. I got a call from the wife of a man on probation for DWI. I know the family fairly well through the community. He owns a business in town. She called and said he was at the store and that he has been drinking for two days straight. She also said his last words to her were, “fine, I’ll just stay here and die.”
There have been some issues with one of the kids recently that have caused the whole family to erupt into turmoil. One of the adult children has made some extremely poor decisions. As a result, both parents have become stressed and each parent seems to have their own coping mechanism. I know that her faith is rooted deeply in the Lord and he has a long history of trying to find the answer in the bottom of the bottle.
I told my office partner about the call as the man is his client. We decided that we would stop at the store and check on the man, telling him we were out doing routine checks on clients. As we approached the store there were no lights on. The sign was turned indicating he was open for business. We turned the handle on the door and the door opened for us. We walked in and called for the man. After a couple of calls he came to the counter.
The smile disappeared from his face immediately when he saw two probation officers standing at his counter. He stopped and stared while sort of staggering. He had to lean on the counter to hold himself up. We asked if he’d been drinking and he admitted he had. He said he didn’t do anything wrong and that he wasn’t a danger to anyone but himself. He asked if we were going to take him to jail. He was told that he was going to have to go to jail as he was in violation of a court order. He said he would be cooperative.
He then began talking about his adult child and the foolish decisions the kid was making and how he wanted to go to where the kid was at and get the kid to bring the kid back home. As he was speaking about the kid, his demeanor changed. He fluctuated back and forth between being cooperative and seeming as if he was ready to fight.
We went into this business as two probation officers attempting to our job. We have no weapons. The only tool we have to get help is my personal cell phone. As we’re talking with this man both of us begin to feel that a scuffle could break out at any second. Without discussing it we communicate to each other that we have to separate, get the man into his back room while the other calls the police to come help. I made the call and asked for police assistance. After placing the call I walk into the back room and my partner is standing next to the man who is sitting at his desk. My partner picks up a bottle of whiskey that is ¾ gone and a bottle of Coke that reeks of whiskey.
As we’re standing in the back room of the store I begin to feel very uncomfortable as the man is sitting at his desk and we are standing just waiting for the police to show up. There is n telling how long the cop are going to take to get there. The man sits in absolute silence and begins stewing over the fact that he is going to jail. I asked him a question about the kid and when he last spoke to the kid. He didn’t answer. I asked again and he responded in a very angry tone but then wanted to change the topic to his arrest and demand for us to let him go. My discomfort grew even more as I assessed the situation further. He was drunk, angry and sitting at his desk where he could have a gun stashed. He had made suicidal comments to his wife and said that he was a danger to himself to us. A suicidal person is also homicidal. I think we were both standing close enough that if he had pulled a gun from we could have jumped on him before doing too much damage.
In discussing the potential for situations like this with supervisors, the standard response is to simply get out when it doesn’t feel safe. While this response seems to be common sense, what would have happened if we had left and he committed suicide? The family would have held us liable for his death. They would argue that they called us and informed us that he was drunk and suicidal and that we should have known. Yet, in our decision making process we did not know for certain the man was drunk. We also did not want to tip him off that his wife had called. We wanted him to think we were simply doing random spot checks. We did not want him to know his wife called because if he was not intoxicated and/or we made a decision not to arrest him, we didn’t want him taking his anger out on her later for calling.
As we were waiting for the police to arrive, a customer entered the store. We let the man help the customer as it seemed to be a good distraction. It got his mind off going to jail and onto his business.
We drove back to the office while the police officer transported the man to jail. As we drove back we discussed how we both felt the man was ready to fight despite saying he would cooperate. How we were both uncomfortable having to wait for police to arrive after the decision to arrest had been made. How we were both uncomfortable with the potential for him having been able to produce a weapon and try and inflict damage on us and/or himself. How fortunate we were, once again, that things went well; that favor was on our side.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/8/2007 12:00:58 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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February 7, 2007
I’m troubled as I write this. I just learned that one of my best friends has a felony conviction I was not aware of. Knowing this information does not change my opinion of him. It only causes me to grieve for him as he attempts to find work in ministry.
As someone doing ministry, he is among the most gifted I’ve ever seen. He’s a visionary. He has the ability to communicate his vision to others and get them to carry out his vision. I have no doubt that his love for the Lord is genuine and that he wants to be in the center of God’s will no matter how painful that place may be.
My friend has had some difficulty finding work in ministry positions. He operated a camp and then, after the camp board decided to fold the camp, he went to work for another camp. He was laid off and then took a job at another camp in another state. That job did not work for him as he was let go from there too.
Ever since meeting my friend I have had questions about his handling of finances. I have seen him use funds belonging to others to try and benefit many. Through the camp he managed he had my family and several others in the church on his cell phone plan. At the time there were no red flags saying something is wrong. Yet, I saw other things in the purchase of computers and equipment where concerns were raised, but easily dismissed with a simple explanation. The board of the camp was not healthy and it was easy to overlook any appearance of indiscretion on the part of my friend as a result of the board’s health. I contributed most of the financial things I saw to poor handling of finances much like my own poor financial management.
Tonight, however, I learned that my friend owes a number of people in my community a large sum of money. I feel awful for writing about this as I do too. Yet, he is gone and I am not. I am invested in this community and he is trying to rebuild his life elsewhere. Both of us, due to our personal mishandling of finances, have left a negative impression of our church in the community. You see, both of us served on the deacon board of our church. Both of us were asked to serve shortly after joining the church.
As I write this I realize that we, the church, do not do a very good job of discipleship within our leadership. If we, as leaders, are not being disciples among one another, how can we go and make disciples of others? As leaders we do not really know each other. While I feel like I know my friend fairly well as we have shared some very private, intimate things with each other, we are still able to keep secrets from one another. Where secrets live, sin thrives. I don’t think knowing my friend has a felony conviction would ever make any difference in our friendship. I know his love for Christ is strong as well as his love for Christ’s people.
Yet, as I think about church leadership I see that we need to get well beyond the surface with each other and we need to know the secrets of the past in each others lives to hold each other accountable for today and the future. To encourage and equip each other to grow deeper in Christ daily. I think if we, as a board, had known about this conviction, we may not have asked him to serve as quickly as we did. If we would have asked him to serve, we would have operated differently. At the same time I look at my own service on the board. If credit checks were required, I would not have been able to serve.
I guess, more than anything, this story goes to show that we, as church leaders, need to get deeper, more intimately involved with each other. We need to be rooted in Christ and let our branches grow in Him supporting and equipping each other to produce fruit that multiplies.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/11/2007 12:08:32 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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February 10, 2007
On Thursday night, I attended another seminar on meth. This one dealt with other drugs in addition to meth. We had a married couple that spoke followed by a panel of experts. Most of the experts were from law enforcement. I suppose they are considered the experts because they are the one’s on the front lines day in and day out battling the epidemic.
As the guest speakers shared their story, I was struck by the fact that every person I have heard speak when telling their success story for overcoming meth, there has been one common denominator: Jesus Christ.
This couple got up and shared their story about how, individually, they beat their addictions. They then shared about how their lives came together and they were married.
As I pondered the fact that the success stories I am hearing regarding successful recovery from addiction come down to the power of Jesus Christ, I feel that I need to join forces with some of these speakers. Normally, I would be on the panel of experts. Working in corrections and dealing with addicts on a daily basis qualifies me, in the eyes of many, as an expert. I have a lot of knowledge about drugs, how they are developed and what they do to the human body. While my profession has provided me with much of the training to gain the knowledge, it was the interest I developed as a teen that led to my use of drugs that caused me to delve into gaining knowledge about the topic.
I often tell people I was destined to be in corrections. One way or another I was going to wind up in the correctional system. Fortunately, God got hold of me and showed me where I was going to end up if I did not take measures to change. I feel like it might be of benefit to some parents as well as current users thinking about quitting to hear my testimony alongside those who have ended up in the system by other mearns.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/17/2007 11:39:10 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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February 17, 2007
As I begin writing this, let me say first that I am committed to my wife. I love her with all my heart. I made a commitment to her and to God that I would love, honor and cherish her for as long as we both shall live. This is a commitment I don’t take lightly.
As we raise our kids, the older they get the more apparent it becomes that they too will be searching for and finding a mate. We do our best to guide them through murky waters of a poisoned culture as they become more and more independent. We try and be influential in their decision process in all matters of life. While we have set some rules about dating, we are still realistic enough to know that they are going to be interested in members of the opposite sex and our influence has to carry into those attractions.
What prompts me to write this is that I’ve been doing some thinking lately about who my wife is and how we wound up together. We are in our 20th year together and our 18th year of marriage. When we first met there were character qualities in her that I saw that attracted me deeper than my carnal interests. She had some very firm values based on scripture. Values which she had no trouble stating she would never waiver from. When it came to her opinions on raising kids, she used her experience as a nanny convincingly. She was a strong, sexy woman who knew what she wanted in life and had a plan for how she was going to achieve her desires.
I should have seen things for the way they were back then. While she held some firm values which she would absolutely not compromise, she was all too willing to compromise other values that are more glaringly apparent. Pre-marital sex being the first. As I look back at the relationship I am now keenly aware that it was based on sex first. We have had to build a friendship on a foundation that was created in sin. I was not following God when we met. Much of what I have learned about scripture and the development of my relationship with God can be attributed to the things she has taught me and that I have learned from her family.
Her handling of money was another thing I should have seen way back then. I feel like I have spent the past 20 years either covering for her financial mismanagement or running from it. At the same time, I have not been the best financial manager either. Our combined lack of planning with regard to finances has amounted to nothing more than a plan to fail.
Housekeeping has been an issue even before we wed. When we met she lived with her sister. Very rarely did I see her make an effort to keep things in order. Cleaning was usually reserved for last minute rush jobs where everything is thrown into a pile in another room or tossed into bags to be sorted out later. In 20 years, nothing has changed. I find myself doing the dishes, the laundry and picking up odds and ends left lying around the house. At the same time I make this claim she claims credit for picking up after everyone else. I find myself having to quickly quell the anger that is evoked when I hear her complain about any of the kids (especially the girls) leaving things wherever they happen to fall and walking away from them. I want so badly to snap at her and say, “They learn it from you.”
I guess what I’m trying to say is that she is not the person I believed her to be when we first met. Over the course of time she has compromised each of those expressed values that she was not going to waiver from. She has shown me her humanity. I also look at myself in this and see that I was blinded by lust. Because I was indulging in the flesh I was not seeing nor truly seeking God. At the same time I am convinced that God brought us together to build each other up and to glorify Him. God has taught me that there will be times I am not happy with things and my happiness is not the concern. God has taught me that commitment matters and that commitment takes work. The work means that we continue to grow. And, in the end, God is glorified and we get to spend eternity with Him.
If I have a lesson in this for my kids it is that we don’t compromise God’s values for anyone or anything. He will bring a helper, a lover into your life. Build your relationships with potential mates as friends first and make that commitment before God and publicly before becoming sexual. Be certain that this friend is someone you can commit to live with for all of eternity. Sex has a way of blinding us to God’s will for our lives and deceiving us into thinking we’re doing his will.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/25/2007 12:56:40 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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February 25, 2007
We’ve had no snow this winter. Here it is the end of February and we’re finally getting snow. In fact, we’re getting dumped on. Enough so that church was even cancelled today. Enough so that I think my internet access is being blacked as the satellite dish is covered.
This past week I got to take the sentence to serve crew out again. It’s the second time I’ve run the crew. We spent the day painting a building that’s being converted from storage to office space. The crew was a good group. All of them stayed busy, none of them sought a moment to do nothing. Most of the crew was older. Late 30’s into their 40’s. The youngest kid on the crew was 20.
The 20 year old asked me if I thought he was going to have to serve the remaining 70 days of a 90 day sentence as he was going back to court on a probation violation in another county. I asked him what he was being violated for. He said he got another minor consuming. I asked him what he was on probation for. He was on for minor consuming. I asked how many times he has been convicted of minor consuming. He said “seven.”
Instead of answering his question, I retorted that he should serve the 70 days. He said that he was just drinking, he’s not a major criminal. It’s not like he was out vandalizing things. He then went on to say that he did not see what the big deal was, he was going to be 21 in a few months anyway and that there was nothing wrong with kicking back and having a few drinks with friends.
In our small rural community there have been a series of large parties busted recently. Most often the partiers gather in a small apartment or house rented by one of the group. Neighbors call to complain about the noise, the kids running around the vicinity, urinating in public, and heavy traffic in and out. Police have entered and found in excess of 30 people crammed into a tiny area and, on a couple of occasions, have found little kids in the room where their parents are getting wasted. As I’ve received copies of the police reports, it’s the same names time after time. It was decided within our probation department that violation reports will be filed on these offenders each and every time they are caught in another of these parties. It’s time to send a message to the offenders, the courts, the police, and ultimately the community, that this is not going to be tolerated and it will be dealt with.
This 20 year old kid’s name has been on each and every one of the police reports I have received. I told him that even though he might be 21 in a few months, he is still under age and he can’t drink legally until then. I then told him that he needs to find a different hobby because it’s obvious that he’s not good at drinking. He gave me a puzzled look and began to respond that there is nothing wrong with kicking back and having a few drinks. I told him that he’s right, there’s nothing wrong with it. But, if you are having police contact when you do, it’s a clue that something’s not working. It became apparent from the direction he seemed to want to take the discussion that he was determined that he has no intention of changing anything.
He then began telling me how his father kicked him out of the house at 16 and he’s been on his own ever since. Of course, he’s been staying with friends who also live with their parents, so he has not really been out on his own. He’s only been coddled to enable him to continue down the same path. As he spoke about his father, I picked up some deep animosity and a longing to make things right with his dad. I asked him if he was a father. He said he was not. I asked him if, at the parties, he is hooking up with young ladies. He smiled showing his pride at being able to spread his manhood. I told him that this type of behavior can only make him become a father when he doesn’t want to. He replied that if and when that happens, he’ll change.
One of the other crew members shot off, “You think having a kid is going to be your easy button?” We all got a good laugh. I asked him if he thought having a kid was going to instantly, presto-changeo, make him a responsible man? He said it might. I said it might not. I told him that having a kid in his current state of mind is almost a guarantee that he will create another generation of adults to keep the criminal justice system running. I told him that my goal in this profession is to work myself out of a job.
We later got to talking about goals. He said he thought about school, but felt he could not afford school and that he did not want to have to work full time while trying to do classes. He once again referred to his father and being on his own. I told him my sympathy button was broken, I moved 300 miles from home right out of high school and if I had trouble, I was on my own. I told him that when in college full time, I worked three part time jobs to pay for school and feed myself. Conversation later turned to the military. He said he had thought about joining the National Guard to be a truck driver, but after thinking about it he did not want to be sitting in a truck in Iraq. I asked him, “What are you doing here?” He looked back with a blank stare and said “nothing.” I asked him if it wouldn’t be better to be doing something with a purpose over there than nothing here. We spoke about the benefits of him joining the service. He said it would make his dad proud. I told him that this was another good reason to do it. He snickered as if to say, “Yeah, right.” I told him that reconciling with his dad may not seem important now, but it will become important some day. Several other crew members backed me up quickly with that statement.
Before dropping the young man off at the jail, I could hear other crew members talking to him about some of the events of the day and the conversations had. He was getting wisdom from everyone, not just me. As they left the van I heard one of the crew members say that a lot of seeds were planted today. It’s pretty cool to see how God grows His flock in the field.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/28/2007 10:42:39 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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February 28, 2007
For the longest time I have been praying for God to bring another male into my life as an accountability partner. It’s amazing how He works and we so often don’t see His work until after the fact. I am grateful to come to the realization that He has brought someone into my life before He sends us on different paths.
Several months ago I noticed a chaplain car parked in front of our sheriff’s office. I remember thinking, “I didn’t know we had a chaplain, I wonder who the chaplain is?” A couple of weeks later I was at a mandatory training and I heard a familiar voice behind me. It was my friend, Chaplain Dave. I’ve known him for a long time as he was the chaplain for another county. I knew that our county was going to be blessed and that God was going to be doing great things in this area.
I’ve set a regular lunch date with Dave. We meet and take an extended lunch and go over issues, concerns, praise, and get into the deep things of life. There is no façade. We are two men who love God and admit that each of us struggle in all the areas of manhood. We admit that walking with Christ is an adventure filled with many difficulties. Satan works overtime trying to lure us into his snares to keep us from glorifying our Lord Jesus Christ.
Both Dave and I share the same burden to reach other men to get past the veneer and open up to who they truly are in Christ. To openly discuss the things that hold them back from walking deeply with God. This has been good for me to sit and talk with Dave about this as I know that I have a tendency to share some of my struggles with other men from church and hope that I will get some equal reciprocation. Unfortunately, what I often get is some half hearted sympathy and a quick means of dismissal to prevent from having to look under my mask so as to not have to look under the other person’s mask as well.
I shared with Dave my struggles with my finances. I find myself wanting to blame my wife for many of the difficulties with our financial situation. Recently, our church hosted a men’s retreat. The guest speaker talked about how, as the spiritual head of our households, we are ultimately responsible for everything that happens within our homes. Following the retreat, I have been wrestling with what I learned. I look at our situation and know that I have to accept responsibility for financial agreements my wife entered without my full consultation. When two become one. At the same time I find myself wanting to blame her for our financial difficulties. Yet, I know I am responsible. I know that her actions also reflect directly on me. Dave pointed to Genesis and the verse in which Adam said, “But God, this woman you gave me, she did it, not me.” As he spoke the words to me I felt the sting. Ouch. How can you say that? But, reality hit me even harder as I realize that he’s absolutely right and truth knows how to produce wounds that heal.
Yes, God has been at work in my life. I have seen Him use me in the healing process for many others. I am now seeing Him bring someone else into my life to give me the accountability I have been seeking. For the five years I worked in a treatment setting with sex offenders, I was able to get seep into the lives of clients. Yet, I longed for and had no one to hold me to the same level of accountability. I had no one who was willing to dig that deep into my life. God is good in that He has answered my prayer.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 3/11/2007 10:27:40 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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March 11, 2007
Many years ago I read the book, Seven Habits of highly Effective People. It’s a great book and was instrumental in bringing about many changes I’ve made to my life. One of the principles taught is “Seek first to understand, then be understood.” My journey through life has taught me that this is a concept not well understood in our nation. It seems that everyone wants to be heard, no one wants to listen.
Several days ago I had to go to our court administrator to discuss an issue. The court clerks were writing on court orders some words that were creating confusion in how our office interpreted the order. As I spoke to the administrator, it became apparent that she was not interested in what I had to say. One of her clerks spoke up and said, “I get it, I understand what he’s saying.” The purpose of my going to her to talk about the issue was to bring about dialogue that would facilitate more effective communication between our offices. But, as in so many other instances, the administrator refuses to see outside the confines she has placed on herself.
I find it interesting that so many of us can walk through life with tunnel vision. It’s as if we’re wearing glasses that have restrictors on the sides. Much like the Amish use on horses in our area. Keep focused on what’s in front of you so you aren’t startled by anything in your peripheral.
I wonder how many opportunities we in the church miss because we get so locked into our own way of viewing the world? As humans, we like order. We like to be able to structure the order of our environment. Some are more orderly than others. But how do we respond when someone or something disrupts our orderly flow? I think this is why I like the principle of seeking first to understand. Not only does it help to solve problems, it helps to see God in the little things of life. It’s a feeling of freedom, not feeling as if I am harnessed to that buggy with my vision restricted to keep pressing forward toward hay and grain.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 3/24/2007 1:10:37 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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March 23, 2007
Once again, I’ve had many ideas to write about. But, the schedules of life have not allowed time to write for this blog. I have posted a few thoughts in the forums on some of the ideas. I have not been able to follow up as much as I would like because of school and kids activity schedules.
Tonight, however, a conversation with a respected friend has my mind abuzz about several things. I have a neighbor who is a respected pastor. He and his wife have a son who is a college student. He’s a great kid with a heart for God. He has never been a good student. It seems to be a combination of not understanding subject matter and poor study habits. I know that he has struggled with some very basic subjects throughout high school. His mother reports that he loves college life, that he is having a lot of fun. But, his fun is going to come at a cost to himself and his parents.
His mother believes that his struggles are tied directly to his lack of discipline that he is not focusing on his studies. From what I know of her personality, I can see that she was a very disciplined student who spent every spare moment studying. Her son is not her clone. I think she struggles with the fact that he is not like her.
During the conversation I offered my advice. I told her that if it’s discipline he needs and money to fund college, that the National Guard was an option worth pursuing. I knew she was not going to like the option. She was frank and said it was not something she’d like to consider. As a parent I can understand the concern of having a child join the military and be placed in harms way. Yet, as a Christian parent, I struggle with this pastor’s wife reluctance to consider the military as an option.
Ultimately, the decision is his. He is an adult now. He has been raised by what Dr. Dobson refers to as a helicopter parent. This young man has had a parent hovering over every aspect of his life that he is incapable of making adult decisions. Frankly, it’s time to let go.
I find myself wondering how it is that this pastor and his wife can speak about personal sacrifice, preach about Abraham taking his son to be sacrificed, and then be unwilling to consider service to a nation as an option.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 3/26/2007 9:21:57 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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March 26, 2007
While this past year has been difficult, I know that God is doing good things. He has answered many prayers, closed a few doors and opened others. For many years I have desired to work in law enforcement. In college I worked part time for the campus police department and thoroughly enjoyed the job. It was not all the glitz and glamour. It was many hours of boredom with a few moments of adrenaline. Mostly, however, it was about helping people.
After college I landed in corrections which has been about helping people. I love what I do, I feel that God called me to this occupation. Yet, in the back of my mind I have hung on to the dream of working in law enforcement. My wife was always opposed to me working as a cop. Her fears are valid. There is danger involved and the hours are not the most desirable. Yet, as a probation officer, there is danger involved and there are some times that the hours are drudgery.
Year before last she said that if I wanted to go for it, sign up for class. I have finished my schooling and have a test to take. My financial problems have led me to think several times during the past year that my dream was something I was going to have to abandon. Yet, God answered some prayers that have allowed me to move forward pursuing my endeavor.
Now I find myself asking if the voice I’m hearing is God’s or my own. I feel like He is leading me down the path of a new career, that He is calling me to another avenue in the same community. But, is this my will or His?
I had a conversation with someone in one of the local departments about part time positions that work full time hours. I told the other man that I couldn’t do it because I need the benefits of my full time job. As I went to bed that night I began entertaining the thought of my wife going full time in her job and getting the insurance coverage. I though she would never go for that. The following Monday, she sent me an email telling me her boss offered her a full time job. I didn’t respond because I thought she would quash my excitement. She called later and asked if I had received her email. She reveled that she was thinking the same thing as me.
Several days later reality began to set in. I would love to leave my present job and begin my new adventure. Yet, to leave the security of a steady paycheck and benefits. Pretty risky. Then I get to thinking, is this my voice or God’s voice? Is my ladder leaning on the wrong wall? I spoke to my friend Dave. His words were, “Where God guides, God provides.”
Like I said, I feel He is calling me in this direction. There are many things that have to play themselves out. I know God is telling me to trust Him. I do. Yet, I find myself thinking like a typical man saying I trust you God, but….. I think it’s His way of telling me I don’t spend enough time with Him.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 3/31/2007 11:20:09 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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March 30, 2007
I left the office today thinking about how the criminal justice system, in so many ways, creates repeat customers. While I’m frustrated, it’s not at the system. The system is a machine. The machine is operated by humans. Humans create the machine and humans are the pieces and parts that make up the machine. We humans come with our own deficiencies, biases, and problems, which contribute to the ever present social problems. Never seeming to end those problems, only identify them.
On the way home today I stopped at the home of a DWI offender. He has paid his fine, done his jail time, completed chemical dependency treatment, done everything the court ordered him to do. He informed me that he received a notice from the court that he is being brought back to court to pay over $1,000 for the cost of his incarceration. Our county charges inmates a fee (rent) for each day they are in jail. Most offenders are already paying rent or a mortgage when they are arrested. To me, it doesn’t seem right to charge room and board for incarceration. Especially when the court does not order jail time to be at the expense of the offender. The court does order the offender to do a chemical use assessment and follow all recommendations at the offender’s own expense. Treatment is expensive. If an offender has insurance, the bill is usually covered. If they don’t have insurance, you and I, the taxpayers, pick up the tab.
I really have a problem with the jail charging for room an board. I know that most tax paying citizens like to hear that offenders have to pay for their cell. Yet, I think it’s nothing more than political rhetoric coming to life. During the political campaigns we hear all the politicians speak about how they are going to get tough on crime. The results of their get tough policies place more and more restriction on offenders. While restrictions are good, how much blood can we get from a turnip?
The man I visited today has paid his debt as spelled out in court. He is trying to live a productive, law abiding lifestyle. Yet, “the system” is demanding more from him. When he thinks he has paid all he has to pay and can begin investing his $9.00 per hour salary into his future, he gets a notice from court saying they want another pound of flesh.
I also spoke with the mother of another young man. He will be getting out of jail tomorrow. He has used alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of life since he was a young teen. What the source of the pain is, who knows? He doesn’t know if he has a job or not. The court is demanding he do chemical dependency treatment and anger management. Both of these things are going to cost him financially. He was on layoff from his job and does not know if he will have a job upon release. He has no driver’s license and will rely on others to take him to and from appointments, work, meetings, etc. Life is going to be difficult for him. He is going to want to turn back to what he knows, self medication and running with old friends.
As I listened to the first man vent, I told him I understood his frustration. In searching for an explanation, all I could come up with was that it was political. Each campaign season we hear the politicians spew their get tough rhetoric. They are going to push for measures to make criminals pay for their actions. And, like every legislative session, get tough laws are passed with no funding to enforce them. While I can understand wanting to place the burden back on the offender, at what point has an offender paid his/her debt to society?
I guess my real question in all of this is how do we reintegrate offenders back to the community? How do we assimilate them, train them, keep them employed, and become productive members of the community? Why is it that so many coming out of jail return to a life of crime? I believe it’s because they go back to what they know. They go back to what’s comfortable. Even if they don’t like the results of that lifestyle, there is comfort in the familiar.
And we, the citizens, complain that the system is not doing enough to teach offenders not to recidivate. We want someone else to fix them. We put the expectation on the offender that we are going to give them head knowledge and that they are going to take that new knowledge out into the world and apply it. As they enter the world, the majority of people they see are living contrary to the things they learned. Thus, they see no sense in applying any of these life skills. The people who could model these life skill to them are too busy working, raising families, and complaining to the legislators that they want someone else to fix “them.” How many of the tax paying citizens are also part of the body of believers? If we are the body, why are we not involved?
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/9/2007 10:18:30 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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April 9, 2007
I find myself struggling with a decision. I have written about feeling God calling me in a new career direction. Opportunities are presenting themselves. The ideal situation would be to get offered and subsequently accept a full time, permanent position so that I will not lose benefits. Yet, this ideal situation means traveling further from home.
Several weeks ago I spoke with a brother from church who happens to work part time for the agency I want to work for. There are several part timers working there that work full time hours. At the time of our conversation, I told him that I would be willing to do this, but that I needed the benefits of full time employment for medical insurance. So, it was not practical to leave a full time job to work something part time.
As I lay in bed that night, I began to think about how nice it would be if my wife’s job turned full time and provided benefits. If that were the case, I could quit my present job to work part time with full time hours. As I thought about it, I convinced myself there was no way she would ever go for it. The following Monday she emailed me at work to tell me she had been offered a full time position in her current place of employment. I did not respond because I was convinced she would not want me entertaining the thought of leaving my present position for an unsecure, part time position.
As I left the office that evening, she called my cell phone and asked if I got her email. I told her I did and that I thought she should take the position so we could get caught up on bills. She said she was surprised, I did not seem very excited. She had heard the conversation with my Christian brother a few nights before. She said she thought I would be ecstatic wanting to quit my job to pursue the part time position with the agency I want to work for. I told her I was excited, but that I contained the excitement figuring she would never see things the same way as me.
Well, now I wrestle with God. Do I trust Him and take a leap of faith. Or, do I do what’s practical from a human standpoint and remain where I am until something permanent comes open. He has not let me down when I have leaped in the past. Our move from Alaska is more than enough evidence to me. At the time I left, I took a huge pay cut. I could see that it was going to work itself out in the long run (and it has). I recall thinking about how great it would be to get a place in the country, have a couple of acres and a horse for the kids. Nowhere in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine getting 35 acres and a horse for each kid. He has blessed me beyond belief. He has placed me where He wants me and uses me for His purposes. He has also pruned me extensively. I know that before He calls me home, I will experience the pruning shears again. Hopefully, not for the same reasons; I’m weary of being clipped for financial mishandling over and over.
Two part time positions have come open in my area with the two agencies I want to work with the most. Both have tremendous potential to turn permanent and provide rapid advancement. One is with the county I live and serve in. The other is in the city where my kids attend school. One of my fears is that my wife will become dissatisfied with this because I tend to get overly involved in the community. She is a much more private person than I. My other fear is that she will become irritated at the hours of my time it will require as one of her chief complaints in the past has been that she feels I love work more than her. One of the characteristics of me that she admires is my work ethic. At the same time, she hates it because she wants my time.
Once again I feel that God is telling me that He wants me in His service. Just like when I found myself at Ft. Benning, GA, thousands of miles from family, I can hear God’s voice telling me, “You asked for this.” Yes, I did ask for it. I asked more than 16 years ago and He told me no back then. I did not have the support of my wife. Now I have the support and encouragement of my wife. Yet, I still fear her feminine prerogative; her ever changing nature. But, I also hear God telling me to trust Him. I do. But why is it so hard to leap? I feel like the guy who’s hanging from the cliff yelling for anyone up above to help. I hear God’s voice telling me to let go. Is there anyone else up there? I know it’s time to let go. I’ll keep you posted as to the ride into the unknown.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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